One of her friends was getting married to some loser neither of them knew, and she would really appreciate it if he came with her.
Rose: I'M SURE SHE WOULD!
Me: Rose, that's not even the line. There's nothing Rocky Horror-like about this yet other than the fact that it starts at a wedding for other people.
Rose: It's almost the line.
Me: Whatever. Just behave yourself.
Tunny and his girlfriend, the Extraordinary Girl (whose name turned out to be Emma Weiss), both thought the wedding was extremely boring and cliché. But it meant a lot to Betty Monroe that her fellow nurse and her "dreamy, veteran boyfriend" (Tunny understood that he was a little old to be listening to his girlfriend's phone calls, but Betty Monroe was so damn hilarious to listen to.) be there to watch her get married. Things were dull and expected until the wedding concluded. Then, the events became increasingly more entertaining.
It all started with the rice.
Looking around, Tunny tried to pinpoint the person who was throwing the rice, but there was no culprit to be found. It seemed to be coming from a disembodied force. But was that even possible?
Rose: Wait… you mean they can't see me?
Me: I'm afraid not, dear one.
Rose: WHAT IS THIS?
Me: Trust me. It's better this way.
Rose: You always say that, and it's never true.
Me: Just take my word for it this time, alright?
Rose: Fine.
"Are you seeing this rice?" Emma asked.
"Are you hearing these voices coming from out of nowhere?" Tunny asked her.
"Yeah, I am. They sound angry."
"They also sound familiar. Like… no, that couldn't be."
"What couldn't be?"
"Does this seem a little like that Rocky Horror thing to you?"
"Well, I guess a little bit. Her name is Betty Monroe, and she did just marry a guy named Ralph Hapschatt."
"Could that be a coincidence?"
"I'm going to say so."
There was a chorus of annoying yelps and cheers surrounding the bride, which meant it was time for Betty to throw the bouquet. Secretly, Tunny hoped that Emma caught it. It would assist in his plans to propose to her that night.
Rose: I MISS ASSHOLE AND SLUT!
Me: Why can't you get used to the fact that this time, these two are Asshole and Slut?
Rose: Because!
Me: That's a weak argument if I ever heard one.
Rose: Don't you start giving me a refresher course in the first week of philosophy!
Me: Speaking of a refresher course, let's continue with the story, shall we?
Rose: FINE!
"Okay, you guys, this is it!" Betty screeched at the top of her lungs. "Are you ready?"
"Looks like Betty's about to throw her bouquet," Ralph Hapschatt mused aloud, appearing behind Tunny from out of absolutely nowhere.
"You don't say?" Tunny asked sarcastically, but Ralph Hapschatt didn't seem to pick up on it. Instead, he just laughed stupidly and clapped his hand uncomfortably on Tunny's shoulder.
"Do I know you?" Ralph Hapschatt wondered with an irritatingly polite tone in his voice.
"No. No, you really don't."
Saving him from a painfully awkward conversation with the presumably most boring man on the scene, Emma danced back to her boyfriend with an array of flowers in her clutches.
"I got it!" she cried. "I got it!"
Ralph Hapschatt gave a creepy grin and inappropriately suggested to Tunny, "Hey, man, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?"
Rose: THAT'S RACIST!
Me: Excuse me?
Rose: He obviously only used eh because Scott J. Campbell is Canadian!
Me: Okay, there are so many things wrong with what you just said. First of all, I don't think you can be racist against someone who's Canadian. Second of all, that's not Scott, even though I wish it was. It's Tunny. Scott wouldn't be an amputee for the same reason Tunny is.
Rose: You are not fun.
Me: You're very right.
Through gritted teeth, Tunny answered Ralph Hapschatt with, "Who knows?" It sounded rude, but he didn't care just so long as he left him alone so he could propose to Emma.
It worked, because immediately after, Ralph Hapschatt replied in a half-offended tone, "Well, so long. See you, Tunny."
He walked away, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Tunny erupted with laughter.
"Don't be a dick," Emma snapped.
"Me? Me, don't be a dick? Did you see that guy? He walked right up to me and talked to me like he'd known me for ten years!"
"Okay, I admit it was a little odd. But he was just trying to be polite. It's his wedding day. Cut him a break."
"What do you want me to do? Act like an awkward nerd? Because I could totally do that. I could tell you that it was wonderful, that Betty looked just radiantly beautiful. I could tell you all that bullshit if it would make you happy."
"I see your point."
"Hey, this is kind of fun. I'm gonna keep doing it. An hour ago, she was plain old Betty Monroe, and now she's still plain, but she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt! Can it get much better than that?"
"Tunny, you don't even know Betty. If you did, you'd know that Ralph is a lucky guy."
"Yeah, he has to live fifty or sixty years with that voice. I'm just saying."
"Can you please be a little gracious? People are starting to stare. And I haven't heard the disembodied voices in a while, so maybe you alienated them, too."
"Like hell I did. But I'll try to be gracious. Lord knows Betty's probably a wonderful cook, and Ralph Hapschatt is probably in line for a promotion on East 12 Street in a year or two."
"Exactly."
Rose: DO IT, TUNNY! DO IT!
Me: Rose, what are you talking about?
Rose: I'm encouraging him to propose.
Me: Did you bring the CD?
Rose: I don't leave the house without it.
Me: Go ahead and play it, then.
Rose: YAY!
From out of absolutely nowhere, music began to play. It sounded semi-familiar, but Tunny couldn't exactly place what it was from. Nonetheless, he decided to roll with it and listen to what the disembodied voice was telling him to do.
