Aaron's Lament – Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I am not connected to Emmerdale and its characters, which belong to ITV

It was busy at Bar West that night. Later in the evening, there was to be a karaoke contest and the staff were playing recordings by previous Pop Idol and X Factor artists. Jayson and Aaron found a table in a quieter corner so that they had a chance to chat, but the music was still at high volume.

"Busy in here, isn't it?" said Jayson loudly, above the noise.

"Yeah," replied Aaron, "We should have come on a quieter night!"

"Never mind. Oh! I like this one," Jayson started to rock around in his seat to the song which had just started.

"You do?" Aaron seemed surprised, "Didn't know you were into the X Factor!"

"Not X Factor, this is 'Sunshine' by Gareth Gates, he was in Pop Idol."

"You're quite the expert," Aaron joked, "In his fan club, are you?"

"No, but Vic's wife Heather is; she has all his CD's. She dragged us down to the West End in London last month to see Gareth in Les Miserables; I must say he was very good in it."

"Wasn't he in Boyzone or something? Wasn't there somebody called 'Gates' in that?"

"No, maybe you're thinking of Stephen Gately. He was the gay one in the group. He died and he was only young. It was a shame; he seemed to be so happy with his husband!"

Aaron suddenly had a pang of sorrow, thinking about losing someone close; he felt tears welling up, "Just got to go to the loo!" he said to Jayson; and made a quick exit from the table.

Jayson sat patiently awaiting Aaron's return. He had noticed that Aaron suddenly looked upset and wondered what was troubling him. He thought about asking him, on his return, if everything was OK.

Aaron stood in the toilets and looked in the mirror, "Get a grip!" he scolded himself, "Jayson's going to think you're a proper muppet!" He looked at the tears running down his cheeks; they were never far from the surface, "He'll think he's on a date with a right prat!"

Aaron reappeared at the table and took his seat again. Jayson looked at him, "You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," replied Aaron. It seemed Aaron did not want to elaborate, so Jayson did not press him further; but he felt something was definitely amiss.

"So," Aaron continued; desperate to change the subject, "Are you seeing anybody at the moment?"

"No, are you?"

"No."

"Then I can ask you out again? That is, if you want to go out again; and I'm not boring you with music trivia! I do tend to witter on about my day job, but then, it is my hobby as well."

"It's nice to have a hobby," replied Aaron, "I don't really have one; well, I do like cars, but I can't afford one of my own!"

"You will one day!" Jayson said, "Bet you'll be on your third Mercedes by the time you're thirty!"

"Yeah, I wish! Anyway, tell me something about you. I've met your cousin, any other family? Mum, Dad, brothers or whatever?"

"No, my Mum died six months ago; cancer."

"I'm sorry!"

"Thanks, it was a happy release really; but you never get over losing someone close."

Aaron fought to keep his emotions in check; the loss of Jackson was still fresh in his memory, "What about your Dad?"

"Well, my stepdad, Brian, passed away when I was fifteen. I never knew my real Dad."

"How come?"

"Well, when she was young, my Mum had an affair with a married man; and I was the result! She never saw him again once she was expecting me. So, my stepdad was always like my real Dad to me; he and Mum brought me up; I can't believe I'm telling you all this! I must be boring you rigid!"

"No, you're not. I'm interested; really I am. So, you've never met your real Dad?"

"No. I've thought about trying to trace him; but I don't know if he'd want to see me; I'm probably a 'dirty little secret' that he doesn't want his wife to know about."

"But you've got a right to know who he is! I never got on with my Dad; or my Mum until recently, but I do know who they are!"

"I know what you mean; I might try to make contact one day; I don't even know if he's still alive!"

xxxxxxxxxx

Aaron was torn. He sat in his room at Smithy Cottage, thinking about Jayson. He liked the guy; he liked him a lot; but were his feelings really for Jayson himself, or did he have these feelings because Jayson reminded him so much of Jackson? He wished that he could have opened up to Jayson and told him about Jackson; but he felt that if he started talking about him the flood gates would have opened and he would have sat there blubbing, in the middle of Bar West; where he and Jackson had spent so many happy times.

Maybe Bar West was the wrong place for a heart to heart, he thought. After all, the music that night had been very loud and it would have been difficult to talk about anything; let alone an emotional unburdening like this. He would tell Jayson, he decided, but somewhere quiet; somewhere more intimate where it would not matter if he broke down while he was speaking. Though, he still felt uncomfortable talking about his lost love; especially with someone he barely knew. If he showed any sign of weakness, he did not know how Jayson would react.

