Giving you another trigger warning just in case.
William Lewis had Olivia Benson in his grasp for four days.
His eyes had lit up in her apartment when he had realized she was fucking the blonde detective. It seemed to fuel him, to turn him on more. He looked at her differently after that.
Olivia had fought him. Hard.
In the end, he had broken her. Literally, mentally, and physically, but she'd put up one hell of a fight.
She'd been in dangerous situations on the job, but nothing like this. Sealview didn't come close to this. Not by a long shot.
Olivia had welcomed the burn of vodka down her throat. She knew what was in store for her so she didn't mind being drunk to endure it. The pills were another story. She'd never used pills before aside from the few painkillers she'd been on when she had gotten hurt on the job. She'd tried to spit the pills out when he forced them inside her mouth and towards the back of her throat but in the end, she had to comply. It was a nice high though, not as bad as she had expected. Olivia had expected a bad reaction because pills and vodka don't mix.
The first couple of burns were the worst. After that, the shock kicked in, the adrenalin and endorphins helped generously. She knew she'd be scarred forever, literally and figuratively. Olivia already had scars from the job, but none that would look like this. Lewis hadn't even taken her bra off when he did it. There was nothing sexual about it and for that, she was grateful. He had just wanted to see her in pain. He had gotten bored pretty quickly though. They'd only spent the first twelve hours or so at her apartment, then he was ready to move onto something else.
She was starting to understand her mother more and more, with each time she was pumped full of her mother's drink. It was a nice dull to the pain. Lewis hadn't noticed but he was making it easier for her by getting her drunk over and over again. Numbing the pain at times.
The car ride had been bad, the lack of water was worse. She had gotten dehydrated quicker than the normal person would because she'd had so much vodka.
He'd forced her to watch him rape a middle-aged woman that she later realized was his attorney's mother. That was hard. She'd only seen rapes on tapes from where they'd busted a sex trafficking ring or when they were watching a live web cam feed when they were trying to pinpoint a location of someone being held captive against their will who was also being sexually assaulted or sold online. She'd never witnessed a rape or sexual assault in person but now it was seared into her brain.
The beach house was another level of hell all within itself.
She'd been humiliated. Lewis had helped her to the bathroom, he'd seen her bottom half naked, he'd touched her intimately, cleaning her up himself because he left her hands cuffed. At least he hadn't touched her down there sexually while she was exposed. Everything else, all the other touches and gropes, had been over her clothes.
Olivia had thought about Amanda, and how she was so happy that she'd made it home first instead of the blonde. Olivia couldn't have imagined what would have happened if God forbid, Amanda had walked through the door instead of her. She wasn't even sure Amanda would have been able to survive being re-victimized. It'd been so hard for her to get past her initial rape and it'd taken years for her to fully confront what happened. Olivia could still remember the night that Amanda had confessed it to her. How she'd held the younger woman close and that had been when they were just friends.
In the end, Olivia had beat him. She'd completely lost it, her anger had come through.
Olivia had channeled her anger that she had against her rapist father, her abusive and drunken mother, the man who'd abused and raped the woman she cared about, Harris from Sealview, and more.
She needed Elliot now. She'd even said it out loud to Lewis, she'd told him her old partner would know what to do. And Elliot would have. Even if he left her all those years ago, she had no doubt in her mind that if Elliot had been there, in that room with her, he would have killed that sick son-of-a-bitch. She knew that for a fact.
But Elliot wasn't there. And after she had shooed away the illegal maid and her daughter, she'd channeled that anger and beat the shit out of William Lewis.
He had been cuffed to the bed, which had been her doing, and she'd chosen to take the metal bar instead of the gun, and beat him with it until he was practically dead.
When she'd finally called her unit in, she was going through shock again. She had been waiting in the hallway, for fear that he's somehow break free even though he looked dead. Lewis was a bloody mess and she had become the monster.
She'd already made up her mind that she'd lie. She'd say he broke free and she did what she had to in order to subdue him.
Nick entered the house first, gun drawn and vest on. She was sitting on the floor against the wall of the hallway holding her gun. She was shaking. Cragen had entered next. They gave the all clear and got the paramedics in.
Nick wrapped her in the blanket and walked her to the car. Olivia was aware that Fin nor Amanda were there. She could only hope they were together wherever they were. She hoped Fin had kept an eye on the blonde.
Olivia sat in the ambulance and Nick rode with her to the hospital. She was aware that she was broken.
Broken bones.
Broken heart.
Broken soul.
Nick made sure not to touch her. He was going by the book and treating her like a victim. He didn't ask her any questions, just sat quietly with her making sure that she knew he was there if she needed him to be. She'd given him a light smile at his words of comfort but for some reason she still could not find her voice.
