Authors note:
It's an amazing feeling to have your story reviewed/followed/favourited. Thank you all so much, I've always been a really self-conscious writer so this has been really amazing for me. I'm not really good with the whole spelling, grammar, punctuation thing and typing all of this is a bit weird for me because I'm more of a hand writer so apologies in advance for all the mistakes I do.
This entire chapter's going to be a flashback and I've divided it up in two. We're going to look at what the couple were like as a couple when everything was fine and then the next half of the flashback will be the night everything goes down. I've mixed a bit of fluff and angst to try and soften the pain a little for you all :)
End of senior year
You're cuddled up in bed with Quinn. She's still asleep and you watch her, it's your favourite thing to do with Quinn. Yeah, you're a little creepy but she's just so beautiful when she's sleeping, she looks so peaceful. Daylight's starting to break through the curtains of your bedroom and somehow, the faint rays of sun manage to illuminate her, making her look even more angelic. God you're in love with her. You can imagine spending the rest of your life like this. Waking up to her perfect face every morning.
"You're creepy." You break out of your trance when you're met with slightly drowsy hazel eyes. You give her a quick peck to the lips, followed by a few more. "You love it." She smiles at you before shyly bringing up her sheets to cover her face, completely hiding her face from you. "Quinnnnie, I promise I wont be creepy anymore, just let me see you", you hear some undistinguishable mumbling that sounded a lot like 'don't call me that' followed by a mess of blonde hair popping up from under the sheets. She's grinning at you like a two year old and you can't stop yourself from breathing out "I love you". You're rewarded with a deep kiss that makes your toes curl and your brain haze over.
"Because you love me, does this mean I don't have to come tonight?" She asks cheekily, probably only slightly joking. "You don't want to go to the going away party being thrown for us by all of our friends? Sure I don't see why not!" You throw back sarcastically. She groans and snuggles into you, head placed perfectly between your head and shoulder. She kisses your neck briefly. "I do want to see everyone before we leave I just can't handle another night watching Finn stare at you like a sad little puppy…and he's really hansy when he's been drinking." She mumbles into your neck whilst rubbing patterns with her thumb on your stomach. You can't help but smile at this. You love a jealous Quinn. She somehow manages to simultaneously pull off being adorable and extremely hot when she's jealous, but you know not to push her too far. Finn is a very delicate topic in your relationship. "We've been over this, I love you, I want to be with you, but I can't just stop being friends with Finn completely, he's my best friend" She grunts her disapproval into your shoulder. "Okay, yes I may have a romantic past with him and he will always have a special place in my heart but you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, not Finn". You can feel her smiling into your neck. You know you said the right thing as she starts peppering kisses along your collarbone, moving her way up to your face and thoroughly kissing your lips. When you break apart, your eyes meet and she's wearing her trademark eyebrow raise as you both come to realise the compromising position you're in – Quinn's straddling you. You both grin at each other like little kids and then Quinn starts kissing her way down your body, paying extra attention to the areas she knows drives you crazy. That's the best part about your relationship with Quinn, she knows you and your body so well. As she reaches where you want her the most, she looks up at you and her hazel orbs shine right through you, causing your breath to hitch a little. She's grinning again as she says, "I'll do exactly what you want me to do" She kisses your thigh, "if we can call off tonight and spend it together like this instead." Stupid manipulative sexy girlfriend. You grab her head and force it where you want it to be, "we're going tonight and you're doing what I want you to do." You feel her giggling against you as she works her magic. God bless mornings with Quinn.
The night it all went down
You've been living in New York with Quinn for just under a year now. At first, it was everything you'd ever hoped for. No parents to interrupt you, no curfews, just Quinn and the city you're in love with. It was perfect, but then you and Quinn managed to find yourselves in a bit of a rut.
Real life and the responsibilities of rent, bills and classes took over. You were no longer high school students with copious amounts of time on your hands - you were adults now. Your schedule never matched Quinn's and you'd sometimes find yourselves going days without having a substantial conversation. Sometimes she'd come home around 2 in the morning looking absolutely exhausted from studying. You'd be asleep having given up waiting for her. You'd hear her mumble an apology into your neck as she'd cuddle into you, spooning you from behind. You'd sigh and take her arm to wrap it around yourself, as you'd succumb to your slumber. You could never be mad at Quinn.
You couldn't help being a little suspicious of how much time Quinn spent studying away from home. She reassured you time and time again she was only studying with classmates, nothing more. You believed her but you still felt uncertain. You knew she'd never do anything like that to you, but as she got more and more busy and your sex life became more and more inexistent you began to doubt her.
It was on yet another lonely night in your miniature sized apartment – Quinn liked to call it 'Rachel-sized', when he came over. Quinn had texted you telling you that she'd once again be staying out late at the library and not to wait up. You tried to stop the anger from rising as you read her text but you couldn't. You knew she had exams coming up and she needed to study, but you needed her too. So when there was a knock as the door and you opened it to find one Finn Hudson smiling back at you, you were more than happy to let him inside. He looks good. The army has done him well and he's definitely lost some weight. His new hair cut also makes him finally look like an adult.