"Hey, Emma," he started.
"Yes, Tun?" she asked.
"I've got something to say."
"Uh-huh?"
"I really love the…
Rose: Starts with an S, try skillful…
"Skillful way…
Rose: WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS!
"You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet."
In a mimicking way, Emma finished it out with a giggle. The music began to swell, which confused and angered Tunny. He didn't understand why his life always had to be a musical of some sort. Like before, however, he decided to go with it.
"The training was steep, but I did it!" he sang.
"EMMA!" the disembodied voices called back.
"I'm singing to you again, but I don't get it!"
"EMMA!"
"I wonder why I can't seem to can it."
"EMMA!"
"I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Emma, I love you."
Tunny ignored the fact that none of what he was saying rhymed with Emma. If it was supposed to be that way, then he wouldn't fight it. Either way, Emma seemed to be enjoying it.
"The war, it sucked, but I fought it."
"EMMA!"
"There was a gash on my face, and you mend it!"
"EMMA!"
"If there's one girl for drool, than you are it!"
*awkwardly* "EMMA…"
"I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Emma, I love you!"
Grabbing the ring out of his back pocket, Tunny realized that his palms were exceptionally sweaty, and he ended up dropping it on the ground. As he scrambled to pick it up, he kept singing, hoping that it would smooth everything out.
"Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker," he continued. "There's three ways that love can grow. That's good, bad, or induced by drugs…. oh E-M-M-A, I love you so!"
He recovered the ring, slipped it on her ring finger, and she dashed into the church to marvel over it. Now, it was her turn to sing.
"Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had!" she exclaimed loudly.
"Oh, Tun!" the disembodied voices giggled girlishly.
"Now we're engaged and I'm so glad!"
"Oh, Tun!"
"That you have arms and your leg's not so bad!"
*awkwardly again* "Oh, Tun!"
"I've one thing to say and that's Tun, I'm mad for you, too!"
Rose: Hey, this Emma, are you jealous that Emma is marrying your man?
Me: SHUT UP!
"Oh, Tunny!" that Emma sang.
"Oh… dammit it…"
"I'm mad!"
"Oh… Emma…"
"For you…"
"I love you, too…"
"There's one thing left to do!"
Rose: This Emma, have you per chance outlined ALL of your characters?
Me: No.
Rose: Then this line isn't going to make any sense.
Me: You think I don't know that.
Rose: Just checking.
"And that's not see the man who began it!" Tunny supplied.
"EMMA!"
"When we met in his medical exam-it!"
"EMMA!"
"Made me give you the eye, but not panic."
"EMMA!"
"I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Emma, I love you."
Rose: You're not very good at character mapping.
Me: It's not my fault that one play has seven principal roles and the other has ten.
Rose: You suck.
"Dammit Emma!"
"Oh, Tun, I'm mad!"
"Dammit Emma!"
"I love you!"
Rose: Does this mean…
Me: Yes, it means…
Rose: Is he…
Me: Not exactly.
Randomly, Tunny and Emma had a sudden picture of a girl with short, brown hair sitting in a library, smoking a pipe, and obviously trying to look like a genius.
"What the fuck is that?" Tunny asked.
"I don't know," Emma answered. "But the voices seem to get it."
"Damn voices."
Me: TUNNY! I AM AWESOME!
Rose: Behave yourself.
Me: Touché.
The girl in the library, whose name was Clare, began to speak in a very poor imitation of Charles Grey from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
"I would, I like, if I may," she commenced, "to take you on a very strange journey. It seemed a very ordinary night when Tunny Sands"
Rose: ASSHOLE!
Me: WATCH WHO YOU CALL ASSHOLE!
Rose: I'm just getting into the spirit of things like you told me to!
"And his girlfriend, Emma Weiss"
Rose: SLUT!
"Two young, extraordinary, one of which was an amputee, kids left Jingletown that late November evening"
Rose: IT WAS FEBRUARY 2!
"To visit someone the author hasn't yet decided on. It's true, there were dark storm clouds."
"Huh?" Tunny wondered. Suddenly, dark storm clouds formed above his head.
"Oh, okay."
"Heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving," the criminologist finished out.
"Wait… are we in the car?" Emma asked. Within a second of her inquiry, they found themselves in a car with Tunny driving toward the storm clouds.
"I guess we are," he said. "This sucks, not being able to run your own life."
"It's true also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but they being normal kids and on a night out, well… they weren't going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening."
"We are not NORMAL KIDS!" Tunny shouted at the voice/picture he couldn't get out of his head. "I'm a fucking amputee, and I don't even know why I'm driving this car in a storm! Normal kids don't have random voices dictate their lives!"
"Will you relax?" Emma asked, losing patience. "The voices are obviously here for a reason."
Rose: Oh, don't we know it…
Me: Rose, don't ruin the surprise.
"On a night out...it was a night out... ...they were going to remember"
Rose: FOR HOW LONG?
"For a very long time."
A/N: Wow. That was also horrible. Ha. I wanted to make some notes about this. I tried to rewrite a whole song so everything WOULD rhyme with Emma, but it's late, and that was really difficult. I'm sorry I'm probably completely butchering two of the greatest musicals ever. Also, I know a lot of people named Extraordinary Girl after Christina Sajous, and that's cool. I just decided to name her Emma because… that's MY name. And if Extraordinary Girl gets to be with Tunny, I might as well put a bit of myself there. :D