Samus growled and tried not to let her temper flare as she tolerated the sound of Bronko's voice as they walked out of the tunnel. His voice was high and raspy, like he had sucked in helium and hadn't swallowed a drop of water in years. Some things he said resembled pure nonsense. Here's an example:
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen such beautiful moss," he'd say as he gazed at the cavern wall.
"That isn't moss, that's green neonstone," Samus would reply, annoyed.
"Well, it looks like the color of my aunt's ugly warts! I think she's got some sort of disease . . ."
This sort of exchange lasted until Samus and Bronko came to the end of the cavern. Samus squinted as she entered the light and breathed a sigh of relief as Bronko continued on about the sound of water dripping from the ceiling.
"Okay, we're out," Samus announced, ready to leave the pirate. She hardly cared if he was after her any more; the pirate seemed somewhat less than intimidating.
"Oh, my! Look, is it true? We're finally out? Good grief, I don't think I've ever been so happy!"
"Neither have I," the hunter muttered under her breath. "Now, I'm going to leave. Glad to help."
Samus started walking away quickly, hoping never to hear another word about anyone's aunt or their skin conditions. Bronko stood dazed for a moment, and then it registered in his mind what was happening.
"Wait! I . . . I still don't know where I am! Friend, you gotta help me, I'm . . . uh, still lost!"
Samus stopped and squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to keep a curse word stuck in her throat.
"What else could you need, space pirate?" she asked through her teeth. "I'm a busy woman."
Bronko timidly stepped towards the hunter.
"I, well . . . I need, uh . . . someplace to go," he answered nervously, "See, I . . . don't have a home. Well, not anymore."
Bronko let out a weak chuckle as he stared at the back of Samus' suit. Samus grumbled and turned around.
"Look, this is a nice place," she started, "Phendrana Drifts is beautiful. You can manage here, I think."
She turned to walk away when she felt a tugging at her leg, followed by loud and obnoxious sobbing.
"Oh, please, miss hunter, don't leave me!" wailed the pathetic space pirate, "I can't live by myself! Oh, no one really likes me! Oh woe, agony, and everything else! Please don't leave, please! Take me with you!"
Samus shook the space pirate off and glared at him as he wiped tears from his eyes.
"I'm sorry, but I have no reason to trust you. You're a space pirate; one of Ridley's men. As far as I know, you're out to kill me. Sorry, but I'm just trying not to get pulled into a trap."
Bronko curiously gazed at the hunter for a moment, and then burst out in high-pitched laughter.
"You're Samus Aran! Oh, my, that's rich! I've just asked the enemy for help! Ah ha ha ha!"
The space pirate's laughter rang out and echoed from the cliffs of Phendrana. Samus raised an eyebrow at the sudden change in disposition. Bronko's uncontrollable laughter died down as he doubled over.
"Oh my! Oh, oh, this is too much . . ." he stuttered, "Ahh, I'm sorry, Miss Aran. I don't believe you've ever seen me, have you?"
Samus looked quizzically at the pirate and slowly shook her head.
"No, why?"
"Well, I'm glad you asked! I will share with you my entire story, so just kick back, relax and open those humanoid ears of yours!"
Samus groaned and rolled her eyes, just about fed up with this entire endeavor. Bronko began to tell his story cheerfully.
"So, it all began when I was first born! Well, not exactly. Maybe after that. Anyway, my mother and father left me because I have this . . . this deformation, or mutation. See, my exoskeleton is purple. You saw, right? Yes, of course you did! Anyway, this mutation is called . . . uh, now let's see . . . Oh, yeah, it's called, 'Fragme morium'. Something about dead mind or maybe dead memory. Heh . . . I forgot. Well, once I grew up, I started working under Ridley's rule. I never saw him, nor did I go on missions. The one time I did, I accidentally knocked down a pile of stones and caused all this racket and gave away our hiding place. It was a wondrous noise! Of course, no one else thought so. They all . . . well, they started swiping at me and tried to hurt me. But I turned out okay, see? Well, next I went along with them on the same mission, but I tripped into a pool of toxic acid, I think, and then my cuts started to get infected! The other pirates didn't want to help. I understand; it was pretty gross. Well, then they took me to Ridley to tell him about me. I was excited. 'I'm meeting the boss!' I thought, 'This is going to be awesome!' I saw him and he was so cool! Except he started yelling at me . . . well, screeching, really. I looked him up and down, thinking about his superior strength. Only thing I remember after that is when he picked me up . . . and then I think he stuck me between his jaws. Boy, talk about sharp teeth! They pierced a hole in my exoskeleton! I mean, look, you can still see . . ."
Bronko lifted his scythe-arms and displayed a line of scars that poked through his hard shell. Some were still oozing an indistinguishable liquid. Samus made a face as the space pirate continued.
"So, you're probably wondering how I got here, right? Well, let me tell you, Miss Aran, let me tell you! So, my friends . . . well, my fellow space pirates told me that I could come along on a mission with them again! I was so happy; this was exciting, you see? So I came here with them, and then we found that cave. We found it . . . and then I was looking around. It was so pretty, you know? Some things you just can't even fathom the beauty! You have to savor it in that moment. So I looked around, and the next minute, my friends were all gone! Poof! They vanished into thin air! I called them, but no one actually answered. I couldn't find my way out, see? So there I was for . . . for months, I think. I don't think it's been a year yet."
Bronko stooped low in something that resembled a clumsy bow.
"That's my story! What do you think, Miss Aran?"
Samus remained silent and stifled an impending yawn. She thought back to Bronko's description Ridley's torturous treatment. In a way, the hunter felt sorry for the pirate. He had been abandoned by so many others in his mentally disabled state, and that was an injustice. However, he was an enemy . . . right? Samus bit her lip in frustrated thought. What would she do with this creature?
"Sounds like . . . sounds like you've been through a lot, Bronko," she managed to say.
"Oh, yes, but it's nothing really! I just need somewhere to go, is all. Really, I'm okay! Look, watch as I jump really high!"
Samus cringed as the pirate scrunched down and was assaulted by multiple cracking and crunching sounds that erupted from his body.
"Ooh! Ow, hold on . . . I haven't done this in ages . . ."
Bronko looked up into the gray sky of Phendrana and a look of fierce determination spread on his face. His legs sprang up, but the rest of his body launched backwards as his feet slid from underneath him. In another storm of cracking sounds, the pirate collapsed to the icy ground and rubbed his behind while groaning in pain. Samus pursed her lips.
Oh, Zebes, he's like a child, she thought as Bronko shakily stood on his crooked feet again, a poor, deformed child.
"Oh, gracious, I haven't done that in a long time! How'd that look, ma'am? Did I really fly?" Bronko asked enthusiastically.
"Huh? Oh, yes, that was very good . . ." Samus mumbled, trying to figure out what to do with the pitiful creature. "Say, Bronko, would you . . . well, how would you like . . ."
"Oh, thank you miss! I'd love to come with you! I most certainly would enjoy finding somewhere to stay! Oh, goodness, you're a real gem, Miss Aran, really! I-"
Samus put her hand to his mouth, forcing it shut.
"If you wanna come, I'd suggest you at least try to control that mouth of yours," she said in a low voice. Bronko nodded innocently and then clung to Samus' gun arm happily.
"Thank you! Thank you so much, ma'am! You actually care; someone likes me! Yes, yes, I knew this day would come!"
Samus yanked her arm away from the pirate and led him back to her gunship, reminding him subtly to keep his mouth shut. Bronko, like a small child, would nod in response and follow her like a lost lamb—a lost lamb with a motor mouth.