Chapter 2

I catapulted back into consciousness and sat bolt upright, gasping in terror, aware only of someone shaking me by the shoulders.

"Sookie! Sookie, wake up!" My vision was blurred with tears, and I couldn't see who had me, but I was choking, gasping for breath. My shoulders were released and something touched my mouth and I recoiled, but a hand on my back held me firmly in place. "Drink this." I shook my head, still completely disoriented but certain only that I wasn't going to drink voluntarily. The voice spoke again.

"My lover, it's only water. I promise. Please drink it." Eric. It was Eric. Eric the torturer; Eric the murderer; Eric the ruthless bastard; Eric the friend and protector and lover. Suddenly I didn't care what he was, I only cared where he was. Here with me. I clutched at him, shaking all over, and felt the glass tilt. The contents must have splashed all over Eric, as he muttered a brief Scandinavian profanity. Then the glass was removed and his arms were round me and he was holding me close, stroking me, petting me as though I was a frightened animal, murmuring sweet nonsense to me, rocking me until the trembling stopped and I was simply lying in his arms, quiescent, exhausted, barely able to open my eyes as he dried them gently with the sheet (again!). "Where were you?" I whispered. My throat hurt from screaming.

"Just getting you a glass of water from the kitchen," he said. "But for some reason you chose to throw it all down my shirt. You really do have a habit of ruining my clothes. They're soaking wet."

"Then you should take them off."

"You're right." He released me and there was a brief rustling of fabric, then the bed sagged again under his considerable weight and he was naked under the covers with me, holding me close again, my head resting on his shoulder.

"How do you feel now, my lover?" There was nothing but concern in his voice.

"A bit better."

"Can you tell me what happened? You cried out Lochlan's name and then seemed to go into a panicked state."

"I …I thought you were him. It was horrible. I was back there with them, and I needed you and you weren't there. I guess I must have had a flashback." I shivered, and held onto him as tightly as I could. This was one of the upsides of a vampire boyfriend; I could squeeze as hard as I liked and he would never complain that it was too tight or that he couldn't breathe. He hugged me gently in return, an expression of sorrow on his face. "I felt it through our bond, but I couldn't reach you. I tried, I called your name, but you didn't hear me, you tried to fight me off. I…felt so helpless again." His voice was kind of suffocated, and I knew he was remembering his inability to come to me when I had needed him most. He was remembering the double anguish of feeling my pain and terror through our bond and his own physical agony as the silver chains that Victor had bound him with burned into his flesh.

"I deeply regret that words of mine triggered this episode."

"It wasn't just your words, Eric; it was your actions. The whole conversation, the fear of what you were going to do to Bill; it just all got a bit too much for me…" He looked down at me, with an understanding nod.

"PTSD." My face must have shown my complete lack of understanding, because he explained. "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. It is quite common for humans who have been through a very bad time to have flashbacks occasionally. I saw a lot of it after the Franco-Prussian War, although of course it had not been defined then. It was just called shell-shock." A thoughtful look came over his face, as though he had just remembered something.

"Will it happen again?" I didn't like the thought of being disabled by something like this on a regular basis.

"I hope not. I have never met a vampire who suffered from it. Very little carries over from your human life to your vampire life. I think we can reasonably assume that once you are one of us it will no longer trouble you."

"Well, that's a big point in favour of coming over, I guess."

Eric glanced at the clock.

"Sweetheart, I know this may seem insensitive, but do you feel up to continuing our talk? I think it's important that we resolve this before I have to sleep. I do not want to leave you to brood on this all day without coming to some sort of understanding. Please."

Well, that was a first. Eric had said 'please' twice in one conversation. Either he was learning that this was what I wanted, or he was learning that this was how to get what he wanted. Either way, it should be encouraged. Perhaps one day we could even work on other tricky concepts such as 'thankyou' and 'sorry', although I suspected they might require a lot more time.

I sighed. "Okay. If we must."

"Firstly, I may have found a solution to our problem."

