A/N: Good catch on the door-lock thing, Leibeezer! I fixed it before too many people read it. *whew*

Thank you, Grandmachix! I was hoping you'd give it a shot. I lurves you!

Dear guest reviewer, I don't think I know how to do short stories. I do epics and one-shots. LOL Strap in, it's going to be a long (ish?) ride.

BelleBiter suggested the song Sex Machine by James Brown. I sallied with Love Machine by The Miracles. ;-) YouTube them. Both are fun-kay.

Let's see if Bella lets Roboward (or Edroid, thanks a lot, Belle) out of the closet, shall we?

The evening wound down, and all too soon, everyone was saying goodnight and heading out the door.

And I was left alone in my new home.

With Edward, my sex android.

In my closet.

I stood for a moment, looking at my coat closet like it contained the Bubonic plague. What do I do now?

I approached the door slowly, willing myself to raise my hand to the knob, and trying to stop my fingers from trembling.

Ugh. Do it, Swan. It's a machine. An appliance. Like getting out the vacuum cleaner.

Yeah, right.

I finally rested my hand on the knob, and... just couldn't turn it. I sighed and leaned my head against the door, whispering, "I just need some time to wrap my head around this."

"Of course, take all of the time you need," came the melodic reply.

I jumped away from the closet, and then gave a shaky laugh. So it had heard me. Even though I was actually talking to myself...

"Look, just... stay in there. For now. I... I don't know what... Shit. Just stay in there, okay?" I finally squeaked out.

"As you wish." At least it had a really great speaking voice.

I plopped myself on the sofa, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. If I didn't have the thing out of the closet by the time Alice saw me again, there would be hell to pay, and I'm quite sure she'd push the full six months that she had originally threatened me with. It was bad enough that I would have to look at Nicky Brooks' face for the next three months. Six might kill me.

I walked back into the entry hall and grabbed the owner's manual out of the drawer.

Education. I would read up on it, and then maybe I'd have the courage to actually talk to it. Face to gorgeous face. I groaned and smacked my forehead with the manual. I would never forgive those rat-fink bitches for this.

I slapped the manual down on the coffee table and stalked off to make myself some tea. The AutoChef had a tea setting, but there was just something so comforting about a teakettle whistling on the stove. I filled mine and set it to heat, retrieving a cup and spoon, a teabag and some honey. I would need the comfort, that was for sure.

I waited for the kettle to boil and tapped my fingers on the counter, losing myself in thought. Here I was in my new home, living alone for the first time in my life, and I was faced with my first crisis. Well, not really a crisis, but not something I was comfortable about. A sense of indignation filled me; why should I be intimidated by a bag of bolts? This was my home, my sanctuary. The thing had to do what I told it, right? Why was I letting myself be frightened by a walking calculator? I huffed, just as the kettle boiled. Pouring the hot water and adding the teabag, I resolved to not be afraid of it. I would read the manual, and then interact with it. As Rosalie said, at least it might make a good study aid.

I curled up on my sofa and picked up the manual. It was glossy, and had a stylized drawing on the cover of a handsome man, shirt open to the naval and looking sexy as hell. I rolled my eyes and snorted. As if I would make use of that feature. "Edward" was in huge, semi-transparent script across the picture.

I opened to the first page and began to read.

Congratulations on the purchase of your "Edward" model Real Man™!

Nope. I didn't purchase it, I had it thrust upon me. I huffed and read on. It informed me that I could name my Real Man™ anything I wanted. I should just inform it of it's new name. Yeah... no. "Edward" would do just fine, as I didn't plan on keeping it. It's next owner could name it whatever the hell she wanted. No way in hell was I calling this ambulatory alarm clock "Nick"!

It gave a lot of technical details about how the skeleton was titanium, infused with Argon gas to make it tough and light-weight. The material had become widespread in the manufacture of airplanes. "Edward" weighed about as much as a human man of the same size. It's skin was a proprietary material that gave off it's own heat signature, and felt like real, warm, human skin. This material was fast becoming the industry standard for prosthetics as well. Huh. I was interested in spite of myself.

I discovered that it had a self-contained power unit, and that simply walking would keep him charged. Should it ever lose power due to prolonged inactivity, it could be plugged in via a USB 8.0 (or lower) connection located in a tiny service port at the base of it's skull (USB cable not included). To access the port, I should feel for a tiny indentation at the hairline and press. The port will spring open. Nah, that didn't freak me out at all. I rolled my eyes and continued.

I read about the Three Laws of Robotics that were programmed into every android ever made, by statute:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

That was actually pretty comforting.

My android was equipped with wifi, with a direct connection to the National Library computer. Any volume ever written could be accessed wirelessly and instantly. Alice was right, it could be a kick-ass study aid. It also had access to a complete library of movies, so it could converse on any subject intelligently.

