A/N - Well the first chapter is written. Actually it was posted wrong, some phrases were supposed to be in italic but they weren't… MY fault, people… sorry! Just hope you understood them and the point of the story… Anyway, this time I already know how things work, well kinda of, so the mistakes will be diminished or so I hope… And I have one thing to point out to my dear readers: Hermione hasn't turned crazy! She only talks to herself (and not out loud) when she is on the tower and doesn't have any one near her. I tried to make it like a friend, an experienced friend, kinda of her conscience. SO when the sentences are between only one apostrophe ('for example') it's her inner voice/conscience talking. When they're on italic it's the true, confused Hermione thinking.
I'm very grateful for my beta, Buckbeaky, for reading the work of a novice… And thank you for all the reviews, people, they were a huge incentive!
Yellow smile: in Portuguese this means a fake smile…
Disclaimer: unfortunately, I don't own any of this characters or any of this places. If that was the case, I would know Rupert and Tom and Daniel for so long and would be living in a 60s apartment in NY already. As I will some day. When I'm a famous writer… for that to happen I need a lot of reviews! Please!...
Trying To…
by mionetwin
Chapter Two
'Unaware of the Flake'
Celebrate the New Year with that special girl
Experience the cold, the snow and the fun of the WINTERBALL
Hogsmeade – 10 January
So go on and ask her, boys!
Promoted by Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft and destined to its students only (from 5th grade to 7th)
Three open mouths, three pairs of stunned eyes and three stopped-breathing noses stood in front of the placard that had been posted during the night by the elves on the Gryffindor Tower. Maybe by fear (the cause could be of old experiences), maybe of astonishment, maybe of outrage and maybe just of fun. Probably fear in the three cases, some may think.
The thought of jumping and saying, "we just shouldn't stand here, arms crossed, when the elves are killing themselves working! I can't believe you two don't agree with me," and defending the liberty of those strange creatures crossed Hermione Granger's mind. However, unlikely her and her rapid reflexes when it came to comment knowledge and Ron's decisions and perhaps due on the latest affixed news, that didn't got to her stern lips on time.
The Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter, many times described as one of the members of the girl's controlled loving triangle that included the professional Quidditch player, Viktor Krum, was faster. He turned his crooked neck (with difficult and many strange noises that didn't help the concentration that Neville Longbottom was putting on the spell he was training, something about frogs and moons or lunas) to his other best friend, the male one, called Ronald Weasley (who had his ears on fire by that time) and exclaimed:
"Well, I thought Dumbledore would never get that low! Maybe he is getting colour-blind." Harry pronounced the two last words very seriously but the next moment and out of nothing Harry started laughing like a mad man.
Ron did the same. Actually, the idea of the Hogwarts headmaster writing such a thing was very funny. Maybe he had written it at night, in secret, with his pyjama gown full of moons and stars and-
"Harry! And Ron!"
The two stopped immediately with the snickering and turned to face the girl that had just screamed. Hermione. Very scary, with all her frizzy hair around her head that seemed it would cut deep if you just to approach a step or two.
"Well, you have to admit it, Hermione! It is kind of funny- " Harry paused to breathe, trying to swallow the laughs that continually escaped from his mouth "Dumbledore- Dumbledore- Sitting at his desk, in his- in his office writing this with his hidden-from-everyone-pink pen!" He pointed to the card and Hermione finally noticed. The card had pink letters. By that time, Ron and Harry had already succumbed to the tears that the headmaster's lack of taste had made flow.
Unlike herself, Hermione let out a shriek that assimilated to a low laugh. Ron pulled his head up and his expression was almost as surprised as it was when he had seen the Ball placard. Harry did the same move but, by the time he had done it, she was already comfortably seated in a sofa, clutching her stomach, laughing loudly. At the sigh of that, the boys grinned widely and joined her, making everyone in the Common Room gaze at them.
