Distractions
It was a Monday morning with the sun in the sky filled with blue-gray clouds that reminded me of winter when we were in July and only a week after would be summer holidays. I opened my dark lilac purple curtain that was also covered with butterflies. I opened them wide for a better see at the sky and the fresh air I breathed when I opened the window just a crack. The sun was in the sky but the air was chilly. I sighed and listened intently for any noise around the house. Silence. I guess mom and my irritating, know-it-all step dad Paul didn't wake up. I bet they will wake up in the afternoon and have breakfast as lunch. Their usual daily scheme that made me wants to just scream at them with all the rage and hate that I was filled with. I wish I was with dad. I wish they were like same old days, still married and mom would wake up in the morning making waffles and giving me a kiss while I walked out the house with a smile and joy. I sighed and walked toward my closet to pick some clothes for school.
At least my school didn't have those lame, uncool school uniforms that just sucked! I looked at my pile of clothes and picked out my favorite black jeans and a new black t-shirt that was unto my thighs. I would wear some egg-boots and my new black leather jacket that had a zip horizontally formed at the front. I picked a pink boxes and a pink bra and went straight to the bathroom for a shower. I took off my teddy bear pajamas and threw them on the floor. I opened the tap for warmer water and washed my body with the raspberry shower gel. I got off the shower feeling fresh and clean and looked at myself in the mirror. I brushed my brunette hair that was up to my elbow and dead straight that reminded too much of my mom and my cheekbones that was filled with color. I washed my face with soap and looked intensively to remember my father's eyes. It was just like dads. Hazel colored but changes color to a darker tone when I wear dark clothing but when I wear something like green, they seem lighter. I started to brush my teeth with my orange toothbrush and my minty toothpaste that gave me a fresh minty breath. My lips were in a straight line and my teeth white and straight in perfect sequence. I had to wear braces for them to look like these! I smiled at the memory. I suddenly realized I might be late for school and I changed into my clothes quickly. I quickly picked up some white socks before I forgot to wear them. And then I picked up my dark purple leather side bag that was filled with my planner, school stationary, and my glasses that I wear times to time. I also picked my blackberry from my bedside desk and went downstairs. I quickly checked the time and it showed 8:05. I wasn't that late. I still had 10 minutes left to meet up with my friends at the corner of the street where my school was located. I made myself a cheese and tomato sandwich with white toast bread and drank some milk. I ate my two sandwiches and washed my dirty dishes. I picked up my school homework that I left last night on top of the shoe closet so that I didn't forget them and don't have to have detention like last week! I wore my boots and pulled my leather jacket on and checked my self for the last time before I left the house. I looked like a rock chic with curvy thighs and a slim tummy. I smiled and walked out the house after I got my keys. I locked the door firmly and took in a big, deep breath before I began to walk down the street.
I was walking toward the Leensheer Street, where every morning for the past 4 years where I meet up with my best friends Ashley and Damien. I was walking my shoulders high and head looking straight ahead. I was finally at the corner where I had to wait few minutes for Ashley and Damien to jog to my side laughing and full of joy. After few minutes later they were walking fast towards me, both smiling. Ashley with her dark brown curly hair to shoulder length, her light brown eyes sparkling with excitement. I had a silent laugh in my head. She always wore make-up. She would never go outside without make-up, she would rather die she would say! This was hysterical. Today she had turquoise eye shadow on with light black eyeliner. Her face was round and she always applied pink blusher to bring out her cheekbones she always said. She wore a light pink lip gloss that was a typical Ashley. I looked at her clothes and admired her. She wore a turquoise colored t-shirt with dark blue denim jeans. She had black shoes and a black coat that gave her a figure. She always knew how to dress and dress-up. On the other side of her was Damien. His usual blonde ruffled hair that was messed up into a cute style that made him looks young and handsome and has bright blue eyes shining and smiling. If he smiled, you just had to smile back. He had dark blue jeans on with his white t-shirt and his black leather jacket, that made him look like a motorbike driver! How cute. He had white trainers that would probably be grey and dirty after school because of course he plays in the schools soccer team. They reached me at last and we hugged each other and smiled.
"Good, morning' Christina" Ash said, while she kissed my cheek. "You are looking lovely today. Who picked that leather jacket for you? Its sooo you" She laughed and I had to roll my eyes.
"Hey, Ash. Oh, yeah, this jacket is cute isn't it. Some Chanel obsessed friend of mine, who come to know what fashion is and the latest fashion trends picked it up for me! Well, she looks gorgeous herself if I must say" I said with a grin on my face. She gave a little curtsy. She made me buy it when we went to shopping last weekend.
"Hello. My name is Damien and I am your best friend. Remember?" He said while I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Your friend Ash over here hasn't shut up about my outfit all the way over here. I don't need to be forgotten I'm a boy when I'm around you too, Christina" he laughed and blew a kiss to Ash who was walking beside me. Damien threw his hand over my shoulder and said "Me and you suit today, Christina. Damn, you look hot! It's funny teasing Ash but she does have a good taste in clothes" He hugged me tighter and winked at Ash. She walked over to his right, and he threw his other arm around her neck.
