A/N- I forgot to mention that I don't own any of the characters in this story, just the ideas. The next few chapters are going to get smexy, but I'm sure you can see that that is where this is heading. I'm new at this, so please any constructive criticism is really appreciated.

2. Access

I show up at school and head to my locker. Despite my assertions to just let it all pass, I still feel a little put out. For the first time since I can remember, I actually don't want to see Stan. I open my locker to gather my books for my AP Math class, which none of my friends are taking. I feel Stan slump against the locker next to mine before he says anything, "Hey Kyle. Are we still going to see that movie Thursday?"

"As far as I know. Why?" I ask.

"Wendy wants to go see some stupid chick flick Thursday. Maybe you and the guys wanna go some other night?" He asks hopefully. The thing about Stan is that you can have an epic battle with him one day, but the next day he always goes back to normal. As if nothing ever happened. He doesn't hold grudges. Sometimes it makes it hard to stay mad at him. But not this time.

"I don't know," I state simply and turn to walk away without another word. He doesn't make to follow me or call out or anything. That was another annoying habit of his, his ability to give me time and space to "cool off." Sometimes having a best-friend who knows you better than you know yourself has it's drawbacks. I feel like another yelling match might relieve some of the frustration that has developed overnight, but I will get no such satisfaction from him.

Monday and Tuesday slip by and things haven't really improved for me. I am unable to let go of the feeling that I'm not normal. Stan has taken to exchanging pleasantries with me, but not hanging around much. He knows to stay away when I'm "sulking". Cartman, on the other hand, can be counted on to piss me off. Unfortunately, I don't get any satisfaction from arguing with him. If anything it just adds to my frustration. Wednesday rolls up, which is customarily the day we all go to my house and play video games. I don't know when it started, but we've been doing for ages. We hop off the bus and instead of us each going our own way, they all follow me home. I'm not in a video game mood, but this is what we've always done. Unless the guys are busy with other things. Sometimes Stan goes over to Wendy's or has football. Cartman sometimes has debate or football too. Kenny usually comes over, but there have been times when he's gone off with Craig or some girl. Apparently today everyone is free.

We kick off our shoes as we walk in and head up to my room to toss our bags. My mom hates when she comes home and all our packs are sitting in the doorway. I move to the kitchen to make sure that something has been taken out for dinner and to grab some snacks, as Stan and Kenny set up the game. I put out some chips and cokes and slump into the armchair. Kenny holds out a controller to me, but I just shake my head and kick my legs up over the arm of the chair. He shrugs and puts the controller on the table. I hear Stan mutter something about me still sulking, but he and the guys get wrapped up in the game pretty quickly. I pick up my book and get lost for awhile. A couple hours pass and Stan and Cartman get up to head home. I mumble a quick "bye" as they head out the door. I look over at Kenny and raise an eyebrow, silently asking if he is staying for dinner. He smiles, answering my question and I swing myself off the chair and head to the kitchen.

Wednesday also happens to be my day to cook dinner. Ever since I turned 12 my mom made a rule that I had to cook dinner for the family once a week. She claimed she didn't want "her little Bubbleh" to starve when I go off to college. At first she helped me make dinner, but now I do it on my own. Ike has just started cooking on Monday nights. He's actually really good, even though he's only 11 years old. He just seems to pick up things quickly, side effect of being a genius I guess. I begin to prepare dinner; nothing fancy just spaghetti. Kenny continues to play the game and as I leave the sauce to simmer for a bit, while the water boils, I walk back out to the living room. I flop on my chair, but this time I watch Kenny playing. I think about how often he stays over for dinner, most Wednesdays really. My mom used to be a little upset at first, but then she realized it was only Kenny and not the other guys who would stay. We all know Kenny's home-life isn't the best and I guess she just accepted that we would usually have a dinner guest on Wednesdays. And it's not like she had to cook anyway.

But, I am also watching Kenny for another reason. I'm wondering if I can ask him about sex and porn or if I really should just leave it alone. He notices me staring and him and turns to me with an eyebrow raised, "Yes?" he says. I smile nervously and shake my head. I get up to add the noodles to the boiling water. Once dinner is ready every one sits down to eat. There is some polite conversation about school and what we boys have planned for the weekend, but mostly we just eat in silence. As usual, Kenny dishes out seconds and we are left at the table while he finishes up. We clear our dishes and head up to my room. I flop on the bed and wait for Kenny to grab his bag and head home. But he doesn't, he sits down at my desk and swivels the chair around to look at me. "Dude, what's up?"

"What do you mean?" I ask innocently.

"You've been acting weird all week, ever since your fight with Stan. What's going on?" He is unusually stern, staring straight at me.

I sigh, "It's nothing Kenny. Don't worry about it."

"Bullshit it's nothing. You've never been this sulky for this long. Are you upset by what Stan was saying? You know, he's just got the worst case of blue-balls, ever, and he took it out on you." His voice was a little softer now, but still firm. I could tell I wasn't going to get out of this without talking to him. He had that way about him. You always ended up talking to Kenny, whether you wanted to or not.