She inhaled deeply. Hermione Granger's nostrils were filled with cold, the transparent shadow that come from the white snow which had fallen just hours ago. The first fall of winter. Tons of students were in that precise moment below the girl, throwing snowballs, laughing, enjoying the first sign of the upcoming winter. And eventually its Ball… Hermione still couldn't believe how Dumbledore planned another one those awful things. And with a pink pen… A voice, very back in her head, locked between door of wisdom and books, the one that stammered whenever Ron was around and sometimes even spoke louder than the reasonable one, whispered quietly 'just because the fourth grade ball didn't quite work out for you (partly your fault… Oh yes, it was too!) doesn't mean the same will happen on this, right? Could you just consider putting your feet on the dance floor for one hour or something?'
Up where she was, in a high tower, unknown by the Weasley twins and the rest of the school of Hogwarts (except perhaps for professor Dumbledore), she could let that voice shout and scream freely. After all, it was unable and not permitted for it to speak of its will, for large amounts of time. Now, it spoke of all that had crossed Hermione's mind since she had seen the Winterball placard.
'He should have invited you already, right? First because you explicitly told him to do that in fourth year! Second because it is his duty to ask you! Yes duty. No I'm not being old; it's just that anxious girls can't ask the boys they want to float on air with this year! Any girl, not just the desperate ones… Girls can't just ask a boy to go with them, it's prohibited. I'm sure some of them will make a few girls suffer for a little while… So prepare yourself for a couple of weeks when all you'll see around you are exchange of looks, secret smiles and girly blink of eyes! Girls will make groups to giggle between classes and point at boys very indiscreetly… Boys will work out their abs (don't laugh, it's true) and train their sexy beams and eye-brow lifting at the mirror (what would be very funny if you were a fly and if you entered their dorm and- okay, okay I'll stop it). The point is… well you'll be out of context for a few days… We both know that these rituals aren't really your thing, right? But relax, don't stress! He'll ask you, sooner or later (lets just hope he doesn't do it on the day before the ball). No don't accept any, any invitation! Do you copy? Do you copy? (Come on, it's a joke, you have to say "Roger that." Please?... Huff… Forget it, the moment is lost forever. Heard me? Forever and Ever!) Not even if it is from Josh… Why? Because! He clearly likes you and he's a great guy and he's smart and he's intelligent and he's so cute and he has that smirk that breaks the heart of every girl on school except for you (but you're close, believe me…). Because of all that stuff! Besides, Ron kind of hates him which is proof of his eternal love for you but isn't really good news for Josh.
Every girl in Hogwarts would fall on you if because of you and your stupid mouth if you did accept Josh's invitation (the one he'll probably do in two or three days) and then Ron would ask you and you wouldn't be able to go with the love of your life to the ball that could be perfect and then Ron would get very, very angry and he would smack Josh's face and every girl would hit you to death for destroying his face and his future career as the most desired wizard for every kind of company in the magic world. And you wouldn't be able to spend the rest of your days with Ron and who would I give tips to? Am I right or am I right?'
Yes, you are very much so wrong, your Highness. Hermione stuck her own tongue at herself. But what if he doesn't? What if Ron doesn't want to go with the bookworm and know-it-all he has got to know through out six years?
'It's precisely because of all that! It's because you ARE the bookworm and know-it-all he has know for six years! I bet he's dreaming of dancing with you on the ball, right now!'
Sure! Like… I don't why he's sleeping RIGHT NOW because it's… Hermione checked her Muggle wrist-watch. Soft and separate waves broke gently and quietly on the white sand of a beach in Bora-Bora, as her parents smiled, while sitting on chair with coconuts on their hands, on the bottom of the dial. She sighed, great vacation that had been. It's exactly three p.m. OK? He can't possibly be sleeping! Unless he's taking a nap, which would be a very interesting thing and… I don't know maybe a little fun for his brothers to know right? Hermione smirked to herself suspiciously.
