The Soul-Bearing Secret

The feelings were becoming unbearable.

It is often assumed that Raven supresses the feelings that often work against her favor like they were never there. However, since the haunted house incident, she has learned to, at the very least, acknowledge their existence. Besides, the emotions having to do with love are quite unable to ignore, and the online articles she has read in a futile attempt to gain advice on how to handle this ever-growing crush proved to her she was not alone.

The emotions began to eat away at her soul. It was all she could ever think about. He was all she could think about. It was beyond maddening. He make her feel so giddy and happy but at the same time it was absolute torture and she felt helpless, out of control. The crush on her green teammate began sometime after they completed the mission they both were sent for. They completed it earlier than originally expected and thus decided to roam and explore Southern California as tourists, choosing to keep it a secret from Robin as they were sure if he found out he would send them both on another exhausting mission. It started when she began to ease around his presence while enjoying the extreme relaxation they both have been given, when she smiled and laughed more, more than sneered and glared at him. She declared it as officially having a crush on him when she'd catch herself way to often watching the way Garfield moved. Something as bland as going to the movie theaters turned into a let's-watch-Garfield-chew-his-popcorn fest because she began to think about his well -developed jawline, so different now that he was older at the fresh age of twenty and has finally finished off his awkward puberty-filled years.

After the acknowledgement of her crush on Garfield, Raven of course naturally resorted to the power of meditation. She wanted to rid herself of this feeling. Her days were filled with plans for meditation instead of the leisurely activities she wanted to have with her newfound free time, all to no avail. Even during meditation her mind would wonder to Garfield. Her emoticons were quaking with curiosity to get to know Garfield's personality more. Then, she began to busy herself as much as possible. She even considered telling Robin about their finished mission, and when she voiced this opinion to Beast Boy, she was met with his panic-filled expression.

"If you're getting bored, we can go down to the beach, and make the biggest sandcastle possible," He had suggested instead. "It's twenty minutes away from our hotel room, I'll drive and I'll pay the gas this time, just please don't tell Robin." He had begged. It could have been because of the way his green eyes shimmered with utmost hope, or maybe that she also secretly still didn't want Robin to know, Raven agreed to Beast Boy's suggestion. Which was a horrible idea, because Raven did not account for the fact that Garfield would be shirtless while on the beach, and that she'd most likely have to be in a swimsuit as well, only realizing when they actually got there and Garfield immediately pulled his shirt over his head next to her and threw it back over the car seat with enthusiasm. He had been wanting to go swimming. Raven brought a plain black bikini and silently chastised herself for not offering a different activity while slathering her arm with sunscreen before joining him to find a nice spot on the beach sand, and spent all that day looking at his forearms and back muscles with sheer admiration, to his cluelessness.

So with these mental images in her head, and the growing positive social interactions between them, these two pieces definitely contributed to her crush, growing it from a tiny curiousity about the shapeshifter to a full-blown crush complete with daydreams about their hypothetical relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. She wanted to shout her feelings at him, Oh Azar it was so unbearable. So nerve-wracking, horrendous, beautiful, and unbearable.

She had to tell him. Somehow...

How should she go about it?

Raven thought about asking him out on a date. It was simple enough, their hotel room was near popular tourist destinations so it wouldn't be hard to come up with an activity, and Raven wasn't too scared of asking him out. I mean, he is still Beast Boy. She couldn't imagine him completely freaking out, it'd just be like how they've been hanging out on their secret mini vacation. But that is exactly the problem. It'd just be like hanging out, it wouldn't feel like a date. Perhaps maybe she'd give him hints, like becoming more friendlier towards him. Wait, that's stupid. It just wasn't her. she liked Beast boy, but she still can't make a convincing enough fake laugh at his pointless jokes. Plus dropping hints would be way to slow for her.

Or, she could just be upfront and tell him how she feels.

The problem with this is that it's way too scary. Raven always considered herself to be very honest and logical, but confessing her crush is quite frightening. How would he react? He probably doesn't even like her in that way. Well, it didn't matter, it has come to the point where he just needs to know. Her heart thumped at the very attempt to even imagine his reactions! Terrible! Ugh, having a crush is so...stupid!

