Advice: If you ever have writer's block, take to writing parody. It's unbelievably fun! Second chapter out in record time, hope you enjoy! Reviews are appreciated :)

Chapter Two: Thor Makes an Epic Entrance, Sif is Awesome, and Odin's Still a Jerk

As Loki was dragged off to be locked up in his golden-glowy dungeon of no privacy whatsoever, Sif, awesome warrior-ess of strength, beauty, and typical perfect Asgardian hair, was being a total badass. Or at least that's what she told herself as she majestically kicked an enemy's face in.

"Take that, filthy scum!" She cried as fought her way through the hordes of enemies that weren't dark elves. We swear, they're coming back eventually. But that's besides the point. The point is that Sif is one AWESOME WARRIOR LADY!

"Ha!" She laughed as she speared some poor guy in the gut. "Look at my awesome moves, my unchallenged prowess. I am definitely the most awesome here. Thor hasn't even gotten any screen time! It's mine, all mine!"

But alas for Sif, because she had spoken too soon. For just as she turned to stab another victim, the sky erupted into an awesome lightning show of white-glowiness that blinded the audience. The music turned dramatic and the lightning tornado whirled, out shot the well-loved hammer Mijyolnnrijdfgsfdathks, and the light died down to reveal, in an epic swell of music…

Gorgeous hair! Perfect, muscular arms and abs! (Unfortunately covered.) Piercing blue eyes! THOR!

"Geez, someone's excited," Sif muttered, sulking at the loss of her awesome scene.

"Oh, shut up," hissed the authoress. "He's gorgeous and you know it."

"Hmph,"Sif sniffed (hehe), turning away.

Meanwhile, the god of thunder stood regally surveying his enemies. On the outside, he looked the perfect picture of godly-warrior-princeness. Inside though, he was secretly doing a victory dance for his awesome epic entrance. And wishing Loki was at his side. And wishing he was back on Midgard with Jane. And Steve. And Bruce, and Tony, and Natasha, and Clint, and poptarts, and-

"Thor! For the love of Odin, stop standing there and get your princely butt fighting!"

"Dangit, Sif, I was angsting!"

"No one cares but the fanfiction writers, Thor!" Volstagg hollered from where he was decapitating someone.

"And all they really seem to care about is Loki," Fandral muttered darkly, stabbing with fervor.

"Besides," Hogun chimed in. "Sif's angsting and she's not staring into space!"

"WHAT?!" Sif screeched angily. Thor immediately looked concerned, turning face Sif as he nailed a guy with his hammer.

"You're plagued by the horrible angst as well? Sif, whatever for?"

"Seriously, Thor?" Fandral yelled as he whirled and kicked. "You haven't noticed her tragic, unrequited love for y-"

"BATTLE!" Sif cried desperately. "We are in the middle of a battle, men, get yourselves together!"

The Warriors Three grumbled, returning to their hacking, and Thor smirked.

"I'll show you 'together'." He then proceeded to utterly demolish the enemy troops with Myolgismoffsfjk, smashing through soldiers with ease.

"Awesome, awesome, awesome," he muttered as he hammered his way through enemies. "Look at all this awesome screen time, these epic battle sequences-"

"HA!" Sif cried triumphantly. Thor whirled around to find Sif standing with an arrow through her shield, an insufferable smirk on her face.

"Nice, Sif," Thor monotoned. "You got an arrow through your shield."

"No, stupid," she hissed. "I saved your life! That's plus ten badass points for Sif!"

"Curses!" Thor swore, returning to battle. Though secretly he was very, very thankful for Sif. It would have seriously sucked to get an arrow to the head, even if it meant more screen time.

"Um, guys?" Volstagg said nervously. Thor, Fandral, Hogun, and ten-points-closer-to-badass-Sif all turned. The mighty warriors paled.

"Is that some sort of reject monster from Lord of the Rings?" Fandral asked weakly, staring at the giant rock monster thingy. The group gulped.

"I don't know, but that's only one of our problems- anyone else notice we're surrounded by heavily armed enemies?!" Hogun cried.

"Yeah seriously, where in the nine realms did the rest of our army go?" Thor muttered.

"Useless men," Sif muttered. "Told you we needed an army of women."

"Shut it, Sif!" Volstagg hissed. "Time to resort to the eternal fall-back plan: Thor, save us!" Thor huffed.

"Fine, fine." He strode forward confidently, ignoring the obnoxious laughter of the not dark elves (they come back, I swear!). Stopping at the feet of the hideous rock beast-

"I'm not hideous!"