"Which particular problem? The fact that Bill wanted to have sex with me, which you already knew, or the fact that you are a ruthless, bloodthirsty son-of-a-bitch who thinks torture is an acceptable negotiating tool?" I still had a little fight left in me.

It was his turn to sigh.

"Sookie, my personality is not a "problem" which has to be solved. This is who I am. The only reason I am here in this bed with you is because I am a ruthless, bloodthirsty son-of-a-bitch. These are survival characteristics which have kept me alive for over a thousand years. You are going to have to come to terms with that if we are to be together."

"So you're not willing to change?"

"I have changed more than you know. I'm sure Pam has told you this."

"That's true," I said, thoughtfully. "She did say you were not the vampire she used to know. But she said it like it was a bad thing."

"She thinks it is. Do you remember that I spoke earlier of allowing you certain liberties? Well, liberty comes at a price, my dear. Some of my staff have observed your habit of questioning my orders, and they took my tolerance as a sign of weakness. They rather unwisely assumed that they could also question my commands. I am afraid that you have undermined my authority in some respects, Sookie, and I have had to … discipline… some of my underlings. This has led to the suggestion in some quarters that I am not fit to hold my position as Sheriff of Area Five."

"What?" I was horror-struck. "Eric, I'm so sorry…why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you are human, and therefore irrelevant. As far as the other vampires are concerned, the problem is not your behaviour, but that of my subordinates', and the fact that I did not control them properly. Your bad manners are excused on the grounds that you probably don't know any better. It's nothing unusual; a lot of vampires spoil their pets…." I stiffened in outrage, but he shook me slightly and continued. "Grow up, Sookie. You know this is how vampires regard all humans, including you. They do not see you as special. To most of them, you are no different from any other human. Some see your abilities as useful, but they still don't regard you as a person." This was the first time Eric had laid it on the line quite so bluntly. It didn't make pleasant hearing. He continued. "I am supremely indifferent to the opinion of other vampires regarding my current relationship with you, but if you become vampire, it will be different. You will be under my authority not only as your maker but also as your sheriff. Tolerance of your disobedience then would be seen as a dangerous weakness in me, and would possibly even give Victor the excuse he is looking for to take over my area. This I will not permit. Is that clear?" He tilted my head up to make me meet his gaze. He was deadly serious.

"Yes, I think so."

"And do you feel you can adapt to this?"

"I'm not sure. Can I think about it?"

"Yes, but not for too long. If you feel you cannot show me proper deference, then we may have to postpone turning you until you can. Understand me, Sookie: I am willing to put up with the consequences of your continued defiance while you remain human, but once you are vampire I will exact the respect due to me. Is that understood?" I could see how he had risen to his current position in the vampire hierarchy. Authority seemed to flow from him. I just had to take him seriously.

"Yes, I guess so. You've given me a lot to think about. I really didn't know…"

"Then we must put that aside for the moment. Bill is the more immediate problem." He released my chin and sat up in bed, his back against the headboard. I joined him, snuggling into the curve of his arm.

"Did you say you had an idea, a way round?" I hoped like hell he had thought of something. I clung to the knowledge that Eric was the most devious vampire I had ever met. His mind was so twisted he could think his way through a corkscrew.

"I may have found a way. The idea came to me after your unfortunate flashback and while we were discussing PTSD. It is very simple, really. I feel our best approach would be to excuse Bill's conduct on the grounds of his ill-health. The silver poisoning may well have affected his mind as well as his body."

"Do you think so? He seemed pretty clear-headed to…" my voice trailed away as he looked at me, a significant expression on his face. "Oh…yes, perhaps you're right," I was backtracking frantically. "Come to think of it, he did seem really down. He said he was taking no interest in his computer or anything, and that's not at all like him. Can vampires get clinically depressed?"

"I'm sure they can. Think of Clancy and how his character changed after he was nearly drained in the Witch War. After an illness such as Bill has suffered, we could hardly expect him to be completely rational."

"No, no, of course not. That must have been it. He was delirious. I'm sure he would never normally do anything like that."

"I sincerely hope not. I shall speak with him, and warn him of the …consequences of any repetition of his behaviour, but I see no immediate need to refer him to the tribunal."