Olivia stayed on the stretcher as they wheeled her into the back entrance of the ER. She was a smart detective. She figured half of New York knew her face by now. She would have been all over the news.
The hospital was notified ahead of time and had a private room waiting for her. Only the best for New York's finest.
Fin and Amanda arrived shortly after Nick and Olivia. Cragen had escorted William Lewis to a different hospital.
Amanda and Fin met Nick in the waiting room.
"How is she?" Amanda asked with wide eyes.
"She's… not good. She's got some cracked ribs, broken wrist but they've already set it, they're putting the cast on now. She needed some stitches above her eyebrow… she's got burns. They are treating those too. There's cuts around her wrists from the handcuffs but they aren't too deep…" Nick answered them, spilling out all of the information that he had.
Fin nodded his head, acknowledging that he'd heard but declining to comment.
"She's asking for you." He threw in their direction.
Amanda's eyes lit up. "Where's her room?" she said with anticipation.
Nick cleared his voice. "She's asking for Fin." He stated quietly. Amanda's face visibly fell.
Fin wasn't very surprised. "Her room?" he asked.
"Room 7C, go down the hall, take two rights and you'll see it." He told Fin.
Fin left Nick with Amanda in the waiting room while he went to see Olivia. Cragen, Nick, and Fin had worked as a team to find Olivia, but to also have Amanda's back.
Nick put his hand on the small of Amanda's back to usher her to a chair on the far side of the waiting room where it'd be more private. He knew she'd been crying. He could tell by looking at her reddish, swollen eyes.
All she could do now was sit and wait for Fin to return.
Fin walked down the hall, making sure to take the exact directions Nick had provided him. Once he arrived at her room, he saw the words "Jane Doe" on the outside door sign. They had done this to provide her with safety and protection in case the press or anyone else tried to bother her.
He knocked a couple of times and waited for her to allow him entrance.
Her voice was slightly hoarse but she told him to come inside.
Fin closed the door gently behind him and walked towards her bed.
"Hi," she said with a small hint of a smile on her face. She was in an ugly blue polka dotted hospital gown under the covers but even she could pull off that look
"Hey, baby girl," he replied.
He stared at her, taking in all of her injuries. She had several bruises, a black eye, a newly casted arm, stitches above her eyebrow. And that's only the skin that he could see.
Fin's eyes began to water. She'd only seen him cry once and it had been over their medical examiner years ago.
"Don't do that…" she whispered as her eyes also began to water at their own accord. "It's contagious…"
He cocked his head sideways and continued to stare at her. He began to slowly approach her bed. She was going to be jumpy, even if she wasn't now, it'd happen sooner or later. She'd have PTSD, they all knew it including her but her trauma was fresh. The PTSD probably hadn't kicked in yet.
He grabbed a chair from under the window and pulled it close to her bed. As close as he could get.
He slowly reached to grab her hand, the one that wasn't in the cast. She watched him as he moved, it was like slow motion and her eyes were on him the entire time. He waiting for rejection, for her to jerk away but she never did. She allowed him to take her hand in both of his and he leaned forward to kiss her knuckles.
Olivia's eyes closed at his touch and a tear escaped her. She took a deep breath but squeezed his hand in return.
She tried to calm herself, wiping the tear from her face and opening her eyes.
"He's still alive." Fin whispered to her.
"I don't know how…" she whispered back.
"You did one hell of a job on him… when he had broken free of his cuffs…" Fin eyed her. She heard the underlining question. She knew that he knew. They knew each other too well.
"Yes, I did." She answered, half responding to his statement and half responding to the question he was asking her with his mind… whether or not she'd beat William Lewis while restrained.
He gave her a small smile. He was proud of her.
Their hands remained touching.
"I'll finish him off or have someone do it… just say the word… or hell, I might not even let you decide…" He whispered quietly as he looked away from her and to the window like they were having a casual conversation. He was dead serious.
"Don't bother…" she replied. "I want him to rot in jail…" Olivia was strong, she had been broken and she still was, it would take time for her to heal from this but boy was she strong.
Fin nodded his head, silently agreeing to not have the man harmed.
He licked his lips in anticipation of his next question. The one he had in his mind that he needed to ask her but didn't quite know how. So, he asked it the only roundabout way that he knew.
"You done a rape kit?" he asked and their eyes connected. He was holding his breath, he couldn't breathe. He was afraid, afraid of her answer.
"Not yet. The nurse is supposed to be coming back to start it any time now…" It was now Olivia's turn to tilt her head and give him a weary smile. "He didn't…" She eyed him, making direct eye contact so he'd know she wasn't lying. Fin released the breath he'd been holding, took a deep breath, then laid his head on top of his arm that rested on her bed. Olivia gave his and another squeeze.
