"It's not far from the gate sir, just a few minutes' walk from here. They have a amazing beach here Sheppard, you would-"

"Lorne! Just get us to the city already."

The four men burst over the top of the hill, finding a beautiful city softly illuminated in a glow of light. And deserted. It looked like Roman ancient ruins, the cities composed of commanding pillars and a landscape dotted with impressive statues.

"Lorne!" John hissed.

"Well I don't know where they are sir, this is where I met with them today."

"Listen." Ronon grunted.

The sound of music echoed softly behind the city, reminding John of the time he'd escaped from school and his father to experience Carnival in Rio De Janerio. That was…unexpected. John nodded at them to move in that direction. They crossed through the deserted town, the drumming exotic music throbbing louder in their ears with each step of their feet. The men finally reached the edge of the tree line before crossing onto the beach.

"What-" John gasped before being interrupted by Lorne.

"…the-" Lorne's eyes were wider than the ring of the Stargate.

"…Oh no!" Rodney sucked in his breath.

Ronon snarled at the three, spinning his weapon around in his fingers as he readied it to fire.

John cocked his head sideways, tugging Ronan's gun down.

"This is bad, very, very bad!" Rodney gasped. "Look at those men, they are almost, they are all…"

"Pretty boys." Ronon snarled, glaring at Sheppard's hand holding down his gun.

If John hadn't been so traumatized by the scene before them, he would have never been able to suppress his laughter over those words escaping Ronon's lips. "Easy Chewie. No one's shooting anyone, unless it's me anyway."

"You could have warned us Evan, you were here earlier. You saw what we'd be up against!" McKay's indigent voice rang loud enough for John to clamp his hand down upon his mouth.

"Well, they had more clothes on today, and in all honestly, there is no way in hell McKay that I would ever report back that a planet ruled by women included a population of men that were seemingly all…pretty boys."

John scratched his head as he looked again at the scene before them. If it weren't for the beach, it would be like witnessing a scene come to life from Roman history. The men and women were all scantily clad in crisp white togas, and the men were quite…virile. Their muscles popped like they were a member of the world wrestling federation or a model off the cover of a trashy romance novel. All insinuations aside, it was like a herd of He-Man's, each subtly jostling the other to win the prize of a She-Ra. It hadn't escaped his attention that the women were quite beautiful as well.

He found his gaze hovering about a particularly elegant set of ankles. His gaze rose appreciatively across the sculpted calf muscle, the lithe thigh muscle and up to the generous curve of her…Oh damn. That was Elizabeth! In a toga!

She was dangling a glass of wine from her fingers. He looked up higher, finding her head tilting evocatively backwards, laughing as if she had found herself in the audience in the last comedian in the universe. The man before her was at least clothed more generously than those men around him. Rather than the skimpy toga, he was adorned in a suit somewhat similar to those found on Earth. A glass of wine also dangled from his fingers, making him seem painfully articulate, intelligent, and exactly the type of man you'd expect to find with his arm around Elizabeth's waist. John clamped his hand down harder on his P90, growling louder than he could even hope to prevent.

Ronon nodded approvingly, starting to take a step forward with his gun outstretched.

"Stop. No one is shooting anyone." John hissed, almost amazed he'd retained his ability to think somewhat rationally. There was nothing more he'd like then for Ronan to stun that man in this moment.

"Sheppard, have you looked at those men? Let Ronon stun them, we'll never get the girls to willingly leave this!" McKay expelled without embarrassment.

John spotted Teyla and Katie not far from Elizabeth. They were also adorned in togas…and surrounded by men with exploding muscles also adorned in the damned togas. Cadman alone remained evasive of his eyes.

"Oh, this is so not happening. Kat-" McKay tried to scream for her attention but John clamped his hand down hard against his mouth.

"You McKay…you are to stay quiet. If you scream I give Chewie permission to stun you. Ronon, otherwise no shooting. None. You guys sit tight. Lorne, if either of them make a move you shoot them. If you don't, well, I think you're the only one here I haven't shot yet. I can remedy that tonight."

"And what exactly do you think you're going to do?" McKay hissed.

"Well, I'm not sure. That's not the point-"

"He won't do it, let's go ahead and stun them." McKay whispered towards Ronan, his eyes never straying from Katie's figure. "

"I think we've established differently. I've shot everyone, everyone here but Lorne. That's why I chose him to start with."

McKay scrunched his face up deep in thought. "Does it ever make you wonder why you've shot us all Sheppard? Maybe you-"

"Lorne. Shoot them if they so much as sneeze. I'll check in within fifteen minutes. I expect radio silence until then.

"I can make a bomb you know. I can make one that would just scare them or one that would literally rock this world. Sheppard? What do you think?"

John turned back and discovered Ronon was pissing nearby on a tree. John wondered for the millionth time what it was about the Pegasus galaxy that made all logic go flying out the window. There was an entirely different set of rules here he would never understand. He wasn't sure he was even really that upset about the insanity. It definitely kept things…interesting.

"Lorne. Fifteen minutes." John hissed before escaping into the darkness of the woods that edged the beach.

-----------

TBC….