Warning: Crack, OOC, bad sense of humour, random senselessness, extreme perverseness by some random characters, Ichiru's alive and looks exactly like Zero. E-X-A-C-T-L-Y alike. Coz I love the twins.
Disclaimer: Too many. I'm guilty. Don't sue.
Beta: Her Little Doll
The Twincestic Twins Follies: Yaoi-Bishies
"I could die. I could fucking die right now..." Zero mumbled.
"Oh, come on. It's not that bad. Just wave back. Here, like this." Ichiru broke into one of his fake smiles, raised his right hand and waved.
Zero grabbed Ichiru's hand and held it down firmly by his side. Wrong move. Zero heard a deafening din; the "oohs", "aahs" and the shrill scream of the girls- ear-piercing beyond belief- almost tore his sensitive eardrums.
"Kyaaaaaaaaaaa~ OMG he's jealous!" Creature No. 1 who had a braided yellow wig on screeched. Her get-up consisted of an oversized red coat, black boots and a fake metal hand. Actually, she was holding the prosthetic limb in her right hand, hiding it under her long sleeve. She also had a strange pink, heart-shaped nametag that was scribbled with, 'E. Elric (Tomiko)'pinned on her chest.
"They're so fuck-ably sexy!" Creature No. 2 swooned; she had short black hair, strange blue military outfit and wearing a pair of white gloves with red cultish pentagrams. She was also wearing a ghastly pink nametag. Hers read 'R. Mustang (Ayano)'. She was drooling and Zero tried his best to restrain his urge to punch her teeth out- he didn't hit girls.
"Look, look, look, Ciel. They are twins, real twins!" Creature No. 3 squealed to another creature wearing an eye patch and attempted to grab one of Ichiru's cheeks. Creature No. 3 was as equally strange looking as the previous two but at least she was wearing a red girly dress. Her green contact lenses nearly fell out of her bulging eyes, blond hair tied up into two over-the-top, curly pigtails and she wore a red, flowery headband. She had written 'E. Middleford (Gwen)'on her tag. Zero swatted Middleford's hand away and glared. The sex-offender named Middleford backed off with a pained whimper.
Ichiru chuckled and pulled Zero back by the arm. Zero had forgotten his strength again and was brought back to reality by a hoard of screaming, panting, drooling, photo snapping, multi-coloured, odd females dressed like flamboyant males, and few equally odd looking males dressed too femininely for his taste- if he had a taste for that sort of thing. The last time he checked, he couldn't even tell the difference between a skirt and a skort. These males even wore make-up. 'Gross,'thought Zero.
"Spoil sport." Ichiru pouted and punched Zero lightly on the arm. The bizarre creatures saw the gesture and the screams intensified to a few decibels higher. They circled around them tighter than ever before.
'This isn't Halloween... What are these creatures?'Zero had enough. Grabbing Ichiru by the scruff of his olive green, hunter overcoat, Zero dragged his bewildered twin away from the crowd towards the hotel grand entrance. He pushed pass people who were toting strange plastic toy weapons- most of them were sporting nylon wigs, masks, fake blood, clip-on earrings and draw-on tattoos. 'Heck those tattoos are so tacky; they make mine look like a masterpiece by Matisse,' thought Zero.
Zero was studying the massive crowd lining up in front of the entrance when suddenly Ichiru wiggled out of his grasp and pulled him to stand beside a hideous, 6-foot-tall plastic palm tree. "Now what?" Zero hissed. "We were supposed to get to the Periwinkle Hall and watch over the goddamned conference, not get surrounded and harassed by a group of crazies! And I can't believe somebody would name a place 'periwinkle'. It's so uninspiring, lackluster..."
"Shush Zero. I'll tell you about the conference later. Look!" Ichiru pointed towards a black limousine pulling up by the entrance.
"Are we stalkers now?" Zero sneered but he looked anyways.
"Technically, yes; we are hunters. Stalking is part of the job; we stalk, we aim and we shoot, simple. Now, shush!" Ichiru chuckled as Zero glowered in irritation.
The chauffer opened the passenger's door and a pair of slender, white stocking-ed, canvas shoed feet swung out and stepped out onto the pavement. The owner of said feet had long silky chocolate tresses. Despite of her peculiar two-piece, blue sailor, winter school uniform and the pair of lacy yellow ribbons in her hair, she looked startlingly familiar. Then a tall, handsome, brown haired male wearing a long black overcoat and black slacks emerged. Those cool but alert eyes swept across the hoard of squealing females who had brandished out their digital cameras and snapped away. Zero could recognize those vampire siblings anywhere- Kuran Kaname and Kuran Yuuki had arrived.
"Why are they here? Aren't we supposed to watch over a convention? This looks nothing like a convention," asked Zero.
Ichiru grinned impishly and pointed at a very large 4-by-10 meter, very pink banner that spelt 'Yaoi-Bishie Slash-Con Fest' to Zero. "We're at the right place. This is the convention. Now stop worrying and focus on keeping an eye on the vampires," said Ichiru.
"Who's Bishie?" Zero asked innocently, making Ichiru's eyebrows twitch.
"Who? You mean you don't know, Zero?" Ichiru snickered.
"No, I didn't pay attention during the briefing. Cross rants too much," Zero said absentmindedly as he had his eyes trained on Kuran Yuuki. She was dressing weird and Zero was surprised that Kaname had let her. 'Yuuki's sense of fashion is almost nonexistent but she can't be THAT blind.'
"Bishie is a bear who's going to organize a slashing competition during the yaoi festival," Ichiru explained.
"Huh? That sounds dangerous," Zero mumbled. He gave Ichiru a disbelieving look before switching his attention to watch Yuuki again. She was tugging the very reluctant Kaname by the arm. Kaname does not look happy. He was clearly stalling her from approaching a desk with a sign that said 'Registration'.
"Hey, did you hear what I've just said?" Ichiru waved his hands in front of Zero's face to get his attention.
"Yeah, a bitchy yaoi bear is going to compete in a slashing competition during the festival. What a load of crap and I'm not that dumb!" Zero slapped Ichiru's hands away and continued to stare at the pure blooded duo. Ichiru smirked mischievously. Zero was not easy to fool but Ichiru couldn't help but tease his stoic, older brother.
Yuuki was gathering colourful folded pieces of paper that looks like pamphlets and beginning to reading through them with a pink highlighter pen poised ready in her right hand. Meanwhile, Kaname was preoccupied with filling out some forms. Then Yuuki bit on the highlighter so that she could rummage through the contents of her brown schoolbag and pulled out a small, red digital camera. A stack of cue cards fell out of her bag. Ichiru eyed the ring of multi-coloured paper.
Soon after that, Kaname finished filling out the papers. The pureblood vampire siblings made their way into the premise. Ichiru seized up the opportunity to walk towards the crowd and pick up Yuuki's set of colour-coded, 3-by-5 inches, ring-bound cue cards off the floor. Ichiru unfolded it and flipped through the contents. Zero could see Ichiru's shoulders shaking in laughter so he went to stand beside Ichiru. "What's so funny?" Zero asked.
"Read it. Read it yourself," Ichiru snickered and handed the cue cards to Zero.
'A phallus is a mimetic image of an erect penis. Any object that symbolically resembles a penis may also be referred to as a phallus; however, such objects are more often referred to as being phallic.'
Zero wanted to blast the obscene card into tiny smithereens but he was curious so he flipped it and read the next card. Ichiru grinned and waited for his reaction.
' YAOI –
YAma nashi,
Ochi nashi,
Imi nashi.
Meaning - no climax, no point, no meaning.'
Zero had seen the word 'yaoi' before. 'Oh right, the banner,'he concluded. Ichiru was urging him to read more:-
' SLASH - Genre of fan fiction involving pairing two male or female characters together; characters are commonly shown with a slash in between. An explicit sex scene in any story designated as a lemon. Lime or shounen-ai is simply a less graphic description of sexual acts'
"What's all this strange citrusy references?" Zero arched a confused eyebrow. Ichiru rolled his eyes, snatched the cards away, flipped through them, found the card he was looking for and trusted it into Zero's hand. Zero scoffed but read it anyways:-
'A yaoi lime: "Suzaku grabbed Lelouch and desperately meshed his lips against the other boy. He could already feel himself growing hard and began to grind sensuously against Lelouch."
'A yaoi lemon: "Suzaku quickly shoved his cock into Lelouch's ass hitting the boy's prostate and making him scream in ecstasy."'
Zero blinked his eyes and paled. Zero's reaction made Ichiru burst into a fit of laughter. "Puuu~ I can't believe she noted these down. This her handwriting, isn't it Zero? The royal princess is a pervert!" Ichiru laughed even harder, clutching his stomach and wiped at his tears. Without a word, Zero grabbed Ichiru by the back of his collar once again and dragged him towards the hotel lobby. Ichiru assumed that Zero was heading straight for Yuuki.
