Yay! I'm glad people seem to be liking this story. Enjoy and have a great week.

PLEASE READ: Lot of movie references in this one including the Wizard of Oz, and Airplane! There's also a Psych reference if anyone watches that show.

If you read, please review

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Star Wars. I do own this computer, this account, and this bowl of strawberries.

After packing the thickest armor the Stormtroopers had been issued, and grabbing a thicker cape, a scarf, and a toboggan hat for Vader, they snuck down the hall into the hangar.

"All right, ya'll, we made it this far. Now all we have to do is make it to Hoth without the screwed over Emp noticing," Vader explained.

"Uh, boss, were you just Southern and street in the same sentence?"

Vader crossed his arms and sighed, "I was raised on a planet that's a cross between a redneck small town and a ghetto. It's how I talk when I'm nervous."

"Fair enough, boss. Now let's get out of here," Rex said. He slammed the button on the side of the enormous shuttle to open the door.

"Hurry, two at a time, two at a time, just like that movie about the old man and his giant boat," Vader ordered.

"Uh, Noah's ark, boss?"

"Yeah. I suppose so," Vader said, scanning the hangar for any sign on the Emperor. Suddenly, he perked up. "Guys, listen."

Every Stormtrooper froze, whether they were sitting in the shuttle or marching inside. They heard the whining call of the Emperor.

"Hellooooo? Anyone here? I need someone to make me a five-course meal for snack time and then help me do water aerobics," the Emperor called in his helpless, pathetic, high voice.

"RUN! EVERYONE RUN!" Vader screamed. The shuttle was swarmed with troopers.

"Help! Help! He's got me! He's got meeeeee!" One of the Stormtroopers yelled.

Vader turned to see Red on his belly being Force- dragged over to the Emperor.

"Anakin, we gotta go, he's shutting the space doors," the pilot told him.

"All right, let's move. And don't call me Anakin."

"I'll get you, you backstabbing asthmatic Sith, and your little friends too!"

"Yeah, you and what army?" Vader muttered as he took his seat next to Rex.

"Uh, boss, he's the Emperor. He has an army."

Vader shut up and enjoyed the rest of the flight.

HHHHHH

As Hoth loomed before our heroes, the pilot stopped the ship short.

"Hey, Pi, why are you stopping?"

"We got pulled over, boss," the pilot told Vader nervously.

The cop's ship pulled up next to the shuttle and rolled down the window. The pilot did the same.

"You've got to be kidding me," Vader muttered.

"License and registration please, sir," the clone formerly known as Commander Cody instructed.

"Cody, you must be out of your damn mind if you think I'm gonna do that," Vader sighed.

"License and registration," he repeated.

Buzz slammed his spraystick on the side of the shuttle, "Have you been drinking sir?"

But, alas, not everyone can understand a joke and Vader killed both of his old comrades.

"Now, what do you say we get to that Christmas party?" Vader said in an attempt to escape the awkwardness that surrounded them.

HHHHHH

Meanwhile, down at the Rebel base, Luke was receiving his first Christmas gift as a Rebel: hell from Leia and Han.

"I can't get over the fact that you invited Vader to our Christmas party!"

"Yeah, kid, of all the stupid things!"

"If you would, Han, I have this under control."

"HA! Is that like the time where we had to come rescue you from Vader's floating ball? I assume you had everything under control then to, eh?"

"All right, listen you scruffy-looking nerf-herder!"

"Oh, never heard that one before, your worship!"

"We're standing under mistletoe!"

"So we are! Want a kiss?"

Luke took the opportunity to avoid an awkward situation, avoid being yelled at, and answer the door. Chewbacca had programmed to doorbell so it would sound like "Jingle Bells" every time it rang. It was getting quite annoying.

"Dad! You made it!" Luke cried happily as he opened the door.

But, as it turns out, it was not Vader, but instead Christmas carolers on tauntauns singing "Jingle Bells".

"ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?"

"Sorry, dude, just trying to spread some Christmas cheer," one of the carolers shrugged.

"With that song?"

"Uhm, yes it's catchy."

"And, of all planets, you picked this one?"

"Yes."

Luke just gave them an odd look and shut the door. Just as he turned to walk away and hide in his room until Vader came, there doorbell rang again.

"No, I haven't changed my mind about your song!"

"I don't sing, son," Vader growled. "Now, do you want to let us in?"

"Dad!" Luke's voice fell as he saw the legion behind his father. "Aaaaahnd you brought Stormtroopers."

"You better believe it, kid," one of the troopers said as he trooped inside and clapped Luke on the shoulder.

"Snazzy toboggan hat, Vader," Leia said when she saw the Imps.

"Cool bagel-shaped hair," Vader snapped back. Leia stuck her nose up and walked down the hall.

"Kid, you wanna get us some Hoth chocolate?" Rex ordered, collapsing on the couch next to seven other Stormtroopers.

"Uh, sure," Luke said. Vader got up and followed him.

When they were in the kitchen, Luke pinned Vader to the wall.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Chill it, kid. You're not my age yet. If anyone's having a heart attack it's me or Old Ben."

"For the last time, he's dead! And for the record, you owe me an explanation about my mom."

Vader tensed, "That'll be later."

"Promise?"

"I swear on Obi-Wan's life."

"He's. DEAD!"

Vader sighed, "It's a stage of the grieving process. Denial."

Luke sighed, filled ten cups with hot chocolate and brought them down the hall.

"Kid! I asked for Hoth chocolate!" Rex whined.

Moments later, Luke reappeared in the kitchen. "Are they always like this?"

"Only around rebels."

HHHHHH

Vader was busy unpacking in his room on the East guest wing when he heard a knock at the door.

"Christmas carolers?"

"Guess again, my lord!" Leia burst in.

"Oh. Hey."

"You may have everyone else fooled, even Han, with the Mr. Nice Christmas Guy thing, but not me! I'm a politician!" she said smugly, crossing her arms.

Vader snickered, "And that helps you how?"

"I have better intuition."

"Right. Now if you don't mind, I have to install my cold weather respirator."

"You're kidding me."

"Uh, if I was I wouldn't have said it," Vader said. "And you say you have better intuition."

Leia stormed out of the room as Vader's respirator hissed with laughter.