A/N: Second chapter rewrite! Posting the two of them at the same time, and I hope this is also an improvement!
Disclaimer: The entire universe and Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling
Self Actualization Part II
James Potter had spent a good deal of the summer before his seventh year thinking about himself.
Of course, not in a vain or narcissistic way. More in a self-actualizing-that-will-result-in-positive-change-for-him-and-those-around-him way. James Potter was only a little high on himself, though he tried very hard to make others think that he was.
He had realized, in the two months between his sixth and seventh year at school, that he was something of jerk.
Of course, people (well, mostly one person in particular) had always told him this. And of course, he had always known this. He just hadn't had the time to properly think since he had first decided, when he was 16, that he'd like to be less of one. With the house one father short, and the wound still so fresh in his heart, the house had been really quiet, even with Sirius Black living there. James had had a lot more time to think than he ever used to, and his dad's death had forced him to take a look at his own life, and how he was living it.
That was when he concluded that he had been a jerk. He had been arrogant, pompous, and in years four and five in particular, he had been a downright bully. Snape aside, he had hexed and teased innocent students just because they were younger than him or they stood in his way. And Lily Evans, Merlin, how he had buggered her.
His affection for her had always been true. The problem was, when he realized how much he liked her, he had fallen too far down his hole of self-entitlement and animosity with her to be sincere. He asked her out, at least once every week when they were 15, and every time she had just grown more wary and hated him more and more. They had had some terrible arguments, ones ending in trips to the Hospital Wing and with bets on who would draw their wand first among their unavoidable audience. By his sixth year, he decided it was high time to stop putting down others, and time to start pulling himself up out of that dark abyss. He started to leave Lily alone, even though he was still enamoured, knowing that he had destroyed all his chances and that it was time to move on. He started helping others, instead of hanging them from their feet. He still was dedicated to having fun and doing things that weren't exactly per the rules with the Marauders, but he made sure that no one was hurt during the process. Of course, he was still as hard as he had to be as captain on the Quidditch pitch, and he was ever the smart ass, but he thought he had made good progress.
Then his father died, and his mind became a blur. His thoughts were muddled and hazy, and the week he spent at home before and after the funeral were a mess of tears and anger, and left a few fist-shaped holes in their walls. He went back to school cool and reserved, not bothering anybody because he barely interacted with them, and then the summer came, and he found himself thinking about the majority of the year, and how much less of a jerk he had become.
He planned then that he would return to that state of diminished jerkosity, and that he would finally get over Lily Evans.
He would be successful in remaining a better person than his younger self, but he absolutely would not get over Lily Evans.
A/N: Yeah. That feels better. Less scattered.
Please review and tell me what you think! Much appreciated
~magicdawn