Does Love Always Forget?

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

-The Heart of Life, John Mayer

Chapter 1: Without Goodbye

Once upon a time, there was a Cherry Blossom. She was vibrant and cheerful, fragile and innocent. She was clumsy and chronically late, but those closest to her knew that she was dependable above anything else. One day, the Cherry Blossom met a Little Wolf. He was wary, worldly. He did not trust easily, but he was loyal to the death to those that he found worthy of his trust. As the Cherry Blossom and Little Wolf got to know one another, they fell in love and set off on what was supposed to be their adventure...their life...but sometimes things get complicated. Sometimes, the love of your life gets called back to his homeland to take care of family business with no idea of when he will be able to return. And sometimes...a Little Wolf leaves a Cherry Blossom alone in a very delicate predicament, completely unaware.

The day started much like most have recently: with me puking my guts up in the bathroom. This is the stomach virus that just won't say die, I think. Wiping my mouth with a tissue, I haul myself up off my knees in front of the toilet and thoroughly brush my teeth. If the virus sticks to the rough routine it has followed the last three days, I should be fine for at least a few hours. Then the puking starts again in the afternoon or evening, which is when it is the worst. Ugh. Don't think about it, Sakura. And definitely don't mention it to Syaoran. Or Tomoyo. They'll overreact.

As much as I hate to admit it, because I love having him around, I'm glad Syaoran is out for his jog this morning while I get sick. He worries too much about me, and God knows he has enough to worry about already without adding my measly cold onto the list. Just as I flush the toilet and finish up in the bathroom, I hear a key in the lock and go to greet my conquering warrior at the door. Something about the way he looks when he comes in from his morning run always makes my mouth water, and this morning is no exception. His hair is a mess, he's sweaty, and he sort of stinks, but damn am I having a hard time holding myself back from just jumping him. Instead, I walk over and greet him with a kiss, losing my hands in his wild hair. He smiles against my lips and slides his hand up to caress my jaw, his other hand settling on my hip.

"Good morning, Sakura," he says when we break for air. Suddenly feeling shy, I look down and study his shirt where my hand rests against his chest. This makes him chuckle, and I can feel the vibrations travel through my hand to my heart. Every time he laughs is a treasure to me, having known him as a child when he never smiled, let alone laughed. Lifting my eyes again, I take in his smiling face and am in awe of this beautiful man in my arms. God, how I love him. He tucks some of my hair behind my ear and steers me away from the door so he can close it, which is when I realize I practically mauled Syaoran in the hallway of our apartment building. I can feel my face becoming red.

"What time did you say your classes are over today?" Syaoran questions as a smirk takes over his face. His smirk only grows when I send him a mock-glare for taking pleasure in my embarrassment.

"Umm...my last class was canceled, so I'm done at noon, then I have work until six and I have to finish up working on my Bachelors thesis at the library. You?"

"Same as usual." This means that he has work and classes until at least six, and then he'll be at the library until all hours. Like he needs to put in extra hours studying; he graduated a year early with perfect grades for his undergraduate and then got accepted into graduate school...no small feat at Todai. The man is a genius.

"Why do you have to study so much, Syaoran?" So I'm whining, sue me. This has been a sore spot for the two of us for a while now: I think Syaoran is never around and that he is choosing school over me; he thinks I need to accept that this is something he has to do if he wants to be successful in the future. Plus, he is always quick to remind me that his future success will provide for us and whatever family we have; and how the hell am I supposed to stay mad at him when he is talking about our future and alluding to our children? I can't, and therefore the argument usually ends there. Well, usually it ends with us making up...which I'm convinced is pretty much the reason couples argue in the first place.

"Sakura, you know it is very important that I get experience working in a top firm, and it is also very important that I get good marks in my classes." Yes, yes, I know that. But he could still ace his classes by putting in half the effort that he does. Don't get me wrong, I love that he is so dedicated to his education. What I don't love is going to bed without him, and it has happened more than a few times the last couple months. After living with him for almost two years, I'm used to having him in the bed next to me, used to his body pressed up against mine, used to the heat his body generates beneath the covers, and when he isn't there I have a hard time falling asleep. Thank the Lord the semester is almost over, because I really don't think I would last much longer. Although, I'm pretty sure that Syaoran is going to continue working on his Master's thesis, because I don't think he wants to have to do too much of that come April.

