Author's Notes: I hope everyone had a great Christmas! I know I sure did! I hope you guys will enjoy this little piece, the heart-wrenching stuff is yet to come...but first, a little Fuffy heh heh :)
Chapter Two
Buffy tirelessly goes through the motions, practicing the tai chi moves she'd learned long ago from Angel in the basement while the others act like its Christmas upstairs with the stuff that she and Faith had brought back. She can hear the excited laughter upstairs, but it doesn't break her concentration. This is her time and no matter what's going on upstairs and out in the rest of the world, she finds a place far away when she concentrates hard enough and it's as if the rest of the world easily slips away.
There's one thing she can't shake, can't forget and that's how the other morning she let Faith catch her crying when everything just got to be too much. This was why she didn't share her room with anyone else. Ever. When those moments came, she preferred to be alone. She didn't want anyone's comfort or pity. She let the world change because she didn't try hard enough. She's putting the weight of it on her shoulders, carrying around, making it her burden. She didn't want Faith to see that, didn't need her to see that, but she couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Being comforted by Faith was definitely unexpected, and a part of her actually kind of liked it.
Buffy shakes her head and does a couple of stretches, hoping the pull of her sore, tired muscles will help her focus on something else. But she can't. No matter what she tries to do, she just can't shake those thoughts from her head. When she hears the basement door open, she's thankful for the distraction. That is until she realizes that it's Faith and not someone else that'll help her take her mind off of Faith.
"What's up, B?"
"Nothing."
"So the gang is pretty much fucking ecstatic over what we found. Thinking Kennedy is a little jealous we scored better than she has when she goes out on a food run."
"She'll get over it."
Faith strolls over to the cot and sits down, casually lighting a cigarette as Buffy moves over to the punching bag, hoping to let off a little steam and frustration even with Faith being in the same room as her. She knows she has to make an effort in making things a little less tense between them. They are all they all have left and they need to be there for each other, regardless of their past and those ever-present confusing feelings Buffy has always felt with Faith.
"You wanna spar, B?"
Buffy turns to her before she can throw the first punch at the heavy bag. "Now?"
"Wouldn't have asked if I didn't wanna do it right now, Princess. You up for it?"
This could end badly. Buffy knows this. She knows there's two ways sparring with Faith can end up and one is with one of them getting hurt when things get out of control or things will get out of control and touching-of the sexual kind courtesy of Faith and likely herself-will end up happening. It's been so long since Buffy was with anyone and for a long time she was okay with that. It's the last thing she thinks about-if she even thinks of it at all most days. The world isn't the same and there isn't like there's much of a selection left to choose from these days. It's not that she would settle on Faith to "scratch that itch" as Faith always so eloquently puts it, it's just that it's Faith and just to have those thoughts alone of considering her is freaking her out beyond freaking out.
"If you don't wanna, just say the word. I ain't gonna be offended or anything here," Faith laughs when a few minutes have gone by and Buffy still hasn't given her an answer.
"I kind of came down here to be alone," Buffy whispers and Faith nods. She gets up from the cot and crushes her cigarette out in the ashtray. "You-you don't have to leave."
"You say you want to be alone and then tell me I don't have to leave?" Faith looks confused and Buffy can't help but smirk a little at the look on her face. "So, what is it, B? You don't wanna spar, you wanna be alone, but you don't want me to leave?"
"Just stay," Buffy sighs. "I don't even care anymore. It's not like I ever get the chance to be alone anymore. This is not just my house anymore. It's everyone's. Even yours. You know something, Faith? I shouldn't even be here right now. None of us should be. I should be out travelling the world, sipping margaritas on a beach somewhere far from here while ogling sexy foreign men in tiny tight speedos."
Faith laughs and relaxes back on the cot, not once taking her eyes off of Buffy. "That gets you off? Sexy foreign men in tiny tight speedos who will probably hit on you and woo you with their incredibly sexy accents only to get you into their beds for one night and pass you off the next?"
"When you put it that way, no. Gee thanks, Faith, for ruining that fantasy."
