After August

Our Love (Chapter 2 of 10)

"Hey, everyone!" Sora waved as she jogged across the park. A group of kids was assembled beneath the trees, taking refuge from the harsh sun. The smell of sunscreen reached her, overpowering the scent of cut grass.

For the hundredth time, she reminded herself to act normally. She hadn't seen these kids for months because of her time in the Digital World, but only a few days had passed for them. Some were members of the soccer club she, Taichi, and Koushiro belonged to years ago. Others just enjoyed playing and wanted to have a morning game before the temperature climbed too high.

After a splattering of greetings, a girl from her class handed her a bottle of sunscreen. Sora applied it and listened to the group's normal, everyday chatter. In some ways, it was nice to hear about things like homework and gossip. But she felt removed from it, almost as if she had been away too long and forgotten bits of her native language. Although she had missed these kids, Sora was quiet, preoccupied with the sensation of feeling like an outsider.

The last stragglers arrived, and the group spilled onto the grass. Everyone was itching to play, to release energy that had built from being stuck inside due to the heat. Soon, they were split into teams and running about, enjoying a friendly, laid-back game.

The knot of tension in Sora's chest eased as her legs worked, carrying her across the field. The language of movement was intrinsic, encoded in her body. Although she had little opportunity to play sports in the Digital World, her reliance on, trust in, and understanding of the body that survived the journey had only increased. Young voices called around her as she moved, and for a moment, it was like running with the Chosen, but without the fear.

Her hair moved as she ran, winging away from her face. Her thumping heart, the exertion, the feeling of rushing air cooling her sweat… It was so familiar now. Sora glanced up at the sky, half expecting to see Birdramon. There was a pang deep in her chest, softened by gratitude.

I'm here because of you. With a grace she was unaware of possessing, Sora's leg transitioned from running to kicking, stealing the ball from another kid. The children around her were panting, slowing, but Sora's stamina was better than ever. Shock possessed the goalie's face as she barreled towards him. The net flew back, straining to contain a ball that might otherwise have cleared the field.

A former teammate threw her arm around Sora's shoulders. "That was incredible! I'm already wiped; how are you still playing so well?!"

An odd smile, half tense and half sad, touched Sora's face. "I've been exercising a lot lately."

"No kidding! We could really use you on the soccer team. Has your mom reconsidered letting you join again?"

Sora glanced around the field, where her friends were preparing for the next play. This was neither the time nor the place for this discussion, even if she was willing to broach it. "We've been talking it over, and she agreed that I can play a sport with less contact. I think I might switch to tennis."

"Tennis…" The girl's shoulders drooped. "Well, you'd be great at it, but that stinks for us. Still… I'm glad you can play something."

Sora nodded, then ran to join the others. She was happy about playing organized sports again, but the fact that she could talk things out and come to compromises with her mother was far more exciting. Sora turned her face to the ground, hiding a smile.

Thank you, Piyomon…

XXX

Sora was stretched out on the tatami floor of her bedroom, staring at the family laptop. It was a bright summer morning, and sunlight poured through her windows, glaring against the screen. Every once in a while, she changed her angle, rotating so she could see her websites.

Before her trip to the Digital World, Sora had resisted the impulse to browse fashion sites. Jeans, shorts, and simple shirts were the easiest to move around in. Dressing up was impractical... Or at least, that's what she told herself.

But somehow, the draw of pretty clothing didn't seem so embarrassing now. Any trepidation faded, morphing into excitement as she scrolled through fashion blogs and back issues of magazines available online.

When her bedroom door opened and Sora's mother poked her head in, it didn't occur to her to hide what she was browsing. Sora smiled and tipped her head in inquiry.

"Hikari-chan is calling," her mother explained. Sora stood, equal parts curious and concerned.

"Thank you." Sora moved to the small table against the wall in the hallway and picked up the phone. "Moshi moshi. It's Sora."

