Disclaimer: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement is meant.
Rating: PG-13/T
Spoilers/Timeline: Written after HPB. Starts immediately after GoF.
A/N: This is Lupin's POV. I'd like to imagine that they didn't immediately feel the connection between them, as so many other writers have imagined.
Chapter 2: Never Again Gullible
He thinks that Moody has lost his final marble when he recommends Nymphadora Tonks for the Order. Is our cause that desperate? Isn't she a little young? he questions Moody, who gave him a look, a sniff, and then proceeds to ignore him. That seemed to settle matters, and Remus wasn't one to push the envelope with Moody. He vaguely remembered a trip to Diagon Alley with James and Sirius sometime in third year, a chance meeting with an aunt or someone, and a toddler with an unforgettable name adorned in pink.
He wonders if they were making mistakes already, and imagines an army of pink-swathed toddlers wielding wands against Voldemort. Twisting his mouth into a wry smile, he re-focuses on Moody, who seems intent on recruiting all "his" Aurors whom he personally trained. Remus would have imagined Moody thinks the Aurors his own personal army, except that Moody is not prone to flights of fancy. Far from it, as a matter of fact.
He somehow manages not to notice the slight softening of Moody's tone whenever he mentions Nymphadora.
-----
He is speaking with Sirius when they first meet. At first, he cannot reconcile the young lady slowly squeezing Sirius to death with her embrace, with the short bundle of energy in Sirius's arms from his memories.
"Remus!" Sirius is positively beaming when he turns around, holding her by the hand. "Remus, you'll never guess who this is!" She is still looking at Sirius adoringly, a huge grin on her face.
"No, I'm sure I can't," he says drily.
"She's my cousin, you know, from Andy? She married Ted Tonks and got blasted off the family tree too? Nymphadora Tonks – "
"Just Tonks, thanks – "
" – this is one of my best mates, Professor Remus Lupin!"
He notices that she barely manages to tear her gleaming eyes away from Sirius to give him a cursory once-over. He holds out a hand, and she grasps it with a firm grip.
"It's a pleasure, Miss Tonks."
She makes a face. "It's just 'Tonks', thanks. Sirius knows I hate my name."
He inclines his head as Sirius drags her away to huddle in a corner, chatting away excitedly. Was it just his imagination, or did her nose just give a funny twitch when she spoke? He takes in her pink hair and her bright laughter, and wonders again, if their cause is so desperate that they've sunk to recruiting random Goth punks off the streets of London.
Then Dumbledore arrives, and he realises belatedly, that this is the first full meeting of the Order of the Pheonix. Reborn, just as Voldemort himself was reborn.
He takes a seat in the kitchen, missing James and Lily so much it hurts to breathe, and his eyes start to tear. Prongs, Prongs. We will not fail you again.
He clenches his fists tight and thinks of Harry.
When Dumbledore approaches him at the end of the meeting, with a steely look in his eye and a mission on the tip of his tongue, his heart sinks and his stomach roils. Live among werewolves and locate my maker? Please, Dumbledore, anything but this. This is the life which you helped me escape from. This is the life nobody wants for me. This is the life which is death for all.
He looks past Dumbledore and sees Sirius laughing with his cousin. In his mind's eye, he sees James, laughing with Lily. He raises his eyes to Dumbledore's.
"I understand. It must be done."
Dumbledore nods and leaves, leaving Remus nauseous. James. I will not fail you again.
He takes a deep breath, clenches his fists tight, and thinks of Harry.
-----
He speaks to Moody about her after the second meeting.
"Are you sure you want to keep her in the Order?"
Moody regards him, his magical eye spinning a lazy figure-eight in its socket. "M'lad, she's an Auror I trained myself." And he stomped away, peg-leg clomping in a steady rhythm.
An Auror? She tripped on her own feet! She didn't think to do a drying spell! She was staring, lovestruck, at Charlie Weasley when he was giving his report! Auror?
He rubs his eyes and sighs. This is not a problem he should be dealing with. But after Peter's betrayal, he is wary of particularly inept people. For he knows now, that awkwardness can hide treachery. Gawkiness can conceal years of bitterness. Discomfort could mean lies.
He knows all this, all too well. The price he paid – the price they all paid – for that lapse in judgement was too high. Turning to look at her retreating back, he narrowed his eyes and hardened his heart. No, he would not be making that same mistake again.
He would have back that pound of flesh.
-----
A/N: Yes, I rather like Shakespeare. Thank you for your kind comments so far.