"Hold it right there! The two of you must register to participate in the Yaoi-Bishie Con." A girl stopped them by the door. She was carrying a ridiculously large, brown papier-mâché gourd on her back and there was a red Kanji character drawn on the left of her forehead. Zero could not see her nametag but she was wearing a bright green arm band with the word 'crew'stenciled in black. Zero decided to label her as the Gourd-Creature.
"Get out of the way before I... mmmpft!" Zero's sentence was cut short because Ichiru had clamped his hand on Zero's mouth. It was only then the Gourd-Creature noticed Ichiru. Her previously scornful, severely kohl-lined eyes widened in surprise.
"OMG, twins? Oooooh, you guys are hawt twincest material. Those tattoos look so real. Stick-on tats?" the Gourd Creature squealed.
Ichiru released Zero, rubbed his neck and laughed good-naturedly. "Yeah, they're cool, aren't they?" Ichiru beamed at her.
Zero growled at the twincest remark and wanted to plough through the Gourd Creature, but Ichiru caught his arm and pulled him back. Consequently, he glared daggers at Ichiru. 'You're up to no good, Ichiru,'he hoped Ichiru got his message. Apparently not, Ichiru simply ignored him and focused on charming the Gourd Creature with his ultimate secret weapon- the 'Ichiru 1000 MegaWatt smile'. Zero rolled his eyes.
"Ben, oops... Kakashi-sensei! Come over here and look what I've found," she beamed and called to another creature with spiky, white hair. To Zero's surprise, Kakashi was a guy. Zero stared at the ninja wannabe. He had the full cliché stealth garb on; the head protector, the mask, the fake shurinken strapped onto his thigh and there was the disgusting eye patch again. 'Great, she has called for back-up.'Zero had a bad feeling about it and saw Ichiru grinning back at him.
"I was expecting them, Gaara-chan. They'll be acting as special security observers during the con. But I'm Ben, one of the organizers." Kakasi a.k.a Ben held out his hand for a handshake but neither Ichiru nor Zero returned the gesture. Ichiru nodded his head while Zero grunted.
"You must be Kiriyu Zero and Kiriyu Ichiru. I'd no idea that the Kiriyus stated in the letter were twins. Are you two into twincest?" Ben's voice was slightly muffled by his mask but Zero could feel the glee in those words. 'Not twincest again…'Zero's stomach sunk with dread.
"Absolutely," Ichiru's eyes sparkled in mischief. Zero glared, but Ichiru pretended not to notice.
"Ah, just as I thought... I wouldn't be able to keep my paws off too if I had a gorgeous twin like yours," Ben said to Ichiru while eying Zero like a starved hyena.
Zero lost his temper and was about to whack Ben unconscious but Ichiru wrapped his arms possessively around him. "He's mine and your paws are off limits," Ichiru said a bit too loudly.
The curious onlookers had heard every single word; their high pitch screams and squeals almost busted Zero's eardrums again. He filtered out the noise, grabbed Ichiru once more and dragged his cackling clone towards the hotel lobby with Ben and a group of 20 to 30 oddly dressed people hot in pursuit.
"Wait Kiriyu! Eh.. Kiriyu and Kiriyu!" Ben was almost out of breath. Zero elbowed through a group of squealing girls. Ichiru waved at them. The girls joined the pursuit.
Zero increased his speed, pulling Ichiru to run side-by-side with him. "Please join the modeling competition and help me attract more visitors!" Ben panted from the exertion.
Zero scoffed at Ben's poor endurance. "And he calls himself a ninja. Tch..." Zero hissed under his breath in disgust, laced his fingers in between Ichiru's and urged his brother to move faster. They had to figure out a way to lose Ben and the mob.
Then they ran pass the information booth. Ben stopped to 'unleash' the crazed females on the twins while he dived for the microphone- Ben's voice boomed through the speakers, "The prize is 100,000 Yen- cash!"
"100,000 Yen?" Ichiru pulled Zero, braking into a standstill. He wrapped his arms around Zero once more. The females immediately swarmed around them. "We're entering the competition, Zero!" he declared.
The females heard the exiting news so their annoying screams grew louder and louder, begging for Zero and Ichiru to act out some twincest live-action. Zero had no clue what a live-action was. They wouldn't stop taking pictures and he was beginning to see blotchy, white spots in his vision. Zero fisted his hair in frustration and glared at Ichiru, "What the hell, are you crazy? We're here because of work."
"Sure we are. We'll enter the competition and use it as our cover. That way, we can blend in the crowd easily."
"Do you think I would buy that lame excuse, Ichiru? Why would you want to blend into this bunch of psychos? You want the cash, admit it!"
"Fine, fine... Yes, I need the money."
"What for? To buy a pony?"
Ichiru's face turned grim, "Have you heard of veneration of the dead? I want to get a white marble name plaque- an ancestral tablet."
"So you will have the complete set? You already have a tombstone." Zero sneered as he recalled the last time he went to the grave with those damned roses. He would have brought a cactus if he had the slightest clue that Ichiru was alive.
"I want to get one for Shizuka-sama."
Zero stared back mutely at Ichiru upon hearing her name. He could never tolerate Ichiru's loyalty to that murderous pureblood vampire who had killed their parents and turned him into a Level-D vampire. Ichiru on the other hand could never get over the fact that Zero had contributed to the path of Shizuka's ruin. Zero had shot her with his anti-vampire bullets and that had enabled a certain pure blooded son-of-a-bitch to deliver the final blow. They had an unspoken truce about the things that had happened in the past and currently, the truce had been breached. The air around them was getting heavier and heavier- invisible sparks of static ignited between the two brothers. The fan girls had sensed the morbid moody downturn and swiftly fled the scene.
"That worked, didn't it?" Ichiru smiled out of the sudden; the tense atmosphere dissolved in a blink of an eye. Zero face-palmed in disbelief- Ichiru ran back towards Ben and snatched the entry form.
"Bishie Reeow~walk Competition- Enthrall the audience with creative interpretations of popular manga or anime characters." Ichiru read the first line stated in the rules and regulations while keeping up with Zero's long strides.
"We are not entering the fucking competition," said Zero. The hotel lobby was teeming with people. Several booths had been set up at the sides, selling all sorts of things. He saw a few vampires mingling in the crowd, blending in easily because of the humans' bizarre make-up. Usually, his and Ichiru's pale colouring made them stand out from any crowd but currently, they looked normal compared to the other visitors. Zero was glad to be able to finally do his job and thankfully, the bloodsuckers were behaving themselves so far.
"Of course we're not entering the fucking competition. Though it is tempting..." Ichiru grinned and avoided Zero's vicious straight jab "it's modeling, fashion, Zero, fashion!"
Zero grunted disdainfully, dismissed Ichiru's dramatic exclamation and searched for a sign that could lead them to the Periwinkle Hall. Ichiru laughed quietly and continued to read. "Participants may come out with an original creative theme, or strut any of the anime and manga fashion apparels. Winners will be judged based on the originality of the presentation and of course on how much can they make the yaoi fan girls' toes curl."
"Yeah, whatever. You can curl all the toes you want as long as you leave me out of this circus." Zero grumbled under his breath.
"And waste our twincestic appeal? We could win this for sure, Zero. You don't have to do anything because your tsundere personality alone will make them go kya, kya, kya. You look hot even when you're constipated. All you have to do is do nothing, say nothing, play along and leave the rest to me."
"That's exactly why I'm worried," Zero mumbled. Ichiru laughed and patted him on the back.
00000000000
"I am not a man!" both Ichiru and Zero heard an angry female voice cut through the din. A crowd had gathered at the end of the lobby- right beside a sign that said, 'Battle of the Star-crossed Lovers'.
The sign alone was enough to make Zero want to bail. He could sense a few vampires clamouring within the group too. Ichiru nudged Zero and pointed to the source of the ruckus. A tall brown haired vampire was arguing with a petite girl dressed like a genie.
"Sumomo says you are a boy! Why won't you give a try at the cross-dressing competition? Your get-up is perfect. Those fake boobies look so soft." the pink genie pouted while waving a yellow sheet of paper.
"I am not a boy either!" The brown haired vampire stamped her feet onto the carpet angrily "and these are real!"
"Oh, come on Ruka, admit it, you're a girly enough for this stint. Just get up there and do your stuff," Zero saw a blue-eyed blond speaking. 'Aidou Hanabusa and Souen Ruka? Great, those two are here so it means...' Zero searched for any signs of a ginger-haired vampire.
"Let's just leave, Ruka." The said ginger-haired bloodsucker placed his hand on Ruka's shoulder, ushering her away. Kain Akatsuki. Zero narrowed his eyes. Those three were the Kurans' loyal followers but he could not see the pureblood pair anywhere.
