** A/N: Having too much fun slapping this together. The entries are all short, so I'll probably be posting three at a time. I think there are two more chapters to go. Enjoy – and thanks to those who review – it's always good to know I'm not just amusing myself. :-) **

DAY TWENTY:

Dear Diary,

I used to hate girls like me. I don't even know how this happened. You wake up one day and you realize that you're turning into someone you really don't like. Someone…ungrateful.

I have a lot to be happy about. I mean, it's not a fairytale, but I've got a devoted guy and great friends. For once in a long time, my brother is smiling and the whole supernatural threat to my existence is simmering quietly on the back burner.

I should be enjoying every second of this, but I'm not. I'm edgy. Distracted. It's almost like I'm looking for something, like I'm forgetting something. But what? What did I lose?

I wish I didn't know the answer, but I think I do.

Today I saw Stefan laughing with Caroline. They were working in the school office, some sort of work study nightmare that I managed to avoid. The radio was on and they were singing along. Badly. Being crazy. He was doing a shockingly good Elvis impression and she was shuffling back and forth like a back-up singer, using a ruler as a microphone.

They looked so ridiculous. I almost took a picture with my phone, but then I just stopped. I felt like I was intruding. And it wasn't because I wished Stefan and I could be silly like that, which we hardly ever are. This would be a lot easier if I was just playing a jealous girlfriend card, but I wasn't.

Instead, for one second, I felt sad watching them. Damon used to make me laugh like that. But you have to talk to people to make them laugh. And Damon never talks to me. Not anymore.

I think he's the thing I miss.

I wish I didn't.

DAY TWENTY-SIX:

Dear Diary,

I ran into Damon in the kitchen tonight. I hadn't seen him in eight days. God, I can't even decide what's more disturbing, the fact that I haven't seen him in eight days or the fact that I know exactly how many days it's been since I've seen him.

I was leaned into the fridge searching desperately for something other than a blood bag when he walked in. I stood up and slammed right into him, my butt bumping hard against his hip. It was a prime opportunity for one of his standard you-know-you-want-me comments. At the very least, it warranted a heavy dose of that eye thing he does. Or used to do.

He didn't do it. He didn't say anything. He could barely even look at me.

I apologized and tried vainly to make some small talk. He mostly stared at the doorway, trying obviously to think of an excuse to run out of the room. Finally, he got the ice he'd come in for, and he left.

I heard him disappearing up the stairs. And I sat in the kitchen and damn near cried.

DAY THIRTY-ONE:

I screwed up. Bad.

I snuck into Damon's room last night. It's so crazy, it doesn't even feel real. But it's real. It happened. I mean nothing happened, but still. I did this.

God, what's going on with me? Why would I do something so stupid?

The whole night started like crap. Stefan and I were just…off. Things have been kind of weird for awhile, maybe ever since we got back together. We're not fighting, really. We don't fight. Not ever. Sometimes I wonder if either one of us feel strongly enough about anything anymore to fight.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that I couldn't stop obsessing last night. What the hell happened to Damon? He used to be like a fly around me, constantly present, eternally buzzing around my ears with a snarky one-liner. Now, that fly is gone, but only with me. He's the same old Damon with Alaric, with Jeremy, even with Caroline.

Is this what he meant when he said he couldn't be selfish with me? That he'd just erase me from his life so he didn't have to want me anymore?

I feel invisible with him. Not that he's been rude. He's been perfectly cordial. Even Stefan has commented on the refreshing change. Damon is nice as pie, and as distant as humanly possible.

Again, isn't this exactly what I wanted?

Either way, I obsessed all last night at Stefan's place. Stefan had been dead to the world for hours, but I was biting my nails, my mind running a hundred miles a minute.

I don't know how or why, but I found myself tip-toeing down the hallway towards Damon's room. Their rooms are on the most opposite sides of the hallway possible, so I had a long time to turn back.

I didn't.

His door was open. I'd never been in his room before. I crept inside like the crazy stalker I'm turning into. I didn't even knock. I think I expected his room to be different, maybe mirrors on the ceiling or something. It was nice. A little messy.

He was asleep. Of course. It was four o'clock in the morning – everyone on the freaking planet was asleep. He was stretched out on his stomach, shirtless and arms curled around a pillow. He really is ridiculously beautiful. I guess that's not new, but I think it's the first time I've ever let myself look.

I don't know how long I stood there. And I don't know why I decided it would be a good idea to touch him, but I did, pushing a strand of his hair off his forehead.

Yeah, real smart, huh? Because that would never wake a vampire up.

He woke up.

Looked me right in the eyes with an expression I couldn't interpret if you paid me. Whatever that look was, I felt it from the roots of my hair to the soles of my feet. I'm still feeling it right now. I don't know if he was going to say anything. I ran too fast to find out.

Now, it's twenty hours later. I'm in my own bedroom miles away and I still feel like I should run as fast as I can.