Title: 50 Ways to Kill an Ordinary

Author: Dark Roswellian Angel

Elizabeth McDowell

Rating: T for now, may increase to M later.

Synopsis: Max starts having some seriously disturbing dreams- only does she really find them that disturbing? How do they affect her feelings for the men in her life?

Copying/Downloading/Posting: Please let me know first, and let me know where my work will be posted as I would love to come visit it. Make sure that it is put under my name, as I would love to hear how others feel about it. Thanks ;)

A/N: In case the title and disclaimer don't make it obvious, don't expect this to be too nice to Logan :) But please keep in mind that this is meant to be just for fun. After all, they're only dreams, right?

2nd A/N: I have to apologize that it's taken me so long to update this fic. I plan to try to update every week, but my Internet access went down the weekend before St. Patty's Day just after I posted (on the 14th), and I had limited access to computers at all until this week. Hopefully, I'll be able to update more frequently from now on.

3rd A/N: I also have to give a great big thank you to everybody who reviewed the first chapter of this fic. Thank you to Lily Witchcraft, happycabbage75, Crogos, Willow-98, p3karen, chance32, darkaznangel452, purplebunnywabbit, alex1156, and 452max. Getting reviews is so much fun- I can definitely understand how people can become review-junkies :)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. If I did, "Dark Angel" would still be airing, and Jensen Ackles would have been in every episode. And Logan... Logan who?

I do however own the following poem :)

Ode to Alec

I love him, I love him, I love him so much;

If he were on sale, I'd buy me a bunch.

(thank you, thank you, thank you (for putting up with me)- bows and curtsies all around)

Now, on with the show

Wet Dreams

It was around 8 A.M., and OC had just woken up. She knew she was going to have to hurry because "the man" was expecting her to come in early. Why, she had no idea. Why on earth that "bip-bip" man would ever expect any of his employees to go beyond was totally beyond her. The only ones they'd even consider going above the expected for would be extremely rich and generous customers (as if) and even then half of them would be more likely to behave only to see what they could rip off. Still, she had agreed to come in early, so she figured she ought to at least show up within 15 minutes of her scheduled time.

As she walked into the bathroom, though, she found the first hiccup in her day's plans. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, still wearing her bathrobe, sat Max. She was staring morosely down at the toilet, watching the water swirl around and around as she flushed it repeatedly. She approached her friend cautiously, "Hey, Boo. How's it hangin'?" When Max made no movement to show that she'd heard her, OC came a little closer and put her hand on the gen's shoulder. "You okay, shugga?" As she gently shook the other girl's shoulder, Max slowly looked up at her and blinked as though she were coming out of deep thought.

"Wha-? No… yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just…"

"Don't even tell me. Weird dreams again, Boo?" OC wasn't sure if she felt more trepidation or curiosity. The past had taught her to worry about Max's dreams, but yesterday's revelations had proven more interesting than worrisome. Was it possible that she'd had more dreams like those? She smiled a little as Max hung her head and nodded. "So what was they this time?" Max looked at her for just a second and then looked away. "Logan again?" Another nod. "How'd he fare this time?" No answer. "Well, Baby Doll, maybe you ought to just lay it all on Original Cindy. It won't do you no good keepin' it all to yo'self." She watched as the younger girl seemed to deliberate, then was grateful when Max looked up at her. Clearly she was in a sharin' mood.

"I killed him. Again, Original Cindy."

"So I gathered." She carefully kept her tone noncommittal, not wanting her best friend to feel as though she were about to judge her.

"What's wrong with me, OC? Why do I keep dreamin' like this?" Max's insecurities were obviously boiling very near the surface.

"Look here, chica, there ain't nothin' wrong with you that a good time wouldn't fix. And lately, you just ain't been havin' that. All yo' time and energy has been on work, or White, or this virus thang, or tryin' to take care o' yo' peeps, and it's just been stressin' you out. That's all these dreams are- just yo' mind lettin' all the tension out. There's nothin' wrong with you, Boo." She put all the confidence into her voice that she could pull together. She knew that her boo was goin' through somethin', and it wasn't likely that just a good time was gonna fix it, but she still had complete faith in her that she was a good person, well semi-person, and she wasn't just gonna stand by and let Max start doubtin' herself. "So, what was it this time? How'd you off him? Same way as last time?" She was surprised when Max actually smiled to herself.