"It's what I'm here for."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
Buffy moves to sit on the other end of the cot with her and turns until she's facing her fully. "What would you be doing if we won that fight against the First and the world isn't like it is now?"
"Beats me," Faith shrugs. "Probably end up back in jail. I did break out and everything. Bound to have been caught one way or another."
"And if you weren't?"
"Don't paint it like it isn't, Buffy."
"Just humour me, Faith. What would you be doing if the world was still the way it used to be, or better?"
"Dunno honestly. Haven't given it that much thought."
"Give it some thought now."
Faith laughs and lights another cigarette. "Giles mentioned there is another Hellmouth in Cleveland. Probably would've gone there."
"Why?"
"Duty?" Faith tries and Buffy shakes her head no. "What do you want me to say, B? It ain't like I can just freely travel without constantly looking behind my back. At least if I made it to Cleveland, I could figure something out, lay low while doing my best to keep the baddies from overrunning the city."
"Okay fantasize for a minute here. There's nothing wrong with that. If nothing was stopping you from doing what you wanted to do, what would you do?"
Buffy knows she's pushing the boundaries. Faith isn't a sharer by any means. But it's something. It's a start and in a way, Buffy believes it'll set a slow and steady pace on the path to friendship between them.
"Sipping margaritas on a beach somewhere far from here, ogling sexy foreign men sounds right up my alley," Faith chuckles and it only makes Buffy frown. "I ain't good at fantasizing about things I ain't ever gonna have, B."
Not exactly the answer Buffy was hoping to hear, but she'll take it anyway. She's learned a lot about Faith in the last twenty-one days that she knows that Faith won't easily let down her walls and open up. She's the same way. She finds it funny just how much alike they really are sometimes when she takes a step back and observes things between them.
"You know the craziest thing?" Faith asks her and Buffy shakes her head no, keeping quiet and deciding to let Faith speak her mind if that's what she's willing to right now. "This right here, right now, I feel free, crazy as it is. If anything was different, I probably wouldn't feel the same way. I should be doing twenty-five to life here. I'd still be in that prison if I didn't break out for Angel."
"Would you have done that to help us?"
"Some help I turned out to be."
"Don't say that," Buffy frowns. "You've helped, Faith. A lot more than I think you realize and you're still helping."
"Whatever. Look, you wanna spar or something, B? 'Cause I'm so not in the mood to do this whole talking thing we got going on right now."
Buffy knows she's gotten as far as she can with Faith for now since the walls that came down a little are right back up. She'll take what she can get and she nods her head. They both get off the cot and Buffy waits for Faith to stretch out a little before they move to the middle of the basement and start circling each other. They've sparred a few times in the last few weeks, mostly because they were bored or because Giles had told them they need to keep training despite everything else. Normally Kennedy would be there with them, sparring with them, making it a little more challenging with a third person thrown in the mix.
And how Buffy wishes they weren't down there alone when Faith winks and blows her a kiss before she makes her first move, a predicted leg sweep followed by an attempted uppercut that Buffy swiftly blocks with ease. Buffy's trying not to think about the feelings she keeps denying she is having when it comes to Faith, and just not thinking about it distracts her long enough for Faith to get in a hard left hook to her jaw.
"Look alive, B," Faith laughs as she shakes her hand a little. Buffy groans as she tenderly places her fingers over her sore jaw. Faith got her a lot harder than what was intended-or so she wants to think. "I'll let you have a free one for that," Faith says when Buffy doesn't move from where she stands. "Come on. I'm offering you a free punch or kick of your choice. Give me your hardest, B."
Faith stands there with her arms held out, ready for whatever Buffy is going to do. All Buffy can do is stand there and stare at her, debating how to deliver her payback without knocking her out cold. Faith hasn't felt her hardest, not even when they fought on the rooftop of Faith's apartment and not even right before the whole body-swap fiasco. The last thing Buffy wants to do is actually hurt Faith and she knows she can if she gives it everything she has.
"What ya waiting for, B?"
"Nothing," Buffy chuckles and she takes a step forward and she swears she sees Faith almost flinch at her sudden movement. "A free one? No strings attached?"
"Come on then. Give me your best shot."