He swallowed hard before raising his head again.
"He broke me in a lot of ways…" She continued. "But that wasn't one of them. He wanted to save it for last but I broke free right as he began to unbutton his pants…"
Fin pressed his lips together and nodded, confirming he'd heard her because he couldn't seem to find his voice at the moment.
After a few beats of silence, he was okay again.
"Cragen says he's gonna come as soon as he gets things with Lewis tied down at the other hospital." He told her.
She gave him a weak smile in acknowledgement.
"How's my woman?" Olivia asked, opting not to say Amanda's name.
"She's not gambling, she's still straight." He promised her.
"Good," was Olivia's quiet reply.
"Took you long enough to ask about her…" He stated, and there was no reply from Olivia. She looked away, trying to focus on something on the other side of the room for a distraction.
"She's here, Liv." Olivia's head whipped back to him. "Did you really expect her not to come? She's in the waiting room." He told her and Olivia's eyes were wide.
"No," she stated in slight panic. "Don't you dare let her in here, Fin. She can't see me like this. I… I don't want her here."
This was going to be hard for Olivia. She was shutting down, she didn't mean to, but she was. She'd been a victim before, but never like this. And before, all she had had was Elliot. A man that was never really hers to begin with. She didn't have someone who was used to having sex with her, who had loved and worshiped her body, someone who had gotten off on how voluptuous and full her breasts were. The same breasts that were now branded with and "L", cigarette burns, and shapes of her house keys.
"My body, Fin," she stated. "It's bad…"
"Liv, she's not going to care." He promised her. But it wasn't just about her body. It was about her appearance, her state of mind. She was broken, completely and utterly broken even though she hadn't been raped. She had been sexually assaulted.
"I'm not ready to see her… I can't. Just not yet." She told him.
"Liv," he started again, "That girl, she's falling in love with you… slowly but surely, she's falling for you. I can see it in the way she talks about you, the way her face lights up when I know she's thinking about you…" he said, giving her a small smile and squeezing her hand. Olivia swallowed hard and chose to ignore him. She didn't want to think about love. She didn't even like the word.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex again, Fin." She told him honestly.
"Nah, badass Benson loves to fuck. I remember being your wing man years ago when we went out to bars to get lucky…" she laughed a little and he smiled at the memory. "You ain't gonna let him take that from you, I know you won't. You'll get there… and even if you don't, blondie won't care. She wants you, not just what's in between your legs…" he stated honestly.
Olivia wasn't letting up though.
"I can't see her today… I'll try again tomorrow. I'll be here for a couple of days anyways." She told him. "I just… I need time."
"Aight. She's been staying with me, I'll let her stay a few more nights or for however many she needs to." He promised her.
"Thanks for watching her, for making sure she didn't slip." She told him, Olivia truly was grateful that Fin watched over her girlfriend.
"She knows I'm in the loop…" Fin told her. Olivia bit her lip in worry.
"How did that go?" she questioned with curiosity.
"I had to tell her… we went to your apartment to bring you food and coffee. We had no idea you'd already been with Lewis for a day and a half… opened your apartment and it was wrecked. She lost it." He told Olivia and she nodded in understanding.
"She's not mad. I think she actually understands. Either way, she's been worried as hell about you. She was terrified you were being raped…" Fin confessed.
"Do me a favor and tell her I wasn't?" Olivia asked.
"Of course," He replied.
Silence engulfed them once more. He was happy to find out she hadn't been raped. Over the fucking moon. Even if she had, he would have been there for her. Now, he was worried about her recovery. She hated taking sick days but she was on mandatory leave. She'd be out for two months at least. He didn't know how she'd handle that.
"Fin?" Olivia called to him, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"Yeah, baby girl?" he answered her.
"I need you to do one more thing for me…" she stated, looking out the window, choosing not to focus on him.
"Anything you need…" he replied, studying her face.
She swallowed hard and chewed on her bottom lip before answering.
"The rape kit… I don't want to be alone during it… I can't… it's going to be brutal even though I wasn't raped… I know I have to do it but…" she didn't finish her sentence.
"I'll be here…" he promised her.
She looked at him now, they finally made eye contact.
"It's not too much?" she asked hesitantly.
"No, I'm here for whatever you need." He swore to her, squeezing her hand. "I'll be beside you the entire time."
Olivia just smiled and nodded because her eyes had begun to water again and she didn't trust her voice.
Once she regained her composure, she told him she'd be giving her statement the next morning. Usually, they'd get it as soon as possible but she wasn't allowed to give her statement until the vodka and pills had been out of her system for a total of twenty-four hours.
She wasn't anywhere close to okay right now, but she had survived and that was better than nothing.