Chapter 2

The Creature

In Blood Gulch, Kratos had determined that the Red Base was unoccupied and led his team down to reclaim it. Sheena however was trying to convince her leader that she, Zelos and Presea had seen a tank drive past behind him but Kratos didn't believe it.

"I'm telling you, it was here." Sheena insisted. "It drove by while you were talking. You had your back turned and it went zoom right behind you!"

"Well," Presea put in. "It really sounded like: Ehhhhhhhrchugachugchur- ah my leg, ah!"

"That's not the important part of the story, Presea." Sheena snapped.

"Sure, Fujibayashi, I believe you." Kratos replied doubtfully. "You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously and then just as quickly disappeared. And you're the only one that can see it, just like signs of Presea's sanity."

"No I'm not!" Sheena shouted. "Presea saw it too!"

"Yeah." Presea agreed.

"Presea's impressionable." Kratos retorted. "She'd agree with anything you said."

"Yeah." Presea repeated.

"Aw hell, she'd eat a spoonful of dirt if you told her it tasted like chocolate."

Presea gasped. "That's not true!"

"Oh, so that's where you draw the line?" Kratos chuckled.

"No." Presea replied. "I mean, it's not true that dirt tastes like chocolate right? Seriously… right?"

"Okay." Sheena sighed. "Zelos saw it too. We all saw it."

Zelos just stared at her in confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about; I didn't see a damn thing."

"WHAT?" Sheena yelled.

"Tank, you say?" Zelos asked. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I was too busy paying attention to our Sergeant while he gave us our orders."

"Oh really?" Sheena scowled. "Well, what did he say?"

Zelos just shrugged. "Something inspiring about beating the Blues, and the base or the flag, er or something… I'm pretty sure he mentioned a polecat too. I was getting a little emotional at the end."

"You see, Fujibayashi?" Kratos said. "Some soldiers know how to pay attention."

"Wow." Zelos muttered. "That might be the first time you've ever actually compli-"

"Shut up, dirtbag." Kratos interrupted.

Sheena was still flabbergasted. "Zelos, you just told us two minutes ago that you saw it!"

"Yeah, I know." Zelos chuckled. "But it's a lot more fun this way."

Meanwhile, at the complex, the Blues had stopped by the inner wall to catch their breaths.

"Ugh, man." Emil groaned as he got up from his seat on a rock. "I just cannot fucking stand the idea of my body laying in there."

"Ha ha, you never looked better!" Volt's voice echoed from the building.

"Hey, shut up Volt!" Emil yelled back then he sighed. "You know, we could have taken that thing out if I'd have hit it just a few more times."

"A few more times?" Lloyd cried. "How about one time?"

"Well, I think I landed at least two or three shots." Emil murmured.

"Yeah right." Lloyd scoffed.

"You didn't hit anything but the wall." Marta agreed.

"How the hell would you know?" Emil argued. "You were running straight backwards."

"Hey, this is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively." Marta said defensively.

"Where were you planning on shooting him from, the fucking moon?" Lloyd asked in disbelief. "If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to mail him the bullets."

"You know what? I work better alone." Marta cried out as she got to her feet. "You ladies stay here, and I'll be back in two minutes with that thing's head on a platter."

As Marta marched back towards the building, Lloyd turned to Emil in concern. "Does it ever bother you that the most take-charge guy on our team is a girl?"

"Not at all." Emil replied with a shrug. "As long as I get my body back, I don't care if I'm a hero."

Lloyd and Genis stared at Emil for a moment then they looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Emil glared at them. "What?! What's funny?!"

"Castagnier, you're kind of a long way from 'hero'." Lloyd replied between giggles. "Wouldn't it have been better to say 'I don't care if I'm a participant'? Or maybe bystander?"

"Shut up." Emil snapped.

"How about 'decoy'?" Genis added.

Emil glowered at him. "Hey Sage, don't help him, okay?"

Lloyd then looked round and spotted Marta as she entered the building. "Hey, she's going in." he informed the others. "You guys think she can take him?"

In response, they suddenly heard a loud punch and seconds later, Marta's panting ghost appeared behind them. "Aw, crap."

"Nope." Emil replied.

