Draculara-A New Beginning
"My mom is a ball-sucking whore-monger."
I almost did a spit take, which would have been gross, considering what I was drinking. "Okay, firstly, what the hell is a whore-monger? And secondly, why?" I couldn't help the smirk that wanted to crawl up onto my lips. Nat Kosky was my best friend in the whole wide world and the only human outside my mother who actually knew what I was, growled into her extra large blue raspberry SIP-A-CUP.
"How the hell am I supposed to know, I read it in one of those books we had to read for English, or something…." Her normally white teeth were stained blue, which contrasted oddly with her dark chocolate skin. "And why? Well that's because she brought home another douche bag last night."
"What happened to the last douche bag? And speaking of douche bag's, what number is this four, five?" I shifted my body, as comfortable as our park bench was, sometimes those wooden slats can dig into some very uncomfortable places. Nat's mom was notorious for taking anything home for a night of fun as long as they frequented all the bars, bought her a few drinks, and was covered in tattoos. It had been a while since I had last seen her and her newest conquest, so I wasn't positive what number this poor sap was.
"Seven actually. And it's not just any regular douche bag…It's Jerry!" Nat shuddered visibly and this time I actually choked in my effort not to spit blood all over the nice old lady glaring at us as she walked her poodle past our park bench. Hey don't glare at us lady, it wasn't our fault you walked past us. Anyway, I thumped my chest with my fist and coughed. "W-what? Jerry? Mechanic Jerry? The giant who felt you up and then decided to hate your guts for the rest of your life? That Jerry?!" My voice was incredulous, from what happened months ago, I didn't think Jerry would even consider having anything to do with Nat or her family.
"No, the other homophobic tattooed Jerry." Nat smacked me upside the head, her gaudy rings making a dull thudding sound as they collided with my head. As I rubbed the sore spot, I glared at her and stuck out my tongue. "Idiot. What other Jerry is there?"
"I don't know….maybe one of the guys you constantly try to hook up with was named Jerry?" I shrugged and leaned back, "I mean, you never really find out their names, and not one of them stay after they find out what you got up your skirt…." I let my head flop back and closed my eyes against the sun, which decided to appear right then and fry my delicate eyeballs.
"It's not my fault I was born into a man's body with a woman's soul and tastes!" Nat's voice was getting snippy, like it always did when it came to her gender. (She doesn't like it when people stereotype) "I mean, come on, they thought I was sexy enough when they were hanging offa me in the club! Why should it be any different when they get me outta my skirt? Hell! They should be grateful, I can't get pregnant, that, and I don't have those giant milk jugs weighing me down!" Nat flipped her long dreads over her shoulder, staring at my 'milk jugs' as if they were two tumors growing out of my chest. I crossed my arms over my chest, partly to obstruct her view, mostly to save my girls from a hole being burned through by the power of my friends glare.
"I understand that, and I take offense to that! My boobs are perfectly fine! And why should it matter if they don't like you just because you are a guy? If they do, then they aren't the right type of guy for you." A squeak interrupted my righteous argument as Nat threw herself at me and nearly strangled me with a hug. Clawing at her constrictive, vice-like grip, I continued, "It might also contribute to the fact that you are one smokin' hot babe and you refuse to attend gay bars…" Her grip tightened at the beginning, but then she released me so abruptly that I was dizzy. I blinked at her, her venomous glare had me cringing in my seat.
"Those prissy, sorry excuses for a bar only play classy music and their furnishings are probably pink or even worst, fuchsia!" She spat the word as it if was the most foul tasting thing in the world, or like dog shit. I snorted and she glared.
"How do you know? You've never been in one."
"Have too!"
"Have not."
"Have too!"
"Have not. Name the bar and the time. And Maryl's doesn't count, that is a poor choice to substitute for an old woman's loneliness." I snapped back, getting annoyed, Nat knew that I was right and there was no point in arguing with me…..She opened her mouth to deliver one last argument when the theme song from 'Pirate's of the Caribbean' blasted from the small demonic device known as a cell phone. Typing in my password answered the dreaded call, the phone held slightly away from my ear in preparation. There was a moment of silence (wait for it)…
"DRACULARA GET YOUR VAMPRIC BUTT HOME RIGHT NOW!"
The phone went dead and I rubbed at my ear, I didn't hold it far enough away, my mom had a set of lungs on her, due to her child hood years of competition swimming. My gaze was drawn to the sudden movement of Nat, who had fallen off the bench with her laughter. She was still shaking five minutes later. When she finally looked up, her mascara was smudged and she was still snorting. I held out a hand and helped her up.
"Damn, you momma's scarier that mine. She's gotta be louder than Mrs. Monkes." Nat was referring to our physical trainer, who was retired military and scary as all get out.
