Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, any of the characters, or ideas. Except a few. What's the chance that the author will actually read this? Maybe I just shouldn't bother doing these anymore.
So, I just found out today that I started a new story. I wasn't in control of my fingers last night. Although, now that I really look back at what I wrote, it's not that bad. I think I made the right choice making this a separate story, since it doesn't really fit in with my other Warriors parody. Do you hate this new one? Probably. Review anyways.
Brambleclaw, Squirrelpaw, Stormfur, Feathertail and Crowpaw, were just leaving Windclan territory when the author realized that he had forgotten to include Tawnypelt's name in the group. He then decided that it didn't matter. They made their way through that last of the heather until they reached the sparse rock-face that marked Barley's farm.
"Um, should we stop here and rest?" Brambleclaw asked.
"Why?" Tawnypelt replied. "We've only just left the forest. There's no reason to stop just because we're out of the known territories."
"Because, all cats that come this way have to stop at the farm before they carry on to the Moonstone, its tradition." Brambleclaw argued.
"Yes, but we aren't going to walk into a pitch black cave, follow a narrow tunnel that leads down who knows who deep into the ground, and then enter one of the most exhausting experiences of our lives." She argued back. Brambleclaw headed for the farm.
Barley had just woken up with the hardest hangover he had ever had when Brambleclaw and the others arrived at his farm.
"Hey, you forest cats, why do you keep coming to my freakin' farm? We're starting to run out of mice because of all you freaking squats! Can't you just, I don't know, catch something other than here? Maybe just up the hill? Or at one of the countless farms just a few hundred yards away?" Barley said in a hoarse voice.
"Because..." Brambleclaw started. "Because we think that you could do with some company."
"You know, it's funny, but I've really started to hate you feral cats. Somehow, one of you is always plotting the downfall of your entire civilization, if you can call it that. Firestar's and idiot, Graystripe is an ***hole and everyone else is so underdeveloped that I wish that they had never been introduced into the story. The only one of you I can stand is Ravenpaw, and only when he's high on nip!" Barley then rolled over, covered his muzzled with a paw and fell deep to sleep.
They continued past the farm, through a small passage a cliff face to the east of the forest. He stopped once he arrived in a small valley. There were stone walls to either side of the group. Brambleclaw took out his map and squinted at it for a moment.
"I think we're supposed to go… that way!" He said, pointing with his tail at the other end of the passage.
Tawnypelt came back for him.
"You do know that there's only two possible ways for us to go. Back to where we came, or out the other side." Brambleclaw stared at his sister, then over her shoulder at the other end of the passage, then to where they had come from, and it dawned on him.
"Oh, I get it. Man do I feel stupid now." Tawnypelt started back towards the rest of the group, proud that she had gotten Brambleclaw to understand something that required common sense. Her pride vanished as she realized that Brambleclaw wasn't following her, but was in fact heading back towards the farm.
"Where are you going?" Tawnypelt demanded, running up beside him.
"I'm heading in the only possible direction, as you pointed out." Brambleclaw said, as if that should be obvious.
"Okay, just follow me and maybe you won't die." Tawnypelt stalked back out to the others.
As they travelled along a huge Thunderpath, dodging monsters that came from a distance in front of them, Brambleclaw wondered how they could possibly talk to Midnight. He wondered if Midnight would speak their language. He hated trying to communicate with cats who didn't speak clears (whatever language freaking cats speak). It was always a struggle.
Eventually they came to a strange figure that looked like a cat with a hat on. And the hat didn't even look like the one from The Cat in the Hat.
"I am the Sphinx. You must answer my riddles, or I will hug you and call you stupid names and… I don't know, put you in a purse and other ridiculous stuff that twolegs do. Choose among you the one who will answer my questions." The cats glanced at each other, and then Brambleclaw stepped forward. All of the other cats (not including the sphinx) groaned, except Crowpaw, who simple chuckled, whispering:
"This should be good."
Brambleclaw had only wanted to ask why the Sphinx's hat didn't look like the one in The Cat in the Hat. He didn't realize that the one who stepped forward had to be the one who answered the Sphinx's questions. But step forward he did and the Sphinx began.
"I am a clan leader, and a warrior comes up to me and asks for us to begin a war on another clan for no reason other than for said warriors' amusement. If I aimed to avoid bloodshed, would you advise that I deny his request, or agree with him?" Brambleclaw thought it over for a moment, and then decided to take a neutral route.
"I would advise you to make sure that your clan was well fed with all the vitamins and minerals that are part of a healthy diet. I would advise you to make sure that all of the clan's apprentices were well aware of the addictive and destructive nature of nip, and that safe mating is practiced by all young warriors in the clan." While the Sphinx stood, dumbstruck by the idiocy of the answer he received from this obviously brain-dead cat, the forest cats were able to sneak past the Sphinx without him noticing.
Around five seconds after their encounter with the Sphinx, the cats ran into a wall made of Styrofoam. This didn't pose a problem for anyone but Feathertail, who couldn't help but wonder what kind of person would build a wall out of the most easily penetrated substance known to the man (other than yo' momma).
Once through the wall, they decided that after a full twenty minutes travelling, they deserved some rest. So Brambleclaw went over, took some Styrofoam and made a nest out of it. The other cats thought this was a good idea, so they stole Brambleclaw's Styrofoam and then had a small war over who got sleep on it. Brambleclaw decided to just sleep in the fox den he found by some trees. It was still inhabited, but the mother was asleep and so were her cubs, so he decided that it was fine.
Only one cat slept comfortably that night. However, only one cat woke up with rabies in the morning, so side with whoever you like.
I know. I know. It's been like half a year since I last updated. Let me list the reasons.
I was very discouraged by the fact that I had lost half my document, and then only found out upon uploading the chapter that my word count was around five hundred less that it should have been.
My computer has been acting up and I felt like reinstalling windows anyways, since I only had, like, 20 GB out of 320 GB left on my hard drive.
I was lazy.
So please, don't hate me. I'm back to writing, hopefully for good this time. And I hope you all had a nice Christmas and all that.