"No. Not exactly."

"Okay, well, now you just gotta share. Be generous with a sista'."

"Well, he kind of drowned."

"Oh, yeah? And how's that?"

"Well, I kind of held his head in a toilet bowl for too long."

"Too long? Just how long exactly is holdin' yo' boy's head in a toilet not considered too long?"

"It wasn't like that."

"And just how exactly was it?"

"Well, we were talking, and he was explaining how he used to be this amazing swimmer when he was younger. I made the mistake of describing how when we were young, our trainers wanted us to develop our lung capacity. So, they would put these chains on us that were connected to the floor in this little empty pool kind of area, then they would fill up the pool with water, and set their timers for however long they thought we should be able to handle. When their little clocks went off, they would release the clamps holding the chains, and we'd be able to swim to the surface to breathe."

"Damn, girl, that is straight up messed up."

"Yeah, well. You do what you gotta do, right? So, anyway, I told Logan all of this, and he asked me how long I could hold my breath. Well, my time was just under 25 minutes without struggling with the restraints, and he seemed okay with that. But I made the mistake of saying that, since he'd been trained longer than I had, Alec could hold out for over 28 minutes, and that just set Logan off."

"Wow. So is those times for true?"

"Well, yeah."

"So, Alec can actually hold his breath for that long. That must make him an amazing kisser. No wonder all those honeys crave him like they do. Hard to compete with a guy who doesn't have to come up for air."

Max gave her a strange look, then continued, "So, anyway, he claimed that he could hold it for just as long as Alec could. And he wouldn't let it go. He kept badgering me with it until finally I decided to finish his one-sided argument. I suggested that he demonstrate what he could do. He seemed a little worried, so I suggested that he do it in the toilet- that way he could easily pull himself out if he needed to. The suggestion that he might need to pull himself out before the time was up kind of seemed to piss him off, but he agreed to stick his head in the toilet. The thing is, just before he went in, he told me that he would need my help getting in the correct position. Then he said that if he failed it would be my fault for not helping him keep his head in there. Well, I wanted to make sure that he succeeded, so I made sure that he kept his head fully submerged for over 29 minutes. Then, when I pulled him out, I found out that he hadn't actually achieved his goal."

"Wow. Talk about an ego gone bad."

"Yeah."

OC noticed that Max still seemed to be holding back. "Yeah, and then what?"

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me, girl. Spill."

Max shrugged her shoulders and her eyes dropped to the floor. "Well, I was cryin' over Logan's body, and then Alec walked in."

OC's eyebrows shot up. Again?

"He explained to me that it really wasn't my fault that Logan had felt the need to try to prove that he was more of a man than he actually was. Then we climbed into the bathtub 'cause it was suddenly full of bubblebath and there were a ton of lit candles all over the room, and we did it. Twice."

OC didn't miss the secretive smile the other girl had. "Is that significant in some way?"

Max's smile broadened slightly. "Yeah. Kind of. That's how many times Alec told Renfro, you remember- our director at Manticore, that we had copulated."

"So, you's basically havin' Manticore-related visions o' what mighta been, huh, girl? (no answer, but her smile dimmed) Can't say as I blame you. If I'da had a chance to get with Mr. Atten'hut and I played that way, I'd totally dream about it, too."

Max's smile broadened again. "So, you don't think I'm crazy?"

"For the last time, Boo, I know you. And I know you ain't goin' all crazy on me. I'll let you know if you ever need ta start worryin', aiight?" She put her arm around the taller girl's shoulders. "Now, if you don't mind, I gotta get ready for work. I musta' been on somethin' when I said I'd come in early. (She saw Max's eyebrows raise.) Don't even ask." She ushered her best friend out of the small room, closed the door, and leaned against it. Whoa. This is just gettin' freaky.