I'm currently leaning in the doorway of the kitchen, watching as Syaoran puts on a pot of coffee. Well, to be honest, Syaoran removed his shirt between the living room and the kitchen and I'm more interested in the way the muscles in his back shift as he makes his coffee. As I'm admiring my boyfriend's bare torso, a whiff of the coffee beans reaches me and hits me in the gut. I have to turn around and leave the room, taking deep breaths of odor-free air to prevent the smell from making me sick. Odd. That's never happened before. Coffee is usually a pleasant smell to me.

"Sakura? Are you okay?" Apparently, Syaoran noticed my reaction.

"Yeah. Yes, just tired." This is true, though I immediately feel guilty for not telling the whole truth. It seems like lately, no matter how much sleep I get, I'm always exhausted. Syaoran watches me for a moment, and I'm employing all of my self-discipline not to squirm. Crossing the room, he pulls me close to his body by the hips and kisses me on the top of the head.

"I'll be home earlier tonight, okay? I'll skip my study group." I nod, enjoying being in his arms too much to bother with talking. Plus, it is nice to know that he notices my trouble sleeping in his absence and is willing to put me first in his life. All too soon, though, it is time for us to finish getting ready and head out for the day, and he slowly lets me go. That night, I get my best sleep in days curled up in Syaoran's arms, my head using his bare chest as a pillow.

Things continue like that for the last weeks of the semester, Syaoran and I spending whatever time we can manage together, and me trying desperately to hide my puking from everyone, but especially Syaoran. There were a couple close calls at my college graduation, but somehow I've managed to be pretty successful at hiding my sickness. So far, the only one to really notice has been Kero, and he has surprisingly kept it to himself. However, I have noticed that instead of the puking getting better it has been getting worse. Finally, shortly after my twenty-second birthday I've had enough and I call the doctor to schedule an appointment. I have to wait a week and a half before they can fit me in, but as long as I manage to keep things under wraps until then that should be fine. The day after I called to schedule the doctors appointment, I come home from work to find Syaoran sitting on the couch. That alone is not unusual, but the fact that his head is in his hands and he does not even seem to notice that I'm home is odd.

"Syaoran?" He jumps and looks up at me. "Whats wrong, babe?"

"Come here." Reaching out, he pulls me onto his lap, and I'm happy to cuddle with him. We stay like that for a while, Syaoran holding me close, neither of us saying anything. My hand runs through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp the way I know he likes. When Syaoran clears his throat and pushes me back so that I'm looking into his eyes, I still my hands and give him my undivided attention.

"I got a phone call from my sister, Fuutie, today." Shit, calls from his family are seldom good news for me. They almost always involve...I won't go down that road. Instead, I focus back on Syaoran.

"Okay...what did she have to say? Is everybody okay?" Please let the call have been about something like Sheng having finally proposed to Feimei, or Fanren and Jun expecting a baby...good news that doesn't necessarily require that Syaoran return home.

"No."

"Did Meiling elope or something?" This gets a small smile out of him as he shakes his head.

"I have to go home, Sakura."

"You are home, Syaoran." Damn, it's exactly what I feared. The Li Clan always drags him away from me, every time we make progress they call and summon him back. And Syaoran is too responsible to ever turn them down.

"Believe me, this is the first place I've ever called home. But as much as I don't want to, I have to go back to Hong Kong, Sakura."

"Why?"

"My mother is sick, and they need me to come back to run the business and lead the family until she is feeling better."

"Oh...well how long do you think that will take?"

"I'm not sure. It might take a while, Sakura. Mother is pretty sick."

"What is wrong with her? Will she be all right? And why can't someone else do this, Syaoran?"

"She has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. The doctors said that she has to take it easy for a while. She'll have to make a lot of changes in her life, her diet first of all; she has to start taking medicines and doing a specific exercise routine...It got bad, Sakura. She was forgetting things, getting confused; the business got a bit messed up. I'm the man of the family, Sakura; this is my duty, my responsibility."

Burying my head in Syaorans shoulder, I try to collect myself. I want to beg him to stay, to never leave me, to keep me close to him always. At the same time, I know why he has to go back, and I admire him for going; for giving up his own life to make sure that his mother and sisters are secure and that the family business continues to run smoothly. My warring emotions are making it hard for me to refrain from bawling. However, neither of us will benefit if I burst into tears, and I'm not even sure why I'm having to hold back sobs...it isn't like he's leaving tonight or anything. Thankfully, the feel of Syaorans arms around my body soothes me enough to keep the weepy feeling at bay.

"Can you give me an idea of how long you'll be gone, Syaoran?" My voice comes out sounding more pitiful than I intended, my struggle against tears all too obvious.

