You: You awaken with no idea where you are. Time and place have no meaning, but one thing is for certain. The door in front of you, standing open, leads into what can only be considered hell. Blood drips from the ceiling of the dark hallway, coating it in a thick, sticky film. Rust eats away at the metal walls, clinging tightly to the metal grate floors.

Stranger: silent hill?

You: With one look at the brochure clenched in your hand, a folded map, you can confirm that you are indeed in the infamous town of Silent Hill.

Stranger: I knew it! I knew all those hours placed in front of my playstation would pay off, and low and behold today is that day! what do i win?

You: You win a one-way ticket into the depths of Alchemilla. A metal pipe is laying at your side, and you notice you're on Koontz Street. What do you do?

Stranger: probably pullling my dick out would be the safest move...yep def whip out the old trouser snake!

You: You open your pants and let your penis out. It has no effect.

Stranger: I would start beating furiously...

You: A shadow descends over you.

Stranger: is it another penis?

You: With a glance skyward, you get a glimpse of a roughshod piece of metal screaming down from above into your chest. The wielder of the blade is soon revealed. With his angular helmet and twitching limbs, it's definitely Pyramid Head. As you stare up at your executioner, you realize that he has been summoned by your lewd actions to punish you for your past sins.

Stranger: well, if this is the last chance i get im gonna for sure try and finish off this last one before this asshole with the triangle head trys to cut it off!

You: He gives his great knife a cruel twist, prying your ribcage apart and spraying your blood across the concrete. As the light fades from your eyes, you watch him reach down and pull you up, dragging you along behind himself.

You: GAME OVER

Stranger: ghey ghey ghey, if you knew anything you would know that as he made his slow lumbering way i was able to get off that nut which had been loading and waiting for its throbbing release! it went off in the creatures direction taking out his midsection and leaving a two foot hole as it made its way out the creatures back!

Stranger: game over

Your conversational partner has disconnected.