Hikari's high, sweet voice floated through the receiver. "Hello, Sora-san." An awkward pause followed, broken by static on Hikari's end. Sora imagined the girl shifting her weight, perhaps searching for words that wouldn't come.

Sora tried to speak warmly, hoping to calm her. "How are you doing? It's so good to hear from you."

"Um..." Hikari trailed off, and Sora smiled sadly. 'How are you' was a difficult question for the Chosen at the moment, but she believed it was an important one.

"I'm... okay." Sora rubbed at the ache in her chest. A complex mixture of emotions filled Hikari's words, some far too heavy for a little girl.

"You can tell me anything," Sora said. "We can meet up, if that's easier."

Hikari gained some animation, hinting that Sora had correctly guessed her purpose. "Ah! I, um, I wanted to ask... Would you come visit Onii-chan and me?"

Sora frowned. How could she explain that she was in the middle of a tiff with Taichi without worrying Hikari? "We can meet at a cafe or a bakery. I could get you some ice cream."

"I would like that, but, um... Well, I'm worried about Onii-chan. He's… not himself. He stays inside all the time and just sits in his bed or watches TV."

Sora gripped the edge of the table. "I want to help. I really do, but I already tried, and... Well, to be honest, I'm kind of waiting on an apology from him."

The high-pitched sound Hikari made, a tense sort of hum, set Sora's nerves on edge. She knew what it was like to struggle with saying something difficult, something vulnerable.

"Sora-san… Onii-chan quit soccer club."

Sora's rational mind never parsed the question; sick worry overrode it. "I'm on my way."

A few moments later, she stepped out of her apartment and into the relentless heat of August.

XXX

Although it was sweltering and she longed to be inside, Sora paused by the Yagami's front door. It was easy to view Taichi as a laid-back, confident kid, but after years of friendship, Sora knew there was more to him. Regardless, it wasn't fair to expect someone to never have fears or weaknesses, to assume that they were unassailable.

But how could she support him through this when she was struggling with it, herself?

Sora closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In her mind, she repeated one of the meditation chants that Jyou had taught her. There was no room for doubt, not now.

She knocked, and Hikari greeted her with a look of hopeful relief that triggered anxiety. Just how bad were things with Taichi that his sister was so eager for help?

"Thanks for coming, Sora-san." Hikari retreated into the apartment, clearing the genkan. Sora removed her shoes, savoring the cool touch of the AC.

"I'm glad you called." While she was dreading this conversation with Taichi, Sora wanted to encourage the Chosen to reach out. How strange that Hikari, the most private among them, was the first to ask for help. But then, she's asking for her brother...

Somehow, Sora summoned a smile, despite her jangling nerves. "I know I need to talk to Taichi. But would you like to chat first?"

Hikari paused en route to the living room. "I'm… okay. But Onii-chan..."

Sora hesitated. The pain in Hikari's eyes belied her words. Still, she knew from experience that forcing someone to open up would do more harm than good, especially when Hikari was worried about someone else. "Call me any time if you want to talk. Excuse me for now." With that, she walked down the hall and entered Hikari and Taichi's shared bedroom.

As before, Taichi was sprawled on his bed, lying on his stomach and staring at an open manga. Sora examined him, hovering in the doorway. He seemed more alert than last time, since he was occupied and dressed in day clothes. But the energy that usually radiated from him had burnt out, and he hardly seemed like Taichi without it.

"Hey," she murmured, trying not to startle him. Taichi peeked over the edge of the top bunk and stared.

"Er, hi?" Despite everything, Sora grinned. Because of their argument, Taichi was probably as surprised to see her as she was to be here.

And because she was still annoyed, Sora went straight for the heart. "Hikari-chan called me. She said she's worried about you and asked for my help."

Taichi grimaced and slammed the manga shut. He sat up, giving her his attention. Sora nodded, pleased with the change.

"I'm fine," he said. "I'll tell Hikari to stop worrying."

Sora leaned against the bed frame. "It would be more convincing to show her you're fine."