'Hey, hey! Aren't you getting a little lost here? We weren't trying to humiliate Ron in front of… Everyone! No, no! It's a great idea, but to be used by other people. When he actually takes naps. Probably he's running the entire castle, searching in every hall and room for you, to ask you to the Winterball. But you're HERE stuck in this tower where no one can find you…'
You know what? This is a secret so don't tell any one… That IS why I am here. Because no one else knows about this place. The girl had found the tower on the beginning of the year, her sixth at Hogwarts. One day, Hermione had had a huge fight with Ron. After all the harsh phrases were spit out and regretted immediately but only inside one's heart, she wandered around, kicking walls and scaring people on corners with the looks on her face ('awful behaviour for a Prefect!'). Somehow, she climbed the stairs to the tower she now knew so well. At first, she just tossed stones at the small walls surrounding her, low not to fall down because the tower was open to the skies. When one of the miserable stones jumped the rock wall and there was sound assimilated to "ouch" on the ground, she stopped quietly not to be noticed and conjured a bench for her. Then she changed it to a sofa. On the next moment, the floor got filled with pillows of all colours and shapes. And a plate full of lemon cookies and coconut cake. And an icy coke on the side. She sat, ate a cookie, sipped her drink and transformed it all in the hard stone bench again. Looking around, gazing at the sunset and thinking a lot, Hermione stood on the tower until night fell, like curtain on the sun and revealed the shining stars. When she finally got to the Gryffindor Common Room, the first thing she saw was a very tall person coming up to her, one who seemed to have a red mop on the top of his head and two completely black bags under his eyes. The cleaning-boy-from-Ulster hugged her, almost with enough strength to break her ribs. Then he turned his back at her, took only three steps to get to the stairs that led to the boys dorm and, when he reached it, he looked back and smiled softly and with all the tenderness in the world.
'Now, now you're ready to get out of here. Right?' Her self voice was gentle this time. It sort of pushed her slowly to the tower stairs, as Hermione glanced one last time at the sky so close and as the inner voice closed the doors of wisdom and books behind it, one by one.
As Hermione walked in the cold corridors, her boots echoing even more because of the students missing, Ron was entering on the Main Hall, shaking the snow from every part of his body, after fighting and rolling with Harry and Ginny outside. He had been the only one to come inside because he had said he had something "to do and… say!"
When Hermione went around a corner near on her way to the Gryffindor Tower, she didn't see the corporal mass with more than six feet coming toward her and neither did the aforementioned giant. They hit but only Hermione fell.
"Ouch! HEY!"
Just when she looked up she found out that she had crossed with Ron. His lips formed a mischievous grin.
"Now, Miss Granger, you have another one of my defects you may use in one of our future arguments. I only expect that you shall employ it properly and fairly. It is a task I lay with pride on your hands, confident that you'll handle it well, as you did just- " Ron closed his eyes, falsely trying to remember their last fight like it was an ancient thing. It had only been on the day before. "yesterday!" Ron completed, victorious.
In the mean while, during his big-worded speech, he took her small hand in his and pushed her up. Even though his fingers were long and his palm large, Ron's skin was soft. She thought of asking him if he wore any lotion. Then again, she reviewed the question and decided to make him maintain that information for himself.
"So where were you? We had a snow fight. Ginny and Harry against me. Don't know why they insist on being on the same team…" Something told Hermione that Ron did know. "It definitely isn't the same thing without your tactics…"
"If you had followed my plan that day, I assure you we would have won that battle. But no! Ronald Weasley taking instructions from a girl? Never!"
"Of course not! It's against my way of living!"
Hermione quickly opened her lips to make him hear what she thought but she was suppressed by his firm finger on her mouth. Instantly, she forgot what comment she was about to make. Sometimes, she kind of liked that ability he had to make her be quiet.
"Lets not fight for a change. Please… Just for this time, cause I really need to talk to you."
"Okay. Spit it quickly because right now I'm feeling generous but you know how my mood can change."
"Yes, Ma'am, I know. So…" Ron gazed deeply into her eyes. Was he looking for something? If it was reassurance to continue he wouldn't find it on her eyes, once she was losing control of her legs. If it was fun to laugh he wouldn't find it, for once she didn't think not being able to get away from there was the funniest thing on earth and its surroundings.