Buffy smirks, deciding she can actually deliver a fairly hard kick or punch or catch Faith completely off-guard. Deciding on the latter, she takes another step forward and raises her right hand, curling her fingers into a tight fist. Faith braces herself as she lowers her arms to her side. Buffy takes another step forward, reaches out and flicks her. Right on her left breast.
"What the fuck, B? Did you just flick my tit?" Faith is surprised and her voice is a few octaves higher as she rubs the spot Buffy just flicked fairly hard.
Buffy feels her face flush a little when she realizes what she's done. They both just stare at each other for a moment before they start laughing hard. Buffy cannot believe she just did that, but it was worth it. Neither of them have had a reason to laugh like this in a long time. Buffy feels a sense of relief wash over her as she wipes the tears and tries to stop laughing. Faith can't stop either and she steps forward and flicks Buffy back, right on her breast just shy of her right nipple.
"Faith!" Buffy gasps as she takes a few steps back. "You told me-you said I get a free one, no strings attached and that usually means you don't do what I did back!"
"What are ya, twelve, B? And I never said no strings attached, you did. Besides, you ain't playing fair. I said a free punch or kick, not a flick to my fucking tit!"
This sets things off and they're throwing and blocking punches and kicks fluidly, effortlessly, working up a sweat and making the room spin as they circle each other. Buffy feels almost alive again, realizing all this time it had felt like all she did day after day was go through the motions, do what has to be done. Sparring with Faith had never been so…fun.
Buffy catches Faith off-guard and slams her down against the hard cement floor. She grins, feeling like she bested Faith for once, but the moment is fleeting and before Buffy can blink, she finds herself flat on her back, pinned to the floor with Faith straddling her stomach. Faith is laughing at her as she squirms, trying to get out from the hold Faith has her in. Buffy stops suddenly and stares into Faith's eyes. There's something there, she can see it and feel it and she feels a chill run down her spine as she begins to squirm again, trying to get Faith off of her.
"Faith, stop," Buffy says through gritted teeth. "I've had enough. Get off."
"Whatever, B," Faith mutters as she gets up and holds a hand out to Buffy. Buffy shrugs it off and gets up off the floor without Faith's help. She doesn't need Faith's help. "What gives?"
"What gives is that was not sparring."
"Oh no?" Faith smirks and Buffy rolls her eyes and fights the urge to wipe that smirk off Faith's face with her fist. "And exactly what do you think it was, Buffy?"
Buffy can't say it. She doesn't even want to think it right now. Faith doesn't let her walk away like she's trying to either and Buffy is getting angry now. "Don't. Just don't, Faith," she snaps at her as Faith blocks the way up the stairs.
"Don't what? Thought we were sparring, B? Besides, if I ain't mistaken, you were having fun for a little while there."
"Get out of my way."
"No."
Buffy punches her hard in the face, but it doesn't make Faith back down. She retaliates, punching Buffy back and sending her stumbling backwards. Faith is right there in a matter of seconds, throwing punches left and right and Buffy is trying to block each of them while trying to get a few punches of her own in. Now this isn't sparring, this is fighting and Buffy can feel the anger bubbling in her veins and that uncontrollable urge to do nothing but hurt Faith.
Willow sits in the kitchen and listens to the sounds of the fight erupting down in the basement. She knows she should put a stop to it before they seriously hurt each other-or worse, kill each other-but a part of her knows that they need to do this, get it out of their system. Willow has never understood their relationship, or lack of. She knows how Faith feels about Buffy, it's written in her eyes for all to see and Willow knows not everyone can see it. She can though. She can see it whenever Faith and Buffy are in the same room as each other and she always wonders to herself just how much longer it's going to be until Buffy can see it too.
"Hey," Kennedy says as she takes a seat on the stool next to her and leans over to kiss her lightly on the forehead. "They're fighting? Shouldn't we stop them?"
"No."
"No?" Kennedy looks surprised. "It sounds like they're killing each other down there, Will!"
"They need to get this out of their system."
Kennedy rolls her eyes, but doesn't say another word. Willow smiles at her, grateful that Kennedy understands a lot more than the rest of them do sometimes. Willow sighs and reaches for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and smiles tiredly.