Back in Blood Gulch, Sheena watched as Presea rode her hover-bike back and forth across the canyon. "Come on, Presea, give someone else a turn!"

"Wait, wait." Presea called out as she slowed to a halt. "I wanna show you guys a bunny hop I'm working on, look!" She then started jerking the bike back and forth. "N-no wait, now, he- look, look- aw, man, I was totally doing it earlier. Why weren't you guys watching then?"

"I need it to find the tank!" Sheena yelled, ignoring Presea's tomfoolery.

As Presea whizzed around Sheena, whooping with glee, on a nearby hill, Zelos came up to a concerned Kratos.

"Wilder, I wanna share something with you." Kratos muttered. "And you can't let Fujibayashi know."

"Whatever." Zelos sighed.

Kratos turned to look at Sheena as he scanned the canyon. "I think she's gone mad. It's probably some kind of time-travel, post-traumatic, repetitive stress syndrome. In scientific terms, she's developed Cranial Insanitosis. Basically, she's gone bonkers."

"Sarge, I'm not crazy." Sheena's voice yelled through their ears. "I really saw a tank."

"And apparently, she's developed some kind of mutant telepathy power." Kratos gasped. "Clear your mind, Wilder, she can hear your thoughts!"

"No, you guys just left your mics on again." Sheena sighed irritably. "I keep telling you not to do that because you're just wasting the batteries. Oh, and guess who rechar-"

"Clearly, she's sabotaging us with her superior technology." Kratos said as he switched off his radio. "Wilder, I need you to step up to the plate. You're my #2 man now."

"Does that mean more work?" Zelos groaned.

"Of course." Kratos replied. "You'll have to do Fujibayashi's regular duties on top of the responsibilities I normally entrust you with."

"So basically, just Sheena's duties then." Zelos sighed.

"Right." Kratos confirmed. "Luckily we still have Presea, so no one can fill in her shoes." With that, he turned round and yelled, "Presea, combat situation!"

"Yes sir, I'm on it!" Presea shouted back and then she rode off through the canyon screaming like a little girl.

"What a pro." Kratos murmured admiringly. "Fuji- I mean, Wilder, establish a perimeter!"

"Huh?" Zelos realized Kratos was talking to him again. "What's that?"

"Make a border around us." Kratos explained, "and make sure no enemy crosses it."

Zelos let out an exasperated groan. "That sounds like a lot of effort. Can't I just go back to being #3 again?"

"#3? What do you mean #3?"

"Oh right, Presea… Can I go back to being #4 then?"

"And Aska."

"Fine, I'll be #5, I don't care."

"I don't know." Kratos muttered thoughtfully. "That Tenebrae guy can really work a rocket launcher."

"But he's the enemy!"

"I'm not real particular." Kratos shrugged then he spotted Sheena coming towards them. "Now get to work on that perimeter; bogey approaching!"

"Sir." Sheena called as she approached. "I really think we should be looking for that tank."

"Hold on a minute." Kratos held out his hands as Zelos knelt down and started drawing in the dirt with the sniper rifle. "Let's just take it easy there, Private First Class Sheena Fujibayashi."

"But I-" Sheena's words stuck in her mouth when she heard Kratos. "Hey, what? Why did you use my full name and rank?"

Kratos was about to reply when he looked down and saw Zelos finish his work. "Wilder, what the hell are you doing?"

"I secured your perimeter, Sir." Zelos replied as he stood up and admired the line he'd drawn in between Kratos and Sheena. "Now, I'm gonna go over to the chow hall and secure some Oreos. I got a diet to keep up. Break time!" And he ran back towards the Base.

"Honeymoon's over, numbnuts." Kratos bellowed at his back. "You're back down to #7!"

"Oh yeah?" Zelos yelled back. "Well I saw the tank too!"

Back at the complex, the Blues, dead and alive, after a huge session of random arguing and insults, were thinking over ways to get past the alien and recover Emil's and Marta's bodies.

After three hours of thought, Lloyd had a brainwave. "Maybe Sage should try talking to him."

"Me, what would I say?" Genis muttered nervously.

"Start with some common ground." Lloyd suggested, "like how you both killed Castagnier."

"Mmmm, good times." Genis sighed nostalgically.