Ron was unusually nervous. He had put his hand on the side of her right arm and he was getting closer. Which wasn't a good thing if he didn't want to be kissed by a bookworm at that moment. His fingers seemed to have penetrated her shirt and sweater. The place was getting warm, so warm she was about to moan. Which wouldn't be a fine example for the two third-year boys that had just come into the castle…
She had to control herself, behave like the Prefect she was. 'Then why don't stop thinking so fast?'
"I was thinking… Of what you said… A few days, or years, or whatever…"
She loved the way he said that word… Sexy!
"…and the same situation is up right now right? So I was thinking-"
"You already said that one." 'Yeah, sure! That's a way of being a perfect Prefect and forgetting about his invitation. Great picture, Prefect Granger at the Ball all by herself! Ron will definitely ask you to dance, if he's not dancing with Megan!'
"Uh! Excuse me?"
"I said you already said 'I was thinking.' So I thought I should warn you." Hermione pointed out, weakly, regretting she had left her tower already.
Ron made a grimace and stayed in silence. After a couple of minutes of shutting up, probably after he understood what she had just said, he protested, "Yeah, but… That's not the point! I wanted-"
"HERMIONE!"
They both turned their heads at the screaming voice that matched with the person they saw: Ginny. She was heading in their direction and probably wasn't on the best of her days, because of the quickness of how she stalked the whole hall. When Ron's little sister reached them, she pulled Hermione by the left arm and ruined her brother's speech. As Ginny dragged her friend throughout the corridors, she tried to breathe deeply, to calm down. But apparently it wasn't working.
Ron followed them but he couldn't keep up with the rage that made Ginny walk so rapidly. Maybe because of that, his shouts resounded on the way.
"HEY, Ginny! I was talking to Hermione, okay? Telling her a very important thing!"
Hermione looked at him, puzzled, over her shoulder, and he managed a shy smile.
When they got to the Fat Lady, Ginny huffed the password so furiously that the guardian didn't let them get through. Only when the mad girl threatened the Lady by shouting that she would tear apart the painting if she didn't let them get in, the portrait slid to the side, showing them an empty Common Room.
Ginny let go of Hermione and threw her tired body on one of the biggest sofas.
"What happened?" asked Hermione, carefully.
Ginny stood up again and started snapping it all.
"We were having a snowball fight, me, Harry and Ron. Then I saw Alex's friends and him near us. Alex waved at me and went up to him. We talked a little and I noticed his friends were all snickering and all. I thought it was nothing, they're always like that. Then I thought it was a great time to ask him. You know to the Ball."
As Ginny was walking around in circles, Hermione stole a glance at Ron. He was looking at her and his ears got a characteristic redness on the top.
"Girls can't ask boys this year!" they both exclaimed.
"Yeah that's what he said! And you know what he said next? Do you know what else that stupid son of a- said! He said he wouldn't appear on the Ball with a peasant girl," a tear escaped from one of Ginny's green eyes, "and with her rural and second hand dress…"
"And what did you say?" Hermione questioned, real concern spreading all over her expression. She knew how much her friend cared about her family being… poor. Ginny had always been almost as embarrassed as Ron with the fact that they didn't have as many resources as their best friends.
"I punched him on the face."
"You what?" Hermione was caught off guard by that. It was like she had been the one being hit.
"Well done, Gin. You couldn't have done it better," Ron was serious and Hermione could see a sparkle of pride in his eyes, "but I still need to go straighten things up."
Ginny sat and Hermione was at her side right away, as Ron flew out of the room.
"Ron!" Ron turned his face at the sound of Hermione's voice. "Don't do much, okay?"
Ron nodded and got out.
"Oh Ginny! He doesn't deserve you! You're no peasant girl. I can't believe he called you that! Because if he had looked at your face and at your eyes, he would have understood that… But he's always been stupid like that! I don't want to a pain but… I think this time you should try someone you know better… someone you know won't let you down… someone your brother approves of for a change…"
"You're not talking about who I think you're talking about, right?"
"No I'm not talking about Neville or Colin-"
"Neither am I! I bet you're talking Harry, right?
"Don't you think that's a good idea?" Hermione blinked her eyes at her friend, in a failed attempt to look like a man.