"Thanks Dami. I do find you cute today. Anyways we have media today. I have it with that fashion senseless, Mrs Lovegood. Gosh, wish she would let me help her! I bet Gok Wan can't even help her" she said seriously while me and Dami laughed and she gave us her whatever look.
"I don't care about the way she dresses. I only care because she can teach." I said while Dami nodded in agreement and Ash shook her head. She always acted she didn't care about school but she always had good grades. Typical Ashley Goodman.
"Yeah! She's not boring and I learn in her lessons. I have her for English. Even though I hate Shakespeare, she makes it sound interesting. She's cool" Dami said after he got distracted by some girls in mini skirts. He was staring at them with adoration.
"Dami, you're disgusting. You shouldn't check other girls out when you're with a GIRL!" she said while she mumbled about Damien and him being a jerk.
"Come on. Give me a break. Christina, wont you help me?" he asked eagerly for my agreement but I had to agree with Ash. But I kept my thoughts to myself and held up my hands that meant don't-get-me-involved. He sighed and apologized. But he wasn't upset, it was the opposite, he actually found this amusing.
We were at the school gates when Dami caught up with Coach Rathbone and waved a hand to tell us to go and that he'll catch up. Ash was talking about what she watched in TV last night. You guessed right. Fashion! I didn't mind her talking about it even though I didn't understand a thing she said. It was just her usual self. She was serious and half joking but she never would change for anyone and I wouldn't want her to change. We were at her locker when she stuffed all her books in and looked at herself in the mirror that she glued inside secretly when you weren't clearly allowed by the laws of Locksman High School. Typical Ash breaking the rules. I rolled my eyes and just smiled.
"Looks like you're going to take your time. I'll see you in class. Okay?" I asked and when I was waiting for an answer she just nodded and started putting her lips gloss on.
"Don't be late!" She encountered when I walked away a few steps later." You don't be late" I said sarcastically and she just rolled her eyes and grinned. I was walking to my locker that was with the other grey lockers that surrounded everywhere. Mine was further down from my form class. I was usually unlucky so it didn't surprise me when I got it. Mine wasn't like Damien's which was filled with football stickers or Ashley's with pictures of clothes and pink and mirrors. Mine was plain. I just had my books and class work and notes inside. I stuffed all my homework inside my locker. I wouldn't need them until fourth period. I only took my English book, a copy of Romeo and Juliet, my English essay that I needed to stable together as soon as possible. After I got everything I wanted I locked my locker and started walking toward G60. My form class. I was looking down while I was walking and I didn't see him come out the classroom when I arrived and I crashed into him.
Everything in my arms fell to the floor and I groaned and started bending to clean the mess on the floor that I created because of course, I was unobservant and distracted and embarrassingly clumsy! I apologized and apologized. I still didn't look at him when he gave me my English book while I was picking my English essay up off the floor. He too, was saying sorry and still helping me. I just thanked for his kindness and I said sorry for the last time before I walked inside the classroom. Nearly everyone was here. They were all talking and gossiping and talking what their plan is for summer holidays. Damien and Ashley were seated at the back of the room that constantly changed. I said hello to everyone while I made my way towards them being careful not to do something clumsy again. Everyone saw that and people looked at me with pity. And I hated that!
"Geez, Christina. Can you be clumsier?" Damien said while I gave a shy smile, feeling my cheeks fill with color. He laughed and squeezed my cheeks. "That was rude though, you didn't even look at the boy." He teased me with full enthusiasm.
"I was too embarrassed. I was making it worse by babbling about how clumsy I was." I said and gave a nervous laugh.
"He was H-O-T. He looked so handsome I envied to be in your place. To touch his hand by accident and then have eye contact..." Ash said suddenly and she drifted off to day dreaming when me and Dami exchanged looks and he made a 'gone crazy' sign. We started laughing and Ash suddenly cut off her day dreaming and put herself together.
Wonder who he was? He dazzled Ash, so he really must be good-looking. Hardly anyone has approval of Ash in the H-O-T department. Wonder what he looked like? Wish I looked at him. Well at least I know he was kind and generous. Anyways, Ash would show me later who this guy was and I would apologize to him again. But he wasn't one of my concerns. I was still distracted by the dream. It had terrified me but I also wanted to see it again. To look at the angel who saved me. To look at the angel who loved me! Wonder if the dream has a meaning. My dreams usually come true and they freakishly feel like seeing the future. But this seemed impossible. An angel, demon. They didn't have faces. Or did they? I don't think so. I checked the time on the wall across from where I sat that stood right above the big black board that was filled with graffiti and writings. I had 10 minutes left. It was 8:30 and at 8:40 would be registration then English, then... I checked my planner and it was biology, religious studies, media and then sociology. Not a bad day. I usually like Mondays because of media and English. Ash is in my media class and Dami is in my biology and sociology class. In biology Dami sits two tables down from me while I sat at the back of the class without a partner. I usually did triples with Dami's group in experiments and group work. And in sociology the boy who was supposed to be my partner was never present and again I was alone. I didn't mind the back and sat without a partner. I quite liked it. However in media I sat next to Ash but she was serious in media, because she loved that subject. And of course she was also showing off her intelligence to William Johnson which she also approved of being good-looking. There seriously was something hysterical about her. I smiled. I checked the clock again and it showed I had 7 minutes. So I put my head on the desk and closed my eyes.