"Hey, Sumomo thinks you must give this competition a try. Do a skit with your blond friend and your boyfriend," the pink genie pointed at Kain. She was addressing herself as a third person again. 'Tch, childish.' Zero scoffed inwardly. He signaled for Ichiru to get away from the bunch.
"Him?" Ruka huffed indignantly, scowling at the sight of Aidou's lecherous grin. Akatsuki looked crestfallen when Ruka pointed at him, opened her mouth again, saying, "Akatsuki is not my boyfriend."
"I don't buy it. Are you telling Sumomo that you are the boyfriend with that kind of chin? You look like an uke to me," accused the pink genie impersonator.
"Uke?" Ruka raised her eyebrows. Kain hid his blush, Aidou broke out in hysterical laughter.
"Yeah, uke las in ukeru. He's your seme right? The semeru. Come on, don't be shy. Everybody here accepts homosexuality. This is a yaoi convention, my dear," Sumomo tried her best to persuade Ruka.
"Ukeru? Semeru? Attack? Receive? Are we playing football?" Ruka knitted her eyebrows together.
"Gawd, you're into it and you don't even know the lingo? How the hell do you guys decide? Ukeru-semeru refers to the active-passive roles you guys play during those.. ahem.. sexy times," the petite, pink clad event coordinator explained to the flabbergasted Ruka. Aidou doubled over, laughing hard- unable to restrain himself any longer. Ruks's dumb stricken face was too hilarious.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ruka finally sighed in defeat.
"Ah, this is killing me. Ne, Sumomo-chan right? She's really a girl. Here, feel it yourself," Aidou grabbed the pink genie's hand and pressed it against Ruka's chest. Pin-drop silence shrouded the hall, all of the eyeballs present trained on Ruka and Sumomo-chan for their reaction.
"Oh my, your plastic surgeon is really good," the pink genie murmured, giving Ruka a firm squeeze.
Ruka fumed, swatted the hand away and bashed Aidou on the head, "Aidou Hanabusa, you pervert! I'll kill you!"
Aidou pouted and rubbed his head- that was when the Level-B vampire saw the twins. Aidou grinned meaningfully and made a beeline for Zero, "Kiriyu Zero, you finally came... Save me!" The blond let out an overdramatic squeal, attempting to hug Zero but Zero had whipped out his gun, the Bloody Rose and aimed it at Aidou's temple. He was careful not to let the metal touch Aidou's skin or else the entire hall would smell charred vampire-skin fumes.
"Stay away from me, senpai," warned Zero between gritted teeth. For once he was glad that the strangely dressed visitors were toting toy weapons; his gun could pass for a finely crafted, firearm replica. He could hear faint whispers saying 'gun-otaku'from the crowd.
"Why are you so cold?" Aidou put on a fake hurt expression, enjoying Zero's apprehension.
"Because he has me," Ichiru stepped in, unable to resist the temptation to tease Zero, wrapping his arms around Zero possessively. Zero paled in mortification. Ichiru had done it again so he braced himself for the inevitable consequences. The screams that erupted around them were almost supersonic- eardrum tearing beyond the safe frequency threshold; it was surprising that none of the vampires were bleeding from the ears. Camera flashed again, the bright burst of light photons singed his sensitive optic nerves. Zero felt an epileptic seizure coming up.
"What?" Aidou was beginning to enjoy making Zero-the-stoic-ice-block cringe, sensed Ichiru's mischief, decided to play along and initiated a hissy-fit. "Z, how could you! You and I have history and he's your brother. Apparently, yaoi-sm is not enough for you so you're into twincest now? You are nothing but a despicable, cold-blooded cheater!"
Zero almost pressed on the trigger and emptied his whole cartridge into the cheeky blue-eyed blond if it was not for Ichiru's sudden move- Ichiru had unsheathed his katana halfway out of the scabbard, a smirk plastered on his face as he snarled at Aidou, "Who would want the likes of you- a skinny, whiny, airheaded nitwit? Take a hike, blondie!"
"I dare you pull out that thing in front of me Kiriyu Ichiru! I've seen you brother wield it a few times before and I swear, he's a thousand times better than you. I dare you!" It was hard for Aidou to hold back his mirth but he was not going to lose to Ichiru at any cost. He was referring to the kidnapping incident when he had been thrown in together with Zero not too long ago. He had seen Zero using a sword but presently, he was casting off a whole different innuendo. Some of the onlookers were salivating now, without a doubt conjuring some nastily lewd imaged in their perverted heads. Zero had turned into an ice statue with a jealous Ichiru permanently frozen onto him.
"Why waste my energy to prove your stupidity? Besides, who would take you seriously, parading around with that ridiculously suspicious looking necklace?" Ichiru pointed towards a string of neon-pink, 1 meter long strand of marble sized beads hanging around Aidou's neck, "where do you think you are now, blondie? Orleans, the Mardi Gras? Or do you need assistance to use that as a noose?"
"Do not act like you're so innocent. You know exactly what these actually are. I bought them dirt cheap from that lovely onee-san over there. She said these could help me heighten my senses to a whole new level and almost every bishounen like me uses them," Aidou grinned and pointed his finger to a lady dressed in a black and white maid uniform. She waved at Aidou, smiling sweetly in front of dimly lit stand with a sign that says- 'EroToys'
Ichiru realized that Aidou might not have realized that he had accidentally bought a sex-toy and spoke in a solicitous but condescending tone. "I don't need some anal beads to elevate my senses. My Zero is earth shatteringly gratifying enough." Aidou had mistaken the term senses with his vampiric senses. Aidou gaped, pulled the necklace off, hurled it away; the offensive thing got caught in a chandelier suspended from the high ceilings. The neon pink baubles made a pretty addition to the glittering crystal embellishments.
The craziness was suffocating Zero, the crowd was screaming again and he could see Ben smiling smugly at the information counter. Ichiru and Aidou's antics were attracting more and more visitors. He could see half of the people whipping out phones- either texting orand yakking into the earpiece like a bullet train, some of them might even had uploaded some sort of footage on their blogs.. Words like 'hot bishies', 'bickering', 'twincest' and 'threesome'buzzed around and to Zero, it translated into a very, very, very bad premonition of the worse things to come.
"What's going on here, minna-san?" suddenly Zero heard an extremely familiar female voice. He turned around and saw the blue-uniform clad ex-adopted sister of his- Kuran Yuuki.
"Three individuals doing their very best at their jobs, apparently," Kuran Kaname wrapped his sarcasm in that smooth, velvety voice- piercing through the din. Zero hated the pureblood vampire more because the perverted bystanders had grown silent, captivated by Kaname-the-royal-prick's presence; he wouldn't be surprised if they suddenly dropped down to their knees and groveled to kiss the demon's hand.
"Ara, we're honoured that you've noticed, Kuran-sama," Ichiru leered, doing very little to mask his hatred towards Kaname.
Zero hissed in irritation, grabbed Ichiru by the elbow to walk away before his hatred towards Kaname escalated out of control. But Ichiru refused to back off without doing damage. Ichiru pulled out Yuuki's forgotten cue cards, waved it at her and winked deviously. Yuuki recognized it- her face flaming red as she rummaged her bag to confirm her dread. Ichiru smirked over his shoulders and mouthed 'come and get it'to her. Kaname's face was unreadable but he immediately towed Yuuki in pursuit of the twins who had walked away with the cue cards.
"Run for it, Zero!" Ichiru broke into a sprint, startling Zero with his sudden burst of speed. Zero tailed after Ichiru but he stopped moments later and glanced back- only to find Yuuki and Kaname running after them. "Just give it back to her, damnit!" Zero sprinted after Ichiru. The Kurans were now pursuing after them even faster.
Zero managed to catch up with Ichiru, their silver hair whipping madly as they weaved in between the merchandise and vendor booths. "This is stupid, Ichiru! Give it back," Zero snarled. Ichiru chuckled at Zero's lacking sense of adventure. Then Ichiru spotted a suitable hiding place behind an unattended counter in a merchandise booth, grabbed Zero's arm and whisked his brother into hiding.
Zero struggled a bit but Ichiru had used his strength to maneuver Zero into the dimly lit enclosure. "Not in a million years. We could use this as blackmail," Ichiru giggled and waved the cue cards in Zero's face. He caught Yuuki and Kaname's aura approaching and pulled Zero to duck behind the vacant counter. "Now cloak your presence, Zero," Ichiru ordered. Soon enough, they felt the purebloods passing by the booth and then faded off; Yuuki and Kaname had run pass them. Ichiru let out a relived sigh and wiped his forehead. Zero felt really stupid hiding in the cramped space. There were humans mingling out beyond the counter.
"The prefects are acting strange," suddenly, a girl spoke from behind them. More importantly, the girl had a Level-B aura. Zero and Ichiru whirled around only to find themselves staring at a pair of oddly dressed vampires crouching right behind them like co-conspirators. The girl–vampire was wearing an orange wig and reddish-brown contact lenses while the boy-vampire had a longish dark grey wig on. He was also wearing contact lenses- his were of deep violet. Both of them were wearing identical dark blue school uniforms which were suspiciously similar to the one that Yuuki was wearing.