"I don't know Sakura. I will have to look into possibly transferring my classes there, because Mother won't be up to running things for at least six months, and who knows how long it will take me to figure out where things got messed up in the business."

"I hate it when the Li Clan calls you back to Hong Kong, Syaoran. I miss you when you're just studying late at the library; it's almost unbearable to think of you so far away."

"I know, Sakura. I don't like being away from you any more than you like being away from me. But my sisters and mother need me, and I'm really the only one that can step up, Sakura. Sheng and Jun dont know about the business like I do, and my sisters aren't really all that good at managing that kind of thing."

"Well when do you have to leave? Not immediately, right?"

"I have to leave next Thursday." The same day as my doctors appointment. Wonderful. I extricate myself from Syaorans arms and grab my bag, my frustration showing, I'm sure. Just as I'm about to go to our bedroom to pout, Syaoran halts me by grasping my arm.

"Don't be mad at me, Sakura." Despite his hold on my arm, I don't turn back around to face him because right now I'm a second away from flying off the handle.

"I'm not mad at you, Syaoran. I'm just...mad at the situation. Why is it that every time we're happy, every time things settle down for us, you get dragged back to Hong Kong? It's like your family thinks you are becoming too content, and that you might be getting out of their reach, so they have to haul you back so they can reassert their power over you!" Syaoran lets go of my arm and runs his hands through his hair, turning away from me for a moment.

"Sakura...my family did not plan for my mother to get sick. This isn't part of some scheme to ruin my happiness. They need me to come home for a while so I can get things straightened out, and Mother can recover. Once Mother is well again and I have everything running smoothly, I'll be on the first plane back here."

Spinning to face Syaoran, I cannot hold back a bitter laugh. "You mean, like all the other times that you went back there and just immediately returned to me, Syaoran?" Shaking my head, I hitch my bag further up on my shoulder and change direction, heading for the front door instead of our bedroom. When I snatch my keys off the table by the door Syaoran curses under his breath and captures my hand again to stop me.

"Where are you going, Sakura?"

"Out."

"Sakura." He reaches out and gently forces me to look him in the eyes. Dang it, I cannot resist that amber gaze pleading with me.

"I'm going to Tomoyo's." Because I know she'll be a sympathetic ear; she knows as well as I do how calculating the Li Clan can be.

"And are you planning on coming back here tonight?"

"To be perfectly honest, Syaoran, I don't have a clue what I'm going to do. I just...I'm—" my voice cracks and I take a deep breath to stave off tears. "I just don't want to lose you, and it terrifies me every time you go home." Sniffling, I bat away the tear that falls down my cheek.

"You know as well as I do, Syaoran, that when you're there, you mysteriously don't get my phone calls or letters, nothing. You're cut off from me."

"Well then I'll have to make sure that doesn't happen. Don't cry, Sakura." He pulls me back into his arms, and I vaguely hear my bag hitting the floor as it falls off my shoulder, but I'm too busy sobbing to pay it any attention. Syaoran just holds me, soothing me with his voice, his hands rubbing my back, and as I start to calm down, he kisses the tears off my cheeks, which gets me to crack a small smile.

"Feeling better?"

"A bit. It still scares the crap out of me that you'll be going back to Hong Kong."

"Are you still going to Tomoyo's?"

"Maybe. What ya gonna give me if I stay?" Syaoran smirks, and proceeds to kiss me so thoroughly that I can barely remember my name when he pulls away. "So it's like that, huh?" I pull him back to me, and as he kisses me my hands travel under his shirt and up, pulling the article of clothing over his head.

"It's most definitely like that." Syaoran leans down and lifts me into his arms.

"Bedroom?" He only grins in response as he carries me into our room and drops me on the bed. The look in his eyes as he towers over me, watching me, makes me shiver. Syaoran reaches out and runs his hand down my arm to my hip, then up under my shirt, which is soon rumpled on the floor. Before I know it, the rest of our clothes have joined my shirt, and I'm gasping as Syaoran makes love to me.

It is the most intense sex I've ever had, and when Syaoran collapses on me afterwards and says only, "Wow," I know he concurs.

"Agreed." Syaoran rolls off of me, and I snuggle into his side as he lazily plays with my hair. The sound of his heartbeat calming under my ear lulls me to sleep, and the last thing I'm aware of is him kissing my forehead and telling me he loves me.