I could hear Damien and Ashley in the front seats talking about the summer holidays. I didn't pay attention because we would have the same conversation after school. They sat at the 3rd seats in the second row that had a total of 4 tables. The classroom was strangely too noisy today. People talking, laughing running around I guessed they were trying to make everyday count. Of course they might not see each other for 3 months but they weren't saying goodbye for a final time. I began to analyze my classroom. It had 3 rows that equals to 12 seats that would give space to 28 students. We had 26. The classroom had 2 double windows to my left side that looked the view of the school football field. The walls were painted plain white with light brown wooden floor. It was like this, never changing, for the last 4 years. I was finished looking over my classroom so that it would be craved into my head. I would miss school. I would miss my teachers. I would miss the fun and company that I get at school. I was relieved when the bell finally rang and everyone moved to their original seats.
Mrs Richardson walked gracefully into the classroom with a plain black skirt up to her knees and a white fluffy blouse. Her blonde hair was tied back into a bun. She walked to her seat with black heels clicking on the hard floor and a smile on her face.
'Good Morning, kids. I hope you enjoyed your weekend and had a lot of fun like me. Anyways, today after I take the register, I am going to invite a new student to our classroom. You might have seen him going around the school. Okay!" she said while going over the pile of books that was on her table like a big whole mess. She opened her own planner (teachers do have planners too) and got out her black pen form her briefcase. I was staring out the window while she read the register and I heard the responses back from the students. I heard Mrs Richardson calling 'Ashley Goodman' and a response of "Present" from Ash in her posh and kind voice. She then carried on calling out more names, and called mine at last after Kelly Jackman. I gave a plain, low "Here, Mrs". I was still watching the window while Mrs Richardson called Damien White and received laughter from the whole class when he replied "What's up, Mrs. You're topping the hot list today!" Mrs Richardson also laughed and finally closed the register. I didn't. I had a bad feeling today. Might have been because of the dream but I doubted that.
"Now, in a minute or two the new student will come and I want you to be polite and welcoming as always. Okay? You can talk quietly whilst the new kid-" Mrs Richardson paused while there was a knock on the class door. I guessed the new kid would be like the same as other students with huge backpacks on their slouchy backs, heads bowed down, really quite and walked alone around the school because they were shy to make friends. But my guess was wrong as always. He opened the door and walked to the front of the classroom. He had no bags on his back instead he had all his books in his right arm. His shoulders were held high and he had a confident smile stuck to his face. He wore black leather camping boots that came up to his ankles that was accompanied with black trousers and a black t-shirt that was short sleeved. He had his black leather jacket hung over his left shoulder. He was all dressed in black; if I saw him in the street I would think he might be a shadow. I finally looked at his face. His face was impossibly handsome. He had scruffy black hair that covered his left eye and his lips were turned up from the sides that gave his cheekbones a little lift. Then I looked at his...eyes. His black marble eyes. I felt a sudden shiver crawling down my spine. His eyes gave you the thought that he was dangerous. Maybe he was. But his height, the way he held himself upright and his confidence was really familiar to me, it felt like I saw this person before. And all of a sudden the understanding of him familiar to me took all the bad thoughts about him away. He was incredibly gorgeous and he looked like a model. Maybe he did modeling as a part time job. He would have girls chasing him, no doubt. And I had a sudden feeling that Ash would be one of them. I glanced at her direction and she was staring at him like the other girls. At, last Mrs Richardson broke the silence with a little cough when she saw all the girls.
"Okay. Um...this is Theodore Esmeraldo. He just moved here. And I will pick one of you to escort him around the school today and show him the classrooms and the resources." she started scanning the faces and she finally landed her finger on Ash. She jumped up on her seat and started waving at the new boy. He just gave her a genuine smile and waved back. Mrs Richardson started talking again after she rolled her eyes at Ash. The boy was incredibly beautiful, he was tall and he was muscular. He still had that dazzling smile on his face, that smile that made my heart skip a beat. I continued to look out the window but not for long...