"I know right? Owww! Tell me the truth, is my ear bleeding?" I turned my head towards her, actually worried. When Nat didn't answer for a few moments I started to get worried, I was about to turn my head to ask again when I felt the slimy grossness of the dreaded wet-willy. Nat cackled as her still wet finger gleamed in the afternoon light. Me, on the other hand was convulsing on the bench, gagging and frantically clawing at my ear. "WHY?! Why would you do that to me?" I whined, Nat just laughed at me.
"Come on you lazy bum." Nat laughed and hauled me up onto my feet, she then wrapped me into a hug and placed a kiss on my cheek. When she released me she slapped me on the butt and winked, "You better get on home, girly before your mom mounts that ass on the wall." I laughed and took off running down the lane, as soon as I was out of sight I started full out sprinting, what Nat didn't know was that that was a very good possibility.
I burst through out front door like a storm in monsoon season, panting and wet, dripping with sweat. "I'm here! I'm here!" I gasped, I know I'm half vampire and all, but running four miles at a full out sprint would tire anybody out, not to mention that it was in broad daylight, I mean come on, I'm not superman! My mother stood there in the hallway, her blonde hair sparking, blue eyes flashing and flip-flopped foot tapping.
"Where the hell have you been? You should have been here at least twelve minutes ago, even at your slowest, I don't care if your friend Nate needed you for some dire problem or another….." She took a deep breath, causing her red face to return to its normal color. Maybe she was done? Nope, she was opening her mouth again. "And another thing, did you remember to drop by the blood bank and pick up some blood for your father? And is it B+? You know that is his favorite."
"Awww, come on Mom! You only called me ten minutes ago, I had no time to go pick some up….I'm not Superman!" My head fell back and my face scrunched up in total dejection and annoyance. It was true, I was whining, like a five year old. My mother was obsessive when it came to my father, and honestly, sometimes she was worse than the Prince of Darkness. My mother, Dr. Elizabeth Macomer, is a true force of nature when she is angry. "By the way, where is the Monster?"
"Your father is asleep, like he always is in the middle of the day." My mother sighed at the mention of my appointed nickname for my father. She suddenly looked up at me, and the manic gleam in her eyes had me backing up slowly. "Anyway, the reason I called you home, is because I have something to show you!" Moving surprisingly fast for a 57 year old woman, she lunged forward and took my wrist in a chain like grip, she then proceeded to drag me down two flights of stairs and into the place I call 'The Mad Lab'. Closing and locking the four foot thick solid steel door behind her, my mother turned to me, the fluorescent lights giving her an almost demonic appearance. "Now, sweetie, for the last 14 months I have been working on a top secret project, one that your father mustn't know about." Pshhh, like I ever talk to him anyway. I watched as my mother moved to the far corner of her lab, towards an immense object covered by a blue tarp. "This is what will change the world!" She tore the fabric away to reveal…. "
What the hell?!" I'm sorry, I couldn't help it, but the thing underneath the tarp looked like it was some sort of modern art piece. There was a platform, about eight feet in diameter, perfectly circular and bolted to the floor. Jutting out from the base were three curved walls, with two foot gaps in between them. The walls arched up towards the ceiling, forming an egg like shape. The entire thing was made of a shiny metal, it looked like steel, but it gave of this weird sort of glow. Of course, that could be because of the LED lights in the base.
"Watch your language young lady." My mother snapped, like she did every time I swore so it was kind of like a reflexive action. She smiled at me and walked over to a control panel, and began fiddling with all of the buttons and knobs.
"You see, approximately 15 month's ago, I struck upon an idea. Your father is strong now, but what if he was never killed by that vile man Van Helsing? He would be invincible, and we would be living by his side as he ruled over the mortal world. So I began researching the fickle thing called time and constructing this. I completed the prototype four months ago, and tested the machine by sending that thing you call a cat back to the past approximately 125 years ago. And now I am ready for human testing."
"Pooky!? You told me Pooky ran away!" I was shocked, I loved that cat! I've had him since I was 13, and he was the ugliest and most beautiful thing in the world. Beautiful, because he absolutely despised my father and bit him any time he came into the room, ugly because he was a mutt and was missing an ear, eye and most of his tail. Not to mention the uneven fur and patchy skin. And my mother lied to me, saying he ran away when in reality she freaking sent him back in time! In a freaking time machine! – Wait, time machine? "Time machine?"
