Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Please.
If you're against anything really perverted, please don't read this. I made this installment slightly more disturbing than the first one. Uh...Enjoy.
Eragon twitched his fingers, just to see if they were broken. They didn't hurt, so Eragon was about to shrug his shoulders when one blinking light blub zapped on, making him jump so high his chair moved an inch. He was in a small, dank room; probably not that bigger than a jail cell. Then his breathing became shallow, so Eragon took a relaxing, deep breath and counted to three before breathing again. He hated small rooms. For all he cared, they could all go to Hell.
Eragon noticed for the first time a (You guessed it) small, classic TV. It was retro looking; with those knob thingys and very crappy screen. Eragon felt a pang of embarrassment that he knew was Saphira's. I wonder what's wrong, he thought, trying in vain to twiddle his thumbs even though his arms were tied to the arms of a chair. He is stupid, afterall.
After a few minutes of patheic twiddling, his nose itched. Bad. Eragon threw his head down on one of the arms, and scratched his nose on it.
"Hi, kids!" a very loud, very annoying, almost humanoid voice bleated. Eragon jumped, causing his head to snap up and cause a mild whiplash that left his head aching. The TV was now on, picturing a fat, gay purple dinorsaur thing.
"Hi, Barney!" greeted equally annoying fake school girls and boys. They all waved at Barney, and he waved back. Eragon's eye twitched.
"Hey kids, let's go into my van and you guys can lick my lollipop!" he suggested, gesturing to a white van convently parked in the middle of a playground.
"Okay, Barney!" they all screamed, and continued to skip to the van.
Barney herded them all in, and the screen faded to black, saying 'A Few Minutes Later...' in bold, gigantic type, as if the person is some kind of moron that can't even say his/her own name. Then after the screen came back again, there was Barney, his head against a cop car's truck, and his arms behind his back.
"You sick creep!" the po po yelled in his ear over and over, while punching Barney.
"You don't understand!" Barney insisted, but the only answer he got was a roundhouse kick to his face by Chuck Norris. "No, really! When I said, 'And you guys can lick my lollipop', I actually meant they could lick my lollipop!"
One of the fugly kids came running over to them. "Its true!" he screeched in his unusually high voice. He held up a Toosie Pop, with it licked right to its core.
"Told ja!" Barney yelled, choking on his own blood. The po po shrugged, and muttered something like, "At least I'm getting paid," and uncuffed Barney.
"YAY!" the kids all shouted, some of them crying dramtically.
"Kids," Barney said, drawing the pack of kids closer to him, "This-- hopefully --is a life lesson." he said, nodding solemly.
"This was, Barney!" they all screamed.
"What did you learn, then?"
"To not go into strangers' vans unless they have free candy!" the fuglies screamed, jumping up and down in wild, fake happiness.
"Good dogs!" Barney giggled, and pet some of them on their heads.
The screen flashed to black, and the credits came rolling up. By the time they did, Eragon was dead. The gayness and crappyness of it all killed him at a young age. It was just too much gayness for such a young heart. Hopefully where ever he is, Barney's not with him. Because I'm pretty sure Barney would rape him.
Hey, hey, hey. Thank you for reading this retarded chapter. Even if it meant losing five billion brain cells. Bye...Watch out for some more chapters...