Chapter 2

A burst of wild laughter was the first thing Obi-Wan heard as he opened the door to the quarters he shared with his Padawan. He stepped into the common room and did not know whether to smile or groan as he surveyed the scene: the room that had been spotless that morning when they returned home from the field was now a chaotic mess. The sofa was draped with Jedi robes and towels, the tables were littered with training remotes and lightsabers and glasses of muja juice, and the floor was cluttered with bowls full of nutshells. The speakers in the corner were blaring shuuderup music - not exactly Obi-Wan's taste - so that no one in the room had even noticed him come in.

Ivan Bal-Tova was stretched out on his back on the sofa; his close-cropped black hair still looked damp from showering after his workout, and the long Padawan braid laying across his chest was freshly braided and tied off with a red bead.

His friend, Seddwia Juro, was sitting on the floor, leaning against an easy chair, holding a bowl of pirki nuts in her lap. Like Ivan, she was in her early twenties and getting ready for the final phase of her training. Obi-Wan watches as she pried open a nut with her fingernails and tossed it in a high arc toward Ivan, who easily caught in his mouth and then pumped his fist in the air triumphantly as he chewed it up. Seddwia whooped with approval at the catch, and so did the other girl in the room, a Pyn'gani Jedi named Nalia Lascol. Nalia, who was several years younger than the other two, was sitting crosslegged in the easy chair behind Seddwia, deftly weaving her friend's long brown hair into some complicated kind of plait.

The three Padawans were laughing in the giddy way that good friends do when they haven't seen each other in a long time and find themselves growing ever more absurd with the much-needed release of tensions acquired in long months of missions. It was a familiar sight. Obi-Wan could remember any number of such pleasant reunions with his own friends when he was younger. Then again, with friends like Garen and Bant, even now their gatherings could get more than a little undignified...

Seddwia tossed another nut in Ivan's direction, but quick as a flash Obi-Wan snatched it out of the air with two fingers, leaving Ivan laying there with his mouth open, looking up in utter bemusement.

"What in the name of Bron!" he exclaimed, sitting up and staring at his Master. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough, my distracted young Padawan," Obi-Wan said, popping the nut into his mouth. "Next time, pay attention. Use the Force. Think." He grabbed a cushion and threw it at Ivan, who caught it just before it hit his nose and whirled it right back to Obi-Wan, who barely managed to dodge before it hit him.

"Pay attention yourself, Master," Ivan teased.

"Hello, Master Kenobi," Seddwia said, meeting his eyes and giving him a pleasant smile. Technically, she should have stood up and bowed to him, but since her hair was currently wound in a complicated web of strands around Nalia's fingers, he couldn't really blame her for not wanting to move.

Nalia couldn't say anything, since she had just caught in her mouth the next nut Seddwia had tossed in her direction, and she couldn't wave because her hands were full of hair, so instead she settled for giving Obi-Wan an apologetic smile. Obi-Wan nodded in what he hoped was an encouraging way, having no inclination to insist on protocol in a casual setting like this.

"So, uh, we sort of took over the place while I was waiting for you," Ivan said. He smiled a little sheepishly and stood up, brushing nutshell dust off his knees and glancing around at the mess as if just now noticing it.

"So I noticed," Obi-Wan said, but he was smiling tolerantly as he accepted the brief hug Ivan gave him. "How did the sparring session go?"

"We beat him," Seddwia answered before Ivan could.

"Well, yes, when it was two against me," Ivan said with some amusement. "Now tell him what happened when Nalia and I took you on."

"Master Kenobi doesn't want to hear about that," Seddwia said. "It would make a boring story. It's much more interesting to tell him how you looked after we cornered you at the top of the training tower and you fell off the struts."

"I didn't fall, I jumped!" Ivan glanced at Obi-Wan. "I was going for the ropes - I was going to swing out and around and try to split them up - but the wind jets turned on at the worst moment and I didn't quite make it."

"Same difference," Seddwia said. "Either way, it meant a forfeit. We won, you lost."

"Don't listen to her, Master Kenobi," Nalia jumped in, having finally managed to chew up the nut and swallow it. "She isn't telling it right. Ivan actually held us off for a long time. And inflicted some damage too, I might add."

"Just no killing blows," Seddwia said serenely.

"Until the next match," Nalia said, "when he landed two on you."

"Says Ivan," Seddwia said.

"You killed her twice in one match?" Obi-Wan asked Ivan, puzzled.

"She said the first one didn't count," Ivan said, and he laughed.

"It was a glancing blow!" Seddwia said firmly.

"No, it wasn't," Ivan said.

"Yes, it was!"

"I didn't see it," Nalia said quickly, to stave off further argument. "So we had to just keep going."

"I see," Obi-Wan said. He caught Ivan's gaze for a moment, and saw that his Padawan was looking at him with a sudden concern darkening his brown eyes.