"You know." Emil said slowly. "I actually like that idea."

"You do?" Marta asked.

"Well, think about it." Emil replied. "While our Ambassador here is either being A) eaten by the monster, or B) digested by the monster, you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies."

Genis jumped up and threw an arm over Lloyd's shoulders. "I would make an excellent Ambidasdor, because I am very shy!"

"Get away from me, freak!" Lloyd cried, wriggling out of his teammate's hug.

Emil chuckled to himself. "You know, if that word's too hard to pronounce, you can just call yourself 'bait'."

With a nod, Genis entered the main building. Emil and Marta waited for five minutes then they followed him. As they reached the top of the ramp, Marta spotted a black-clad female form lying on the floor. "There's my body."

"Oh yeah, hey, look, there's your body." Emil let out a snigger. "You really didn't make it very far, did you?"

Marta looked at Emil thoughtfully and put on a scary smirk. "You know I wonder, if I killed a ghost, would it come back as a ghost of a ghost?"

"Yeah, that's a good point." Emil gulped as he backed away. "I'll… shut up now."

Meanwhile, Genis kept walking down the passageway until he came across the bomb. "Hey Volt." he called out. "Say, have you seeeeen, um, it's a big, uh slimy, like alien-monster looking thing? It's uhhh, it's shaped just kinda like that shadow that's on the ground next to you…" He trailed off as he followed the shadow up to its source and gulped. "Oh shit."

Back at Blood Gulch, Kratos gathered his soldiers in the canyon for an important session.

"Alright." Kratos started. "Since Fujibayashi has been demoted for reasons of dementia-"

"The tank was real!" Sheena yelled from her position by the cliffs.

"And she's been ordered by the Judge to stay at least two hundred yards away from us-"

"Oh come on, that wasn't a real Judge! That was Presea wearing a powdered wig!" Sheena yelled.

"Overruled!"

Kratos nodded in satisfaction and finished, "We are now holding auditions for the permanent position of Second-in-Command here at Blood Gulch Outpost #1."

"WHAT?" Sheena bellowed.

"And since Fujibayashi is disqualified because of the afore mentioned cuckooness, and since Wilder is ineligible-"

"Or because I don't wanna compete." Zelos interrupted.

"Because you're ineligible." Kratos replied.

"No, I just don't wanna compete."

"Of course you don't, because you're ineligible!"

Zelos just sighed, "Whatever."

"I guess that means I get the job." Presea cried out. "Because I'm unopposed, which is the same way I got 'Most likely to be epic' in high school."

"Actually Presea." Kratos argued, "I managed to find some other candidates for you to compete against."

Presea was stunned. "Huh?"

"We've located an old wrench used by Aska and a skull of unknown origin." Kratos explained as he placed the two items next to Presea. "Some dirt and a rock entered the preliminaries but they didn't make it to the semifinals, lazy bastards."

"Yeah." Presea chuckled confidently. "You guys are going down! In your face, wrench, in your face! Ha ha, take that, bonehead! Woohoo!"

"You will be competing against each other in a series of grueling events in order to gain my attention." Kratos told him. "First up, the obstacle course. Wilder, get the alligators!"

"I thought I was ineligible." Zelos said puzzled.

"To earn my respect, dirtbag." Kratos argued. "You're still perfectly capable of grunt work."

As Zelos reluctantly got to work on the obstacle course, Sheena just watched from the cliffs, feeling very low.

"Oh man, I can't believe this." she moaned as she slumped down. "My life was going exactly as planned. I was Second-in-Command of a marginally successful unit, I had a superior officer who genuinely cared about me, and I had the respect and admiration of all my peers. That was the dream!" she sobbed. "How did it all go so wrong? How? Hahahahow?" She then scowled angrily. "Maybe that stupid tank was just a figment of my imagination."

"I don't think so." a feminine mechanical voice spoke up.

Sheena whirled round to see the tank right behind her. "Shut up." he snapped. "You ruined my life."

Meanwhile, inside the complex, Emil and Marta managed to possess their bodies again and were about to head out when they heard Genis's voice from down the passage. "I think I will call him Crunchbite."

As they followed the voice towards the room, they heard Volt retort, "That's a stupid name."

