Chapter 1
"I'm so grounded" I thought as my mask began to slip from my face.
"Aren't you a bit short to be batman?" said my Damsel tied up next to me.
"Aren't you a bit old to be a damsel in distress?"
I shot back and she gave an unattractive snort
"some hero" she said in her British accent which reminded me why I didn't like her
"At least I tried to save you;" I said angrily
"all you did was screaming like an idiot saying help me! Help me!"
"Sorry for being a Blood wimp, I was captured by the joker. what do you expect?" she snapped.
" hmm I don't know less, screaming?! I mean how does Uncle bat-" I stopped talking as the women turned her direction to me
" Uncle!?" she shouted
" Uh uncle-I-don't-know-what-you're-taking-about." I said in my most manly fake voice.
I avoided her eye's as the jokers laugh rand through the old abandon warehouse. Suddenly, something grumbled, part of a door opened below us and a pit of revealed.
"So Batman why not whip out your gadgets and escape?" the Joker asked while smoothing is already messed up hair our of his perpetually mussed hair.
I hesitated for a second then used my most manly voice and answered
"Uhh, I'm trying to save up on gadgets, I'm uhh... running out?"
We were lowered closer to the boiling mass, the damsel screaming
" Do something!" she plead
"Why did I knock out superman!?" I groaned, punishing myself.
"Superman was suppose to save me" she asked her attitude changing from frightened to totally pissed.
"I gave him sleeping powder! I though it was salt! It was in a white container next to Uncle Bats utility belt" I whispered.
"SLEEPING POWDER!!!?!!" she screamed disbelieve. We swayed a little from her squirming.
"I though it was salt, it was in a white container next to Uncle Bats utility belt" I whispered the last word so only she could hear
"So, of course your not Batman Just some silly kid playing bloody hero?!" she said she shouted.
" Stop yelling in my ear!" I shouted back, I began to panic as we approached the pot, my very large boots slipping ( man Uncle Bat has some big feet),
"Why are you doing this?" I shouted panicked, the Joker laughed creepily
"It's a hobby" he said flatly.
Just then the Joker shouted
"Lamb, drop them lower into the pot!"
"Yes sir" said another person with a British accent; the girl had really curly black hair cropped close to her ears and a some fur looking dress that stopped at the edge of her butt. She had on black leggings and a black boots with puffs of wool covering the top edges of her boots. Her green eyed seemed mesmerizing as I stared dumb founded"OMG ITS BATMAN!!!" she shrieked pointing in my direction (great another Aunt Linda)
"OMG I LOVE YOU BATMAN!!!" she shrieked again
"Yes, yes its batman lamb now-"Joker was interrupted by the girl named lamb
"Batman you're so cool and manly. I have all your posters and plushies and I even watch your movies" she rambled on and on about Batman for a couple of minutes
"Did I mention I loved him already?" Lamb asked joker.
Joker rolled his eyes and said "yes, yes you adore the man" he said
"why do I always get the fan girls?" he mumbled more to him self then to anyone else
"Batman can I get your Autograph" Lamb asked
"He's a bit tied up right now" Joker said to lamb trying to relax
"Oh, well I'll let him loose" lamb said as she started playing with the control
"NO LAMB!" Joker shouted as he tried to slap Lambs hands away, suddenly their was a loud buzz and a sound and my damsel and I dropped to the hard floor just missing the pot by mere inches
"Stay there Batman I want you to sign my sheep!" she said with a shrilly girl voice that made me want to pull my eyes out. Just then a mechanical sheep waddled up to lamb and she handed it a pen.
Then a another women dressed in a black and white clown suit flipped in and I mean that literally, her acrobatic skill was graceful. she would have been alluring if she didn't have a creepy smile
"did you kill em?" she asked Joker when she landed on her two feet gracefully
"No lamb let em loose Quinn" joker said annoyed
"she does love Batty" Quinn replied
" aww just one quick autograph Quinn please" lamb said pouting.
" alright a quick one" she said annoyed
The mechanical sheep wobbled slowly to where me and the damsel had been tied up. It looked real as the lights from the warehouse made its steel fur gleamed.