Taichi tsked and crossed his arms. "This isn't how I usually spend summer breaks. I know that. But I don't know why everyone's being weird about it."

Sora hesitated, unsure of how to respond. If Taichi was actually willing to listen, then she needed to make her point properly… But how was she supposed to do that? "We're all feeling raw right now; that's why we're alert to odd behavior. We want to help."

Taichi scowled. "I get it," he said, with great reluctance. "But... How is anyone going to help? No one can teleport us back to... back there."

Sora gripped the wooden barrier that prevented Taichi from rolling out of bed. "I know," she murmured. "But we can encourage each other to go back there." She nodded at the cityscape beyond the glass balcony door.

"I don't want to." Though the words seemed pouty, Taichi spoke them matter-of-factly. "It's not a big deal if I hang out inside."

Sora stifled the sigh pushing up from her lungs. "The problem isn't that you're inside, not really. The problem is that you're cutting yourself off from everyone."

Taichi rubbed his temples, hinting that he was just as frustrated as her. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you did that in the Digital World. Why can't I?"

"Taichi!" Sora paused, so flabbergasted that she was forced to gather herself. "That was a problem! The fact that I pull away when I'm upset is exactly why I know it's a bad idea."

"Well-" His lower lip protruded as his forehead furrowed. Sora waited, knowing that he wanted to argue, but was struggling to find a comeback. "What are you doing, then?"

"It's… hard." Sora smiled, but an odd tingling sensation was building in the back of her eyes. "I'm trying to do old things, like see friends and play soccer. And... I'm trying to do new things, too. Things I maybe wasn't brave enough to do before."

Taichi stared through the glass for a while, then squared his shoulders. "Well, I don't want to do that. What's wrong with me staying here?"

"Taichi..." Sora ran her fingers through her hair, fighting the urge to tug it. She was accustomed to stubbornness from Taichi, but the defeatist attitude? Now that worried her.

Her gaze fell to Hikari's bed as a strange heaviness settled on her shoulders. "You... weren't there," she murmured at last.

The mattress shifted as Taichi leaned closer. "Sora?"

It's okay. You're fine. Taichi's here. "In the cave. In the Digital World."

Sora and Yamato had discussed the cave since their return to earth, but there hadn't been much time to tell the others about it. After Sora and Birdramon carried Yamato and Jyou to the battle with Piemon, the rest of their time in the Digital World passed in a terrible rush. It was likely that she'd have to talk about things she'd rather not discuss now.

Sora closed her eyes and pictured Piyomon beside her, those big eyes overflowing with love and concern. "The cave... It pulled Yamato and me in. It's hard to describe what it was like, but... Everything was dark and cold. It felt like my heart was locked in ice, and I couldn't remember any of the good things in my life."

When she opened her eyes, she found a Taichi that she hadn't seen for days. That awful pain was still there, clouding and dulling his gaze. But his focus was rising, joined with concern. Sora stepped closer to the bed, and Taichi reached over the guardrail, taking hold of her shoulder.

"You okay?"

She drew a deep, shuddering breath. Suddenly, the air conditioning that she had taken such comfort in reminded her of the icy sting of cold, stale air in that dark world. "I'm… not sure," she admitted, acknowledging an awful truth skulking in the corners of her mind. "I have nightmares, sometimes. We never found out what that dark world is, or exactly why Yamato and I were pulled into it. And you weren't there, but Eimi-chan went through something similar, although she called it an ocean, not a cave."

"Yeah, she told me. Sit." Taichi crawled across his bed and grabbed the ladder. Sora sank onto the lower bunk as he climbed down. Although her stomach was knotted with stress, she relaxed a little as he sat beside her.

Taichi cleared his throat, unusually awkward. "How did you end up there?"