"There are only 2 spaces. So, Theodore pick!" What? It was me or it was Daniel Johnson who had his legs over the seat. No! He can't sit here. But it was too late he was walking straight towards me. His dark eyes melting into mine. I picked all my books that was scrambled over the desk and gave him his space. He put his books on the desk and sat next to me. I sifted my weight so that our arms weren't close and wasn't touching. I sat in silence and just stared straight. I tried to keep my breathing in control, the way I postured myself that he wouldn't understand that I didn't like him. This boy next to me was going to be with us for the whole day, and I got bad vibes out of him. He looked dangerous and his stares scared me. But was I wrong?
"Hello. My name is Theodore Esmaraldo. Pleasure to meet you!" he said suddenly. I felt guilty for judging and making bad assumptions about his character when now he spoke kindly and in a velvet voice that took my breath away. It was musical; it was like he was singing. "You must be?" he asked.
"Hi. My name is Christina Garcia. Nice to meet you, too" I said while I played with my fingers. I did that when I was nervous. But why was I nervous? And why did I talk like I was dazzled by him? I didn't even want to be near him. His dark marble eyes gave me shivers and it frightened my soul. Like he was something that brought trouble. No. He was trouble. "Ashley Goodman is the girl who will escort you around the school. I will probably be with you most the time because she's my best friend. And, um, anyways what are you scheduling for today?" I asked while he glanced at Ash for just a second and smiled back at me. He looked surprised at my question. Or maybe I was too wrong?
"I have English, Biology, Geography, Food and Sociology. Pretty good, I think for a Monday!" he said while he laughed but I just looked at him opened mouthed. He was joking right! It can't be? 3 lessons with him? NO WAY! He realized my gasp and stopped laughing.
"What?" I demanded. It sounded rude, it almost sounded angry.
"I have English, Biology, Geography, Food and Sociology today. Why? Is something wrong?" he asked confused but his eyes told another story. He didn't look surprised or confused, he sounded like it, he looked like he didn't need an answer just a guarantee. I must be going mad!
"No, no. Nothings wrong. I'm sorry I sounded rude. Its just you have 3 lessons with me it seems. English, Biology and Sociology. I promise you, you will like them." I said with a genuine smile. I started to find him okay. But still a part of me wanted to run." Anyways if you need help Ash and I would be glad to help. Won't we Ash?" I asked at her where she turned abruptly and gave her apparently sexy smile. I was sure as I know my name she was eavesdropping.
"Sure. With anything. If you want notes I will be glad to give them to you!" she said and turned to talk to Damien who was clearly annoyed at the boy for getting all the attention from the girls. Usually girls drool over him.
"Thanks" he said dryly. He looked at me like he wanted to ask something. Then he looked like he couldn't keep quite any longer and talked.
"I was wondering what your eye color was? Its exordinarily beautiful. Especially when the sun shines in your eyes!" he asked and looked down. He looked embarrassed. I blushed, feeling my cheeks filling with color. He finally met my gaze and smiled.
"Thank you. They're actually hazel. Like my dads." I said with a sigh. He heard my concern and looked confused. His brows shot inward making him look like he was concentrating on something.
"You okay?" he asked with pure curiosity. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong." he said while he tried to meet my gaze.
"No you didn't say anything wrong. It's just me. Um, anyways. Thank you once again." I said and started looking out the window. Looking at the gray-blue sky, the suns shining through them like a peak of light. It looked like a painting. Then someone just shook my hand and when turned it was Damien.
"You okay, Christina? Did he say or do anything to you?" he asked in a low voice when he saw my sad eyes. He knew me too well to know there really was something wrong but it wasn't about the new boy.
"No, no Dami. I'm fine. He's actually really kind. It's something else. I'll talk to you later." I whispered back and forced a smile. He wanted to know what or more but he just nodded and added something quite surprising.
"He's the boy that you bumped to in the front of the classroom. The one you ignored." he said with a chuckle and quickly turned to talk to the boys in the front seats. What? It was him. Wow. I shouldn't have been so judgmental. I should have given him a chance to show himself. Hmmm. Wonder why he didn't mention it. Curiosity filled me up. I suddenly realized I wanted to know it so badly.
"Theodore?" I said. He tore his gaze from the clock and met my eyes. "Was it you that I bumped into at the front of the classroom." I said. Feeling the truth before he even admitted it.
"Yes. It was me. I am really sorry. I was a little distracted." he said. He looked down and then looked back up again." You didn't get hurt did you?" he asked while he looked at me up and down. He seemed like he already knew the answer but he just wanted me to say it. I smiled. He was nothing like I expected. I thought he would be like someone who is too confident and is rude to others to show his power and control. But here, Theodore was a different person. He was something I never thought it would be him. Different emotions filled me. And suddenly I felt the urge to show him how I felt.