Ginny sighed. "I liked him for a long time. It may have been a childish crush but the fact is it did hit hard."
"I have the feeling you still have something for him…"
"Maybe I still have…" Ginny gazed at her nails.
"Then try to talk to him! You two have got to know it each other much better throughout the last few years… You shouldn't ask him in the face, just give him some hints! He's not stupid you know?"
"And not as bad as everyone would deduce… Who said real heroes can't be gorgeous and have great asses?"
Christmas passed as it should, full of presents and laughs. Rich in chocolates and snowball fights.
Harry finally asked Ginny to go with him to the ball on Christmas Eve and she kissed him. Harry whispered at her ear that what she just had done was a marvelous idea but it should only be practiced when Ron when wasn't around. But quite often, he demanded, without looking her in the eyes but playing with her finger, gently. Ginny smirked, blushing, and took him to go for a walk.
Between smiles and stares, she got a Celt tale book from Ron. Between hands brushing and chuckles, he got a Keeper book from Hermione.
On the New Year's night, they all toasted together, hugging willingly and unwillingly but grinning always. Butterbeer remained on number one at the top of The Most Wanted Drinks. Late that night, he kissed her on the cheek, lightly, to welcome and to take advantage of the new opportunity they had coming with the next twelve months. But Parvati pulled him to their hand-made dance floor to dance like a lion, and the moment slipped.
Hermione got details on everything about Ginny and Harry. But she and Ron seemed to be misleading, taking different directions and he never got to ask her. He tried but it looked as thought the world was against what had been set when they were born.
So the holidays ran, as milk through silky fingers. And classes started off, faster than ever, making the Ball approach even quicker.
As the bell rang, a sea of brown, golden, red and purple heads flew out of professor Binns' class. The majority of the students was sighing, happily, finally the classed had ended. Content, they hugged each other like they were meeting after being apart during a war.
Hermione quickly got up from her seat, between all those couples or groups of friends. Managing to escape form that battle field with only two or three bruises, she was happy when she reached the end of the hall. Quickly stalling and jumping, Hermione saw Josh, who waved at her enthusiastically and mimicked for her to get to a corner and to talk to him. With a yellow smile and ditching from arms, legs and another number of various elements of the human body that had been transformed into enemies to Hermione, she made her way to him.
"Hi."
"Hello, Hermione! You're looking great!"
The girl cocked both eyebrows. "I do? Must be because of my beauty sleep!"
Josh laughed loudly. Too loudly. Ron would have just told her it wasn't the best of jokes, she thought.
"You too!" she tried to sound as sympathetic as he was. Josh didn't really notice her voice trembling. Or if he did he didn't show it.
"So have you seen 'Shrek'?"
"No, it got out only a month ago and we've all been at Hogwarts so I haven't had the chance! Why do you ask?"
"'Cause I know you'd love it and I got the DVD and thought that maybe we could watch it together in Hogsmeade or something… it's not on the perimeter of Hogwarts. You know, I read 'Hogwarts: A History!'"
Josh had stuttered for the first time since she had met him.
"Well… Yeah, maybe sometime! When the weather is more… sunny!"
After that, Hermione thought he would take the conversation as finished.
But he didn't.
"So I was thinking, Hermione- " From there on, Hermione didn't hear a single word Josh mumbled, shouted, whispered or said. As she couldn't look him in the face anymore, her tired gaze drifted to something that was waving frenetically, on the top of his shoulder. Josh had spoken so much that everybody had gone to their Common Rooms or to the next classes. Everybody but one.
And one that mattered a lot.
Ron was at the end of the big hall, making signals for her to sneak to a safe place to speak with him. Probably that important thing Ginny destroyed.
He had let his hair grow and now it was so long it nearly reached his shoulders. Hermione thought it was "rather sexy" as Ginny thought it wasn't his best. On the other hand, he usually shaved every day but Hermione secretly adored those mornings when the trio and Ginny conferred together, when the sun was stretching his rays lazily on the lake, and Ron left his uncut beard for her (or so she liked to think). When, on those blessed mornings, he caught her staring at his face and he poked her on the cheek, she had the possibility of doing the same. Her fingers skimmed his cheek at first but then she rubbed his chin, smiling, and their moment was perfect.