I heaved a sigh of relief. But Eric wasn't finished yet. His voice was stern as he said, "I am willing to allow this for your sake, Sookie, but you really must learn to be more discreet. You must not be alone with him again. Promise me."

I was too glad to be free of the consequences of my behaviour to argue.

"I promise, Eric. But, can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"Would you really have tortured Bill even though I begged you not to?"

"Why do you doubt it?" He was genuinely puzzled.

"I thought you loved me." I despised myself even as I said the words. I never thought I would become the kind of woman who resorted to emotional blackmail.

"I love you as much as I have ever loved anyone or anything."

"But not enough to do what I asked."

"Not enough to lie back and smile while you cut my balls off." The bluntness of his response caught me completely by surprise.

"What?"

"I said, 'not enough to…'" I interrupted him.

"I heard what you said, I just can't believe that you said it! I haven't cut your balls off!"

"Some of my staff thought you had." He smiled grimly. "They learned their mistake."

I didn't ask. I had discovered early on in my relationship with Eric that not asking was sometimes a very good idea. He didn't always answer, but if he did, he answered in detail. Some of his answers had been so detailed I had nearly thrown up. Of course, I should have stopped right there, but once again the Sookie mouth-juggernaut rolled on and left tact stranded by the roadside, trying to thumb a lift. My only excuse is that I was suffering from PTSD and feeling very emotionally vulnerable right then.

"So although you say you love me, you won't do what I ask?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Is that your definition of love? Doing what the beloved asks, unquestioningly? In spite of what I said earlier Sookie, I am not a slave, and I would advise you not to try and treat me like one. You might also like to consider your own conduct by the light of this definition. You say you love me, and yet if you look back over the last year, can you honestly say you have not taken nearly every opportunity you could to defy me?"

I tried to defend myself, although I had a feeling I was on a hiding to nothing. "Oh no, not when it really mattered…"

"Oh yes." He was implacable. "Think of when Ocella visited us. I was desperate to have you treat my maker with respect, and you knew it, yet your conduct towards him bordered on the insolent. You made a difficult situation even harder for me. I love you, Sookie, but I will not permit you to control me, or emotionally blackmail me. That was not worthy of you, my lover." He looked at me significantly. He had known exactly what I was doing. I hung my head, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Eric. I won't do it again. I'm just a bit shaken up at the moment. I needed reassurance, I guess."

"Now, that I can provide." His voice changed, became like honey, and he drew me back down into the bed and rolled on top of me. "I am going to reassure you, my lover, until you scream for mercy." His eyes glowed, his hands began to move, and his mouth sought mine. I sighed and relaxed against him as he began to reassure my whole body as only he knew how.

Forty-five minutes later, I had been reassured very thoroughly and very noisily, several times over, and I was lying on top of him, recovering my breath as I gazed into his eyes. I loved the way they changed colour with his mood. Sometimes they were like chips of blue ice, sometimes the unfathomable blue of the Caribbean. They could spark blue fire or glow with lust, but at the moment they were a tranquil wedgewood blue, like a Siamese cat, and they were dreamy with the aftermath of truly great sex. He was entirely at ease, but I couldn't relax completely. I was too worried about what he had said regarding his position in the vampire hierarchy. It was up to me to do something about that, as it was largely my fault. It had been hard to listen to, but he was quite right; at times I had taken a positive delight in defying him. This was not good; In fact, my Gran would have been horrified at my lack of manners. I had almost enjoyed being rude to Eric, although I had called it asserting my independence, and even though he truly pissed me off at times, that was no excuse for being less than ladylike. Okay, Sookie, maybe he was right; Maybe it was time to grow up some.

"Eric?"

"Yes, my lover?" His finger-tips walked idly up and down my spine, sending little shivers through me. I tried to focus, but he was making it real hard.

"I've thought about what you said, about undermining your authority and all, and I want to say I'm sorry. I didn't know I was damaging your prestige, but I did know I was being bad-mannered and ungracious and I shouldn't have let my temper get the better of me on so many occasions."