She's exhausted. They all are. Twenty-one days of living in a world that is no longer theirs has drained them and she feels like she's been drained a lot more than all of them put together. She can't keep her strength up no matter how much she rests. Her power is drained next to nothing most days and when even a little bit comes back, she uses it to strengthen the barrier around the house to keep them safe. That's all that matters to her is keeping everyone safe.
"Did you eat?" Kennedy whispers and Willow nods her head. "Did you eat enough?"
"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry about me."
"I always worry about you," Kennedy says with a sad smile. "Are you sure we should just let them try to kill each other?" Kennedy asks when they hear a loud crash and the sound of a groan coming from the basement. "If anything happens to them-"
"They won't kill each other."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know." Because they love each other and don't even know it yet.
Willow shakes her head and reaches for the lukewarm tea she'd made for herself when the box of teabags had been discovered in the bags Buffy and Faith had brought home with them. She can still hear them fighting downstairs, but it hasn't gotten any worse from what she can tell. Kennedy gives her a light kiss before leaving her alone in the kitchen, alone with her thoughts accompanied by the sounds of Buffy and Faith hitting and kicking each other in the basement.
Willow knows if Giles knew what was happening in the basement right now, he wouldn't hesitate to put a stop to it. Having one hurt slayer is bad enough, but having two? That means Kennedy would be on her own if the barrier failed, defenseless in trying to protect them all. As good as a slayer as she is, Willow knows she's not near as strong as Buffy and Faith and may never be. She can feel the slayer essence, she has been able to since she cast that spell on the scythe that turned all the potentials into slayers. She can feel the difference in the power, the strength. She can also feel the other girls that are out there in this world, fighting alone, dying alone.
She sips her tea and tries not to think about how different the world is now and tries not to imagine what the world would've been like if they had won.
One minute Buffy is punching the hell out of her face, the next Buffy's hands are in her hair and they're kissing. Hard. Faith feels dizzy and she's not sure if it's from the fight they've just had or if it's because Buffy is kissing her. Faith can taste the blood from her split lip, the metallic tang making it impossible to taste anything else. Buffy doesn't let up, she keeps kissing her hard and deep. Faith moves her hands to Buffy's hips and pulls her closer, not wanting this moment to end even though she isn't sure how the hell they ended up here like this in the first place.
Faith moans as Buffy pulls back from the kiss, both of them panting hard, trying to catch their breath. The look in Buffy's eyes is intense and Faith can't seem to look away. Buffy grips her hair a little harder and she lets out a little sigh as she backs Buffy up to the wall behind her. It's Buffy who pulls her back in for another needy and hard kiss and somehow Faith can just feel that Buffy needs something so much more. Something she isn't so sure she wants to get into. Once they take that step, there's no going back. This is Faith using her head and not wanting things to be any more fucked up than they already are.
She has a feeling no matter what happens now, things are already fucked up beyond repair. They just beat the hell out of each other and Faith is surprised that even now nobody else has come down there to make sure they didn't kill each other.
Faith tightens her grip on Buffy's hips as she feels Buffy move a hand to her throat. She pulls back from Buffy's lips as Buffy rakes her nails over her pulse point and slowly moves her hand to grab her chin, forcing Faith to kiss her again. Her heart is pounding so hard she can hear it in her ears and despite all the pain her body is in, the only thing that she can feel are Buffy's lips on hers, Buffy's tongue dancing with hers, dominating the kiss. Dominating her. Taking all control. And Faith lets her, submits to her willingly, knowing fighting her is useless now.
Fighting her feelings is useless now, too.
Buffy drops her hand from Faith's chin, the kiss turning softer, slower as she runs her hand down Faith's chest. She grips Faith's t-shirt tightly in a fist and before Faith realizes what's happening, Buffy has her pinned against the wall. With a grunt, Buffy pushes herself away from Faith and takes a step back, breathing heavily as she just stares at her, the fire in her eyes still very much there.