"I don't know," Sora sighed. "That's a big part of the problem. Why were the three of us targeted? I'm only guessing, but I can't help but think that…"

She paused and worried her lower lip. She didn't want to imply that the victims of that strange world were weak, but… Well, she had felt weak at the time. "When the dark cave pulled me in… I was hurting. I was already scared about fighting Piemon and worried about everyone, and…"

She waved a hand helplessly. So many odd things had happened in the Digital World, but most had clear causes, like Devimon creating the hotel mirage. How could she describe the sensation of being sucked into another place by a force they had never discovered?

"From what I can tell, Yamato, Eimi-chan, and I all felt depressed when we were pulled in. We were hurting alone, physically and emotionally separated from the others. Yamato told me that he even tried to send Gabumon away when he was in the cave."

Taichi's eyebrows leaped up. "Yikes."

Sora managed a tiny smile as she recalled the fierce bond between Yamato and Gabumon. "Right? I think there's a connection between everyone who ended up in the dark cave. It was never you, someone who faces things head on. It was never Koushiro-kun, who is so measured and logical, or Jyou-senpai, who speaks up when he has a problem. And Mimi-chan and Takeru-kun are so optimistic, I can't imagine them ending up in the dark cave."

"So you're saying it's introverts?" Taichi tipped his head and frowned. "No, Koushiro's an introvert, right?"

"Close. I'm saying that people who bottle things up and try to deal with everything by themselves are vulnerable. And that's why I want everyone to support each other now. That's why it scares me when you shut us out."

Taichi tipped his head back and crossed his arms. "I get it. But… The dark cave or whatever? That's part of the Digital World, right? It can't hurt anyone here."

Sora fought to keep her tone clear of frustration. "I don't know. It's possible that it could find us here, I guess? Either way, I know now that struggling by myself is a bad idea. It doesn't mean I'm strong, or that I'm sparing others. I can't always stop myself from brooding, but I want to try. And maybe I'm overstepping, but I don't want any of the Chosen to do it, either."

Taichi's hands curled into fists against his knees. With a hard, cracking voice, he said, "But what do you want me to do? No matter what you say, I can't just… Act like none of this happened. Like I'm not missing them."

The burning in the back of her eyes intensified. Sora leaned into Taichi, covering his shaking fist with her hand. "Oh, Taichi… No one expects you to pretend nothing happened."

"I have to, though!" Taichi cried. "Maybe I could get away with talking about digimon, since people saw them when Vamdemon came to Odaiba. But I'd get chucked in a padded room if I mentioned the Chosen and the Digital World. Everyone wants me to just, just go outside and, I dunno… Talk about homework and video games and dumb crap with kids who didn't go through all of this? Chase a stupid soccer ball? Ignore that Agumon- That Agumon's not…"

Sora's voice caught, beating against her throat like the wings of a caged bird. She longed to tell him that he wasn't alone, but she couldn't free the words. She embraced him, unsure of whether she was trying to give or receive comfort.

He leaned into her, and slowly, his trembling ceased. "God, this sucks," he whispered.

With care, Sora tested her voice. "I know. I bet he's thinking of you right now."

Taichi jerked, but didn't break away from their hug. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

With his wide eyes and flaring nostrils, Taichi resembled a prey animal amping itself up for a fight. Sora curled her fingers around his, ignoring their unwilling stiffness. She knew how much it hurt to be pushed on a painful subject, and she needed him to know that she did it out of love.

"Yes," she murmured. "Because your bond is still there, and it always will be."

His chest lurched in, and his combative front crumbled as quickly as it had formed. A quiet, muted sob leaked out, and he released her to rub his eyes. "D-damn it, Sora…!"

She grabbed his shoulder, unconsciously trying to ground them both. "Being home without the digimon is terrible; it hardly feels like home at all. But you can adjust to your old life, I know you can. I've seen you do so many incredible things. You faced Piemon, remember? You can do anything!"

The tiny, precise muscles in his face strained, lining it with emotion, aging him. All at once, the tears he had been restraining burst forth, rolling down his skin. "I had Agumon then!" he choked. "I can't do it alone!"