"Of course you didn't. I'm fine. But are you? I was totally distracted too. I was too mean and rude I didn't even look at you even though you helped me. OMG, I'm really sorry." I said getting out of breath. If I only knew it was him, if only I wasn't too rude and mean. He nodded; smiled back and I realized something. His eyes weren't like a black marble anymore. When I first looked into those eyes I only saw coldness, only darkness and I only felt frightened. But now, his eyes took another angle to his character. He now looked happy, he looked vulnerable, his eyes were distant and I felt...warmth and comfort. I quickly turned away. What was happening to me? I was feeling things I shouldn't be! I should be just thinking about my next lesson, my homework but now I was thinking to skip lessons and get to know him more. I knew there was more that it meets the eye with him. I felt like I was saying facts, like it was true. But I didn't know! Would I want to? Would I want to look at those eyes and see the real face of this person who goes by the name Theodore Esmaraldo. The bell broke my silent conversation and I started packing my books and pulled my bag over my shoulder, and started making my way to English. I waited for Ash and Dami at the door for them to catch up but they were taking their time and showing the places to Theodore. He was quite calm, even though he looked like a person who likes to talk. No. I wouldn't make assumptions anymore. I would just wait and see.
In English Ms Barrymore was wearing cream colored trousers with white blouse and a black suit. Her brunette hair was put in a pony tail that made her look young even though she was 30 something. She wanted us to plan our essays on Romeo & Juliet. We were given big A3 paper that we had to write what we will include in the essay. Wasn't too hard. Romeo & Juliet was never too hard. A love story, a story that was made up of strong and real life related characters. War. Love. Death. But the difference in Romeo & Juliet and fairytales is that this love story doesn't have a happy ending. Just like real life. I was finished 15 minutes before the end of the lesson and I was just staring out the window, the hair on my neck started to rise, like every time I thought someone was staring. I looked around and caught Theodore who was 2 seats behind, was watching me. I smiled at him but he looked like he was concentrating on something, like he was trying to work out something, like if it was rocket science. I turned around feeling tired and wanting to go home right now. I had a very bad feeling from the morning and I feel like I am going to be sick. I sifted in my chair and looked at the clock again. Anxious. Waiting for the bell to go any minute and I can go and wash my face and eat!
But then I felt the hair on my neck rise again. It was like a magnet, someone calling me and me instantly turning around, like it's pulling me. When I turned around I wasn't surprised it was Theodore Esmaraldo who was concentrating on me, like he couldn't figure out what kind of creature I was. He felt me looking back at him and he quickly bowed his head, and started playing with his hands. He was nervous of something. Maybe me still staring at him? I guessed it was. I looked away and back at the clock. I wanted to go outside and breathe the cold fresh air. I wanted to feel air filling my lungs. I wanted to escape this room. It was like it was moving towards me by the every minute. The bell caught me in mid-thought giving me a little jump in my chair; without wasting any time I started packing quickly. I turned to see Ash and Damien talking with Theodore. Ash of course was flirting but Damien was just looking at the boy. There was something wrong with Damien, the way he looked at him, the way he talked about him. There was something wrong. I would talk to him. Yes, I would. Something gripped my arm and I gasped. Ash was holding my wrist and pulling me after her. I yanked my hand off her grip and followed her. I was behind Damien, Ash and...Theodore and we were walking toward the dining hall. Not walking, running you could say. People were coming out of every side of the corridor while we were quickly pacing toward the big wooden doors. Damien held the door for me, and I was inside the room that if you looked up to the ceiling you would get dizzy and wide enough for all the school to fit in. I walked to the line full of different aged students all squashed together into a straight line by the instructions of the teachers. Suddenly my appetite was gone and I wanted to sit down. I walked out of the line and took a seat near the window benches that looked at the tennis court. I waited at least for 5 minutes before I was nearly knocked out of my seat when Damien tried to push me aside to get a space next to me.
"Hey! You know there's the cousin of Pardon. EXECUSE ME!" I ignored his laughter while he game me a kiss on the cheek. "Fine. I forgive you." I said with a smile that came up even if I didn't feel like it.
"Sorry, but you were really distant. What were you thinking?" he asked while he opened his chikhen tikka sandwich and drank a gulp of pure orange juice. "Nothing. I was just day dreaming I guess. Enough about me, what about you Theodore? Liking Locksman High?" I asked with a polite smile that stuck to my face like glue. This must have surprised him because he stopped drinking his red drink that he carried around with him and looked at me with wide eyes. I raised one of my eyebrows to show I was waiting for an answer. He recomposed himself and answered in a calm voice.
"Thank you for asking. And for the answer, I think, I will pass. Don't you think that it's too early when I just started school 2 hours ago." he added with a little laugher. It sounded like he was joking but I could feel and see the irritation and the intensity in his dark black eyes. Everyone was laughing now, except me. Was I going crazy? No. It can't be. There was something off...odd about him. The way he walked around like he knew the whole school off by heart; sometimes he was too fast, too graceful. I MUST be going mad! Why did he bother me so much? Forget him, . He's just an ordinary boy, new at Locksman High and it's in you to help others. Deal with it. Be a nice kitty! That's what Damien would have said if he heard what ruthless things I was thinking.