Faith licks over her swollen lips, still tasting the blood from her split lip. She breathes in deeply, wondering what the hell is happening between them and why it was over just as quickly as it had started. Buffy had initiated the kiss, took control of the moment and of Faith and ended it before things could go any further. In a way, Faith is grateful for that. She's still trying to think with her head and not let her sex-drive and fantasies of fucking Buffy control her right now.
Buffy opens her mouth as if to say something, but instead she doesn't say a word as she turns and heads up the stairs, leaving Faith standing there leaning against the wall with her mind reeling over what had just happened between them.
"Fuck," Faith groans and she limps over to the cot, finally feeling the pain Buffy had inflicted on her.
She shakily lights a cigarette, hoping to calm herself down a little bit, at least enough to take her mind off the pain she's feeling right now. She can hear Buffy up in the kitchen talking to Willow and it's not long before Giles is in there too, lecturing her over fighting with Faith. Faith sighs and closes her eyes, licking over her bottom split lip and winces when she feels it's still very much open and her slayer healing hasn't quite kicked in yet.
"Faith?" Giles says as he comes down the stairs slowly, almost as if he's approaching her with caution. "May I have a word?"
"Sure, G."
He clears his throat as he stands near the cot by her. She opens her eyes and looks at him. He can't hide the disappointment she sees in his eyes and she just knows what's coming next.
"Look," she starts as she shifts a little and manages to lean back against the wall with a little bit of effort. "We were sparring and things got outta hand. Didn't mean for it to get that bad, but you know what Buffy is like."
"I know what you're like as well, Faith. You know better than this. You both do. What would've happened if you two had seriously hurt each other? You are putting everyone's safety at risk because of some nonsense you two cannot work out like proper, mature adults."
Faith closes her eyes as she takes a drag of her cigarette. She doesn't want to deal with Giles right now. She just wants to be alone to suffer from the thoughts and feelings going through her along with the pain she's feeling. A flicker of worry washes over her when she thinks-no, she knows she has a minor concussion right now. This is definitely not good.
"Whatever you two need to work out and get over, I suggest you find a way that doesn't involve your fists," Giles says firmly and Faith nods her head as she forces her eyes open. "The world has changed and we need to stick together. We're all we have now."
"I know, Giles," Faith murmurs under her breath. "Don't think for one second that I don't know that."
"She cannot do this alone."
"She's not doing this alone. I'm here, ain't I?"
Faith knows Giles wants to say a lot of things to her, but is having a hard time trying to get the words out. She can't blame him. She's never been easy to talk to and that's mostly her fault for shutting everyone out all the time.
Giles leaves her alone and heads back upstairs, leaving the basement door open. Faith groans as she puts her cigarette out in the overflowing ashtray and moves to lie down on the cot. She's spent a lot of time down there in the basement alone, surrounded by her thoughts, by her dreams she can't help but chase while she's asleep.
Fighting sleep, she stares up at the ceiling and tries her hardest to forget about the rest of the world and what had happened between her and Buffy. But she can't get that kiss out of her head, she can't shake the vivid memory of how Buffy's lips felt against her own. She touches her lips as she can feel the faintest of tingles, a ghost of the kiss just lingering there. She's a lost cause now and she knows it, but at least Buffy gave her something else to feel even if it wasn't for very long.
Buffy stands in the bathroom, the door locked and the only light coming from the candle she lit and placed on the sink in front of her. She stares at her reflection in the mirror and lifts a hand to tenderly touch her swollen cheek. She feels like she just made a huge mistake and she doesn't even know how it got to where it ended, with her kissing Faith with so much need she stills feels it lingering behind, haunting her.
Buffy doesn't know why she kissed her like that either. No, she knows why, she's just in denial right now.
She lets a few tears fall before she furiously wipes them away. How did everything get so messed up, she wonders. With the world changing, becoming something else, with her and the others still fighting and still trying to find a way to save what's left of it, how did she end up here, locked in the bathroom with her heart heavy and full of guilt?