You know how time always drags by when you are having to do something you find unpleasant or you are waiting for a class or the work day to be over, but then seems to rush past when you are having a good time or you have some event coming up you aren't looking forward to? Well, I definitely fit into the latter category. Knowing that Syaoran would soon be leaving for an indefinite amount of time, I spent as much time with him as possible, but it still seems like I've barely blinked since he told me and already he is getting ready to leave. At least my vomiting has slowed down. As a matter of fact, I debated canceling my doctors appointment, but I decided that it would be better to just go since I am still occasionally getting sick, and my exhaustion has been ridiculous. That is why, four hours before Syaoran is scheduled to fly out, I'm sitting in the waiting room flipping mindlessly through a magazine.

When they finally call me back twenty minutes later, the nurse takes all my basic vitals and then tells me to change into the gown and the doctor will be with me shortly. After changing into the stiff gown, I sit there waiting for another twenty or so minutes before the doctor finally enters the room.

"Sakura, how are you feeling today?"

"I've been better."

"So tell me what has been going on?"

"I've had a stomach virus, I think. It has been hard to keep things down, especially first thing in the morning and after lunch."

"Okay." She makes a note in the file. "Any other symptoms?"

"Um, I'm constantly tired. And, the last week or so I've been getting a lot of headaches and heartburn. I never get heartburn."

"How long has this been going on?"

"The stomach thing has been going on for about five weeks off and on. Some days I'm fine, other days it is horrible. I've been feeling exhausted for about the same amount of time. The heartburn and the headaches have really only been within the last week."

"And have you had your period like normal?"

"Yes. Well, last month it was lighter than usual, and it is about a week late this month, but I've never been all that regular."

"Okay, I'm going to order a quick blood test. The nurse will be back in a moment to draw some blood. Once I get the results, I'll come back in to see you, okay?" Once the doctor leaves, my nurse comes in and takes some blood, and then I'm left sitting there for another thirty minutes before my doctor reappears with the nurse.

"Okay, Sakura. I put a rush on this with the lab, because I was fairly certain about the results."

"What were they?"

"Congratulations, Ms. Kinomoto, you are pregnant. From what you have said, I would guess that you are about eight weeks along, so we're going to go ahead and do your first prenatal exam. We're going to draw some more blood for some tests and get a urine sample from you, do a quick physical exam, and then we'll go ahead and do a pelvic exam on you."

I can only nod, because my brain stopped working at pregnant. Oh, shit. This is so far from the ideal time to be finding this out. How did I not suspect that? Why didn't I schedule a doctor's appointment earlier? Because all I can think about as the doctor does her exams is that, if I manage to get to the airport in time, I'm going to have to tell Syaoran we're having a baby and then send him off to Hong Kong. But that is far preferable to the other alternative: Syaoran getting on his plane without me being able to tell him. Glancing at the clock, I get anxious to be out of this room and on my way to the airport. When the exam and everything is finally over I only have an hour to get to the airport. There is no way I'll make it, but I'll be damned if I won't try.

Literally running to my car, I don't give myself time to think about anything but the fact that I have to get to the airport. Making it there in record time, I do a shoddy job parking and sprint for the entrance. Syaoran was going to wait in the lobby as long as he could before going through security, and that is where I head. However, as I get close, I can feel my stomach drop as the only people I see are Tomoyo and Eriol. I'm too late. Fuck. The dropping feeling in my stomach suddenly turns into nausea, and I'm sprinting for the closest garbage bin where my stomach summarily empties itself. As I continue to heave everything I've eaten today, I feel hands brush my forehead and hold my hair as they rub my back. When I'm done, I slowly stand up straight and turn to face Tomoyo and Eriol.

"Where were you, Sakura?" Tomoyo questions.

"Yeah, we tried calling your phone but it just kept going straight to voicemail. Syaoran finally had to go ahead and leave to get through security in time to catch his plane," Eriol adds.

Groaning, I reach into my purse and pull out my cell phone, showing them that it is powered off. "I forgot to turn it back on after my appointment. I didn't...I didn't get to say goodbye! I wasn't here to tell him I love him and that he'd better hurry home...I didn't get to tell him—!" I cut myself off just shy of announcing my pregnancy. Am I ready to tell people yet? Shouldn't Syaoran be the first person to know? But...well, I won't be able to keep this a secret, and right now I just need some support...

"Calm down, Sakura, it'll be okay. Syaoran knows you love him, and he'll be back before you know it, so goodbye is not necessary. Oh, and here." Tomoyo reaches into her own bag and pulls out a large yellow envelope, handing it to me.

"What is this?"

"Syaoran wanted to give it to you, but...well, he gave it to me and told me to make sure you get it." Nodding, I clutch it to my chest, not ready to open it just yet.

