Note: Here we are again, at last! I hope somebody enjoys it! :-)

2: A Bad Day All Round

Remus,

5 things that make today at work even more awful that the Order meeting we were at on Friday evening:

1. Kingsley does not appreciate my sarcastic notes passed under the table during work meetings anything like as much as you would.

2. Snape's hair might look greasy enough from a distance to make you shudder, but Dawlish hasn't taken a bath since his posting to Cornwall on Wednesday and I can smell him from the other side of the office.

3. I think I stepped on gum on my way in this morning.

4. I'm starting to think that Proudfoot and Savage may have been conjoined twins in a former life because they keep finishing one another's sentences, which is so annoying it makes me want to hex them through the nearest window.

5. Did I mention that there aren't any windows?

You'd better drop whatever you're doing and write back, else I might not make it to lunchtime without running screaming and shouting for the nearest floo!

Tonks.

Tonks,

5 Things that make today at Headquarters worse than that Order meeting we were at on Friday:

1. Buckbeak chocked on a chicken carcass and vomited all over the attic room. Being ridiculously hung over, Sirius left the dubious pleasure of clearing up the mess to yours truly.

2. Whilst I was elbow-deep in hippogriff vomit, Alastor arrived to drop off some paperwork, and refused to leave for half an hour because it has been at least twelve hours since he last gave a speech on Constant Vigilance, and since I was on my hands and knees with my wand and scrubbing brush I was, I imagine, an easier target than Sirius who was lying sprawled on a sofa in the parlour in some form of alcohol-induced coma.

3. You may be able to smell Dawlish from across the office, but seemingly after my run-in with the contents of our resident hippogriff's stomach, Molly could smell me from three floors away, because five minutes after Alastor left she appeared in the kitchen to lecture me on precisely what brands of washing powder I should use to get the vomit-induced stains from the knees of my trousers. Personally I was thinking of just burning them.

4. Yesterday Arthur polished off the last of the chocolate cake from Friday and our designated cake tin is now entirely bare.

5. Did I mention there isn't any cake?

I'd swap for your morning in a heartbeat, Tonks!

Remus

R,

5 things that prove my day was worse than yours:

1. Fudge came swanning down to the office this afternoon to berate us for our total lack of progress in catching a certain dear cousin of mine, and quite frankly the rubbish he spurts every time he opens his mouth is as good as vomit. Buckbeak vomited once. Fudge was here ranting for almost an entire hour.

2. Mad-Eye may be obsessed with Constant Vigilance, but at least he makes a valid, if somewhat over exaggerated point. Everything Fudge says is just utter bollocks. And very over exaggerated.

3. At least you have the choice as to whether or not to set fire to your pieces of clothing. Savage tripped over the cloak I left draped over the back of my chair earlier and he threatened to set fire to it whether I liked it or not!

4. We never have cake at work. Sometimes we have the odd packet of biscuits but by the time somebody points this out to me they are usually already gone or going stale. Cake is a foreign concept around here!

5. Yes that's right, a foreign concept!

So it's a deal, then? We'll swap?

T.

Nymphadora,

5 things that prove my day was worse than yours:

1. Fudge's words, though no doubt extremely irritating, have nothing on Sirius' incessant snoring for four hours this afternoon which forced me to evacuate the room in favour of the library, which smells of damp and seems eternally shadowy and sinister no matter how many candles I light.

2. Bearing in mind how incoherent Alastor's rants can be, it is entirely unacceptable for you to base an argument on the assumption that he is making a valid point, due to the fact that neither you nor I actually entirely understand any point, if any, that he is attempting to make.

3. You can't dislike Savage terribly, after all anybody who manages to trip over in such a fashion is no doubt a kindred spirit of yours.

4. A lack of cake on a regular basis means you have never developed into the very sorry and pathetic cake-dependent state that Sirius and I are now in.

5. Although it didn't stop you stealing the slice off my plate last week, which was cruel of you really, given my aforementioned addiction. Therefore not only are you not addicted, you have not been deprived in such a cruel manner, either!

I declare myself the undisputed winner of this debate, despite having absolutely no authority to do so!

I shall not see you at the meetings next week, I'm being sent away, though I trust you shall enjoy each riveting report on our current state of affairs perfectly well without me! Report back, won't you? You'll do a far more amusing job than Alastor, I'm sure!

Remus.