Buffy looks down at the sink, unable to look at her reflection any longer. She runs her fingers over the taps, wishing they had running water so she could wash the dirt, the grime, and the blood away from her face. Laughing, she grabs the nearly empty bottle of water she brought up with her and instead of taking a sip, she pours some into her hand and splashes it over her face. It's not much but it's enough and she uses a towel to dry her face. Some of the dirt, the grime, and the blood are gone, but she feels like even if she ever got the chance to shower again, she'd never feel clean. Ever.
She can't shake the thoughts of what happened in the basement and she can't get the feeling of what it felt like to kiss Faith out of her head either. It was different than anything she's ever felt before and she's trying to convince herself it's because Faith is very much a woman and she's never kissed another woman before in her life.
"Why did I even do that? Why did I even kiss her?" Buffy mutters to herself and she shakes her head as she brings herself to look at her reflection again. "Am I really going crazy? Of course I am. I'm locked in the bathroom talking to myself like a crazy person."
Buffy laughs at herself and tries to fall back into denial mode. It keeps getting harder and harder to fall back into that frame of mind. And she allows herself, just for a moment, to think about how it felt to kiss Faith without trying to enter denial land. It'd been so rough, so needy, so unexpectedly and it felt so good to finally feel something other than pain. And hopelessness. And feeling like she's losing faith in herself and losing all hope that they can change the world, make it a better place again.
Shaking it off as best as she can, she blows the flame out and heads for the door, slowly unlocking it and opening it, ready to face the world again even if that meant facing Faith after she just left her down in the basement without saying a word to her. What could she even say? That she was sorry for kissing her? That she was sorry for beating the hell out of her because she wasn't in complete control of her own anger? Sorry isn't the right word to say to Faith, not ten minutes ago and definitely not now or anytime in the near future, that she knows. Sorry is just a meaningless word and she isn't sorry. She isn't sorry for fighting with her like that and she isn't sorry for kissing her either.
Buffy heads downstairs and into the kitchen, not surprised to find everyone but Faith in there, picking away at some of the food they'd found last night and brought back. Buffy isn't hungry though and she grabs a bottle of whiskey that's sitting on the counter near the stove. She ignores the looks the others are giving her as she heads for the basement door. She knows Faith is still down there. Where else would she be?
"What, ya come back for more?" Faith mutters as Buffy walks slowly down the basement stairs. "Don't know if I can handle any more of you punching the shit outta me right now, B. Go away."
Buffy frowns and hastily walks towards the cot where Faith is laying down with the pillow over her face. "I'm not here to hurt you anymore, Faith," she says softly as she sits down on the cot, trying to put as much distance as possible between them, which isn't much.
"Well, if ya come to apologize, it's a bit too late for that."
"Fine," Buffy sighs and she grabs the pillow and pulls it away from Faith. "I won't apologize then."
"Didn't think ya would anyway."
Buffy unscrews the cap off the bottle and holds it towards Faith. She smiles a little as Faith sits up and takes the bottle, greedily taking a few swigs before passing it back to her. Buffy looks at the bottle and shrugs, taking a tentative sip before groaning in disgust as the liquor burns her throat.
She can't help but wonder how things have changed between them in such little time. Twenty-one days of living in this world as it is now, living together, fighting together-against and with each other-and it's only now that Buffy is beginning to see Faith in a different light. What happened between them? Did kissing Faith change everything? Buffy hates the thoughts flowing through her mind, deciding that living in denial is a lot easier than trying to deal with everything she's feeling right now.
Buffy takes another swig before Faith takes the bottle from her. She needs a little bit of liquid courage right now. She reaches out and gingerly touches Faith's swollen split lip. It's stopped bleeding at least. Buffy smiles a little as Faith takes her hand and for a second she thinks there could be a moment between them, but that thought is gone when Faith pulls her hand away and lets go.
"What's going on with you, B?" Faith asks and she takes another swig from the bottle before placing it between her thighs. "And don't fucking say nothing 'cause I know that's bullshit."
"I-" She falters as she struggles to find words that make sense.
Nothing seems to make any sense anymore.
"What'd ya come down here for anyway?" Faith asks her, grunting as she moves to sit up and leans against the wall. "You're all about the talking, so talk to me here, B. I ain't in the mood for twenty questions."
"I don't know what to say."