"OK Batman get ready to sign" Lamb said
"He can't since he's tied up" said my Damsel
Lamb had given the sheep a pen and it was now in front of us waiting for me to take the pen
"OK let em loose sheep!" Lamb said with a spin
"No!" shouted Joker and Quinn at the same time but it was too late the sheep cut through our rope with its surprisingly sharp razor teeth. We both made a run for the exit but I stepped on my extremely large cape and tripped
"what superhero trips on his bloody cape?!" snapped my Damsel as she grabbed my collar of my suit and dragged me to the door.
But Quinn was faster and before we got to the door she pressed a red button and a bunch of clowns surrounded us at least a dozen with, chains, bats, broken bottles, guns, and the whole shebang. My Damsel screamed and tossed me up like a rag doll and held me in fear
"I am sooooooo grounded," I though as Quinn landed on her feet in front of us with a chain saw " If I lived"
"NOOOOOOOO," shouted lamb as two massive clowns grabbed her by an arm
"MY AUTOGRAPH FROM BATMAN!"
"Lamb your grounded!" the Joker shouted as the clowns dragged Lamb away into a near by car her mechanical sheep followed behind her
My damsel arm tightened around my neck and she whispered "If we get out of this I won't kill you my self"
Just then their was an explosion and black mist covers our vision
"The real Batman" Joker hissed as he grabbed a near by flamethrower from a clown, my Damsel and I said nothing as a red beam shot out and white lights flashed now and then.
Until I felt strong arms grab me and before I knew it,
I was out side standing in front of Uncle Bats Bat mobile my heart sank
"Your in so much trouble" said a familiar voice I knew well. I looked up to see flash his handsome face looking down on me with a wide grin. He had on his suit that was mostly red. A lighting bolt stood in the middle of his chest, two rested on his head and had on yellow gloves and boots.
I buried my face in his stomach and muffled
"How much trouble am I in?"
"Big trouble" he said then asked "How did you knock out superman?"
"Sleeping powder" I said flatly
"Oh man, sleeping power!? Why didn't I think of that" Flash choked in a laughter
"Sure encourage him some more Flash" said an angry, totally pissed off voice I didn't want to hear to night. I swallowed hard.
"I'll take this young lady home" said another disapproving voice I looked to my right to see Superman's bright blue eyes staring down at me as he picked up the annoying women I horribly tried to save
"Jake I'm so disappointed in you" said a strong Woman's voice I turned to my left to see the magnificent totally hot Wonder Women, her hands rested on her hips as her golden bracelets glowed, her lasso strapped to her hips and her long curly black hair in perfect condition. Her blue eyes made me want to cry and crawl into a hole, she was one of the people I wanted not to make mad after all I wanted to marry her. Wonder Women turned to face Flash and he stopped laughing as she pulled his ear and dragged him to her invisible jet
"Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a grown man and too old to be handled like this Diana!" Flash protested she pulled his ear harder
"Jake........." Said the same voice I heard the first time, I finally turned backward to face Batman his muscular body was visible through his perfectly fit suit and his strong arms crossed his chest, I stared at the spare large boots resting at my feet avoiding his gaze and waiting for the blow. It came.
"WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING?" he shouted I could feel my soul slowly leavening my body as he continues
"YOU STOLE MY SUIT, KNOCKED OUT SUPERMAN, RODE YOU BIKE TO......DARE I SAY IT, TO MY ENEMIES DOMAIN WITH OUT FLASH OR ANYONE THERE WITH YOU?"
I felt hot tears fall from my face and drip to his boot but I didn't look up he walked passed me this time his voice still angrily but more settled
"why can't you be more like-"I cut him off I knew what he was going to say. He cared more about him than me; he always talked about him like he was so perfect
"robin" I choked in between sobs
I could see him flinch from the corner of my blurry eyes and he said softly
"Jake I'm-"but I was already gone headed for my bike.
He called after me but I blocked him out my anger boiling. Yeah I'm related to Batman. Sure it's totally awesome, and yes it sometimes sucks.