Despite of their disguise, Zero could recognize that pair anywhere- the bored expressions they wore, the nonchalant air that surrounded them; the female's soft but uncaring tone was enough to tell him of who they were. "What are you two doing here?" he asked the male vampire but all he did was shrug his shoulders noncommittally.
Ichiru too had recognized them and slapped his own forehead, "Touya and Shiki?" Ichiru snickered, "odd get up. Are you supposed to be a boy, Touya?"
"Uh huh, we're manning this counter. Here," Rima tossed a small box which Ichiru caught all too easily. Then, she motioned towards a huge, towering thing- a penis-shaped confectionary covered with chocolate. "Special edition pocky," she added.
Ichiru studied the box and grinned, "Oh, you two are working... This might come in handy, Zero. Let's stay here for a while." Ichiru pulled out a finger-thick pocky-stick, smiling cheekily,"Oh wow look Zero, I'm holding a chocolaty-sweet pee-pee."
"Pe- huh? Wha? What the hell? Are you a pervert now?" protested Zero. He glared at Ichiru who took the disgusting penis shaped, chocolate coated pocky-stick and licked it from the biscuit base to the chocolate tip.
"Hey, I can poke serious fun with this. Pocky-poking-fun. Get it?" Ichiru snickered, determined to tease Zero. He formed an 'O' with his lips and slid the chocolate coated biscuit into his mouth and sucked. He giggled and waved the thing in front of Zero's gaping face. "Wanna take a turn to suck?" he leered.
"Yuck, gross! Get the hell away from me," Zero shoved Ichiru away. "I can never look at pocky the same way ever again!"
"Hey, hey... Look who's talking. You have no right to spew that on me. I'm not the one with the secret vampire boyfriend chasing after my ass. He displays too much interest in you and you did nothing to stop him. Are you trying to make me jealous?" despite of the obvious crap Ichiru was saying, his wicked smile sent chills down Zero's spine.
"Aidou is not- he's not my boyfriend!" it took Zero all his strength and willpower to not to shoot Ichiru right there and then.
Ichiru grinned wickedly, raising one of his eyebrows, "I never said it was Aidou. Is it Aidou now?"
Zero fumed. He whacked Ichiru on the head and glared daggers.
"Too much info, right Shiki?" said Rima out of the blue. The twins had totally forgotten about Shiki and Rima who were still there, crouching down with them behind a hideously gigantic special-edition phallic pocky replica display placed right beside the counter. Shiki hugged his knees tighter and nodded in agreement.
"Gossip material," Shiki drawled.
"I don't care what you think, if one of these stupid lies gets out... die," Zero warned the unflappable vampire duo. Ichiru snicked while chomping down on the rest of his pocky-stick.
"Nice not talking much to you, Touya, Shiki," Ichiru tucked his box of pocky into his coat pocket, "Let's get out of here Zero. I'm bored."
Ichiru pulled Zero up and then out of the booth, careful not to attract any attention, which was nearly impossible because apparently somebody had set up some sort of a ridiculously genius 'alert-system'. Somebody shouted from outside the booth, "There they are, look, the naughty silver-haired twin princes from Tohtetallymaydup Land. Somebody call their ambassadors before they run off to elope again!"
"Hey there, Mister and Miss Tohtetallymaydup Land Ambassadors, we found them, come quick!" another random person called out to a pair of dark haired individuals. Zero had his suspicions about the person who had been able to pull off such a ridiculous fairytale and set up the goofy alert system. It was none other but the arrogant Kuran prick. Ichiru snickered under his breath, amused at the pureblood's childish but effective ingenuity. Such things will only work in a crazy environment like the yaoi convention.
"There they are Kaname!" Zero heard Yuuki's voice as soon as they stepped out of the exhibition booth, ready to bolt away again.
"Kain, Ruka, there- they are at Shiki's pocky booth," it looks like Aidou had joined in the pursuit together with his fanatical gang.
"Ugh, that pocky replica is vile!" Ruka screeched.
"I think it's an informative work of art," Aidou argued.
"They are getting away again," remarked Kain.
"Stop the Kiriyu twins!" Aidou hollered to the curious onlookers, "They are running away from the modeling competition to elope. Get them or else you won't get your twincest live-action!" the second sentence worked like a charm. Soon, Zero and Ichiru were running away from the stampeding mob. Ichiru was cackling gleefully while Zero was muttering every curse word he knew under his breath.
The twins were dashing towards the main entrance when Ichiru abruptly halted his tracks. Zero failed to stop in time so he slammed into Ichiru's back, causing Ichiru to knock over the person standing in their way. The impact sent some objects skittering on the floor, and the three of them fell into a messy tangle of arms and legs on the marble floor. They were scuffling to get back up onto their feet when the other person spoke.
"Why are the two of you wimpy idiots running?" A deep, familiar male voice intensified Zero's headache- Yagari Touga has arrived.
"Maa, maa.. Yagari. It's normal for kids to be energetic. Ara, is that a stampede heading this way?" Cross's sickly sweet sing-song voice made Zero's head throb even more. Yuuki and Kaname were leading the stampede- her dark blue uniform askew but Kaname's face was unreadable as ever despite of his uncharacteristic behaviour. Zero could see Aidou, Kain and Ruka pursuing at the back of the mob.
"Ah, got to go. Bye-bye!" Ichiru grabbed the cue cards and ran off, leaving the bewildered Zero to deal with Cross and Yagari by himself.
"Don't let Zero get away!" Yuuki yelled at Cross. She halted in a screech and searched for something. Smiling, she picked a metallic object off the floor, gabbed Zero's left wrist and snapped it on. Kaname sauntered over a millisecond later and she grabbed the pureblood's right wrist and secured Zero to him. "Now you can't get away Zero. You're going to be my hostage!" Yuuki smiled triumphantly at her accomplishment. However, her smile faded as soon as she smelt burnt skin.
"What the fuck have you done? Get this thing off!" Zero stared at his hand which was currently attached to Kaname's with a pair of suspicious looking contraptions made of blackened metal, anti-vampire metal- a pair of hunter-made handcuffs. Yuuki had chained him to the demon. There was no keyhole in the cuff around his wrist; Zero, being a hunter should be able to deactivate such devices with ease but this time- he couldn't. Zero growled, frustrated. Kaname narrowed his eyes, clearly equally detesting his new attachment to the vampire hunter.
Cross had burst out laughing, rolling on the floor while Yagari clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Those are Ichiru and Kaito's prototype- dual-warded cuffs, Zero. Those two are the only ones who can deactivate it," said Yagari sympathetically. He had been keeping them in his back-pocket; they fell out during the collision and Yuuki had accidentally picked them up.
"Can't you get the thing off, Shishou? What do you mean by a prototype?" Zero shook his hand in frustration.
Yagari was about to explain but Cross cut him off, "Erm, actually it was I who had asked Ichiru-kun to work on this new invention. There's nothing special about the cuffs itself but the beauty is in the warding spell; only the particular hunter who cast it can undo it." Cross was smiling mischievously, his eyes sparkling behind his owlish spectacles. "As for that prototype, Ichiru-kun placed the ward on one of the pair while Kaito-kun did the other one. They've scribbled their initials somewhere."
Zero paled, he studied his cuff and saw a tiny 'T.K' scratched onto the metal surface- Takamiya Kaito. 'I'm doomed,'Zero saw Kaname's brows twitching as the pureblood vampire stared at a 'K.I' marked using a correction pen. Both of them knew that there was no way Ichiru would let Kaname go without inflicting a significant amount of torture. Moreover, there was no telling of what kind of Machiavellian scheme that Ichiru would come out with.
Consequently, Zero's temper had gone way up beyond his cut-off limit; he whipped out his gun and aimed it at Kaname's head, "Cut your own hand off Kuran before I vaporize you into sparkly crystal shards."
"Zero!" Yuuki panicked, "I didn't know. It's not Kaname's fault."
"Not his fault? You strapped me to him. This wouldn't have happened if he had stopped you from coming here, dressed in that shorter than short skirt. And why are you carrying those outrageous cue cards?" Zero berated the pureblood princess.
"Watch your words, Kiriyu," Kaname warned Zero; the vampire hunter was crossing the line. Adoptive brother or not, Yuuki is his fiancé and he was not going to let Zero walk all over her. Zero's concern about Yuuki's suggestive school uniform kindled his jealousy. As for the cue cards, they baffled Kaname too. 'Why did she note those inappropriate things down and drag me to this circus?'
Clearly Zero's words had hurt Yuuki; tears welled up at the corners of her eyes and she bit her lip. "I've been doing some writing of my own. I'm dressing this way because I'm cos-playing my favourite manga character. I'm so sorry, Zero."