"Yes, a time machine, and that beast deserved whatever came to him." My mother stated calmly, her voice completely even, as if she was talking about the weather. "And now that it is truly complete, and large enough, I can begin human testing, or in your case, human-vampire testing." Only then did she look up from her control panel, and the smile she sent me was chilling. Dumbly, I stood there staring. Did she really just say that? Does she really mean she's gonna…? I brought a hand up to my chest and straightened my index finger to tap my chest in the universal 'Who me?' look.
"Oh hell no!" My voice echoed through the laboratory. Adrenalin started to pump through my bloodstream when she nodded and started to walk towards me, crooning on how everything was going to be alright. I didn't trust her one bit. Just as I turned to run to the door, I saw out of the corner of my eye a deadly looking hypodermic needle appear in my mother's hand. I didn't make it three steps.
I knew what was in the needle as soon as I woke up. You seem, my mom crafts her own, no normal tranquilizer would put me out, the only one that ever succeeded was used to put down rampaging elephants, but as soon as I turned three my body adapted to it. That unfortunate incident led to my mother experimenting on creating the ultimate tranquilizer, she's almost succeeded in killing me four times….any way, her two current favorites are V-467 and HT-900, one barely put me to sleep, and I felt no side effect once I awaken, the other left me drowsy, nauseous, and feeling like a clog dancing group had taken up residence in my brain. I bet you can guess which one my sadistic mother decided to use. So as I dealt with the herd of elephant's trampolining in my brain, I struggled to the world of consciousness. I first became aware of an odd whirring sound; it kind of resembled the sound of a helicopter, that whump-whump-whump sound? Yeah, it was like that, and as soon as I could force my stupid eyelids open I saw what was making that sound. I was sitting in the center of the time machine, the walls whizzing around me at a pace so fast it caused them to blur. Through the gaps, I caught glimpses of my mother standing at the control panel. "LEMME OUTTA HERE YOU CRAZY BITCH!" I screamed, or attempted to scream, it came out more like "Mmf Mmgh Mm Mnmg Mif!" The crazy woman gagged me! And from what I could taste, with a sock! Gross! Trying very hard not to think where that sock had come from, or whose foot it had been on I moved my tongue around, trying to dislodge the vile thing, only to realize that it was ductaped around my mouth! Damn you mother, you and your unnatural like of ductape!
"Oh good, you're awake. I was hoping you'd wake up before I had to send you through. There are some precautions we need to go over." My mother's voice was as calm as ever, even if she had to raise it a little in order to be heard over the whirring walls. I caught a glimpse of her through the gaps; she was holding a clipboard, with a freaking check list! She only smiled at my muffled shouts of outrage, "I will be sending you back to the year 1888, where the first sign of Van Helsing was seen in Transylvania. I'm sending you back in order to stop him, and ensure your father's rule for the rest of eternity." Thankfully her wistful sigh was lost to the sound of the blades. "Beside you is a bag in which I packed only the essential thing's you'll need on your trip, a collapsible silver sword, a gauntlet with silver daggers, a thigh holster with your 9-mil glock, equipped magazines with both silver and steel bullets. Your father's crest. A length of parachute cord, a regular hunting knife." Slowly, as she checked off each mentioned item, I felt my jaw going slack, what did she expect? Me to face down an entire army?! "That concludes the weaponry, now for the miscellaneous items. In the very bottom of the bag, a cooler filled with three bags of blood. Just to get you recovered once you land, I'm sure that once you are there you can find some willing donors easily enough. A tooth brush and toothpaste, hairbrush, toiletries, and a change of clothes. Also a sturdy pair of shoes, there is no cars in this time, so you'll be walking almost anywhere." I couldn't help but groan, why? Why is she doing this to me?
I am kind of ashamed to say it, but halfway through her shpeil I began to tune her out. The sound of her voice blending in with the motors of the machine, creating a sort of lulling music. It was peaceful enough I guess, up until the weird tingling began. You know the pin's and needle's feeling you get when your foot falls asleep? Yeah, that. It started in my fingers and toes and then slowly began to spread to every other part of my body. Maneuvering my head to the awkward angle that was needed in order to stare down at my feet I screamed through my gag. They were gone! My feet were freaking gone! Gone, as in NOT THERE! As I just stared at the empty spot in which my feet used to take up residence, I began to feel dizzy, I was expected to travel back in time to fight the Lord of Darkness, as a cripple? How in the hell was that supposed to work? The whirring grew louder and the tingling stronger. I blinked my eyes, why was I so tired all of the sudden? And why couldn't I feel my body anymore? This was weird. But hey, if my mom could bottle this feeling, she'd make a fortune. Speaking of my mom, she was talking again, I should probably pay attention. I struggled to hear her over the time machine, which wasn't easy because for some reason she was muttering. "I wonder if I should tell her that there is a chance that all of her might not make it all the way through?"
Wait, WHAT?!