Title: Edward Elric and the Philosopher's stone 2/?
Author: Seraphim Grace
Archive: if you want it ask.
Feedback: Always appreciated and replied to.
Rating: PG-13.
Pairings: Eventual Roy/Ed
Warnings: Crossover, crack!
Spoilers: Will follow both the Harry Potter books and the FMA universe (anime!verse)
Synopsis: The Amestris government have discovered the whereabouts of a possible philosopher's stone and dispatch the only agent they can to get it, because after all it's at a school and only one person is young enough to be a student.

Fuhrer King Bradley of Amestris was sat at his desk squinting at a piece of paper when First Lieutenant Mustang entered with Major Armstrong and General Halcrow. Mustang swallowed the soccer ball that had just formed in his throat convinced that his coup, which couldn't even be more than suggested for years, had been heard of and this was instead of a military enquiry. The Fuhrer's secretary was a pretty blonde girl, the sort that normally rated a ten, and in Roy's experience, pretty didn't make competent judging by the expression on the Fuhrer's face as he tried to read her writing.

"ah, gentlemen," he said seeing them and twirling his moustache. "I am glad you were all able to see me so quickly." Roy thought that that was a contradiction in terms, every one of them had to see him immediately. "Now, take a seat." He sat down between Halcrow and Armstrong who barely fit into his chair. "What is discussed in this room must go no further, we are relying on your absolute discretion here, I trust I can trust you all." He looked around the room with his single eye.

"Certainly sir," Halcrow said, perhaps a little too quickly. Both Armstrong and Mustang nodded, there really wasn't much choice to the contrary.

"We have received intelligence from one of our spies in," he squinted at the paper, "Angleland," he looked perplexed for a moment and then carried on, "that a philosopher's stone is being held in an academy called Bogblatts."

He looked at his secretary. "Hogwarts, sir," She corrected.

He rolled his eye. "Yes, Hogwarts, under the watchful eye of the alchemist Drumbledrone." He looked his secretary who shrugged suggesting this one was right, which it wasn't. "We want to send a small military force undercover to test the veracity of this rumour, however we have reached a small snag." Mustang said nothing, "because it is an academy for children of eleven to eighteen we need your help, Mustang, I understand Major Edwin Eldridge is in your company."

Roy thought for a moment, "oh, you mean Major Elric." He enunciated, the Fuhrer looked across at his secretary.

"Yes," he said, "how old is the boy now, seven, eight."

"Twelve, sir." Mustang told him, he could see where this was going.

The Fuhrer looked at his notes again and then frowned. "Yes, well," he said, "Young Edwin will be going undercover at Hogblatts as a student along with another boy that tested very highly in alchemy but never took the exam a Rusty Twingkey."

"Russell Tringham, sir," the secretary offered.

"Yes," The Fuhrer said covering the slip, "him, we're sending the two of them undercover, however." He enunciated that word, "my legal team informs me that as both of them are under the legal age of consent for anything that I cannot send them undercover in a possibly dangerous mission in a foreign country without backup, this is where you two come in." He eyeballed Mustang and Armstrong, "you, Muskrat," he looked at Mustang after looking at the paper, "truly unfortunate name, you are going in as a professor of basic alchemy and applied pie monkey. And you," he looked at the paper, "Hamstring, you're teaching basic alchemy and applied gem ancestry." He pushed the paper over as Mustang mouthed Pie monkey.

"Sir," Armstrong said politely, ignoring that he had gotten his name wrong and signed him up to teach something particularly strange, "might I also mention that young Elric has a younger brother whom he looks after."

"That has been sorted," The Fuhrer told him crisply, "he is being placed in the care of one," he looked at the second sheet of paper, "Zuki Curtail."

"Izumi Curtis, sir," the secretary suggested.

"Yes her, who was their teacher, along with the miniature Twingkey boy, Plectrum," Roy frowned and gave up trying to guess his way out of that, "and two boys who are being sent on a student exchange program to learn Amestris Alchemy." He turned to his secretary, "I'm getting you a typewriter," he said.

Roy, Armstrong and Halcrow sat for a moment ignored before Halcrow coughed. "Oh, yes, you're dismissed, and make sure to inform the Eldridge boy."

Roy's shoulders slumped, he didn't want to be the one to tell Fullmetal, but someone had to, and unfortunately he was his senior officer. He wondered if Hawkeye would help, afterall there was safety in numbers. Looking at the transcript Mustang at least figured out that this mysterious pie monkey was pyromancy and there was a rather large amount being put aside to fund this mission, however stupid it sounded.