"True." was all I said. I didn't want to talk. If I did, everything I ever thought about Theodore Esmaraldo, I would blurt them all out! It wasn't easy, especially when I looked at his eyes and saw the lies that hid beneath it, the dark secrets that lurked. I stared at him for a moment, trying to see, trying to clear the confusion in the air. Nothing. To admit it, he looked normal, he looked dangerous but in the morning he was kind, sweet and generous. I was mad! I must be. This boy didn't even do anything to me and here I am thinking he could, he might and he...will. I must be still in the influence of the dream. The fear of someone strange, being able to hurt me. This was stupid I finally decided. He is nothing to you. Just D-E-A-L with it! For God sake!
I didn't realize they were all laughing and joking around with each other. Few minutes ago they were quite, or at least that's what I remember, and now they were acting so strange especially Ashley and Damien. Theodore was acting like he has known them for years. I must be paranoid. I didn't even feel good. I had a really bad headache, and I sometimes felt a sudden piercing, pain in my heart, like someone poking it with a pencil. I suddenly felt nauseated and dizzy. My sight blurred and I suddenly didn't know where I was. I shut my eyes and covering them with my hand. I realized they were trembling now, I felt a hand on my left shoulder. I tried to open them, but with all the power in me, finally, in the third try I finally opened them and tears dwelled down my cheeks. I felt the hand on my shoulder tighten, and then someone was shaking me. Shaking me hard with its hard, strong hand, a grip like steel. It would have to be a boy. Damien? I turned my face around and found Damien's anxious, helpless face. His ruffled hair looked golden when the sun shined, causing golden streaks. Suddenly his eyes were full of tears, taking my breath away. Those blue eyes seemed like the ocean, clear to me but mysterious to outsiders. I knew him from the age of 5 and, no one except me and Ashley knew him better, better than he knew himself. I never saw him so, helpless, and weak before. I never saw him cry in 10 years, never saw him in pain. When he was hurt, he was the best person I knew that was capable of covering his feelings, capable of never giving anything away, always brave, honest and unselfish. He was like a brother I never had, like someone who had a special connection with me, even though not genetically. I heard the same in his voice but he was putting himself together now.
"You're scaring us? What is wrong? Can you talk? Can you understand me? Nod if you can?" he said first with an anxious, worried and trembling voice that then became controlling, intense and strong. He kept me in place and I nodded. But only once because my head ached so badly that I thought they might have exploded!
"I'm fine. I will be fine. Just let me breath! Give me some space, would you". I sounded normal, like I wasn't in pain but I was just pissed at the people around me. My voice sounded determined, strong, and brave. I realized I must have learnt how to control and wrap up my emotions from Damien. I would tell him that later, I would also thank him. I also realized that I didn't want to be weak; I didn't want to be seen weak! I was strong, I was full aware of my surrounding now. People crowding more and more into a circle around the table. They all seemed to have faces full of concern and worry. I never doubted the children at this school, their true selves were how they would be seen from an outsider, how they were just nothing but filled with pure emotions and I was sure each one of them had a reserved flight ticket to heaven someday. I started turning my head around, searching the faces, and found someone who I surely was familiar with. Ashley Goodman. My best friend and my sibling (not genetically, but you get the gist). She was held up by two girls her face pale and full of emotions. Confusion, fear, worry, pain and loss. She stood up now in her own two feet, walking toward me with trembling hands and she was quite unbalanced and she nearly tripped. She sat opposite me, her eyes searching mine; she put her hand on top of mine, her eyes never leaving mine. She finely understood the truth in my words and spoke loud and clear.
"Oh right. The shows over people. Don't make it worse by standing here, she's right, give her some space. And somebody for gods sake, get the nurse! NOW" she demanded with her voice full of determination and self control. She was always too late to hide her feelings but now she was back on track! The crowd suddenly started to murmur 'hope you get well', 'hope you feel better', 'you'll be fine', 'look she's all right!', and so and so on. I smiled at the crowd and nodded. It didn't hurt as much as before but I still felt like I didn't have a brain left, let have a head!
The nurse came rushing through the doors. Her white trainers pacing toward me, dressed in her usual white trousers; white t-shirt that made her wavy sandy hair and dark blue eyes stand out even more. When she arrived she had a calm expression on her heart-shaped face and her tanned skin. But the more closely she got, she could see alarm and worry in her eyes. She was disappointed of the nurse. She was supposed to give her comfort not pity! I can see she is afraid a little, Christina thought. After all it is her second day at work and she is dealing with a girl who has got no idea how or why she's in this state. But. I knew it from the morning, I had a strong feeling something bad was going to happen but I am not sure if this was it. There was a sinking feeling inside her, growing by the minute every time she thought of it. Stop and relax. Its probably nothing, except its one of your inaccurate guessing.