"Uh, well." Genis scoffed. "I think it's better than your suggestion: Crouchasaurus Rex?"

"Sage, who are you talking to…" Emil's voice stuck in his throat as his question was answered. "HOLY SHIT!"

"Blaaarrrg!" the monster roared as it reared to its full height.

Emil and Marta raised their assault rifles at it but Genis jumped in front of them, holding up his hands. "Stop!" he cried out. "He's my friend. He's not going to eat anybody."

"Yeah." Volt agreed. "He thinks you guys stink too much to eat."

As the creature crouched down again on double-jointed legs, Marta stared at the creature and recognized it as one of the alien-angel hybrids. Its skin was mainly grey but it was covered in armor the same shade of blue as Genis's armor. Its feet had two toes each and it had three fingers on each hand. Most noticeably, its head had two reddish-yellow horns protruding from the sides and 3 spikes coming from it's arms and legs. (A/N: Imagine Kilia from the first game in her monster form)

"He thinks we stink?" she cried out, holding her nose. "It smells like someone set a fish on fire in here."

"Largh?' the alien growled, offended.

"Sage, what the fuck?" Emil murmured as he lowered his gun. "Are you sure about this thing?"

"Absolutely." Genis reassured. "He hasn't tried to bite me at all… well since he bit me the first time."

"Yeah." Volt chuckled. "That was hilarious."

Genis then winced and rubbed his arm. "I think I might need a tetanus shot."

The alien then let out a loud "Hrrrnnk!" right into Emil's face.

"Whoa." Emil coughed, placing his hands over his nose. "That thing's breath smells like infected cheese on a hotplate!"

"Largh, blargh!" the alien grunted.

"I don't think he liked that." Volt sniggered.

Just then, Lloyd came towards the room pistol raised, but then he sniffed the air and with a gag, dropped the gun.

"Whoa, man." he gasped, waving a hand in front of his nose. "What is that stench? Is a skunk juggling dead hamsters in here? It smells like old yogurt."

He stepped inside and scowled at the alien. "Did you eat and then throw up a can of trash?"

"Hnnnk!" the alien cried out.

"That's exactly what I said right before he bit me." Genis said.

"Largher, hnnk! Blargh!"

Marta turned to the others. "You understand what he's saying?"

The alien then began to blargh and honk at them.

"Hey, hey wait." Emil cried. "I think I'm hearing a pattern here. I think that blarghs come after honks… or vice-versa."

Genis struggled to think. "I think… I think blargh means… me, or apples." He gasped. "Guys, Apples must be the name of his cat!" He turned to the alien. "Quick, quick, is- is Apples stuck in a tree? I'll call the fire department."

Emil rolled his eyes and turned to the creature. "Mister Huge Alien-Angel." he asked loudly and slowly. "Do you understand what we are saying?"

In response, the alien raised its head and let out a loud "Whaarrrggh!"

Emil scratched his head in puzzlement. "I have no idea if that means yes or no."

"Yeah, totally blows away your vice versa theory, sorry." Genis agreed.

"You two are retarded." Lloyd cut in. "You're not gonna be able to figure out alien language by experimentation, give it up."

"You don't know that!" Emil argued.

"You don't even know how they talk." Lloyd retorted. "What if their language isn't entirely verbal? It could be part telepathic, or via smells. Yuck!"

"Well if it's via smells." Emil countered, "then you should be fluent in the language already, jackass!"

"Hnnk!" the alien added.

"Oh shut up." Emil snapped. "You're not helping."

"Wait!" Genis said. "I think Irving might be right. I think he might be saying things telepathically. I just heard something in my head!"

"What?" Emil cried. "What is it?"

"It was a voice." Genis muttered, "saying, 'Blargh blargh blargh honk'."

Emil let out an irritated sigh. "That wasn't in your head, Sage, he just said that. You're just so dumb you're lagging a few seconds behind us. By the time your brain has figured out what it's heard, it feels like it's already happened."

Genis was silent for a few seconds then he retorted, "That's not true!"

"Blargh!" the alien growled.

"Wait!" Genis shouted. "I hear something else in my head! It must be Apples trying to communicate with me! Quick, Irving, get a ladder!"