"Why don't ya start off by giving me some answers as to why you fucking kissed me?"
Buffy laughs and shakes her head, not sure how to answer that since she isn't entirely sure of the answer either. She tries to grab the bottle from between Faith's legs, deciding more liquid courage is needed, but Faith stops her, grabbing both of her hands and looks her right in the eye. Buffy can't help but soak in the intensity of the look Faith is giving her right now and she's trying so hard not to read into it. A part of her knows, feels, that Faith wants her and she's not sure how to deal with that.
"Fine," Faith snaps and she doesn't let go of her hands. "How about I give you my answer as to why I kissed you back?"
"Okay," Buffy squeaks, now not entirely sure coming down here was a good idea after all, liquid courage in hand and all.
"You really don't know, do ya?" Faith laughs. "You're really fucking blind, aren't ya?"
"I-"
"Jesus, Buffy. If you're playing some kind of sick game with me, well colour me fucking stupid for going along with it."
"I'm not-"
Faith lets go of her hands and grabs the bottle, taking a couple of swigs before leaning over to place it on the ground. She moves quickly, grabbing Buffy until she's straddling Faith's lap, their faces mere inches apart.
"I hate you," Faith mutters as she grips Buffy's hips, her grip so tight it makes Buffy wince. "I hate you and I fucking love you. Tell me that's not all fifty shades of fucked up right there!"
"Faith-"
"Don't," Faith stops her as she places a finger over her lips. "Just don't."
Buffy lightly runs her fingers up Faith's bare arms, over her shoulders, her neck and gently cups the back of her neck. She can see the look in Faith's eyes change with the simplest little touch. She allows herself to look further into this, to just feel everything and it hits her hard, making her heart race quickly and her head spin.
Without even thinking, Buffy leans in and kisses Faith. It's soft and slow and sure. It's everything their first kiss wasn't. Buffy can't even think straight right now, figuratively speaking, but all she knows is that she's feeling things she hasn't in a long time and she's embracing them with everything she's got right now. There's nothing else left in this world worth feeling with every ounce of her being, but this moment, here and now, this is worth it and she's taking it without thinking of the consequences she knows is going to come later.
Much to Buffy's surprise, Faith is the first one to pull back from the kiss and she sighs heavily, her grip on Buffy's hips loosening but she doesn't pull her hands away. She didn't want to stop, at least not so soon and she pouts. Faith chuckles softly and moves a hand to her shoulder, lightly tracing her thumb over Buffy's collarbone.
"Ya ready to tell me why ya kissed me, B? Again?"
"Because I wanted to."
"Why?"
"Are you trying to make this complicated?"
"Everything is complicated when it comes to you and me."
Does it have to be? Buffy wonders, wishing she could say the words.
It doesn't have to be and she knows it, but even with this moment between them, she knows otherwise. Things will always be complicated between them. History has a hand in that. Buffy is also trying to forget that not that long ago they were beating the hell out of each other and Faith's face and split lip is evidence of that. Buffy knows she looks just as bad too. And she has to wonder why she still thinks that Faith is beautiful, even with her swollen cheek, her eye that's bruised and swollen and her split lip. Maybe it's the alcohol making her walls fall apart and make her think these things, whatever it is, she doesn't even care anymore. She just wants to kiss her again.
She just wants to feel something else, just for right now, before they go out and face the world again. She wants to feel that hopelessness disappear for a little while. She wants to feel a pair of soft, warm lips on her own, hands caressing her, touching her just right. She wants that warm embrace only a lover can give. She wants so much and a part of her knows that Faith doesn't exactly meet all her little wants and needs or any of her expectations other than a warm, soft body ready and willing to fuck for hours on an end.
It feels like time is standing still and it might as well be. Buffy hasn't moved and neither has Faith. Faith's thumb is still lightly tracing over Buffy's collarbone, her eyes boring into Buffy's as if she's still waiting for Buffy to give her an answer. Buffy knows all she can give her is "because I wanted to" as an answer. It's the only answer she has.