You open up a few bottles of wine and share it between the two of you as you begin to catch up. He explains he's in New York for the next couple of days visiting Kurt and thought he might pop by and say hey. When he asks about Quinn, you don't hold back your bitter comment about her having to stay out late to study. He doesn't miss your tone and you don't move his hand away as he puts it on your thigh as an act of comfort. Your eyes meet and it's strange to be seeing a look of want in eyes that aren't hazel. Your pulse quickens as he begins to lower his face to meet yours. You know this is bad, this is very very bad. You know that not only would this completely destroy Quinn if she was to find out, but the fact that it was with Finn, the boy that Quinn had spent so much time being self-conscious about, would make it so much worse. The bitterness of your situation gets the better of you and the alcohol coursing through your brains causes the little voice in your head screaming 'no' to quieten. You meet Finn half way, tasting the wine on his breath as you deepen the kiss. This is so wrong, but it's the closest thing to good you've felt in months. You finally feel wanted.
You don't even stop to think of Quinn as the two of you move to the bedroom – the bedroom you and Quin share. As clothes are frantically being removed you don't think of how much this will shatter Quinn. You don't think of her at all and looking back on it all now, this is why you hate yourself. You're selfish. You need constant attention and Quinn wasn't giving it to you anymore, so you found the next best thing that will. You also hate the emptiness you feel when you're with Finn, it isn't his fault, it isn't Quinn's fault – it's your own. It's during it that you realise what a mistake you're making, no one can make you feel like Quinn does. You've stuffed up.
You don't realise your selfishness however, until you're looking at Quinn from your position on top of Finn on the bed, frozen at the doorway of your bedroom holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, not just any flowers though – Gardenias. There's a deafening silence in the room. Everything stops. It feels like you've been stagnant for hours until Quinn throws the bouquet on the floor and storms out. You quickly jump off Finn, telling him to get dressed and leave as you run out to find Quinn. You don't have to go very far, she's sitting on the couch of your living room staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She isn't shaking and she isn't crying, she isn't showing any signs of emotion. This scares you the most. An emotional Quinn you can diffuse, you can calm down that Quinn. This Quinn though you have never seen before.
You approach her cautiously after Finn bolted out of your apartment. You slowly sit down next to her on the couch, leaving a reasonable amount of space between the two of you in case she decides to lash out. "..Q-Q-Quinn?" you stutter. Your heart's pounding against your ribs with a disturbing force. She doesn't look at you so you try again, a little stronger this time "Quinn?" This time she turns. She doesn't meet your eyes though; her cloudy hazel eyes find their way to your next and keep their focus there. At the mark Finn had left on your neck, marking you as his. This appears to be Quinn's breaking point as she stands up, still refusing to look you in the eye and tells you she'll be out by the morning. You rush to her, your eyes watering as you feel your heart beginning to break. "No, no, no Quinn, please! It was a mistake, I am so sorry, I don't even have the words to express you sorry I am!" It doesn't seem to register with Quinn at all as she looks at you with stone cold eyes. "You could have told me you wanted Finn, I would have understood." You know this is it; this is the moment your heart breaks forever. "Quinn, no" you try and interrupt but she's having none of it. "All I ever wanted is for you to be happy" Her voice breaks as her eyes begin to water. You take back what you said before, seeing her emotionless was much easier than the utter devastation you see in her perfect eyes. "Baby, we can get past this, we can work this out, we don't need to break up…please?" You beg, "I know I made a mistake, I am so stupid but I know now, I know that you're all I want. Not Finn" You try but you know your attempts are worthless from the way Quinn is looking at you. She smiles sadly "You told me that once before, look how that turned out." You know she isn't trying to be mean, she's just being truthful. That fact that she doesn't revert back to HBIC Quinn makes you fall in love with her even more; ironically it's too late. "I…I can't do this Rach. Not after you slept with him of all people. I love you, I do, but I honestly don't think I can ever get past this." Tears are freely falling down your face now, "We're done". There it is, the final blow. You're both crying and you hate yourself that you cause this. "You can keep the apartment, it's late now but I'll move out in the morning" Quinn says, you hate how fast everything is suddenly moving. It's like someone managed to press fast-forward and suddenly you and Quinn are over. "No Quinn, I can't let you do that. Why don't we both just go to bed, it's late. We'll talk about logistics in the morning once we have some time to process things okay?" She nods back her response and moves to settle onto the couch. You're confused at first at her actions until the reality of you situation finally sinks in. The bed.
The bed you and Quinn consummated your love for each other for nights on end. The bed you bought together. The golden sheets she bought for you as a gift because she knew you'd love them. You tarnished them. You slept with Finn on a haven you and Quinn built together. At this realisation, you want to throw up. This is the final straw in completely shattering what's left of your heart. Your utter disregard for Quinn, her feelings and your relationship makes you disgusted in yourself. You don't blame Quinn for opting for the couch.
When you wake up the next morning, you've made your decision. You quietly pack your bags; ready to leave the home you built with Quinn. It's not fair for Quinn to have to move out, you're the one at fault here. When you walk out of your bedroom, you see Quinn's still sleeping on the couch. She still looks as beautiful as ever, even with puffy eyes, obviously from crying over you and what you did. It's ironic that your favourite thing to do, watch Quinn sleep, will be the last thing you'll most likely ever be able to do with her. Everything's so beautifully tragic. Quinn may have been busy the past few months but you're the one that ruined the relationship. Your need to feel needed, to feel special got the better of you. It ruined the most important thing you have in your life.
You find a piece of paper, signing it off with a simple 'I'm Sorry'. What else can you say? You know there is no possible words to express you regret. With that you walk out of Quinn's life.
It's amazing how much you can get done with procrastinating. This has literally consumed my weekend.
So after writing this I think I'm leaning more towards keeping Quinn/Amanda together? Thoughts?
Hopefully I didn't break your hearts too much