"Your apology won't get me out of this thing. We're dealing with Ichiru and Kaito, silly. I'll kill you!" Zero had completely ignored Kaname. The pureblood prince regarded Zero with undisguised hatred; he was about to use force and eradicate the insolent Level-D off the face of the planet but Aidou cut him off.
The blond had stepped up and caught Zero by his collars. "How dare you threaten Yuuki-sama? She can do whatever she sees fit," he hissed. Aidou was behaving suspiciously. "Know your place or I'll kill you myself." Kaname had the feeling that Aidou was trying to save Zero from his wrath, or maybe trying to save him from breaching the hunter-vampire peace treaty. Aidou had a soft spot for Zero, often running to the latter every time he felt troubled. It annoyed Kaname to death but he refused to show it.
"Fuck off Aidou before I decide to kill you too," Zero seethed. He used his right hand to shove the noble-class vampire away. Aidou glared at Zero and Zero glared back.
It was downright insolent to utter those kinds of words in the presence of vampire royalty but looking back at Zero's track record, he was more than capable of delivering those threats. 'Before I decide to kill you too?' Kaname found Zero's statement strange. 'Was he not ever ready to destroy any vampires on sight?'Kaname wondered what distinguished Aidou from the other mangy vampires in Zero's book. The thought alone made his blood boil. Then he was stunned; was he jealous? He mentally smacked himself and immediately put on airs.
"I suggest you to summon that ill-mannered brother of yours and give Yuuki back what is hers. Empty threats cannot unstitch the current state of affairs. The fact that you cannot get this contraption off proves that you are indeed useless," Kaname raised up his hand to study the device shackling him to the short-tempered vampire hunter. It looked like any ordinary pair of handcuffs; he tried to bend the metal but he immediately felt a jolt of energy, like electric zapping his fingers. Zero must have felt it too from the other end because the ex-human bristled and hissed at him.
"I definitely did not choose to be chained to you, Kuran. It'll make me look like I'm your damn useless, neutered mutt," Zero said something totally out of everybody's expectation. Aidou and Yuuki looked horrified, Ruka was smirking while Cross, Yagari and Kain were equally stumped beyond words. 'The prideful hunter was degrading himself? Getting chained to him is going to be interesting after all,' Kaname laughed inwardly.
"Ugh, is that a smirk, Kuran...? You like the idea lot don't you, sick bastard?" Zero snorted at Kaname, "That'll never happen, I assure you."
"Even if you were a K-9, you would never be good enough. You're tainting Kaname-sama with your mere presence, Kiriyu!" said Ruka.
Zero scoffed upon hearing Ruka's opinion. "The same goes to you, bitch."
"I'm disappointed in you, kid," Yagari finally said something. Zero's was behaving out of character. Handcuffs couldn't affect vampires mentally; there were a few explanations as to why Zero was acting strange, Yagari suspected. Either Zero was mad because Ichiru had not told him about the restraints he was working on together with Kaito or Zero was feeling bitter because Ichiru had ran off, deserting him. It looked like Zero had grown fond of his brother more than Yagari had anticipated. The exaggerated, over the top atmosphere at the convention must have messed up Zero's brain functions too.
"Disappointed? Well I'm disappointed too, Shishou. What the hell are you doing here with him while carrying these fucking useless cuffs? Why does anybody need two different wards on a single pair? The thought alone caused me to conjure some very nasty ideas. How exactly are you planning to use this? Who would need such a ridiculous thing as this, this thing," Zero rambled quietly to Yagari while pointing a finger reprovingly at Cross. Zero's voice was lowered, only audible to Yagari but the vampires had caught every word- curse their extraordinary hearing ability.
"Kiriyu-kun..." Cross warned Zero, "its a prototype." It seemed that the old croon had overheard. Too late, the vampires had conjured up some very gross images in their minds. Aidou and Ruka had even started arguing about who is topping who based on Cross and Yagari's chins. Yagari snorted in disdain while Cross blushed pink.
"Minna-san, it's not what you think..." Cross wrung his hands in the air. Zero smirked, feeling satisfied. Even Yagari said nothing but Zero noticed sweat beading on his forehead- a tell-tale sign of his nervousness.
"Whatever... And you, Kuran- you're boring me. With all due respect, hold out your hand; I'll chop it off myself," drawled Zero. Yuuki gasped, horrified. Kaname's temper was worn down by the edges; Zero was really testing his patience.
Aidou decided to take action, stepped forward again and bowed to Kaname. "I'll get Kiriyu Ichiru and get you out of this mess," he said quietly. Zero glared at the blond, without a doubt Aidou was having one of his I-love-Kaname-sama-so-I-will-die-for-him moments. Then, he disappeared. The crowd of spectators was still watching the whole event in rapt fascination.
"Attention, visitors, participants of the Bishie Reeow~walk Competition, please gather in the Periwinkle hall for the ultimate 100,000 Yen showdown- hey!" Ben's voice boomed through the PA system but he was interrupted by some bickering in the background, a series of thumps and thuds before a very, very familiar voice resounded in the halls, "Gimme that, hah! Test, test... Oh, I'm on? Okay... And be sure not to miss out the highlight; an ethereal White Knight chained to his dark-brooding, King. Shall we demand for a kiss? Let's hear your hormone drenched screams bitches!"
"Aidou Hanabusa!" Ruka's angry cry was barely audible in the commotion.
"What the fuck?" Zero lost it, fisting his hair in disbelief. He shot a punch, aiming for Kaname's face but the pureblood vampire caught the fist; the look Kaname had on his face can be translated as pure wrath. Kaname's aura was straining against his faltering control. Yuuki was torn between trying to calm Kaname down and containing Cross's excitement. Yagari huffed, shaking his head from side to side in dismay. Kain was trying his best to keep back the crowd from glomping his pureblood lord.
"Kaname-sama, are you entering with an S&M theme?" Rima had appeared along with Shiki. The crowd recognized the famous model pair and screamed anew.
"OMG, OMG... It's Shiki and Rima. Can I have an autograph?" one of the girls squealed.
"Didn't you notice them before? I bought 50 boxes of the limited addition pocky and they signed on my boobies," boasted a very stupid girl.
"Kyaaaaa~ I've always loved Kyo the nekozuki from Furuba. Do you like cats, Rima?" another one asked.
"Oohhh, Shiki-sama, you make Yuki look so seme-licious," another female had invented a stupid word.
"Hey, is that girl dressed up as Honda Tohru? She's cute," one had finally recognized the character Yuuki was cos-playing. Yuuki's happiness was short lived as soon as one of the fan girls made a comment about Kaname.
"No, no, no... I beg to differ- the dark-haired bishie is way hotter," that particular one was pointing a finger at Kaname. Yuuki wanted to bite her neon green painted fingernail off.
"Hell yeah, hot! The way he stands, chained to his equally drop-dead gorgeous uke is just kyaaaaa!," the comment made Zero's blood boil.
"Hear me once and hear me straight bastard, I'm no where near to being an uke material!" Zero had enough of the yaoi references and glared accusingly at Kaname. "Stop emitting your yaoi-denpa, your queer-wave! You're working in parallel to their wavelength. Lower your frequency if you can't help it, fucker."
Kaname in turn, smirked back at Zero and said, "We have no time for this petty banter. You and I have a doppelganger to catch."
"Tch, petty? Pretty funny... Thanks to Aidou, he'll show up," Zero glowered. "I'll win that fucking 100,000 Yen in that gig and burn it in front of him for coming up with this piece of crap for Cross." Zero was mad mainly because Ichiru had deserted him; he gave the handcuff a hard yank, but not hard enough to break Kaname's skin. If the demon bled, the other vampires would be stimulated by the scent of that poison and hell would break loose. He knew- he had tasted it a couple of times before.
"If you can pull the gig off..." dared Kaname.
"I'll kill you if you screw this up," Zero gritted his teeth and glared at Kaname.
"I will personally scatter your ashes on that obscenely gargantuan, chocolate coated phallic fad if you fail to play your part," Kaname threatened.
Yuuki gaped disbelievingly at the two archenemies. "Wait Kaname, Zero...You can't be serious?"
"That Ichiru will pay for this!" Zero and Kaname chorused, realized their blunder and glared murder at each other.
Yuuki turned away, her head bowed- she reached into her bag and pulled out her digital camera and hid her smile behind her hand. 'Kaname and Zero, cuffed together, doing a yaoi act in front of an audience...'It could turn out to be one of the awesome-st days in her life after all, if neither of them died in the end. She cringed after a while.
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"Welcome, minna-san, to the Bishie Reeow~walk Competition!" Ben the ninja wannabe hollered into the microphone. The audience in the packed hall went crazy. Ben pranced on the stage, urging the crazed females to cheer even louder. "Now let me introduce my unexpected co-host, the blazing hotness, icy cool, breathtakingly beautiful bishounen-idol from Cross Academy- Aidou Hanabusa. Applause, bitches!"