Though she feared they wouldn't sound like human speech, this time, Sora had to speak those words. "You aren't alone. I'm here. We're all here. And the digimon… They're waiting for us and hoping that we're happy. They're with us, too."

Taichi was crying too hard to respond, and suddenly, Sora couldn't hold back. As if in sympathy, her tears poured over. They huddled together for what felt like an age, crying until their bodies ran dry.

When Taichi quieted and looked up at last, his face was red, wet, and sticky. "Sorry," he groaned, his voice raspy and weak.

Sora shook her head. Her core ached from supporting her sobs, and her head was stuffy and fuzzy, as if she had a cold. Everything was hot and tender, and yet… In a way, she felt a little better than she did before she came.

"We tried not to cry when we left for the digimon's sake, but now… It's good to remember. I think it's good to miss them, and even to cry."

Taichi sniffled, grimaced, and wiped his nose with his arm. Sora swallowed the urge to tell him to get a tissue. "Crying sucks."

"It's hard." After the catharsis of crying, Sora's intrinsic urge to hide her pain rose again, as if to protect her from another lapse. With great effort, she resisted the need to appear calm and allowed her remaining tears to leak free. "Don't you feel a little better, though? Expressing the pain helps up accept it. It just festers if you bottle it up."

Taichi scrubbed his face with the bottom of his shirt. When he finished, his hair was more disheveled and crazy than ever. Sora grinned, and the corner of his mouth nudged up. Still, his eyes remained heavy and bloodshot.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll try not to get touchy about missing them." He looked away and tried to finger comb his disastrous hair. "Sorry about the other day. I was a jerk."

"You were," Sora agreed, and she grinned at his rough snort of laughter. "But it's okay."

After a pause, Taichi flopped onto his back, staring at the underside of his bed. "I don't know what to do, though. It's like… I'm not ready for my old life yet. Like I still have a foot in the Digital World."

"Hmm…" Vaguely, Sora understood. Immediately following their return, there was occasional disorientation, a sense that the Digital World would materialize around her again. But while she was grateful to have been Chosen, and to have visited the other world, what mattered was seeing Piyomon again.

"When I hear gulls cry, my heart jumps," she offered, hoping that feeling was close enough to what Taichi was describing.

He produced a weak smile that likely mirrored hers. "When Mom cooks, I expect Agumon to ask me how much longer it will take every five seconds."

"We'll remember them without hurting so much some day," Sora replied, hoping out loud.

"Yeah, but… What do we do now? How do we go back to our old lives?"

Sora frowned, then smoothed her expression out, trying to hide her worry and confusion. Taichi kept circling around a question she didn't fully understand. "What do you mean?"

His body language closed off, his shoulders tightening, his body turning away from hers. Sora lay beside him, hoping to keep communication open. "It's okay, Taichi."

With a deep sigh, he rolled back towards her. "I can't focus. After everything that happened, hanging out and soccer and goofing off… It just seems… stupid. Like, why bother?"

Sora didn't know any technical terms for what Taichi was saying, but alarm bells were clanging in her brain, creating a sense of harried urgency. "Is that why you quit soccer club?"

Taichi blinked, then scowled. "Hikari told you."

Sora nodded, hoping she didn't look as manic as she suddenly felt. "When she said that, I ran straight here, even though I was mad at you."

Taichi watched her with an indecipherable look. Sora took deep breaths, trying to calm down. "I guess quitting soccer does sound crazy," he allowed. "It's just… We saw so much. We did so much, and we all changed… We should be better, stronger. But now that it's over, now that we're here…"

Taichi paused, groaned, and scratched his head with both hands, as if he were trying to shake the right words out. "Do you know those block toys where the shapes go into the matching holes? I feel like my block used to fit, but now it's too big. I'm glad we saved both worlds, but I can't help wondering… What was the point? And what do I do now?"

She knew she was supposed to respond, but Sora was too overwhelmed. Concern was her top priority, but fear followed, and even a little anger. Swallowing all of it, she whispered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know you felt this way."