"Buffy, I-"
"I know you want an answer," she whispers, not giving Faith a chance to speak right now. "I gave you my answer and if you tell me that it's not good enough, consider this the last time we discuss this and the last time I ever let you this close to me without royally kicking your ass."
Faith chuckles softly, the hardness that was clearly evident in her eyes now gone almost completely. Buffy breathes a sigh of relief. She isn't ready to put this to bed yet. Whatever is going on between her and Faith, it didn't just start recently. It's been happening for a long time and it's only now that things are changing and eyes are opening to what is right there within reach.
"Fine by me," Faith finally says and Buffy smiles. "You wanna kiss me? Go right ahead, Princess."
Faith puckers up and it's almost comical the way she's over-exaggerating it. Buffy laughs and moves her hands to Faith's sides and gives her a pinch. It causes Faith to jump a little and Buffy launches into full-blown tickle attack. Faith cannot stop laughing and squirming. Buffy has a fleeting thought of that this is the way things should've always been between them. Carefree and fun. It's in that fleeting moment that she has that thought that Faith grabs her hands and stops her, efficiently flipping Buffy over onto her back. The laughter stops in an instant. Faith's lips are just inches away from Buffy's now and they're both breathing heavily as they stare into each other's eyes.
"What is it you want from me, B?"
"I-"
"You want to kiss me?" Faith whispers, letting her lips brush lightly over Buffy's, not quite kissing her. "You want more than that? You want to take it further, you want me to put my hands all over you, make you feel good? You want a warm body to fuck you, make you forget how fucked up the world is now?"
Buffy knows this is who Faith is and there's no changing her, but the words still shock her a little bit too since Faith whispered the words in one hell of a sexy voice that sent chills down her spine.
"I can do all that," Faith continues, a sly smirk dancing over her lips as she presses her thigh into Buffy's center. Buffy moans at the contact and rolls her hips, seeking out more. "But," Faith says as she lets her lips brush against Buffy's again. "I don't want you being a fucking pillow queen here."
"I-I won't be."
"I got needs too," Faith grunts as Buffy lifts her thigh between Faith's legs a little bit. "It's been a while."
"For me too."
Buffy's starting to feel nervous now. She knows now that she wants all those things and the prospect of having them is making her feel antsy. The problem with the nervous feeling is she's getting it because it's Faith. Not to mention the fact that she's never been with another woman before, never even entertained the thought of it either. Not once. Okay, she knows that is a lie. There had been dreams before, years ago before Faith did a one-eighty and headed down the path of evil. Not just normal dreams, sexy dreams that left her hot and bothered and confused when she woke up.
She's thinking too much and she knows that. Over-thinking has always been something she's done. She doesn't want to think right now, she just wants to let go and let whatever is about to happen, happen. Shaking off the nerves, she inhales sharply as she moves her hands down Faith's sides, slipping her hands under her worn shirt to feel the soft, warm skin underneath.
Faith captures her lips in a hard, needy kiss. Buffy moans and grips at the waistband of Faith's jeans as Faith presses her thigh harder against her pussy. The burning need inside of her is getting too much to handle and she needs more, she wants more. She wants Faith and she's not denying it anymore. There's a sense of urgency in their kiss now, it's almost as if neither of them can quite get enough, but aren't making the move to take things to a whole other level just yet.
Buffy just wants Faith to take her, hard and fast, to make her forget about everything else and the rest of the world. She almost wishes there was time to make this happen right, to fall in love first, to really get to know each other before they become intimate. There's no room in this world for love, not that kind of love at least, and it breaks Buffy's heart knowing that will never change unless they can save whatever is left of the world.
It's Buffy that makes the move, taking the next step to get what they both want and need right now. She slips her hands under Faith's shirt and pulls it up slowly. Faith breaks away from the kiss, allowing her to remove her shirt completely. Piece by piece they remove each other's clothes hurriedly, knowing time and privacy is not in their favour for very long.
And when the nerves settle in again for Buffy as she looks at Faith completely naked for the first time, Faith smiles as she gently strokes her fingers over Buffy's cheek and leans down to kiss her ever so softly.
And just like that, the rest of the world fades away.
All her worries, all her fears, all that hopelessness, gone.