A/N: Oh my God! So many reviews in so little time! Like, wow! I love you guys! So, here is another update because I'm bored and I'm listening to rock songs and yeah. I fell in love with the quote, though. It kinda inspired this whole fic and the title! XD I switch between tenses. I know. It's kinda on purpose. Thoughts are present, actions are past.

Chapter 2:

It's been weeks since I had a good conversation with, well, everyone. Everybody was worried about me. I don't know why. I mean, so what if I was quiet? What's that got to do with anything?

Nothing.

Exactly.

It's been weeks since I actually said a word to Kendall.

We've started to avoid each other.

It's not that hard, considering what seeing him does to me.

His mom and the family think we fought.

I laughed when I heard it. Laughed sadistically. Made Logan think I had gone insane.

I probably have.

I mean, I cut myself. Isn't that some sort of psycho problem? More proof at how insane I am.

I have problems. At least I accept them.

Unlike some people. Cough-Kendall-Cough.

And Logan, and Carlos.

Katie's accepted hers. She's a lot like me, actually. I like that about her. She's self-aware, neat, kind of insane, a bit evil, and tends to bottle up her emotions. She doesn't go to Kendall with her problems. She goes to me.

Yeah. I'm like her big brother.

I don't know about Mrs. Knight, though. She hasn't really accepted the fact that she doesn't socialize well.

Not the point, though.

Point is that they're worrying…about me.

I don't like people worrying about me. They tend to watch me closer, to analyze my body language, interpret it the right way so I have to lie and make them think they got it all wrong.

It's easier said than done.

And I know, from experience.

Lots and lots and lots of experience.

I've done it my whole life.

I'm a hopeless cause.

I know it, too.

So why do these people not see it also? Why do they have hope when it's just going to hurt you?

That's all that hope's ever done for me. Hurt me.

Look at the Kendall situation for example…

Why did I bring that up? I'm already feeling the need to reach for the blade, again.

God, it's no wonder I hate myself. I'm a pathetic fool hopelessly in love with his best friend who cuts himself. It doesn't surprise me, though.

It's the road my own father went down.

He fell in love, got rejected, started cutting, and committed suicide.

I hope I don't commit suicide. But it's the road I'm heading down.

I'm not scared of Death, anyway. Lucky for me, I got over my fear of Death at the age of ten.

It's raining outside. It's three am.

I'm still up. Why bother trying to fall asleep when you're a hopeless insomniac?

I haven't gotten a good amount of sleep in the past three weeks. It's normal for me. And yet, I still get hungry. I'm a boy, though, so what can I say?

I got up and went into the kitchen, searching the cabinets for my favorite night time snack.

Peanut butter sandwich.

I got out the bread and cut off the crusts, throwing them away. I quickly globbed on some peanut butter and smushed the two pieces together. I took a bight.

Kendall didn't love me back. He hated me. He avoids me, for crying out loud!

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

I put down my half eaten sandwich. It no longer held its beautiful taste.

Instead, it tastes bland. Makes me lose my appetite.

I blame Kendall.

I blame him for a lot of my problems.

Probably because he's the cause of a lot of my problems.

Why did he ever bother to be my friend? Why did he go over to that lonely kid in the corner just to say "Hi! Wanna be best friends?" Why did he have to cheer me on in every musical thing I did? Or in hockey? Why did he let me be captain in sophomore year? Why did he even want me to come with him to LA? Why?

Too many whys. It's making my head hurt.

Where's my blade?

I need the blade.

Or what about a knife?

That'll work.

There's some really sharp ones in that cabinet over there… sharp and ridged and screaming pain.

I need them.

Now.

I walk over and get one out. It's short and sharp and ridged and just perfect.

I'm fucked up in the head.

At least I know it.

Some people don't know it. I do.

My back hit the cabinet and I sunk lower, gripping the knife, muttering like a crazy person.

But I am one.

So I slashed my wrist. Once, Twice, Thrice.

The pain is leaving.

My thoughts are clearing up.

Thank God. I hate it when they get jumbled. They do that a lot.

Another sign that I'm crazy.

Four slashes, Five.

I smiled. This was what I'd been waiting to do all day. It feels nice.

Six. Seven.

My vision is getting blurry. I should stop. I do.

I wash off my wrist and knife. I put the knife back and rinse off any excess blood before heading back to the bathroom. I bandage my wrist and tug on a long sleeved shirt. I take a lot of precautions. I collapse on my bed.

I think I cut too much tonight.

My vision's really blurry.

I hope I wake up tomorrow.

Lucky for me, I do. It's noon. I've never slept this late. I probably just gained consciousness.

I go to the bathroom and rewrap my cuts. They bled a lot.

Mrs. Knight and Logan are in the kitchen when I walk in. Logan's looking at the knives and Mrs. Knight is looking at me.

"Did you come in here last night?"

I nod. "Couldn't sleep."

"Did you eat something?"

"I had some of a peanut butter sandwich. Lost my appetite, though.

She holds up the plate. There's a splatter of blood. I grimace and back away.

"I had cut my finger on the knife I used. I lost my appetite when I saw the blood. I don't like blood."