"Well, this is sort of embarrassing...but I was wondering if Stan is right. You know, if there is something wrong with me." Kenny just looks at me, waiting for me to continue. "I mean, I don't think about sex, like at all. I've never really been interested in it. And I don't masturbate." Surprise flashes across Kenny's face, but he doesn't laugh or anything. "And, I wanted to know if I can you know... get turned on by sex or what not, but I've been having trouble fantasizing about it and I've not got any porn or anything." I sort of mumble the last bit out. Kenny doesn't say anything, but turns to look at my computer and then back at me, with a questioning look in his eyes. "Yeah, I know, but when I sat down to look I got all paranoid about indecency laws and stuff. And then I tried finding it 'accidentally' by entering in innocent words that could be sexual innuendos, but that failed miserably." At this he finally cracked a smile.

"Kyle, you have to be the only guy in the world who can turn something as basic and primal as sex into a research project." He shakes his head, gets up and walks over to his bag. He rummages around a bit, but he emerges with two magazines and throws them at me. I'm looking down at the covers of two porn mags, one with a topless girl smiling coyly at the camera and the other with a girl in a red, white and blue bikini pulling at the strings of the bottoms. I feel my face flush red and stammer out, "You have porn in your bag? You bring porn to school?"

"Yeah. I always have a mag with me, in case I get bored in class or something."

I snap my head up to look at him, "You look at porn IN CLASS?"

He throws his hands up in front of him, motioning for me to calm down. "Only if I get bored," he states.

"DUDE, what happens if you get caught?" I sputter.

"Well, they usually take the magazine away and I get detention."

"You've been caught!"

"Calm down Kyle. It's no big deal." He looks to the door; I guess waiting for my mom to come bounding in demanding to know what all the shouting is about. I don't want that to happen either, so I take a deep breath before continuing.

"Okay...so you sometimes look at porn in class. Okay...so wait, don't you get erections then, whadda do then?"

He offers me a lopsided smile before he answers my question. "I don't always get hard, especially if it's one I've look at before. I will read the articles or just look at the girls and really notice things about them. For instance, this one..." He takes the magazine with the topless girl out of my hand and flips to a page with a girl whose legs are spread wide open and is licking a hot pink translucent dildo. "...she has a tiny mole on her inner thigh. It's kind of cute." I know my face must be vermillion right now, but he doesn't acknowledge it. How he noticed this microscopic mole, that is really high up on her inner thigh is beyond me. Especially given everything else that is visible in the picture. "So you can keep those for a couple of days, if that'll help you out," he states.

"Uh, thanks..." I stuff the magazines under my pillow and look at him. "Err, Kenny? I'd really appreciate it if..."

"Don't worry Kyle. My lips are sealed." He smiles at me, and I know that it's true. He wouldn't tell a soul. He grabs his bag and head towards the door. I follow him downstairs and see him off. He turns as he heads down the walk, "See ya tomorrow Kyle." I wave and smile back at him.

I head back upstairs to work on my homework, trying to ignore the magazines that are under my pillow. I open my laptop and set a movie to download as I crack my books open. I like to reward myself with a movie or TV show when I am done all my work. I finish everything by 10:30 and lay back on my bed to watch Night of the Living Dead, I love zombie movies. I prop myself up against my pillows and watch the movie. At some point I shift and hear a rustling sound and curse myself for forgetting that Kenny's mags were under my pillow. I pull them out and look around, as if someone might be in my room. Mom came to say goodnight ages ago, and if Ike is still awake he is in his own room.

I open the one with "mole girl" and look at the images that are displayed before me. The girls are pretty, but strangely fake looking. Like real life dolls or something. They are organized into photo spreads featuring one or sometimes two girls. They start off the same, semi clothed or in the process of disrobing. Some pictures of boobs, some of which are huge. Then there are the really graphic images of women with their legs spread open or leaning over chairs/tables/up against walls. I am totally curious, but not really turned on. Women's bits are a bit gross looking if you get up really close.

Then I come across a spread that has a guy in it, and she goes down on him and there is a picture of him almost penetrating her. But still nothing happens. I toss that magazine aside and pick up the other one. It's essentially the same thing. Naked girls, graphic images and some guy/girl action. However, in this guy/girl spread I find myself somewhat stimulated by what I'm seeing. The girl is a cute little thing (she actually looks about my age, which is illegal I'm sure) with short messy blond hair and blue eyes. She has really small boobs and isn't really curvy like the other girls. I'm intrigued as she is taken from behind and the guy grabs her hair and sort of pulls her head back. I don't get fully erect, but there is definitely some stimulation. This shows some promise. Maybe I am normal, and it is just a matter that I have better things to do than think about sex.

Sure I didn't get really turned on, but Kenny said he doesn't always either. So maybe that's normal too. I stuff the magazines into my dresser drawer and figure I will try again later, and maybe get better results. After all, Kenny said I could keep them for a couple of days.