All the while she walked toward the nurses office, when Miss Smyth checking her blood pressure, her heart rate; the other medical procedures that she applied and when she was alone in the office while Mss Smyth went out, lying on the medical bed, she only thought of her room. The only place where she didn't had to hide her feelings, her unhappiness, and her fear. The only place that shouted out s real self. The walls she imagined. The wall was light baby pink color that didn't emphasize her purple butterfly curtains, her posters of Muse, of Kings of Leon, of Paramore, of Snow Patrol, of her favorite movie The Notebook. Her bed was angled close to the door with 2 desks, one on each side of her bed. The bed was opposite the window where every morning she would walk and stretch and take in the fresh air that will fill her lungs with pureness. She would look at the sky with desperation to fly to really feel the wind on her face. To really sink into nothingness and let the clouds float above and around her. She would then be looking at a picture on her bedside desk. A picture of a family, a tall broad shouldered man with white and grey hair and an oval shaped face with strong jaws and a scar right above his left eyebrow. He's hazel eyes smiling at the camera. He had a simple but neat black suit and a hand on a little girls shoulder. The girl had the same smile, the same eyes, the same clean facial features, the same excitement that glittered in the mans eyes and her little pink fluffy dress that was up to her knees; her light brown hair cut into a bob style. She was standing between the man and a woman. A woman with blood red lips and deep brown eyes and high cheekbones that was emphasized with pink blusher stared back at me. She wore a black skirt that gave her a curve and a white blouse and a simple black vest. She looked like a business woman, a professional that gave out the image of importance and power. She was the same height as the man but there wasn't much of a smile, only a forced one that she put on very well. She had silky straight black hair that was long. The little girl didn't look much like her except the eye shape, the cheekbones and the way they both positioned their hands on their hips. The picture was complete with the woman's hand on the other side of the little girls shoulder. A picture of a dream family. It was her mother and father and when she was 6 years old. It was her birthday and her father wanted to have a memory of the day with a photo taken, which became a traditional thing in her family since she was born. All the pictures were with her father, she said she didn't want it when they got divorced, she said it reminded of the memories too much. I didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to cry anymore, not to someone who is not worth it.
She couldn't understand what happened in the dining hall. She couldn't make sense of it. One minute she was feeling fine, the next she felt like someone threw a vase at her head making her feel dizzy and disoriented. Her eyelids felt heavy and her body felt numb. She was sitting down but she felt like everything was floating. The nurse said, everything looked fine. She told me to go home and get some rest. She neither had any clue of what happened to me, she thought everything was okay but nothing was okay. She resisted not to think and only wanted to talk to Ashley and Damien. They would have been rocked emotionally by this and I need a hug from them. I closed my eyes and started counting my breaths that at one thousand and thirty six that someone knocked on the office door. My eyes flew open and traced the door to see a figure. It was probably the nurse coming to inform me when to go home. But with all my heart beating fast my prayers were accepted.
Ashley and Damien walked straight through the door and ran to me. Even though my body sill hurt a bit, the hug wasn't unpleasant. We held each other for a while and I could sense their emotions. They felt relieved and happy. They trusted me when I said I was fine and that convinced them I would be fine. I felt Damien kiss my hair and Ashley kiss my forehead. This was like a family reunion. My mother and father protecting me, giving me their love; support. It felt like a long time before we let go of each other and when we did we all smiled and stared at each other in silence. But not for long and Ashley was the first one to break it.
"You're looking better. You should go home, sleep and eat! And I should add that its good you didn't eat because the sandwich sucked!" Ash said with laughter. Not the ones those are nervous that you don't know what to say, but the ones that came out naturally. I smiled at her reading her act. She wanted me to feel like nothing was wrong and everything was back to normal. And that's exactly how she made me feel.
"Yeah, I am feeling better too. And the nurse went to get me a note so I can go home. Shame you will be going to fourth period but I'm going to rest, rest and rest." I said adapting the atmosphere. I too, was relieved my voice didn't sound like how I felt. I sounded normal and healthy and strong, but I felt the opposite. I glanced at Damien who had a smile on his face that made my heart miss a beat. He was the one who would have been hurt the most. He must still feel pain after all these years.
"You're really lucky, to miss biology but not media. Because Mrs Clinton said we were going to film to a scenario and I got you in my team. It was hard work because everyone wanted a piece of a genius !" he dashed me one of his dashing smiles that would make girls faint for him, but for me it only made me feel warmer and forget my inner world. "You should know, it was really quite without you there. People wasn't laughing because you didn't make them laugh and both Mr Walliams and Mrs Clinton was desperate to have their star student back, but was happy the class was well behaved." he continued that made me feel untroubled and little touched. I didn't know many people missed me or even cared for me. Thank you.
