Sorry to Cardcaptors haters...

These skits are written with characters referred to as Cardcapters names. For instance, Sakura Kinomoto is referred to as Sakura Avalon, Syaoran Li as Li Showron, Tomoyo Daidouji as Madison Taylor, Takashi Yamazaki as Zachary, Kaho Mizuki as Layla MacKenzie, etc.

Preface

These skits are made-up conversation featuring Zachary's (Yamazaki's) untrue stories. I hope you readers will enjoyed and laugh reading the skits. Thank you.

Zachary's Lecture

by Yuki Neco

11. Valentine's Day in Japan

Sakura: Hey, I heard that Japanese girls give chocolate to the boys they love on Valentine's Day. Did you know it?

Madison: Yeah, you're right. I remember the hearing that a snack company started it for their sales strategy.

Sakura: Is that how it all began?

Zachary: No, no. The chocolate giving custom started many years prior.

Sakura: Are you sure?

Zachary: Yep. In Edo period, this samurai imported chocolate for the first time in the history of Japan. He heard that in the central Africa they used chocolate powder to fall into a trance, channeling the spiritual world.

Madison: Oh, it's kind of like some guys intoxicate someone with the chocolate in which they put aphrodisiac agent or something?

Zachary: Ooh...^^; Anyway, the samurai succeeded in calling the spirit of his mother who had died a few years before. Then inspired people started to offer chocolate to condole on someone precious when they died. And as the time went by, the tradition changed, so they gave chocolate to someone they were in love with.

Chelsea: OK, thanks for a nice lecture. Come with me, jerk!

Zachary: Aw! What are you doing?

Chelsea: Stop lying, or else I'll send you into the spiritual world.

Sakura: Uh, Madison, I was fooled by his story again, wasn't I?

Madison: Heh, I suppose so.

12. Cyber Flu

Madison: Oh, my gosh! That again, give me a break.

Li: What happened?

Madison: Oh, Li and Sakura, these virulent mails have been annoying me these days. Four or five a day with Novarg, Mydoom, and somthing like that.

Sakura: What a bummer.

Madison: They say that an anti-virus company is ready to pay $250,000 for information to arrest the creator of the computer virus.

Sakura: Wow!

Zachary: But this time is a complicated case.

Li: Why?

Zachary: This time the virus spread more rapidly than any other cases in the past. This is not just a computer virus.

Madison: What do you mean?

Zachary: Some scientists say that the source of infection was in Asia. As a matter of fact, some experts believe that it's complicated by the bird flu in Vietnam.

Li: Are you saying the bird flu infected computers? That's impossible!

Zachary: Don't take the flu so easy, Li. There are a lot of possible carriers to transmit virus to far-off places. It's well known that migratory birds carry flu a thousand miles. However, there was this report that another bird flu was found in the U.S., more than 10,000 miles from Asia. That's beyond the reach of migratory birds. In that case, what could carry the virus so far away?

Sakura: The internet.

Zachary: Yes, Sakura, you have a good guess! The bird flu infecting a computer turned into a variant such as Novarg and Mydoom, and spread all over the world. And then it infected a chicken in the U.S.

Sakura: Horrible. So can it infect humans?

Zachary: There's no worry on that score, Sakura. It was originally a bird flu that doesn't infect us humans.

Sakura: That's a relief...

Li: Hey, I guess it's just one of your untrue stories, isn't it?

Zachary: Why, Li? How do you know?

Li: Just because Chelsea behind you is about to hammer your head.

13. Demoted Planet

Rita: Hey, guys. Did you know the news that the Pluto, the outermost planet, is no longer a planet?

Madison: Yeah, that's what scientists' committee decided, but I kind of miss something when there's one less planets.

Sakura: What? What's it all about?

Zachary: All of us believed that there were nine planets revolving around the sun like the earth.

Eli: Huh? I suppose the earth is just a huge flat piece of ground that is supported by elephants, standing on a gigantic turtle.

Li: Are you sure?

Eli: Don't take it so seriously. I was just kidding.

Li: Yea... I know.

Zachary: Oops... I should've started the story like that.
You know, the International Astronomical Union has stated the Pluto was not a planet, and now the number of the planets is eight.

Rita: It revolves around the sun like the others, but why did they have to demote the Pluto?

Zachary: Scientists knew that the planet-like object is different than planets in some criteria.

Sakura: It's like... Meilin had to leave the show in the middle of the series just because she was just a burden against the Final Judgement and the later development of S+S storyline?

Madison: Oh, Sakura...

Zachary: The Pluto was discovered much later than any other planets; that's because it hates being watched. When someone trains a telescope, it hides away, so it was never discovered until 1930.

Chelsea: Beginning to sound nonsense...

Zachary: It's so badly-behaved that it sometimes breaks inside the Neptune's orbit, and that once it gets going it wouldn't come back to where it was at least for 248 years, and such. That's why the astronomical union decided to take its name out of the planet list, as undesirable.

Sakura: I didn't know the Pluto was such a bad guy.

Chelsea: And, I found one more bad guy here. Come with me jerk!

Chelsea pulls him by the earlobe, dragging him away.

Zachary: Talking about planets, they spin on their own for a profound reason. To tell your the truth, in billions of years ago...

Chelsea: Stop spinning your stories, or I'll blow you up with Plutonium.