Jayson was also torn. He sat in the back room of his shop, having a tea break. Aaron was on his mind. He knew something was bothering the lad. What was the problem? Was it Jayson himself? Had he come across as a bit 'nerdy', talking about music, stars of reality shows and opening up about his family history on a first date? He liked Aaron very much; even though he barely knew him. Somehow, he felt a connection but he did not know why. Jayson had always been shy; he had never had a boyfriend and had only recently come out to his cousin Vic. He had agonised about it, knowing Vic was straight. Would this be the end of their professional partnership and their relationship? But, he could not live a lie, so one day; he sat his cousin down and told him. Vic looked at him, smiled; and said that he knew all along! They were so close; there was no way he could not have guessed. Vic hugged his cousin, told him how brave he was; told him it made no difference and he still loved him; he would always be there for him. Jayson cried tears of joy and relief.

Aaron was deep in thought when his mobile rang; he saw that it was Jayson calling and he answered, "Hi mate, how are you."

"Hi Aaron. I'm fine, thanks," came the reply from Jayson, "fancy meeting up for a drink or something?"

"Yeah, where?"

"How about your pub, what was it; the Woolpack?"

Aaron's previous thoughts came to mind; he really wanted a quiet talk with Jayson, away from prying eyes and ears, "Tell you what; why not come round to my place so we can have a proper chat? I'll get some cans in. It's Smithy Cottage, you can't miss it."

"OK, that will be nice. I'll see you soon."

As Jayson drove to Emmerdale, his mind was racing. He wondered what Aaron wanted to talk to him about; was it that he felt he could not continue to see Jayson anymore? If so, what had he done to upset him? There again; Aaron had invited him over, surely he could have dumped him over the phone? Anyway, maybe 'dumped' was not the right expression; they were not exactly in a relationship! He'd never been in a relationship anyway; he was new to all this.

Aaron answered the knock at the door. He invited Jayson in and sat him down on the sofa.

"Do you want beer, or Coke?" asked Aaron.

"Coke, thanks; as I'm driving."

They sat in silence, taking swigs from their cans. Neither of them knew what to say first.

"Thanks for coming over," Aaron began, "Did you have a good journey?"

"Yeah, fine thanks, my car's running like a dream since you fixed it. You've got the magic touch!"

"I didn't exactly fix it. It was only a loose lead!"

"Well, anyway, what was it you wanted to talk about; I'm sure it wasn't the finer points of motor mechanics!"

"Look Jayson, I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid if I start talking I'll start crying; and I don't want you to think I'm soft."

"I won't think that. You should see me when the waterworks start! I cry at girly films, me!"

Aaron decided to stop beating about the bush, "I want to tell you about my boyfriend, Jackson. You are so like him it's uncanny. Anyway, I lost him a few weeks back and I'm having trouble getting over it."

"When you say you lost him..."

"He died!" Aaron's bottom lip began to quiver.

"Oh Aaron, I'm so sorry!"

"It's OK," Aaron tried to compose himself, "It's good to talk about it; I've been bottling it up, but I've got to get it out of my system somehow," the tears started to fall, regardless of Aaron's attempts to stop them.

"Take your time," said Jayson, softly, "There's no rush. You just tell me what you want to tell me."

For the next twenty minutes, Aaron regaled Jayson with the whole story; the train crash, the paralysis, the final days of Jackson's life; everything. He faltered, he choked back tears, but he kept going. When he finally stopped talking, Jayson took Aaron's hand in his and spoke, "I can't believe it, how awful. I'm surprised you have been able to cope with all this, I don't know if I could!"

"I just didn't want to appear weak," Aaron took comfort in Jayson's hand in his.

"Weak? To get through all that; no; you're strong. Most people would have fallen to pieces."

"Well, I feel like I've fallen to pieces! I miss him so much!" Aaron began to sob, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to do this!"

Jayson drew Aaron into a hug. Aaron was going to resist; but he felt comforted and safe. He also felt guilty that he could feel this way with someone else; not Jackson. But, Jayson's warm embrace was like a soft blanket, soothing away his anguish.

Aaron finally pulled away.

"I'm sorry," said Jayson, "I didn't mean to do that. Maybe I should go."

"No," insisted Aaron, "Please stay for a while. I don't want you to go."

"You know," Jayson continued, "I was really worried when I drove over here. I thought you wanted a quiet chat so that you could tell me you didn't want to see me anymore. I had no idea that you were going to tell me all this!"

"I bet you think I'm a right soft git!"

"No, never! You are one of the strongest people I've ever met!"

"Anyway, enough about me!" Aaron wiped away the remainder of his tears and looked into those big brown eyes; eyes so similar to those that he never expected to gaze into again, "Have you had any more thoughts about tracing your father?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure where to start. My mum once told me that her brother; that's Vic's dad, has some family documents kept safely at his house. I called round on my way here and my birth certificate was there; I've never looked at it before, but my real father's name is on it."

"So, was his name Wallace?" asked Aaron.

"No, that was my mother's maiden name; she wanted me to have her name; that's why I have the same surname as my cousin Vic."

"So, what was your real father's name?"

Aaron was not prepared for the shock that hit him when Jayson told him, "His name was Walsh!"