"No, you shouldn't." Well, that was blunt. I felt a tiny touch of annoyance, but then thought, "no, suck it up, girl. He's right, you have to start being mature about this relationship. You can't criticise someone for being honest." If I was honest with myself, I hadn't always handled my relationships with Bill and Quinn that well, but I had the excuse that Bill was my first and I was still recovering from his betrayal when I met Quinn. However, that no longer applied. Eric and I had been together for some time now, and I was well over Bill and Quinn. It was time to move it up a level. I suppressed the spurt of anger, took a deep breath and sat up.

"Eric, stand up a minute."

"Why? I'm comfortable as I am." He had been watching my face, but I don't know how well he had been able to follow my train of thought from my expressions. This is something vampires are normally very good at, but I think he may have gotten a little lost on this one.

"Please. It's important to me."

I moved off him and he sighed and swung his long legs over the side of the bed and came to his feet grumbling slightly. Glancing at the clock, he said, "Sookie, will this take long? It will be dawn in less than an hour."

"No, it won't take long. Just stand there a moment." I got out of bed too and stood in front of him. "Now, give me your hands." He did so, with a puzzled frown, and I took them in mine.

"Eric, I may not always have been as mature as you would have liked, but what happened tonight has made me see things differently. I don't know, maybe I've grown up a bit. But I want to do something to show you how sorry I am for the trouble I've caused you. You said earlier that we might need to postpone turning me if I couldn't guarantee to show you proper respect. Well, I've thought about it, and I've decided we won't need to postpone a thing." Then I did something I thought I would never, ever, do. I knelt in front of him and bowed my head. I kissed his hands, and raised them to my forehead, trying to remember the words I had heard in Rhodes when Henrik had offered fealty to Sophie-Ann, the late Queen of Louisiana. "I, Sookie Stackhouse, hereby offer you, Eric Hrothgar Hjarvaldssen Northman (I stumbled slightly over the unfamiliar syllables) my fealty, my life-long oath of obedience and loyalty, unto final death." I kissed his hands again and released them before leaning forward and softly kissing his bare feet. I felt his cool flesh under my lips, then I knelt back on my heels and looked up. A quotation from eleventh grade English Poetry class flashed across my mind. "Thou art noble and nude and antique." I couldn't remember the poet but I couldn't think of a better description for the being standing looking down at me with glowing sapphire eyes. He was like an ancient Greek statue in his marble-white magnificence. Before I could do anything, he had lifted me to my feet and was gazing intently into my eyes, his hands on my shoulders.

"Do you know what you have just done?" His voice was deep and gentle.

"Yes. I've grown up, Eric. And I've given you what you deserve. My respect." His gaze softened and he held me close to him.

"My dearest one. This is how it should be between us."

"I hope it always will be from now on." Then I told him about the quotation I had remembered. He nodded his head. "We shift and bedeck and bedrape us, thou art noble and nude and antique. Swinburn." How the hell did he know that? "I am familiar with the words, but I had never thought to apply them to myself. Nude and antique are undeniably true, but noble? I'm not so sure."

"I think you are. You've sacrificed yourself over and over again for me. You've put up with my discourtesy and never even told me the trouble I caused you. I've lost count of the number of times you've been shot protecting me. You've put yourself in danger for me so many times; Even when you'd been chained with silver for my sake, you dragged yourself out to defend me, and you gave me your blood when you needed it for your own healing. I won't forget that. You've put up with a lot from me, and you deserve my respect."

"Even though I am a ruthless, bloodthirsty son-of-a-bitch?" His eyebrow was up again. Damn, I loved it when he did that.

"A ruthless, bloodthirsty, noble son-of –a-bitch."

"What about my arrogance and my high-handedness?"

"OK, so you've got the habit of command. That's not necessarily a bad thing."

"The habit of command. A good expression." He smiled slowly. "And now, my first command to you, as my newest underling, is that you come back to bed."

I smiled back at him and put my right fist to my left shoulder. "Yes master," I said, happily. And I obeyed him.