The scraping of a key in the lock roused her, the brush of the door opening and the soft click of it closing. She lifted her head slowly.
"Please tell me you haven't been here all night."
Connie stood with her back against the door, her hair damp from the rain outside, tiny jewelled raindrops caught the light.
Zoe wiped a hand across her face, the side of her hand was ink stained and her face felt grimy.
"Zoe, if you need help..."
"Connie..."
She held up a hand to halt her colleague.
"I only meant to sleep for ten minutes, I can handle it..I can..."
She made a rough attempt to gather the pieces of paper into a pile before her, peeling the odd sheaf from the dried coffee she had spilled the night before.
"It's not me you have to convince..."
Connie murmured, moving to her own desk and setting down her bag. She drew out her chair and began to set up her laptop.
She chose to ignore Connie's comment. Her hair felt greasy and warm next to her scalp and her eyes felt dry and sore.
She glanced at the clock. 8:30 AM. She gathered up her make up bag from the drawer and slipped quietly from the room, glancing into the corridor before making her way to the bathroom.
"You look rough."
The voice startled her. Max was leaning against the far side of the vending machine she had just passed, sipping a takeaway coffee, other hand in his pocket playing with the lose coins he kept there. He smiled as she dipped her head, her hair partially covering her face.
"Thanks..."
She pushed open the door of the bathroom next to him.
"I'm only joking."
He smiled again and took another sip of coffee, his eyes watching her, playing with her as he drank.
"I doubt that."
She said, letting the door close behind her.
She stood in front of the mirror. Her face was moist with sweat and her eyes were blood shot and rimmed with yesterdays mascara, now smudged and faded.
She sighed and turned on the taps, splashing the cool water onto her skin and using hand soap to wash with.
She patted her skin dry with the hand towel and looked again. Better, but this time she was pale and tired. But at least she was clean. She sprayed her hair with dry shampoo and brushed it until it shone again. She squeezed some foundation into the palms of her hands and rubbed it quickly into her skin, briefly checking for streaks before applying her eye make up and lipstick. She pressed her lips together and squinted at her reflection before moving away and sprizing herself with Coco Chanel.
Done.
She tucked the make up bag under her arm and opened the door. She stopped.
"Do you actually work here or do you just stand about drinking coffee all day?"
Max was still leaning against the vending machine sipping his coffee.
"No, I finished it ages ago I just wanted to see the transformation..."
He folded his arms across his chest and looked her up and down.
"Will I do?"
She asked, rolling her eyes but smiling none-the-less.
"You'll do."
He nodded, he winked playfully and rolled the empty coffee cup between his hands.
"Right...I'd better get going before the boss catches me."
He sighed, stepping away from the vending machine.
"I thought I was your boss..."
He turned and glanced at her as he walked away.
"That's what you think."
He called, tossing her a one handed wave and another wink.
"It's certainly not what anybody else seems to think..."
She whispered to herself, watching him go before taking her bag back to the office.
Connie had gone by the time she had got back, and it took her a moment to realise that the paper work from her desk had gone too. She stood for a moment hands on hips, unsure of whether to be angry or grateful. She decided the latter, although difficult, would be more diplomatic.
She sat down at her desk. She had half an hour before she was due on the ward and her feet and head already ached as though it were the end of the day.
She opened her laptop and clicked it on, catching sight of her reflection in the black screen before it illuminated. She felt momentarily uncomfortable remembering how the porter had seen her in such a state. No doubt he would soon be regaling all of the ugly details to the nursing staff. She put her head in her hands and blew out a breath between them. The harmless flirting was amusing, even flattering whilst she were in the moment, but now, seeing her reflection as she truly was and not in her minds eye, she was reminded of her age, of her past, and of how thoroughly worn out and out of her depth she was in this role of Clinical Lead.
By the time she had checked her email and deleted a good chuck of them, it was time to get onto the ward.
She left the office with a fresh, but slightly waving air of authority, she made a conscious effort to walk tall and relax her shoulders as she entered the ward. She rolled back the curtain of cubicle five.
"Hello, I'm Dr Hana."
She opened her notes, a woman was lying in the bed, her husband perched on the edge of the nearby chair reading the Guardian.
"Mrs Gilbert..."
She flicked her way through to the relevant notes.
"You've had a fall?"
Mrs Gilbert nodded an affirmation and cleared her throat, her husband reached out and touched his fingers to hers.
"She just collapsed outside this morning."
Her husband added, interlocking his fingers with his wife's.
"Did she faint?"
Asked Zoe, checking the monitors.
"She didn't lose consciousness."
He confirmed.
"Ok..."
Zoe lowered the railings of the bed and leaned over to speak directly to Mrs Gilbert.
"Hello, can you hear me?"
She asked, raising her voice. Mrs Gilbert nodded breathlessly.
"Ok, can you tell me what day it is?"
Zoe asked, shining a light into the patients eyes to check her pupils.
"It's my birthday" Murmured Mrs Gilbert, still breathless.
Zoe placed the oxygen mask back over her face.
"Well, there are better places you could spend your birthday..."
She placed her fingers at the back of Mrs Gilberts neck.
"She feels clammy"
She said, turning to Ethan who was standing some distance behind her.