Loud music thumped, the lights dimmed and a strobe light focused on the curtains. To the audience's delight, Aidou descended, sliding down the heavy red fabric, landed gracefully on his feet, sashayed on the catwalk- twirling his microphone and flashed a disturbingly lecherous grin at the audience. "Ready to wet your panties, gorgeous?" he said sultrily. The crowd went wild. Ruka, Kain, Cross and Yagari was seated in the front rows watching the whole commotion in horror; they had not anticipated Aidou's crazy antics. Whatever the blond was up to, it couldn't be good. 'Zero and Kaname are in for it,'thought Yuuki.
"Let's go on with the show. Give your hand to the Sohma cousins from Furuba, Shiki Senri as his Royal Highness Prince Yuki and Touya Rima as the beastly martial arts hottie, Kyo!"
The curtains were lifted; techo music blasted through the speakers as Shiki and Rima emerged, walking hand-in-hand down on the runaway. The crowd loved them.
"Marvelous, do you want more bitches?" Ben interacted with the audience, urging them to scream louder. Cross and Yuki was enjoying themselves, Yagari stood up and left his seat. Kain and Ruka were sitting there stock-still, watching Shiki and Rima work magic on the catwalk; they were professional models after all.
"More, more, more?" Aidou was working the atmosphere too. The din was overwhelming. They were chanting "Yuki" and "Kyo". "Saa, Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun... Let them have it! Get on with the live-action," said Aidou and the audience went even wilder.
"You're mine, stupid cat!" Shiki acted one of Sohma Yuki's popular catch phrase in the yaoi fandom. The real mangaka would never even dream to come out with a line like that but the Yuki and Kyo was the most sought after pairing in the series- Uke Yuki, Seme Kyo and vice versa.
"Prove it then, you damn rat," Rima's low, sultry voice made the fan girls go wild. She was a head shorter than Shiki, too feminine and graceful to portray the martial-arts nut Sohma Kyo but her play-acting was cool enough to make the fan girls ignore all about it.
Shiki reached out to brush back Rima's orange bangs, running his hand down to her cheeks, using the crowd reactions to prompt his actions. Rima reciprocated Shiki's behavior, placing her hands on his shoulders; she tilted her head as if she was inviting Shiki to capture her lips. The crowd went berserk. When Shiki licked his lips, and closed the gap between Rima and him, a girl standing in front of the stage fainted and had to be carried out of the hall.
"Kiss, kiss, kiss? Get your camera ready, darlings," Aidou had initiated a flash-storm. It must have been a bit overwhelming for Rima because she immediately screened her eyes with her arms. Seeing and sensing her distress, Shiki pulled her to rest her head against his chest, shielding her. From the spectator's point of view, it looked like Shiki was acting possessive. Bad move, the audience took it as a part of their act and the camera flashes intensified by a tenfold.
"Get her out of there!" Ruka yelled, "Aidou you idiot." She glared at Aidou who was smiling apologetically by the podium. The audience then turned their attention to Ruka, booing her and accused her of being jealous. Kain pulled Ruka back to sit on her chair; Shiki took the opportunity to lead Rima away backstage.
"What the hell was that?" Ben commented. "Whatever~ do you want more?"
"Yeaaaaaaaah!" the fan girls roared.
The next contestant wore a pirate outfit. Yuuki had seen better performances. Then the next entry was by a trio of black-leather clad, silver haired characters doing some clumsy fight sequence. Somebody whispered at the back the rows that they were role-playing characters from a gamed call Final Fantasy something.
Then there was someone who had dressed up in an elaborate but revealing kimono, holding a black stuffed animal in her arms- her long black wig trailed down like silken threads. Yuuki thought the odd looking black stuffed rabbit was cute. Her bespectacled companion wore a plain school uniform. The characters looked familiar to Yuuki but she couldn't place them. She smacked her forehead when Ben called the kimono-girl Yuuko because she had forgotten to take pictures when the nerdy boy kissed Yuuko's hand. However, count on Aidou to ruin something in a blink of an eye.
"How the heck is Ichihara Yuuko related to yaoi? Psssssshhhhhh..." Aidou griped maliciously, "Don't tell me it was a guy cos-playing her?"
"Huh? What's wrong with cross-dressing? He worked the stage, wowed all of us; it's totally acceptable," protested Ben.
"Uwaaah, I don't get it!" Aidou rolled his eyes dramatically. "Watanuki and Doumeki would be okay but Watanuki and Yuuko? Pfft, poser... Who's he trying to deceive? We want yaoi, right ladies?"
Not surprisingly, the crowd bought Aidou's words- they booed and demanded for yaoi. 'Poor guy. Aidou had displayed his bias, abused his 'idol-powers'. Unbelievable,'Yuuki sighed in her head. It looked like Aidou was determined to help Kaname get free of Zero by luring the runaway Ichiru out in the midst of the competition.
The next participants' cos-play was perfect. Yuuki liked their sexy act from Code Geass, Lelouch and Suzaku danced together and finished it off with a kiss. Yuuki did not miss a thing, capturing their live-actions with her digital camera. 'Kaname and Zero would have to do something big to surpass this skit,'Yuuki hoped the two archenemies could miraculously learn how to cooperate.
"Lelouch, Suzaku... That was H-A-W-T! Saa.. minna, who will walk away with the 100,000 Yen? And for the last act, Kiriyu Zero and Kuran Kaname will..." Ben announced but he stopped and scrunched his eyebrows together, trying to read the scribbles on the entry form, "try not to kill each other. Huh? Unique theme."
Aidou paled, but he quickly regained his senses; this was the chance to lure out Ichiru and get Kaname out of the cuffs. "Remember, girls, if you like them, SCREAM!" he charmed the girls. Ruka tried to climb onto the stage to get to Aidou but Kain held her back.
Meanwhile, Yuuki saw another hunter making his way over to Cross."Ah, Kaito-kun, you're just in time," Yuuki heard Cross greeting the newly arrived hunter. Yagari was nowhere to be seen.
"What's the emergency?" Kaito asked dryly, studying the hyped surroundings, "Did I miss something?"
Cross said something in reply but his voice was drowned by the excited screams- Zero and Kaname had appeared onstage, standing side-by-side, their faces hard, cold and unmoving. Zero looked like he could murder anybody that crosses his path while Kaname remained still, like a wax mannequin. Kaito spotted the black-metal handcuffs and grinned smugly at Zero.
"Kyaaaaa~ they're the hottest bishies that I've ever seen," Yuuki heard a girl swoon.
"I wanna have your babies!" Yuuki flinched when she heard that one. The girl who said that was cosplaying as Monkey D. Luffy. Yuuki liked her straw hat and pictured a pair of silver-haired, reddish-brown eyed toddlers wearing straw hats waving- calling her 'Aunt Yuuki'; her face burned in mortification. 'Hah, you have to get through me first!'Yuuki scoffed inwardly.
"Is that silver hair real? OMG it's real. Can I touch it?" Yuuki rolled her eyes upon hearing that one.
Yuuki could see Zero's clenched fist shaking at his side as he glared at Kaname who was standing by his side. Zero spoke heatedly to Kaname but the dark haired vampire didn't say anything back, his garnet eyes squinted slightly. Much to her surprise, Kaname raised his free left hand and motioned for Aidou to come closer to them. When Aidou came within Zero's reach, Zero grabbed the microphone from the bewildered blond. "Come out Ichiru!" he growled. It was clear to Yuuki that neither Kaname nor Zero had anything planned for their skit. They were simply there to get Ichiru to come out and show himself.
The crowd has no idea of who Ichiru was but they screamed anyways, assuming that Zero had started his act. Aidou threw a fit, tried to grab the microphone back but Zero dodged and weaved around, his movements surprisingly swift considering that he had Kaname cuffed to his left hand.
"Who is this Ichiru person? You wanna know ladies? Lemme hear you scream for more!" Aidou had managed to repossess his microphone and ran back towards Ben who was still manning the podium.
Ichiru did not show up. The dark-haired pureblood vampire was beginning to lose his patience; Kaname yanked Zero by his left arm and hauled him to the end of the 4 meter long runway. Zero put up a struggle but Kaname did not yield.
"Let go of me Kuran," Zero pulled out his gun, pressed it against Kaname's heart and glared murder.
The action caused the fan girls to gasp, followed by a brief moment of silence. Yuuki gulped, felt for Artemis which was strapped on her thigh. She was about to launch herself up onto the runway but the audience roar of excitement surprised her.
"Did you see how he whipped out that gun? Kyaaaa!" Yuuki wished that the girl knew that guns were dangerous.
"I like this gun and chains theme. MORE!" Yuuki was itching to tell the yelling girl that the gun and cuffs were real hunter weapons- and that the two gorgeous males glowering at each other on the runway were real vampires.