"Shut up, you don't get any lines! It's not even established whether or not you can speak in the movie!"

"Accursed authoress," the rock monster muttered.

"Ahem!" Thor cleared his throat, desperately trying to re-rail the plot. The hideous beast's attention returned to him, Thor grinned. "I will accept your surrender now."

"Rats," Sif spat. "That's like, seven badass points right there."Fandral rolled his eyes.

"What do you expect? He is-Great Odin's Beard!" Sif, the warriors three, the not dark elves, and the suddenly mysteriously returned Asgardian forces all gaped in awe as Thor smashed the ugly rock monster into tiny, pathetic bits.

"Yayyyy!" cheered the Asgardian forces.

"Noooo!" moaned the not dark elves.

"Dangit!" cried Sif.

"Suck it, Sif!" Thor laughed. "That's fifty badass points plus screentime!" Then, turning to the not dark elves' forces, "The surrender offer still stands?" Needless to say, they all took it. Because Thor is awesome like that. And no one fancied a hammer to the face.

Hogun sighed happily. "Well, that went fantastically! Great entrance for us; plus we saved my people!" Sif, Thor, and the Warriors Three minus one all turned to him in surprise.

"These are your people?" Thor asked.

"I didn't know you had a people," Volstagg said, then choked as Sif elbowed him in the gut.

"Yup!" Hogun said proudly. "The great people of Vanillaheim!" He frowned. "Wait, that sounds wrong."

"That's 'cause it's not Vanillaheim, stupid. It's obviously Vanellopeheim." Fandral huffed.

"Ummm I'm not sure that's right either, Fandral."

"I'm with Thor. Everyone knows we're on Vanhanathim."

"Volstagg, that's ridiculous. Every realm ends in –eim!"

"ALRIGHT!" Hogun yelled. "Obviously, the authoress has forgotten the exact name of my home world. Let's get on with the plot."

"Yes! To Asgard!" Thor cried. "Except you, Hogun. You can have some vacation time with your people."

"Yay!" Hogun pumped his fist in the air. Then-"Aw crap. There goes my screen time."

Back in the beautiful city of Asgard, Disney Princess Odin sat on a balcony, surrounded by his feathered companions, the crows. Or ravens. Or whatever. Anyways, Disney Princess Odin stared longingly into the distance, gave a deep sigh, opened his mouth, and-

"Father?!" Perfect moment ruined, Odin whirled around.

"WHO DARES DISTURB- oh, it's my slightly less useless son." Thor rolled his eyes.

"Nice to see you too, father. I just finished cleaning up all the mess in the nine realms for you, by the way."

"Excellent, son! I'll be sure to buy you an extra expensive birthday present."

"My birthday was last week, father. You yelled at me about how humans die in a blink of an eye then sent me off to fight a dragon."

"Errrrr right," Odin said awkwardly. "Well, the past is the past! Party and be merry!"

"Thanks, but no thanks," Thor sighed. "I have other things to attend to."

"If you mean your pathetic longing over that ridiculous mortal, you're going on the disgrace list."

"I've been on and off the disgrace list my whole life! You can never decide! You once put me on the disgrace list because I coughed during a meeting! I really couldn't care less!" Thor exploded.

"HOLD YOUR TONGUE, BOY! Or it's back to Midgard for you!" Thor's face lit up.

"Yes please! I am the disgracest of disgraces ever! Alas, you must banish me to Midgard! Hear the shattering of my heart!" Odin leveled Thor in a glare.

"Nice try, but all I hear is a bunch of B.S. Now go make out with Sif and we can all be happy."

"Stupid fathe-wait, what?!"

And that concludes the second chapter of-

"WAIT! Where am I?!" Loki cried. "Where is my heartbreaking scene with Frigga? Where is Frigga period?"

Um, well, you see…the authoress can't exactly remember when that scene is? Besides, she can't make that into crack! It's too sad!

"Oh suck it up! Thor got a cameo last chapter, I deserve one here! Plus, it's a character defining moment!"

Fine, fine! Meanwhile, in the depths of Asgard's golden glowy dungeons, Loki sat by Frigga, eating huge cartons of ice cream.

"Thanks for the ice cream, mother."

"Of course, dear. Ice cream makes everything better. Accept the rest of your family and apologize, please?"

"Heck no!"

"You little shit." Frigga disappeared. Loki pouted.

"Well, at least it's screen time. And angst points!"

Next Chapter: Jane tries to get over Thor by hiding behind a menu, Darcy hires her husband, and the dark elves are revealed? Maybe.