He lowered his hands and met her eyes, looking strangely vulnerable. Defeated, even. "Do you not?"

Although she wanted to make him feel better, Sora couldn't lie. "Well… no. I miss Piyomon, but I keep thinking about how grateful I am to her. It's easier to talk to my mom now, and I learned so much about myself."

Taichi's stare was bovine, exhausted, unnervingly blank. After a long pause, he shook his head. "I thought I learned stuff," he muttered. "On the trolley, I would have said something like that. But now, I just… Don't know."

Seeing one of her oldest friends like this was too much. Pain exploded in the back of her eyes as her spent tear ducts fought to eke more liquid. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. I think the point is that we're still here, and so are Agumon and the others. We could never meet again if we hadn't gone through everything and saved both worlds. And really, just meeting our digimon is more than enough for me. Do you need a point beyond that?"

This time, when his eyes flared open, they held no hints of aggression. He lifted a shaking hand to his forehead, staring at nothing. "Y-you're right."

He seemed so stricken that Sora grabbed him, as if he might vanish or collapse if left alone. Her stomach turned when she recalled watching him disappear into Etemon's dark network, and the Chosen drifting apart without him… Starting with her.

Taichi's voice pulled her back to the present, and she resisted the urge to shake those memories out of her head. "You're really strong, Sora. Stronger than you know."

Sora smiled, but it felt weak and watery. "Oh, Taichi. You're strong, too. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"

He nodded, but offered no response. After a long interval, Sora asked, "Do you want to talk about it some more?"

Taichi shrugged. "I don't know what else to say."

Although his reddened eyelids and lethargic body language announced his exhaustion, he did seem calmer than before, and maybe a little more focused. She wanted to probe further, to make sure that he was alright, but then… It wasn't as if their emotional wounds could heal in a day. If Taichi said that he was done for now, then she had to respect that. "Do you want to play video games?"

"Nah."

"…Do you want to talk about Agumon and Piyomon?"

After a pause, Taichi hauled himself into a sitting position and offered her a faint grin. Sora smiled back, and that grin grew, until it almost looked like the ones she remembered. "Did I ever tell you about the time Agumon set my clothes on fire?"

"What!" Sora leaned closer, eager to her stories about the digimon she so sorely missed.

XXX

Some time later, Sora said goodbye to Taichi and left his apartment. She and Yamato also lived in Odaiba Kaihin Koen, so her walk was not a long one. Despite the heat, she lingered outside, trying to sort out her knotted emotions before returning home.

All this time, Sora had assumed that the Chosen were going through similar pain: struggling to process the dangers they had faced, missing their beloved partners, and fighting to believe that they would meet again. Taichi's sense of disorientation and loss of purpose were frightening surprises.

Sora fretted with her hair while she walked, and her hands came away wet with sweat. Blinking, she realized that wandering the apartment building's outdoor walkways wasn't smart in this heat. She moved towards her apartment, eyes trained on he concrete.

When she left, she told Taichi to call her any time. Still, she wasn't convinced that he would. And if Taichi had struggles that she hadn't anticipated, then what about the others?

I'll have to call them. I can't force them to talk, but I can let them know that I'm here. Sora wanted that get-together more than ever, but she was beginning to sense how difficult it could be to convince her hurting friends to attend.

I'll do my best, though. It's all I can do. Right, Piyomon?

A gull's cry filled the air, answered by its fellows in a shrill, wild chorus. Gasping, Sora turned towards Tokyo Bay. The water gleamed red with the setting sun, glittering like a ruby. Sora squinted against the glare and saw the silhouettes of birds winging above the bay, held aloft with dreamy ease.

Though it was hot, she lingered by the guardrail, watching their flight.

Author's Note:

So! It's my tradition to celebrate my birthday like a hobbit, by giving presents (it's words, in my case!). I hope you enjoyed Our Love! Our Knowledge will be posted late next week.

Please do leave me a review, I would really appreciate it!