"The brunette is Kuran Kaname right? Kuran-sama, you're so lucky!" Yuuki saw Kaname's eyebrows twitching when he heard the third girl's callous mention.
"I wanna lick that gun!" Yuuki wanted to advise the pervy girl that Zero would blast her brains out the moment she sticks out her tongue, let alone try to coat his best friend with saliva.
Yuuki scanned the hall. She saw a group of vampires, nobles and Level-Cs standing warily at the back, their eyes locked onto her, waiting for her signal- all tensed and poised to attack Zero. After all, the vampire hunter was endangering a pureblood. There were some hunters standing like sentinels in the midst of the crowd too, faces grim. No doubt they were hungry for some bloodshed. Kain, Ruka and Cross were assessing the scene like hawks. Then Yuuki looked up and saw Yagari observing the scene from the steel walk way high above the stage.
"What are you going to do with that gun, stud?" Ben teased Zero. "Oooh, and interesting theme. Will he kill his lover?" Ben had said a very taboo word. 'Lover' Zero's eyes darkened dangerously but Kaname did not flinch.
"Zero, don't!" Yuuki hoped Zero could hear her. One wrong move, Zero could start a war right in the middle of the yaoi convention. Yuuki prayed to whatever deities that existed for Zero and Kaname to remain as they were and not do anything rash, for that would trigger a bloodbath. The only thing that was preventing the vampires and hunters from initiating anything was the throng of clueless, hormone charged, humans in the audience.
"You are incapable of robbing me of my life," Kaname smirked. The fan girls stopped screaming, they tuned their ears to Kaname's lines. "You would have done it a long, long time ago if you had the heart to pull that trigger," Kaname added oil to Zero's fire. He smiled at Zero; his compact fangs barely visible, illuminated by the harsh stage lights. Kaname could afford to take the risk because of the nature of the competition itself, the two of them was supposed to pose as made-up characters. The girls must be thinking that Kaname was cos-playing as a vampire.
"Kyaaa he's so hot; he looks like Sebastian, ne?" the girl saying that was wearing a red dress, her pigtails were slightly askew and she smeared her lipstick at the corner of her lips, "Demo, the silver-haired hottie can't be Ciel. His hair is the wrong shade, he's missing the eye-patch and he'll too tall." Yuuki had to agree: Kaname did resemble Sebastian in some ways but Zero was definitely not a Ciel lookalike. His temper alone was an epic mismatch to the said character.
"Why is the uke so angry at his seme? Is this a non-con skit?" another fan girl had said something that could cause Zero to totally flip. Yuuki hoped that Zero missed it.
Apparently, Zero had heard them- he was bristling like a wild-cat, "I'll take more than your life from you, bastard," he said through gritted teeth.
"Intriguing... So my presumption might be wrong; what is that is more that you intend to possess other than my life?" Kaname's words were sharp, venomous- like a knife dipped in poison.
"I suspect I have taken at least half of it-" Zero paused. Kaname cocked his head to one side, puzzled, daring Zero to go on. Zero pressed the muzzle of his gun firmer against Kaname's chest, brought his face closer to Kaname, his lips only a few inches away from the shell of Kaname's ear- he hissed, "Half of this-" he pressed his gun even harder, "you can feel it beating harder and harder for me now can you?" Kaname's eyes widened in shock, he took a step back but Zero persisted, the gun never left its place. It didn't last; Kaname took on his mask of calm but Zero had a faint smirk ghosting his lips.
Yuuki 's face flamed. She could not pinpoint her exact emotions. One part of her wanted to scream at Kaname for behaving like he did, that subtle display of surprise spun her imagination out of control- that Kaname did harbour something for Zero. Kaname did tolerate Zero's existence despite of his obvious hatred of the said vampire hunter. The other part of her wanted to scoff at Zero, to tell him that Kaname's heart wholly belong to her and her alone- that he was delusional and conjuring up baseless thoughts. Kaname hated Zero and Zero will seize any window of opportunity to put an end to Kaname- a pureblood vampire- the very creature that he swore to render extinct. 'Why would Zero think that Kaname secretly favoured him?' thought Yuuki. However, knowing Zero, he was not the type to make up tall tales. The fan girls swooned, screamed and applauded for more 'live-actions'. Yuuki was not even sure that Kaname and Zero were even acting anymore. Her own heart sank in trepidation.
"OMG, look!" a girl standing behind Yuuki pointed at the stage. The others spotted the newly arrived person as well and they screamed anew. Ichiru stood by the stage curtain, smirking. Zero and Kaname caught the sight of him too. The twins engaged themselves in a brief staring contest, ignoring Kaname completely. Then Ichiru moved forwards, sauntering towards Zero in swift, fluid steps. The rabid fan girl's scream died down, watching the scene in fascination. Yuuki heard the various murmurs around them.
"Real twins? The silverettes are real twins?
"See those tattoos? Those mean piercings? Oh hawtness, please rape me!"
"Bitch, I smell twincest."
"Twincest? I smell twincest plus a threesome- swoon baby girl!"
Yuuki didn't even have time to incite her FAQ replies monologue upon hearing the girls' outrageous comments because moments later, Ichiru movement blurred and he reappeared beside Zero, slinking his arm around Zero's waist. "You like my twin so much that you have to shackle him to you huh, your highness?"
"Dare to dream, Kiriyu. I think you know better," Kaname's icy tone was not enough to make Ichiru quiver.
Zero grabbed the front Ichiru's shirt and hissed his order, "Unshackle me from this demon. NOW!"
"Why don't you just vaporize him on the spot?" suggested Ichiru, "I'll whisk you away afterwards and we'll live happily ever after. Just the two of us." Yuuki gaped when she heard Ichiru's controversial discourse. In response, Zero grinned sinisterly at Kaname, pressing his gun even harder against the pureblood vampire's chest, right against his heart again. Nevertheless, Kaname was not affected, he stared at Zero, and then at Ichiru- a smirk formed on his lips. Zero would never do something that would upset the human-vampire coexistence.
The crowd was unsure of how to react; a few of them screamed but they ended up blushing, glancing at the others awkwardly. Most of the girls felt the disturbingly dark vibes Kaname, Zero and Ichiru emitted onstage so they remained silent. The hunters and vampires present were equally tensed, waiting for some sign so they could act. Yuuki turned to look at Kain and Ruka who in turn, was looking back at her- waiting for her cue to take action. Kaito did not move a muscle, assessing the scenario, searching for a window of opportunity to disarm Zero- there was none. Aidou was biting his lip- one hand holding the microphone in a death grip while fisting his blond locks with the other. Cross was shaking his head; Ichiru's vengeful antics might cause a full-fledge war and he knew it. 'What is Ichiru up to? Do something Zero!" Yuuki pleaded silently to Zero.
"I have a better idea," Zero said all the sudden. Grinning darkly, he took the Bloody Rose off Kaname and aimed it at his own head, precisely right against his right temple, Kaname flinched. He had never expected such behaviour from Zero. "Sayonara..." Zero's voice chimed, deep but clear, cast only at and solely for Kaname.
"No!" Yuuki screamed. Zero ignored her, constricting his hold, easing pressure on the trigger.
Yuuki braced herself for the worst, for the inevitable burst of dust-plumes that would surely send her spiraling down, crumbling in the depths of sorrow, along with her sanity. She cursed herself for not being able to stop Zero, for letting him down and for not being able to move- to prevent him from choosing death over living.
To her surprise, it was Kaname who moved, too fast for human eyes to catch; Kaname shifted his weight onto his right foot and prepared himself to barrel into Zero, in hopes of knocking the vampire hunter backwards, away from the danger of the gun. However, Kaname was a second too late; Zero had pulled the tigger.
Yuuki's heart was about to burst out of her ribcage when she finally heard the loud-
Click.
Kaname, unable to stop his momentum collided into Zero; they landed with a thud, sending the gun flying away onto the floor. Zero's gun had not been loaded all along. Kaname watched the silver haired vampire hunter bring up both of his hands to cover his face, his shoulders shaking while suppressing his urge to laugh aloud. Kaname was forced to bend forward because his hand was still attached to Zero's. The pureblood vampire had been played. Kaname's face burned in mortification; he tried to get up- to get away from Zero but Zero's unmovable cuffed hand which was attached to his made it impossible for him to stand up. Zero had shown no signs of regaining his senses yet so, Kaname ended up straddling Zero's waist awkwardly.
"Who would carry a loaded gun in places like this Kuran? Standard protocol," Ichiru said with a straight face.
"What?" Aidou shrill scream almost busted the speakers.
"Nani?" Cross picked up his spectacles which had fallen off onto the floor in his panic.
"Yeah, I told Zero not to load it," Kaito nodded his head knowingly.
"WTF?" Ruka said before she pretended to faint. Kain caught her.