When it started going on about it's capability as a lover, I slammed the manual closed. Oh. My. God. I sucked down the rest of my tea and stalked to the kitchen for more. I could skip that part, right? I had no intention of ever using that feature, but as I sat back down, I chided myself for cowardice. It wasn't like the girls were sitting there, judging me. I'd just read it to learn everything I could about it, before I dealt with it in person.

Yeah.

I learned that the thing had hyper-sensitive sensors all over it's body, and was programmed uniquely to actually feel pleasure. I was stunned. I had really just thought of it as a giant vibrator. But this book was telling me that it would feel pleasure at least as great as it's human lover, and that it would actually orgasm when stimulated.

I needed a break, and tea wasn't cutting it.

I pulled a bottle of Pinot from the fridge, a corkscrew and a wine glass. I poured a healthy draft and settled back in the living room, taking up the manual once more. Into the breach!

I read on. It's physiological reactions when having sex are all programmed into it's system to be as natural as possible; when it cries out, moans or pants, it is actually feeling the things that cause those responses.

It was preset to be verbal during intercourse. This was to ensure the optimum satisfaction of it's partner; "Edward" will ask if what it is doing feels good. Simple yes or no responses will increase it's knowledge of it's owner's preferences. This can be adjusted to the owner's preference, merely by saying, "Edward, less verbal" during intercourse, which will move the verbal frequency down one level. There were five levels, five being very verbal, and one being silent. It will naturally become less "chatty" as it gets to know my likes and dislikes. Holy shit.

The semen that the thing produced was colorless, tasteless and odorless, would emerge the correct, human temperature, and could be ingested with complete confidence. I nearly choked to death on my wine. I was done.

I stalked to the entry, yanked open the drawer of the table there, thrust the manual in and slammed it closed. I hesitated briefly, feeling almost guilty for keeping it in the dark, and walked to the coat closet, "Um... Edward?"

"Yes?" it replied instantly.

"I'm going to bed now. You... you just stay in there. Maybe I'll... let you out in the morning." I pressed my hand to the door.

"As you wish," it sounded unperturbed. I still felt guilty.

"Do you need... anything?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

"You're not going to go dead-" I choked, "I mean, lose power in there before morning, are you?"

"No. I have enough charge for at least six days at my current level of activity."

"Oh. Well. That's good."

"Goodnight, Isabella."

"Erm... it's just Bella. Goodnight... Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella. Sweet dreams." Did I feel a tiny scratch against the inside of the door? No, surely not.

I didn't respond, mostly because I didn't know what to say to that. I'm sure androids don't sleep, let alone dream. I shook my head and turned out the lights, heading for my room.

And why had I gotten a little shiver when he said my name?

I began to strip off my grubby clothes, when I remembered that I wasn't alone in my apartment. Well, I was, and I knew that Edward would stay in his closet until I told him he could come out, but still... I closed my bedroom door, and then locked it for good measure. Better safe than sorry. I trotted into the en suite bathroom, stepping into the huge shower and turning on the water. It was one of the selling points for this apartment, and it was wonderful. Especially the glassed in shower. Travertine tile, with a removable shower head, body jets and a bench along the end wall. Heaven!

I took my time, shampooing and conditioning, then squirting extravagant amounts of body wash on a poof. As I lathered, my mind drifted, and I could see that two people would fit nicely in this glass and stone cubicle with room to spare. I closed my eyes and pictured it, a man's strong hands lathering my body... then I realized that it was bright green eyes I was seeing in my imagination, and I gasped, the fantasy dispelling immediately. No. No way. After all of this time, I was not still crushing on Nick. After over a year with Jacob. Just seeing his face, even if only a reproduction on an android, made me start daydreaming about him again? It's not like I ever really knew Nicky Brooks. I had admired him from afar, kept my distance. I don't think I ever spoke a single word to the boy, nor him to me. He had starred in most of my sexual fantasies before Jake, though... Well, I had outgrown that crap.

Surely.

I rinsed off quickly and shut off the water. I furiously dried off, and quickly braided my damp hair.

Wait, could I get him wet? Or was he like one of those appliances that could never be submerged?

And why the hell did I care? He was a housekeeper and a study aid. That's all. He would go to his next owner as virginal as me.

And when the hell did I stop thinking of him as an "it"?

I stomped to my bed and yanked back the covers. Shutting off the light, I slipped in between my lovely, Egyptian cotton sheets. Heaven! I should sleep like a baby.

Only I didn't. I tossed. I turned. I shifted. I turned my pillow to the cool side. I attributed my restlessness to the first night in a new place, and not the android standing alone, in my closet. In the dark. Alone. Did robots get lonely? Ugh! I flipped the pillow again, punching it as if it were to blame for my disordered thoughts.