However, it needed to be done.

xxxxx

The two titans traveled to northern Arizona. It was a split-second trip, mostly Beast Boy's idea, because the two finally decided it was time to get back to work, before they take too long of a mini vacation and Robin starts to get suspicious. However, Raven agreed to a quick trip to the Grand Canyon before they officially head back to the Tower.

It was bloody hot, and a very long walk, to which Raven mostly just floated behind Garfield, who seemed to be enjoying the scenery. Raven doubted he even noticed the beads of sweat forming on his forehead because he was smiling so much. It was beautiful, despite her pessimistic ways. She wasn't complaining of having pleasant conversations with Beast Boy while looking at the rocks and trees around her, it was quite peaceful, actually. But she was burdened to carry a secret that was going to burst out of her mouth at any given time.

They both stopped at a shaded spot to take a quick break as they were both getting somewhat peckish. Beast Boy unpacked his food while she looked at the deep canyon below. It looked like something out of a picture, and it seemed her eyes could not make sense of how deep it was. How aesthetically unimaginable.

"Rae, you okay?" Her attention snapped down to the seated shape-shifter. "If you lean any further, I'm gonna have to jump in and fly after you," he joked, biting into a tofu sandwich. Raven blushed as she backed away from the cliff. She didn't want to do anything stupid. Not in front of him.

"Raven." She corrected him. He shrugged in response and looked down to face the canyon.

"It's beautiful isnt it? I cant believe we've never been here before." She sat down next to him. As she reached to pull her own sandwich out of her backpack, she sneakily glanced at him to catch a glimpse of his face, which looked absolutely in awe. His eyes hasn't sparkled like that since they went to Tokyo and he was in front of that Japanese book store or whatever he was geeking out over, and so her heart began to thump once again. She turned uneasily to face away from him as they both took in the view in silence.

Her emoticlones began to fill her head. Wouldn't it be nice if he looked at you like that? Happy and Desire sighed at the fantasy. Could you imagine his smile? Then Doubt took over. You are going to ruin everything Raven if you tell him. That look he has on his face right now? It's gonna turn into disgust when he looks at you all up in your feelings. The pounding pulsated throughout her chest, she was rigid and yet so fragile with every breath she took. Beast Boy is not that mean. He is very kind, and sweet... Happy and Desire argued. TELL HIM. Stop beading around the bush! Brave motivated her. She closed her eyes with frustration. This is pointless. Why do you have to make life hard for yourself. This entire crush is retarded! She shouted, silencing her feelings. She swallowed and tried to relax. Stupid nonsense. Not worth the troub- Beast Boy shifted slightly and took another bite of his now second sandwich. Raven swore she could feel the heat radiating off of his body. Maybe it was her own nervousness? She was sweating a lot more than him...

Do it now.

"I wonder how deep it is. If I threw a rock inside how long would it take to reach the floor?" Raven was not sure if Beast Boy was talking to himself, or initiating another conversation. She remained silent, her lips so firmly pressed together.

Say it, please.

He threw a nearby stick as far he could and let his ears perk up to listen as closely as he could, silently counting underneath his breath.

"Three...Four..."

Tell him.

She forced her shaky hands to grab the water bottle she provided herself with her quick snack and lifted if to her lips, gulping it down so quickly it hurt her throat. Her backpack rattled with black energy so that it lightly slid from being between the two of them to the other side of Raven. Luckily for her, Beast Boy didn't seem to notice. Beast Boy shook his head and huffed.

"I lost it around twelve seconds." He was still facing the canyon. Raven bit her lip out of frustration. She was internally screaming, having forgotten her calming mantra altogether.

"We should fly around, Just for fun. Dude, this place is absolutely gorgeous."

Not as great-looking as you.

"What?" Beast Boy's question alarmed her. Had she accidentally said that aloud? She couldn't remember. His green eyes seem to pierce through her very soul. Staring at her with one eyebrow raised. Both of his ears were still perked up awwiting for her answer. Raven was positive she had the most horrified expression on her face although it felt as if she couldn't feel her face. She sucked in a deep breath to regain a sense of dignity, or something.

"I said," she began, "I have a crush on you."

She immediately closed her eyes and sighed. Her arms and fingers unclenched themselves. The black energy surrounding her backpack dissipated.

Finally!

He knew and now she could relax.