"Kaname-sama has a yaoi-scaled problem," Rima quipped in her monotone, pulling her orange wig off. Yuuki's eyes almost fell out of their sockets; she didn't even notice Rima's presence. Shiki who was flanking her right stuffed his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders in indifference.
"Quit fooling around boys!" Yagari's voice boomed from above the stage.
"Yeah, get off my Zero," Ichiru pulled Kaname off Zero, grabbed Kaname's the cuffed wrist, the one end marked with his initials 'K.I' and deactivated the thing. Then, Ichiru pulled Zero up onto his feet. "You've been very naughty Zero; I'm going to punish you. I'll tell Kaito to not to release you till I'm wholly satisfied," Ichiru said sultrily, bringing Zero's cuffed left hand up and bit the metal with his teeth.. Zero flashed a disgusted look at his twin. The audience applauded and screamed, demanding for an encore.
Yuuki bounded onto the stage to embrace Kaname but her actions caused the fan girls to boo at her. Seeing that, Kaname hugged Yuuki back and ushered her off the stage, leaving the Kiriyu twins by themselves.
"That was the awesome-st, most dramatic act that we have ever seen, right bitches?" Ben jumped up and down, unable to contain his excitement.
"Do they deserve the 100,000 Yen?" Aidou was doing his job once more. "Let's see your curled up toes, raise your feet in the air!" he said something totally ridiculous again but the girls screamed anyways.
"So we have a winner; give them a big kya~" Ben managed to incite the most eardrum-busting, high-decibel scream the vampires had ever experienced. Most of them cringed and crumpled down to the floor, clamping their hands over their abused ears. Shiki and Rima had pulled out their headphones on so they were unaffected.
"Errr, where'd the dark-haired hottie go?" asked Ben. Kaname was nowhere to be seen. "Ah, what a shame. Oh well, don't know, don't care. We still have our twincest-ic twins, right ladies?" said Ben dismissively. The crowed hooted and applauded the Kiriyu twins. Beaming, Ichiru accepted the check from Ben, grinned at Zero and winked at Aidou. "You'll get your ten percent, Scrooge," he whispered to Aidou.
"Wire it," Aidou stuck out his tongue. He studied the free end of the cuffs dangling off Zero's wrist mischievously. Aidou grabbed it and snapped it onto Ichiru's right hand. "Give him a good twincestic lovin session," Aidou leered at Ichiru who was cackling away with glee.
"What the fuck? Not again!" Zero slapped his forehead, dismayed. "Kuso, I'll kill you!"
Aidou saw Kaito sneering beside Cross and hollered, "Takamiya, they're all yours," into the microphone. Then Aidou chucked it away into the crazed audience; he took off as soon as Zero finished loading his gun.
0000000000
"Zero, where the hell did you hide the marble plaque?" Ichiru hollered as soon as he noticed his missing property. He had given Aidou his ten percent cut for pushing Zero and Kaname into the right direction during the yaoi-con, helping them to win the 100,000 Yen prize. Ichiru had calculated the ten percent cut for Aidou, split the remainder equally forty-five-forty-five with Zero, waving off Kaname's share. Ichiru had happily placed an order for the white marble plaque bearing Shizuka's name and then placed it on his desk in the room he shared with Zero. However, currently the innocent chunk of marble was missing and Ichiru suspected that Zero had taken it. "Zero! Give it back or I'll-" he threatened.
"Or you'll what? You haven't returned those damn cue-cards either, ne?" Zero showed up by the door, his face wearing his usual scowl.
"Or I'll torture you with twincest innuendoes for the rest of your life," Ichiru bit his lower lip, searching for the 12 inches tall marble piece on Zero's person. "I'm going to keep those cards for further exploitations," Ichiru added, he couldn't see the plaque anywhere but Zero was holding something behind his back.
"Ah, I'm getting immune to all that twincest nonsense... Carry on," Zero replied nonchalantly.
"Who's the shameless one now?" Ichiru sneered.
"Tch... I learnt from the best," Zero leered back. He moved towards Ichiru, reached down for Ichiru's right hand and placed a potted plant onto his upturned palm. Ichiru blinked at the sight of a small green, prickly cactus.
"What's this?"
"A token of my feelings," Zero replied. "I would have planted cacti beside your tombstone instead of bringing you roses had I known you were never dead in the first place."
"Cut the crap and give me back her plaque. I don't need this thing," Ichiru glowered at Zero and shook the ceramic pot violently; some of the soil spilled onto the floor. Not much but enough to make Zero the neat freak, freak.
"Hell, Ichiru! Just take care of that damn plant; I'll give you back the fucking slab of useless marble once that thing grows four inches taller. Remember, four inches for four damn years you disappeared on me and showed up with that now dead pureblood-onna," Zero nagged.
"Bleh, you're bringing that up again," Ichiru complained. He set the cactus on his desk and took a box lying idly by his paperweight. Zero narrowed his eyes in disgust because he realized that Ichiru still had the vile box of phallic pocky. Ichiru saw Zero's trepidation, grinned, took two out and handed him one of the finger-thick pocky-sticks. "Now let's seal the deal with some damn pockies," said Ichiru, tapping his pocky-stick against Zero's like sword fighters would at the beginning of a fighting bout.
"Are you serious?" Zero smirked, "You're challenging me into a stupid food duel?" Zero raised his chocolate covered penis replica and pointed it at Ichiru.
"Why not? A deal must be sealed properly. Do you want me to abide your wishes or not? Or would you rather use something sturdier to bend me over into compliance?" Ichiru leered. "En guard, Zero!" Ichiru raised his pocky-stick like a sword.
"I had enough of your yaoi-laced insinuations, Ichiru. Two can play the game, watch," Zero did something totally out of Ichiru's imagination. The usually stoic vampire hunter took the phallic pocky-stick and placed it inside his own mouth, licking and sucking the thing, imitating some very lewd actions that shot Ichiru's brain out of orbit.
"What the fuck are you doing, Zero! You're gross!" Ichiru screeched, horrified. He was breaking out in cold sweat witnessing Zero's weirdness.
Zero smirked, pulled put his pocky-stick out of his mouth in an audible pop and grinned, "Eh? I'm giving you a sneak peek preview. You don't like it? You would probably do the same, wanna switch around?"
"I uh, I.. Huh? No! You're crazy! Yuck, eeww Zero!" Ichiru winced.
"I thought so. So quit casting false vibes," Zero gave his pocky another good, sensuous lick, deliberately being erotic, watching Ichiru gulp nervously and wet his own lips. Ichiru's amethyst eyes had turned a shade darker.
"Stop this creepiness, Zero," Ichiru warned uncomfortably.
Satisfied with Ichiru's reaction, Zero gave Ichiru a suggestive smile, kissed the chocolate tip in calculated slowness, and smiled again when Ichiru gasped. Then, Zero chomped down on the pocky-stick, hard. He rolled the small piece in between his teeth, stabbing it with his fang, and then spat the phallic tip back out.
"Yikes, Zero! Ouch...!" Ichiru cringed, covering his mouth in horror. It made Zero laugh. He discarded the remainder of his pocky-stick before Ichiru's feet and sauntered away, closed the door behind him, ignoring the volley of curses that muffled behind the wood.
'Poking fun with a pocky was fun after all,' Zero smiled smugly.
A/N- These are the one liner by Her Little Doll. She's a genius rite? I used these as prompts. Not all of them though. They are hilarious- a 'must share'. I got lost in the middle of this crack and these had helped me A LOT. ^^
What if there was a stand selling 'toys' and Aido bought one?
What if, due to a trick of fate, Ruka got mistaken for a cross-dressing guy?
What if Yuuki got into an argument with an incest enthusiast about her relationship with her elder brother/great-great-grandpa?
What if Zero/Kaname fans couldn't decide who was the uke- usually, you can tell by looking at the character's chin but Zero and Kaname have the same sort of chin- and forced the two unfortunates into battling it out for the title of seme?
What if Kain, while trying to assure everyone that Ruka was indeed a girl, got mistaken for Ruka's gay lover?
What if Cross...let's not go there.
What if, just as Ichiru's plotting something sneaky, Kaito shows up and challenges him for Zero?
What if Zero and Ichiru accidentally get entered into a modeling contest?
What if Zero and Kaname just happen to accidentally get shackled together after stopping by a stand that Yagari passed by earlier that day, leaving behind the anti-vampire shackles when Cross said he couldn't take them inside?
What if someone turns pocky into a phallic symbol?
Thanks a million Doll for being an inspiration (and for beta-ing too) I luv you *hug*. Btw, if you see mistakes up there.. I made some last minute changes and didn't run them through Doll. Kekeke... MY FAULT. To the kind reviewers, kyaaaaaa~ thank you x100! FYI, chapter 3 is ready. It's kinda dirty, smutty… not really, okay maybe a bit- yeah, sort of. Right Doll? She read it. Well, Beta privileges. *grin*
Drop a line or two or something for me will you? Do you want another instalment of the twincest-ic twins?