Chapter 1 – The good or bad

Whatever lies ahead, good or bad, we will face together. Distance may test us for a time, and time may trie us. But if we look to each other first, we will always see a friend. My husband, look to me for all the days to come; today I take my place as your wife. Non traditional wedding vows – the good or bad vow.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. - Peter Ustinov

God is wise in all his acts and sometimes he calms the storms in our lives and sometimes He just rides it with us. Either way, blessed be the name of the Lord. However, it's hard to give Him praise when you feel you are drowning, with no chance of recovery.

The silence of Montana's countryside was disturbing in so many ways ingratiating itself into McGee's and Buchanan's sleep which was punctuated with visions of those they could not save as well as rolling waves destroying everything in its path.

Their first few days in Glasgow were spent in the safe cocoon and refuge of their bed, between sleep and wakefulness, as their nightmares insisted on bringing before their mind's eyes the lives of those not so fortunate as them. Their sore bodies also demanded the rest, as their cuts and bruises had been tended but their bone deep tiredness demanded a quiet period to recharge their batteries.

They would leave their bed when their nightmares were too much to handle, prowling the other rooms of the home after food or a friendly face.

They would take turns staying by Maggie's bedside, who had been recuperating for a couple of months of her bout of radiation sickness, thanks to the explosion of her Lab in Nellis Base. They would read out loud for her out of one of her books, just keeping her company and updating her on the latest family gossip out of DC or Norfolk.

Grace, Joy's sister from the FBI office in Omaha, went with her husband and newborn child back to Utah, promising to come visit again in the next few days.

Joseph, Joy's father, has been a calm port during those troubled times, with a clear offer of a friendly ear to hear their troubles or simply of a shoulder to cry on.

And there were plenty of tears to be cried.

Both Joy and Tim were attending mandatory counseling sessions two times a week at Wolf Point, visiting Joy's psychologist from the time she had been recuperating from her captivity and from all the times she had been shot.

Dr. Lisa Miller was a tiny frail woman, whose personality and presence compensated her lack of size. Her piercing gray eyes had a way of digging through Timothy's protective walls, dragging to light his insecurities and failures and exposing facets of his soul that he wasn't even aware existed.

And during their fourth session with them, Dr. Miller brought forth something that left McGee a little bit uncomfortable.

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"Have you tried to engage in any form of extraneous exercise to help you sleep?"

McGee fidgeted on the seat, looking at the tiny bird sized psychiatrist for a moment trying to come up with an appropriated answer.

"I've been helping Joseph with his chores as well as when he visits some of his parishioners. He even took me to help clean his neighbor's horse barn the other day, something that I've never done before."

McGee smiled as he remembered Joseph calling him up early in the morning and ordering him to dress comfortably, as they had an appointment. How great his surprise was when he found out he had been offered as hand help for cleaning the horses stables.

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"But... I've never done that before."

Joseph smirked and tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"I know. Don't worry, it's not intellectual work. You just move the dirty hay out of the bays, where Archie there," he pointed to a teenager in jeans overalls working at the other side of the horse paddock, "will collect it to bring it for the compost. Once that is done, you only have put fresh hay from that pile over there to the bays."

McGee looked at the tools and at the piles of fresh hay stacked at the end of the stable.

"I really don't think that I'm the right person for the job."

"Son," Joseph squeezed McGee's shoulder, making him lift his bruised face to Joseph's. The older man looked carefully at the healing scratches and the deep weariness in Tim's eyes and he felt saddened for it, as the few days Tim had been under his roof hadn't been enough to erase the survivor's guilt from those green eyes. "Horses are amazing creatures. They sometimes can sense we're troubled and they are great listeners. They keep secrets."

With those words Joseph went to one of the tools hanging from the walls, took the appropriate one and gave it to McGee, leaving him alone in the middle of the stable.

When Joseph came back two hours later, there were neat piles of dirty hay out of four bays and McGee was in the fifth bay, his voice skipping and stopping as he sobbed against the neck of an old pinto horse, who simply bobbed its head as if agreeing with the human who was pouring his heart out for its alert ears alone, trying to soothe him neighing softly.

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"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Since you came to Montana last week, have you engaged in any kind sexual activity with your girlfriend?"

"..."

"Why not?"

"We've been... tired."

"But it's been a week of rest where your sleep is permeated with heartbreaking nightmares. Have you stopped to consider that it might be what you two need for an uninterrupted night of sleep? The activity and the release of endorphins would be beneficial for both of you."

McGee fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

"She's been exhausted lately. I'm just waiting for a better moment. It's too soon."

"You told me of what Makoto told you back in Sendai. And also your little conversation on the airplane back to DC. You two agreed that you don't want to wait anymore. But now you two are... there. Unmoving. What are you waiting for?"

Dr. Miller looked up from her papers, her gray eyes piercing McGee before she asked another question. "Or maybe there's another reason for it? Something… that you're not willing to share?"

McGee simply stared at Dr. Miller silently, unable to come up with an answer.