Two hours later Max walked into her place of business. She had decided not to worry about the dreams. After all, OC was right- she was under a lot of stress. Maybe this really was just about relieving it. She looked over and waved at her girl, giving her a big everything's-okay smile. She started walking over to her, but when she saw who OC had been talking to, her smile faltered.

It was one thing to dream about him; it was another to see him in person. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that her dreams were entirely stress-based and had no actual connection to her real life, there was just no denying how amazingly good-looking he was. If she were to be honest with herself, she'd have to admit he was the most gorgeous man she'd ever met. For some reason, that even included Ben in the comparison. Maybe that's because he's even more gorgeous on the inside than he is on the out. Whoa! Where had that come from? Still, though, you know it's true. Her smile returned as she continued walking towards him, forgetting that she had actually meant to walk towards OC. She was just about to ask him how long he could actually hold his breath when, without even realizing what she was doing, her feet took a sudden turn immediately rushing her away from the object of her thoughts. She looked over her shoulder and saw a look of confusion adorning his handsome features. She wondered if she wore a mirroring look.

After spending the rest of the day pointedly ignoring and avoiding her ex-breeding partner, Max felt exhausted. She came home and started putting together a nice bubblebath. After all, in all the world, there was nothing else that could relax her as completely. She was just about ready to dip herself in the warm suds when part of her dream flashed through her mind. She sank into the smooth liquid as she subconsciously allowed her mind to relive her thoughts in detail. She wasn't even aware of the smile that graced her features as she closed her eyes.

When the phone rang half an hour later, she was still lost in her previous night's dreams. A scowl crossed her features as she wondered who could be interrupting her relaxation. When her pager went off a few seconds later, she was able to successfully guess. Without even calling back, she got out of the water, tension immediately landing on her as she left its comfort, and began to get ready to go over to his house. There were only two reasons that he might call this late- either he wanted her to come over to his place for dinner and figured that she was waiting next to her phone with nothing better to do, or he needed her for an EO mission. Either way, she knew he wouldn't be leaving her alone until she saw him and heard him out.

"So, I went over some of the schematics and came to the realization that it had to have something to do with the device I saw on the video. It must be affecting the quality of the water, which is why so many pipes have been rusting and bursting. And as I said, the rust is what is getting into the water and making so many people sick," he looked up, expecting the usual hero-worshipping look to be in her eyes, but she didn't even seem to be paying attention. Well, that just wouldn't do. After all, this water poisoning mission was one of his best, as far as he was concerned. A lot of people had been getting sick, and now he was going to fix it all. Yet again. In order to make sure she was paying attention to just how incredible he was at noticing details and putting together clues, he injected some humor, "Not to mention creating a holy terror of a ring around the toilet bowl."

Huh? Toilets? Max had been daydreaming again. Just like last night, she was having a terrible time trying to focus on what her boyfriend was telling her. She shook her head to try to bring him back into focus. "So, uh, what is it that you want me to do?"

"Max, are you even paying attention? I mean, for a genetically-enhanced mind, you seem to be having a hard time focusing. More like A.D.D. on steroids..."

As he droned on and on, Max tried to keep her face carefully neutral. She was getting used to all the digs he made- on her, on her family, on her DNA status. And, she knew he didn't really feel like that. In fact, if she had to guess, it was his own insecurities that made him say all that crap. Or maybe it was because of how he held himself to a higher moral standard than anyone else she knew. Either way, she knew she had to take the bad with the good if she wanted to be with him. Which she did. Right?

"You were saying?" she recognized the irony of having to bring him back to the topic when he was accusing her of lack of focus. Even though he was right.

"Yeah, so I need you to go down to the water plant and get that device out of the system. Hopefully without getting noticed."

"And just how do you propose I do that?"

"I don't know. With your multi-processing, brilliant mind, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out. Just make sure that you bring the device back with you, will you? I want a chance to take it apart and figure out just who planted it."

So, he's not even going to offer me any dinner before I go? Whatever. "Okay. So I guess I'll get going." Her eyebrows raised as he barely acknowledged her before turning back to the screen.

"I'll keep an eye on things from here. If I see anything, I'll let you know."

For as much good as that does me. "Yeah. Thanks. So, I guess I'll see you in a few hours."