I laid back with a huff, giving in to my brain and giving up hope of sleep. Memories of Nick interspersed with the sight of his android doppelganger in my closet floated around in my head.

Some time during the night, my thoughts bled into a dream as I drifted off. I was back at school, back in Forks. Nick was leaning against the wall, a cigarette dangling from his lips, just as in my memory. His jeans slung low on his lean hips, leather jacket hanging open to reveal a t-shirt with something terrible printed on it. Only this time, he looked at me. Really looked at me with those emerald eyes, dropped his smoke to the ground and gave me that slow, crooked smile I had seen directed at other girls. He pushed off from the wall and walked toward me with that panther-like grace. When he reached my side, one hand wound around my waist, the other went to my shoulder, sliding to my neck, slipping into my hair and cupping the back of my skull.

My dream self said, "Kiss me."

Dream Nick lowered his face to mine and said, "As you wish."

I jolted awake to sunlight streaming into my window, a rarity for Seattle.

I had to face the coat closet on my way to the kitchen for coffee. I stood there for a solid minute before making myself walk on.

I settled with my cup and my HoloTablet at the dining table to read the morning news, but my eyes kept wandering to the entry hall. I couldn't stand it any more. It was time to be a grown up.

I crept to the closet door, once more laying my shaking hand on the knob. But the light of day gave me some weird courage, and I quickly turned the knob and yanked the door open.

Edward's head was tipped down, his eyes closed. He was dressed in navy slacks and a light blue button down Oxford, with shiny black dress shoes. His eyes flipped open suddenly, and his chin lifted, as did his full lips in that familiar Nick crooked grin. Oh yeah, they got all of the details right.

"Were you... asleep?" I said incredulously.

"Yes. After an hour of inactivity, I go into sleep mode, much like your computer does. Only you don't have to jiggle my mouse to awaken me."

A joke. He made a joke.

"You can joke? I mean, you have a sense of humor?" I gasped.

"Of course. I even laugh when I find something amusing. Doesn't everyone?" His smile stayed in place, widened a bit, even.

I slammed the door closed.

I immediately felt like a complete shit, but he freaked me out!

I stood for a moment, contemplating my options. Except for the fact that I really had no options. I slowly turned the knob and pulled open the closet door again.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't mention it. Is it safe for me to assume that I am the first android you've met?" He smiled again, but kept it small. Non-threatening.

Great, even the robot was treating me like a mental patient. "Uh, yeah. Yes, you are. Would you... like to... come out?"

"Very much. Thank you." He stepped forward and I stepped back, keeping a healthy space between us.

I walked fast into the living room, and on into the dining room. He softly closed the closet door and followed me. Gah. I was pretty nervous, but he pulled out the chair across from me and sat down, folding his hands in front of him on the table. He seemed so... human. I almost offered him coffee.

"Bella, would you tell me about yourself? I would like to get to know you better," he said pleasantly.

"Um... about me... not much to tell." This was the weirdest moment of my life, bar none. It felt surreal.

"Oh, come, Bella. There are so many things about you that I don't know, but am eager to learn," he nodded encouragingly.

"Like what?" I blurted. Ugh! He had me on edge and put me off-guard at the same time. I decided to just act like he was a person. I would treat him like anyone I had just met.

Sure. What could go wrong?

"How old are you?" he began.

"Nineteen."

"And do you have a job?"

"No. Well, I'm starting college in the fall, and I've written a book..."

"Ah. Your last name?"

"Swan."

"You wrote the book Sunset. It's very good. Very romantic."

"You... you know my book?" I gulped.

"It is in my database. Curiously, the hero, as described, looks like me. Is that a coincidence?"

I didn't know how to reply for a moment, and then I mentally kicked myself. It's not like he had feelings that could get hurt or anything, "The hero was modeled off of a boy I knew in high school. My friends, the girls who brought you here, they used a picture of that boy when they... ordered... you."

He nodded, "Rosalie and Alice. Very nice girls. Did you have a relationship with this boy from high school?"

"No." I mumbled, staring at the table.

"But you had some feelings for him. It's only logical. Why else would your friends make me, your new lover, look like him?"

My eyes flew to his face. He smiled again.

I freaked again. "Go to your closet!" I shouted, jumping to my feet and knocking over my chair.

He stood immediately, his smile slipping away. "As you wish," he said, and walked out of the room. I stood, trembling until I heard the latch of the coat closet click shut.

Shit, shit, shit.

E/N: Well, he was out for a few minutes. But you know she's too nice to leave him in there. Just let her get over her little flippy-dippy over the word "lover", and she'll be aces. Right? *snicker*

The Three Laws of Robotics were written by the great Isaac Asimov, and have been used by many writers over the years, since they are nearly perfect. Wiki them. The history is fascinating. If you're a geek, like me. ;-)