"Yeah. I was harassed in art, by people asking me about you. They knew nothing was wrong but just wanted to show that they were sorry you were sick. They sent their best wishes for you to get well soon!" Ashley said. She looked the same in the morning but she now looked exhausted. This was the last touch to me that made me feel nothing like before but at peace. Damien talked about the fight that happened between Jack Smithers and Kevin Matthews in media and Ashley was talking about her new project in art.
The nurse entered the room after a while. She waved the paper in the air and smiled.
"All right, you're ready to go! You have 2 days off on school and you're friends will get you you're schoolwork home." she said while glancing at Damien and Ashley. She continued to say "you should get some sleep and eat energy sourced foods. I want you to drink lots of water and wear warm clothes. If you cannot go home by yourself I will take you home, but if your parents can come in we should give them a call. Should I call them?" she asked while walking to her small desk full of paperwork and medical units.
"No they will not be at home. I can go home by myself; it's just around this street anyways. I feel better and balanced, I can make it." I tried to say with a voice full of determination and truth.
"Okay. When you go home just do what I told you. Your friends can walk you to the reception and then you can go home. Next time every morning you should eat fruit. And this is not just for you, but for your friends too." she said, glancing between me, to Ash to Dami. Then she looked back at me. She stood up and came to give me the note that was inside her pocket. She handed me the paper and put her hand in her pockets. She looked like a doctor rather than a nurse.
"Thank you, Miss Smyth. I appreciate all your help." I said while I got up. I could see that both Ash and Dami wanted to help but didn't, they didn't want to let me walk home by myself but gave me my own will. They knew I was okay but they were just paranoid. I gave a smile to both of them and they understood.
"That's okay. I'm sorry I don't know what happened in the dining hall but you're healthy as a horse. I believe it's only because of lack of sleep and a poor diet. You should take care of yourself more." she gave a gentle smile and walked back to her desk. I felt her worried watch while I walked out the office. I could feel this was my first but not last time I would be here.
I was determined to go home and sleep. The school would inform my mother and she would say nothing but ask me how it happened. She would then tell me that she is coming late and I should make myself some snacks. She wouldn't care; her voice will be cold as ice and in a hurry. She would shut the phone as quickly as she can with a quick goodbye. She was walking in the corridor with blue floor and white walls half covered by grey student lockers. She was walking in a slow pace that made her become breathless. New three undoubtedly truths now: she was tired and her body was weighing her down, she was starting to lose her self control and other would notice especially Ashley and Damien who were walking on each side of her and time to time giving her alarmed glances and lastly she was sure the incident in the dining hall was not connected with lack of sleep or diet. She knows understood this, even though her body was nothing but sleepwalking but her brain was working just fine. No wonder why the phrase 'mind over body' is so true. They were in the English/Media department and after a dozen of doors they would be in reception. Damien's destination was here and Ashley had to walk back down the corridor.
"Guys, you should go back to your classrooms. I'm fine, really. I can walk; it's even down this corridor. If I can't make it ill call the nurse so she can take me home. You guys shouldn't have been excused in the first place, missing all the class work isn't good for your grades." I said that made me sound like an adult, like a parent to be precise. Damien opened his mouth but closed it quickly. Ashley just stood there and then gave a slow but short nod.
"Okay. Damien lets go. She'll be fine and she'll call when she gets home. We'll go and see her after school." she said while looking around except me. I stared at her so that she can meet my gaze. When she did we moved to each others arms. She held me tight but comforting. We let go of each other when Damien coughed. She kissed me in my cheek and smiled. Damien on the other hand was sifting from foot to foot looking at his trainers. I held out my arms and he walked in. His hug wasn't like Ashley's, Damien just put his arms around my shoulder and put my head on his chest. He held me instead of me holding him.
"Everything's alright. We'll come and talk. Do you want anything?" he asked in a whisper. He was taller than me and bigger than me. When I pulled back my head, he reminded me of an older brother protecting his sister again. He gave his crooked smile that I loved, that gave me the feeling that life was sweet and charming like his smile, like him.
"No thank you, Dami. Don't worry about me I'll be fine. You heard what the nurse said I am healthy as a horse!" I gave a smile that reached up to my eyes, and ruffled his hair. "Just come and stop by after school, and that's all I want."
"Of course." now he was in control of his body, his actions, his emotions, the nurse lie must have convinced him a little. I moved out of his arms and waved a goodbye to both of them. I turned to walk down toward the reception when I still knew they were looking at me, alarmed and happy. Alarmed that something might happen on the way home or at home while I would be alone. Happy because they knew I was strong enough to cope with anything. For eleven years we've been through a lot together, those years since the age of 5 when we were together in sickness and happiness. I would give my life for them and without any doubt they would for me. I wanted to run back to them and tell them all my fears that was building up inside of me, the love that felt for them, I needed to confess I wasn't strong I was just like other kids: vulnerable and scared. I turned around but they were gone. There was nothing but me, no noise but dead silence and a journey back home that I didn't want to make alone.