She nodded. She knew what my stepdad used to do to me. It was a convincing lie, though.

She just stroked my face. "You need to get more sleep."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"You barely eat anymore."

I looked away.

"And you and Kendall, best friends forever, quoted by Kendall himself at the age of fourteen, don't talk anymore."

I started to walk away. I couldn't take it. She brought Kendall into it.

"James, get back here." She spoke sternly.

I ignored her.

"James! Get your ass back here and don't walk away from an adult! We need to have a civil conversation because I'm worried about you-!"

I slammed the front door and continued walking.

I've gone mad. I've got major problems.

No one, and I mean no one, ever walks away from Mrs. Knight without expecting getting your ass kicked by her.

I just did that, though.

I'm in deep shit.

I just can't handle talking about Kendall. It hurts too much.

I felt someone grab my wrist. I hissed in pain as I was forced to turn around.

Logan.

"What the fuck, James?" Logan didn't swear a lot. It was serious when he did.

I still looked away with a scowl.

"Look me in the fucking eye and tell me that you sliced your finger on accident. Tell me you didn't use the sharpest knife in the cabinet to cut your sandwich. Tell me that you don't do what I think you do."

I looked him in the eye. "I sliced my finger on accident. I didn't use the sharpest knife in the cabinet. I didn't do what you think I did."

He slammed his fist against my chest. "That's bull shit, James, and you fucking know it!"

People were watching us. He hadn't let go of my wrist.

He dragged me towards the stairs and shut the door. "I know you're cutting, James. I saw the blood on the knife you thought you washed off. Stop lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Look me in the eye. Straight into my pupils and tell me. Tell me that you don't cut. Show me. Lift your sleeve up and show me."

I looked him in the eye. "I'm not lying." I pulled my right sleeve up. "I don't cut."

"Other sleeve."

I threw open the door and ran.

Nice going, James. That just confirmed his suspicions.

He was the slowest runner in our group. It was a lost cause trying to catch me. He knew it, I knew it, and so he just stood at the door and screamed after me.

"You fucking liar! This is all going to backfire, you know! You're a piece of shit, trying to lie to us and get away with it! You asswipe! I can't fucking believe-!"

His mouth was covered by Carlos' hand. "What's wrong, Logie? I've never heard you cuss so much in your life. Why is James running away?"

I looked back. I was at the edge of the road and yet I could still hear them. Logan had turned to Carlos and hugged him. "James…James is cutting himself. I don't know why! We never did anything!" He gripped Carlos tighter as Carlos looked at me. His eyes were tearing up in pain. "He won't tell me anything. He's lying to everybody, Carlos! And I don't know why…I don't fucking know!"

Carlos sent me a glare. I only turned away and kept on walking. If I was lucky, a car would hit me. I would die instantly. If I was lucky, I could run away from everything. If I was lucky-

I wouldn't be here right now.

I'd be with Kendall.

That thought only made me run.

My feet pounding against the pavement, my shallow breathing. I'm so glad I started running daily. It really pays off when you're trying to run from your past.

It was working, too.

I made it to the beach in twenty minutes.

In my black jeans, black long sleeve shirt, black combat boots, and leather jacket.

Nice beach wear, smart one.

Shut the fuck up, mind.

I just continued running along the beach road. I needed to get away. I saw it then.

The cliffs.

My salvation.

An instant pain remover.

Forever.

I was halfway there when I felt someone tackle me.

I saw a flash of blonde hair.

"James!" He shouted.

I tried to get away. I needed to die. I needed to get rid of him. He hated me.

"Stop moving and let me talk!"

I just fought harder.

"God damn it!" He shoved my head against the sidewalk. I stopped moving.

"Listen to me, you asshole!" Kendall growled.

He hated me.

"Cutting yourself isn't going to solve anything! You'll just turn out like your father!"

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

"Logan told me everything, James. That's the most he's ever sworn! He had a fucking panic attack because of you! Do you realize how long it's been since he's had a panic attack?"

Two years.

"Two fucking years! And it was due to your stupid actions! So what if I don't love you back? Doesn't mean you need to go act like your good-for-nothing suicidal father!"

That hurt. He doesn't see me talking about his dad like that.

I couldn't take this. Insulting my dad, me, my salvation…I needed to get away.

I pushed him off and finally spoke.

"You fucking idiot! That's my fucking father you're disgracing! And do you realize I've only said I love you once in my whole fucking lifetime? And it was to you? No! You don't realize it!" I punched him in the jaw. "I get it that you hate me! Doesn't mean you got to shove all my problems in my face! I already am aware of all of them!"

"If you're so aware, then why don't you fix them?" he growled.

He didn't try to deny hating me…

I motioned to the cliffs. "What do you think I was trying to do?"

"Committing suicide is going to fix nothing! If anything, it'll fuck up everything!"

"How?" I stepped closer to him.

"You want to know how?" He was in my face now.

"Yeah. Tell me how I'm so important in all your lives."

He growled before smashing his lips to mine.

A/N: I did it! I finished! Took me forever to write! Cliffy! I was listening to Breaking Benjamin songs the whole time. They really know how to set my mind into angst. please, REVIEW!