Ivan opened his mouth, and Obi-Wan knew in a moment that he was going to ask if everything was all right. He should have known he wouldn't be able to hide the disquiet he was feeling. Not from Ivan. Between the Master-Padawan bond they shared in the Force and Ivan's natural empathy, it was difficult for Obi-Wan to keep to himself any strong emotions he felt, and he usually didn't feel inclined to try, anyway. His relationship with Ivan was a comfortable one and they could usually discuss anything with each other.

Still, he wasn't in the mood to talk about the explosion of Senator Amidala's ship with Ivan's friends in the room, so he quickly curtailed Ivan's question with a small shake of his head, and Ivan caught his drift and didn't say anything. Instead, he started to tidy up the common room a bit, and the girls got the hint and helped him as soon as Nalia had finished braiding Seddwia's hair.

Ivan saw his friends to the door, and when the farewells were over and the girls had left, he came back into the common room and sat down on the sofa next to Obi-Wan. He didn't say anything, but waited patiently, resting his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together. Just visible hanging on a fine silver chain around Ivan's neck was the stone Qui-Gon Jinn had given Obi-Wan for his 13th birthday. Although it was only a rock with no intrinsic value, young Obi-Wan had treasured Qui-Gon's gift for the reminder it gave him of his Master's kindness in choosing him for an apprentice despite his flaws - and over time it came to stand as a symbol of the mutual respect and affection that eventually developed between Master and Padawan. The stone - which Qui-Gon had found in the River of Light on his own homeworld long before he met Obi-Wan - was irregular in shape and black in color, shot through with streaks of red. Once, Obi-Wan had become convinced that the stone held Force-powers when it seemed to give him strength during a forced medical procedure he had endured while a prisoner of the Syndicat. Although the stone had never again done anything unusual while in Obi-Wan's possession, that belief was confirmed decades later, shortly after Obi-Wan had given the stone to Ivan Bal-Tova the day they were officially made Master and Padawan. As Ivan and Anakin did battle with a slaver, the boys had failed to coordinate their attacks properly and Anakin's lightsaber had struck Ivan in the chest. The blow should have killed him, but against all reason the so-called ordinary stone around Ivan's neck had halted the blazing hot plasma blade, saving his life. Various Jedi Masters had inspected the stone since then, and Ivan himself had tried any number of ways to trigger the stone's powers for use in Force-healing, his chosen focus of study, but it seemed that once again the stone had gone quiet. Still, Ivan wore it all times, ostensibly so he would have it close at hand in case it again exhibited some type of power, but Obi-Wan had a feeling he wore it for sentimental reasons as much as anything. And this seemed perfectly right and good to Obi-Wan. The stone reminded him not only of his affection for his apprentice, but also for his former Master. He didn't see Qui-Gon much anymore, busy as he was with Anakin Skywalker's training, but between the presence of the stone around Ivan's neck and the presence of Qui-Gon's wisdom in Obi-Wan's mind, it often felt as though Qui-Gon were still with him.

Ivan was still waiting patiently, so Obi-Wan took a breath and explained briefly what he had seen on the HoloNet: That Senator Amidala's ship had been engulfed in flames moments after settling on a landing pad in Coruscant's Ambassadorial Sector, presumably there to deliver Naboo's representative for the crucial vote on the Military Creation Act.

"Then you still don't know her condition?" Ivan asked, looking as concerned as Obi-Wan felt. He had had the opportunity to meet Senator Amidala briefly about five years ago, back when she was still Queen, when he accompanied Obi-Wan to Naboo to recruit her help in freeing Shmi Skywalker, and he had been impressed then by her poise and her kindness.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "It hasn't been reported on the HoloNet yet, anyway. Anakin went to the MedCenter to see if he could wring any information out of CorSec or her staff, but I'm not optimistic he'll be able to get anything."

"Anakin?" Ivan repeated, taken aback. "You saw him today? I thought you went to Dex's."

"I did. He was there too."

Ivan paused a moment. "You didn't say you were going there with Anakin."

A new note had crept into his voice, if he had known it, and Obi-Wan didn't miss it. Against his better judgment he felt a surge of defensiveness. Surely Ivan was not going to start this again. "I didn't go there with him. He just happened to be there."

"Oh." Ivan relaxed incrementally. "OK. I guess he was pretty upset. About Senator Amidala, I mean."

"Yes. Qui-Gon went to meet him at the MedCenter. I'm sure they'll call if they find out anything. In the meantime, you and I have work to do."

He watched Ivan carefully, and was pleased to see that after taking a few breaths and exercising a quick burst of control, Ivan put the distractions of their conversation aside and prepared for the meditation they had planned for tonight.

Together they went through a simple exercise to quiet their minds and ease their consciousnesses into the strong currents of the Force that flowed through the Jedi Temple, amplified by the proximity of hundreds of other Force-sensitives, many of whom were actively touching the Force just as they were. In this state of mind, their thoughts and feelings rose to the surface of their awareness as clearly as articulated words, each one as distinct and transparent as a crystal in a chandelier, or drops of water descending down from a great height. The light of the Force illuminated those thoughts, revealing the crystalline flaws in every darker instinct, and the purity in each selfless impulse.