"Yeah. Good luck, and Max…"

Expecting him to say something sweet about how much he cared about her, or how he wanted her to be careful, or how he worried about her, or even how much he hated sending her on these missions (even though she knew otherwise), Max replied, "Yeah?"

"Could you pick up some Chinese food on the way back? I've got a total yen for orange chicken."

Several hours later an extremely wet, miffed, and frustrated feline let herself into her lover's penthouse. She could see through the darkness that he had already gone to bed, not even bothering to wait up for her. Humph. Figures. Sends me out to do the dirty work and gets a nice night's sleep for himself. Unwilling to allow the reason that she'd just spent an incredibly miserable night out to sleep comfortably while she was still stuck in her wet clothes, she very loudly stomped around the apartment, turning on all the lights, opening and slamming his refrigerator, and as a final act of frustration turned on his stereo full blast. She was even considering turning it to a decent station instead of the crap he kept it on when she finally heard his tired stumbling behind her. As she turned around, she realized just how much she did not appreciate other people's response to her ragtag appearance. She raised her eyebrows, daring him to say anything about how she looked.

However, Logan seemed to possess at least enough good manners, or perhaps it was self-preservation, to know better. Unfortunately, he did not have enough social graces to appreciate that she'd obviously had a horrendous experience fulfilling his request. "So, did you get it?"

She shot him a dirty look. He's not even going to ask if I'm alright? I know that he hasn't missed how I look. The least he could do is ask how it went. "Yeah. Right here." She advanced on him, not even realizing that she was moving as though she were stalking her prey rather than delivering something to her loved one, and placed it on the table between them.

"So, um, thanks. This is going to be really helpful. And it's nice to know that I won't have to pay my maid overtime for cleaning out my throne."

Ugh! If she was reminded one more time of water or the bathroom tonight, she was going to flip. It felt like they were all her entire night had been based on. Seriously, everything seemed to be trying to remind her of her dream last night. She thought through her night- first when she'd gotten to the water treatment plant she had seen that there were far too many guards for her to be able to accomplish her goal without being noticed. But then, she watched as they seemed to all be hit by Ex-Lax at the same time. Some of them actually seemed to be running to the can as she watched with amusement. How convenient that a workplace practical joke had hit just when she'd needed it.

Later she had looked down at the water in the treatment canisters and been hit with how similar the movement in the large tank was to when someone flushes. A few minutes later, she was hit with that idea even harder when she'd heard several people approaching from both sides and been forced to jump down into the water. She'd practically mewled her displeasure as the cold water had hit her. Half an hour later, she was finally able to crawl out, and she went in search of the device.

After an hour long search, she'd finally found the box Logan had told her about. Her thoughts turned murderous as she'd looked down into the deep pool and seen that Logan hadn't bothered to inform her that the device was actually attached to some pipes that were inside the water. No cat likes getting wet, but two submersions in cold water in one night was enough to make her think twice about helping her world-saving partner. Yet again, the bathroom played an important part in the mission as she saw two men leaving the restrooms across from her. With no other valid non-confrontational choice, she jumped into the water, this time not hiding her displeasure as she hissed for a good three seconds. For the next two hours, she was stuck listening to people enter and leave the restroom while the water around her smelled and moved much like she would expect toilet bowl water would.

Finally, she was able to drag her tired, cold, somewhat smelly, wet body out of the water. She quickly blurred to her baby, apologizing to it for making its seat wet, and drove herself back to Logan's place. And now, she was stuck listening to him talk about more water and more bathrooms. When, a few seconds later, he stood up and said, "Can you hold on just a minute? I'll be right back," she could hardly stand it. As she watched him walk to his restroom door, she couldn't help the thought, You've GOT to be kidding. And when he called through the closed door a couple of minutes later, "So, where'd you put the chicken? I hope you didn't put it in the fridge. It just doesn't taste right reheated," her eyes nearly popped.

She didn't even bother saying goodbye as she stood up and left, knowing that she would only be able to get a few hours of sleep tonight. For a split second, she wondered what tonight's dreams would hold. And as a pair of laughing hazel eyes came to her mind, the first smile crossed her face since her phone had rung.