"Any chest pains?"
Mrs Gilbert nodded and touched her free hand to her chest.
She fixed her stethoscope into her ears and placed the cool pad onto the patients chest, frowning slightly as she listened to the beat of her heart.
"Has anything like this happened before?"
She asked Mr Gilbert, placing the stethoscope back around her neck.
"No."
He maintained eye contact with his wife, his face pale and wan.
"Was there anything different about today?"
"No"
He repeated
"She was just gardening...nothing particularly strenuous."
His lips were dry and his voice wobbled as he spoke.
"Alright...Mrs Gilbert, apart from the chest pains have you got pains anywhere else?"
Mrs Gilbert shook her head.
"BP's now 90"
Ethan stated, coming nearer to the bed and squinting through his glasses at the BP machine.
"Compromised PAF?"
He asked.
"Right, let's start with amioderone, but if her BP gets any lower we will have to shock her."
Zoe passed the notes over to Ethan and raised the side of the bed up back into position.
"I'll leave you with that, you know where I am if you need me."
She smiled a goodbye to Mr and Mrs Gilbert before leaving the cubicle.
"Feeling more awake now?"
Connie asked, watching as Zoe made her way out of the cubicle. She was standing near reception, patient notes in hand.
"Bright eyed and bushy tailed..."
She replied, glancing either side of Connie for her own patient files.
"I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of sorting out your little...backlog."
Connie folded the notes she was holding against her chest, her head lowered as she spoke as if she were challenging Zoe for a response less than grateful.
"So I assumed..."
She replied, not quite able to thank her.
"Uh, Zoe?"
Ethan popped his head around the cubicle curtain from where she had just been.
"Her BP has dropped again."
She adjusted her stethoscope and turned on her heel.
"Interesting case..."
She heard Connie begin to follow her.
"I'm sure I can manage..."
She breathed, as Connie drew the curtain around them both.
"Oh, I just like to see how you do things down here."
Connie smiled, her lips a perfect rose pink, her dark eyes steady, her hands folded neatly across her body.
"Right..."
Zoe listened again to Mrs Gilbert's heart.
"Mrs Gilbert is there anything else that happened today, anything out of the ordinary that might help us identify what is going on here?"
She asked, again checking her pupils.
"Mr Gilbert?"
She asked when his wife remained unresponsive. He shook his head, terrified.
"Mrs Gilbert are absolutely sure that there is nothing that you can tell us? If there's something you aren't telling us then we cannot help you."
Connie stepped towards the bed, her words were clipped and sharp.
"Connie..."
Zoe's warning fell on deaf ears.
"Right now your body is shutting down..."
Connie began.
"Ok!"
Mrs Gilbert wheezed from under her mask.
"Ok..."
She repeated.
"I took an ecstasy tablet."
She admitted.
Her husband's face paled all the more and he dropped her fingers from his grasp.
"What?!"
He hissed, standing up from where he sat.
"I wanted today to be special, I wanted to do something dangerous and exciting...I thought today would be as good a day as any..."
She whispered, pulling the oxygen mask down so that she could be heard more clearly.
Her husband remained silent.
"Perhaps next time try skydiving."
Connie remarked curtly. She handed Mrs Gilbert's notes sharply to Ethan.
"You can take it from here."
She placed them in his hand and left the cubicle. Zoe whispered an apology under her breath, a thanks to Ethan and followed Connie out.
Connie had already made a head start along the ward and back toward the office they shared. She followed, head bowed so as to avoid eye contact with anyone wanting to way lay her.
"Connie!"
She called, feeling a tightness in her chest as she approached the taller woman.
Connie stopped just short of the office door and turned to face her.
"What do you think you were doing back there?!"
She asked, her voice breathy and thick with anger.
"Excuse me?"
Connie asked, placing her arms loosely across her chest.
"Half terrifying my patient, then telling my staff what to do?!"
She asked, attempting to keep her voice as low as possible.
Connie raised an eyebrow, her eyes rolled and she sucked in her cheeks before she spoke.
"Mrs Gilbert would have died if she hadn't have given us the information that we needed."
She answered.
Zoe laughed.
"There are other ways to encourage patients to tell us things!"
"I find my way of doing things to be more efficient..."
Connie breathed, a smile playing at the corners of her perfect lips.
Zoe placed her hands on her hips, her chest again felt tight, perhaps it was time for another cigarette.
"Are you saying there's something wrong with how I work?"
She asked, watching Connie as she visibly rolled her eyes yet again.
"I'm working all hours, Connie. I'm doing this job as best as I can. I may not have your years of experience, or your connections, but I'm good at what I do."
She felt a lump tighten in her throat. She would not cry, not in front of Connie.
"Mmm..."
Connie pushed down on the handle and opened the door to their office.
"But perhaps you could do better."
She said, a smile behind her words as she entered the office and shut the door quietly behind her.
"Fuck..."
Zoe hissed under her breath. Maybe it was the all-nighter, or maybe it was Connie. She could feel herself sinking under the pressure that she herself, and the job were putting her under.
She drew in a long breathe through her nose and looked toward the bright strip lighting along the ceiling of the corridor, she blinked rapidly to dry her eyes.
It was definitely time for another cigarette.