"Now, tell me about this appointment. What kind of appointment kept you away?" Tomoyo raises one eyebrow as she studies me.

"A doctor's appointment."

"Okay. Does the puking have to do with why you were at the doctor? I mean, I didn't even know you were sick!" Tomoyo is giving me a narrow-eyed look as she says this, which makes me feel guilty for hiding the fact that I've been getting ill on a pretty regular basis.

"Yes, the puking factors in. Apparently, most people in my...condition...get sick."

"What do you mean, condition? What did the doctor say?" Tomoyo gets a worried furrow in her brow as she asks the question.

My composure slips, and the tears escape as I look Tomoyo directly in the eyes and say, "I'm pregnant."

"Oh! Oh, sweetie." She hugs me. "Oh, God...Syaoran doesn't know?"

"Of course not. I just found out." I pull out of her hug and pace. "And now...shit, I have no idea how to go about letting him know about this. You both know how hard it is to get in touch with him when he is in Hong Kong. Plus, it sucks to have to tell him something this big over the phone."

"We'll figure it out, Sakura. Everything will be fine. Now, come on, I'll take you home because you're shaking and in no shape to be driving." She wraps her arm around my shoulders and guides me out of the airport. I give a vague description of where my car is, as I wasn't really paying attention when I parked, and we somehow manage to find the thing.

"Nice parking job," Eriol teases me when we reach my car; I crack what is probably a pretty pitiful smile. The ride to Syaoran and my apartment is mostly quiet, only the radio creating any noise as Tomoyo maneuvers through the streets. When we reach the apartment, Tomoyo begins questioning me in earnst.

"How far along are you?"

"The doctor said I'm about eight weeks, or two months."

"When are you due?"

"November 24."

"When is your first ultrasound?"

"I'm scheduled for one at ten weeks, on April 28."

"When can we find out what you're having?"

"Not until about the five month mark. So, sometime in late June, early July."

"And when are you going to tell your dad and Touya?"

"I have no idea. Shit. They'll probably know before Syaoran! That's not right. The dad should know before anyone else!"

"Well...let's work on that. Obviously, Syaoran is on a plane right now, but tomorrow we are going to try to call him."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Oh, no, we're going to be positive, Sakura. We won't assume it isn't going to work. We will call him, and you will talk to him."

"Whatever you say, Tomoyo."

"You're damn right, whatever I say, because I'm always right. Just ask Eriol." She winks at him, and he shakes his head, though he is smiling.

"You've let her ego get out of control, Eriol. I thought we had that discussion already." I giggle as Tomoyo swats my arm. Thank God for my friends, I think.

Eriol and Tomoyo spend the rest of the day with me, trying to keep my spirits up, and actually somewhat succeeding. By the time they leave, I'm not a complete mess, at least. After I shut the door behind them, I snatch the package from Syaoran out of my purse and sit it on the coffee table. Staring at it for a while, I wonder what it could contain. Almost too afraid to open it, I keep putting it off one minute more until finally my curiosity wins out over my fear. The first thing I pull out is a hastily written letter from Syaoran, and just seeing his handwriting makes me want to cry. Instead, I focus on his words.

Sakura,

I miss you already, and I love you. I know I haven't asked you properly, but I will, when I come back. Just...wear it, see how you like it.

-Syaoran

Reaching back into the envelope, I pull out a telltale aqua box with a white ribbon. Removing the ribbon, I open the box and remove the black ring box. With shakey hands, I lift the lid and forget to breathe when I see the gorgeous ring in front of me. A perfect round diamond flanked by square-cut sapphires set in white gold, and on the inside an inscription that says "Wo Ai Ni" which I know means "I love you" in Mandarin. I still cannot catch my breath, and I want desperately to share this with someone, but I'm all alone. With a huge smile on my face, I whisper "Yes," and slip the ring onto my left ring finger. Slowly, the happiness fades, as I realize that I'm left sitting here, alone in our apartment. Plus, I'm confused...does this mean we are engaged, or what? Great, more for me to analyze and obsess over. Sighing, I flip on the television and settle into the couch, studying the way the ring looks on my finger, how it fits perfectly, and wondering what this means for me now.

When I finally go to bed a few hours later, after staying up worrying and stressing and apparently upsetting the baby as I get sick again after eating dinner, I can almost convince myself to forget that Syaoran is gone, as the bed still smells like him. Submerging my head in the pillows, I breathe in his scent, and it calms me enough that I drift off to dreamland, where I don't have to worry about being pregnant or the ring on my finger or when my love will come home.

03/14/10