"We are approaching the final phase of your training," Obi-Wan said quietly. "You've been making steady progress in your training and before too long, you may be asked to face some or all of the Trials."

He felt a pulse of fear from Ivan.

"It's all right to be worried," Obi-Wan said. "I am, too. This will be a test for me as well as for you. You are unproven as a Knight, and I am unproven as a Master."

Wry amusement from Ivan. "Wonderful. We can stand before the Council and tremble together."

"It's likely that not all the Trials will come at the hands of the Council in a formal test," Obi-Wan pointed out. "While some, such as the Trial of Skills, are best conducted in a controlled setting where you will be observed by the Masters, others depend on conditions of real danger and are difficult to effectively administer."

"Such as?"

"The Trial of Flesh, for example. A Jedi must be capable of enduring great personal loss and respond in an appropriate way. Such a test is likely to be delivered by life itself, sooner or later. We live in a galaxy where pain and death are all too common."

"I'm not afraid of pain," Ivan said quietly.

In other Padawans, Obi-Wan would have suspected such a statement to be pure bravado, but experience told him that in Ivan's case it was generally true. Perhaps it was due to his training as a Healer, but Ivan had proven any number of times that he could bear physical injuries with remarkable patience. Having seen and even felt the pain of so many others as he worked to heal them in the Force, it was perhaps easier for Ivan to accept his own suffering.

"Many Padawans have passed the Trial of the Flesh after receiving a serious wound and managing to overcome the pain well enough to complete the tasks assigned to them," Obi-Wan acknowledged. "Perhaps this will be your fate. Or perhaps not. What of the other possibility? What of loss?"

Uneasiness tinged Ivan's presence in the Force. "You mean death? Of someone I care about?"

"Possibly. Although loss can take other shapes. Sometimes we discover that the people we trust or admire are unworthy. Betrayal and disappointment can be a kind of loss. Or to be denied the pleasure of a friend's company, when time or distance or circumstances require that we be separated from them." Obi-Wan felt at his own words the inevitable pang he still felt whenever he thought of what he had given up for the sake of his duties as a Jedi, and he permitted the sadness to color his thoughts for a moment, accepting the familiarity of his pain and then releasing it into the Force. He no longer wondered when he would stop mourning the loss of Siri Tachi, because he knew now that he never would. Although he still saw Siri from time to time in the Temple and even occasionally shared a mission with her, by mutual agreement they restricted their relationship to friendship. As much as they might wish for more, it could never be. Yes, he knew all too well what it was to face a trial of the flesh.

"So sooner or later I will have to lose someone..." Ivan murmured. He sounded uneasy.

"Experiencing the loss is only the first half of the trial," Obi-Wan said. "The other half is responding to it appropriately. Many respond to loss by withdrawing, or becoming angry, or losing hope and succumbing to despair. It is the task of a Jedi to overcome these tendencies."

"But don't we respond in those ways because we care for others so much?" Ivan asked. Intensity colored both his voice and the vibrations he cast within the Force. "How can I bring myself to a point where I don't care if I lose the people I'm closest to? I could never be so cold."

"It isn't a question of not caring," Obi-Wan said. "It has more to do with reaching an understanding of what the Force wills, and of submitting your will to the will of the Force. Sometimes it will be the will of the Force that someone you love will be taken from you. You must see beyond your own desire for the pleasure of their company. Of course you will mourn whenever you lose a friend; compassion is central to a Jedi's life. Don't lose sight of the larger picture. The Force has a great destiny in mind for each of us. Sometimes we cannot reach our full potential without having our limits tested. Those who learn to endure a loss with humility will come out a stronger person in the end."

"I don't know, Master," Ivan said slowly. "I don't know if I understand this concept. How can you even know if it really is the will of the Force that a person be taken from you? Why would the Force be so cruel, especially to someone who is already giving so much of themselves in service to the Force? I mean, I sit here, and I think about everyone I care about, and I imagine something bad happening to them," Ivan's words were coming out faster and faster, "and it hurts to even think about it, Master, I can't bear the thought of it actually happening. If I had a choice, I think that I would much rather die myself than lose them and have to live with it!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Well, if that is the case, then you will pass the Trial of Courage with flying colors... and you will fail the Trial of the Flesh spectacularly."

Ivan fell into a shocked silence, and Obi-Wan waited for his words to sink in. For several long minutes, he watched and waited as Ivan battled with his thoughts, and the Force swirled in a chaotic and muddied storm around him.

At last, when the tremors in the Force had smoothed out somewhat, Ivan spoke again, and his voice was resigned. "What must I do to overcome this, Master?"

"Have you read the treatise of Master Sar Agorn, as I suggested?"

"Yes."

"And the words of Master Phrayan on the subject?"

"Yes."

"Then let us take the time to review their words, and discover what they mean in the context of your own life."

TO BE CONTINUED