While Josh continued babbling about something, she noticed Ron's face was unshaved. What for?
'No, oh NO! Do not dare to think of it that way, little missy.' And out of nothing she remembered how his chest had looked like when they had had swam on the lake back in September. Merlin, she had never thought he would be like the actors. Maybe even better. He was muscled and Hermione's next nights were spent dreaming about passing her hands along that strong flesh. And he had this trail of hair between blond and red (if that was possible), that came from the hem of his boxers, stopped on his navel and continued slightly throughout his sinewy sternum. As she came back from her greatest memories, she nodded discreetly at Ron and concentrated on the task of getting away from Josh.
Josh's last words (it seems like a question; I better answer him) and Hermione's mixed as she exclaimed, abruptly, "Yeah, sure, Josh! Listen, I really need to go, so… I guess I'll see you around."
Without letting Josh pronounce a single word, Hermione sped up. Hermione ran and as she got to the corner where Ron had been, a strong arm pushed her to a broom closet and she went in willingly.
"Sorry…" Ron said low, as he lit his wand. Her bet was positive; he hadn't shaved.
"Sorry? It is I who needs to thank thee, o brave knight!" Hermione smiled. "I really needed to be rescued…"
"Thought so."
"So… What was that thing that you- wanted to tell me, the other afternoon? You know when Ginny came and then she made you stop and then she grabbed me and all…" It took a lot to ask that. But she did, grinning hopefully.
Ron shifted, apparently uncomfortable. "Well I thought… as you said the other year… after the ball you went with Vicky-" he stopped, gazed deeply at his toes and took a deep, slow breath. He snapped his head up and stared into her chocolate eyes.
"Would you give me the honour of going with me to the Winterball?"
"Would you like to go… withmetotheballthing?..."
Josh's unheard but known and Ron's insecure but heartfelt words collided in Hermione's brain and ears, making her head blow.
She had taken it.
She had taken Josh's invitation.
She had said, "Yeah, sure" to Josh question.
"Would you give me the honour of going with me to the Winterball?"
Hermione felt dizzy.
She couldn't miss one thing she had said. It wasn't in her nature.
And she had accepted.
"Would you like to go… withmetotheballthing?"
She had said yes to… Josh. Not to Ron.
She would have to say no to Ron.
No to… Ron.
"'Mione, are you okay?" Ron's voice was of pure concern and so was his expression when she finally looked up, fearfully. "I knew this wasn't a good idea. I almost scared you to death…"
"Ron…" Hermione, guilty, pulled her hand up to his cheek and wiped with her thumb a flake of snow. She felt the prick of his small hairs more intensely than ever. The next moment she asked something she never got to know why. "What's my favourite movie?"
"Uh?"
"Ron-" Hermione inhaled, trying to find some courage inside her, in the air she breathed into her lungs. She got it from his eyes that were concentrated on her own. The eyes that would hold pain only moments after they got to know what she was about to say with the strength they gave her. "Ron, I- I accepted Josh's invitation…"
Ron's look changed. His face got unreadable but his eyes showed so much grief Hermione felt she was going to cry with them. But he didn't spill any tears. He was Ronald Weasley. He turned around to leave, leaving her eyes with no comfort and her heart with no light. But as he reached the doorknob she felt a hesitation on the air. He stopped, sighed almost imperceptibly and got out.
He left her in the dark but she knew she had been dragged there by her own mistake.
They didn't speak. They didn't look. They wondered, flying around each other, like two butterflies, in circles, searching, searching, searching silently but never reaching what they had in front of themselves.
The evening eventually came and so did the next morning. When the sun hit the windows of both their dorms, the light slid on to their beds, snaked through their revolted sheets and waked them at the same time. As they gasped for air, on their own beds, the thought flash on their minds together:
The dreadful day had come.
A/N: And thus ends the "official" first chapter of "Trying To…".
Don't miss the next episode because we won't!
p.s. review for my writer's sake…