Sam POV
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December 4 1998
Tonight I dreamt about Martouf. It was a dream from Jolinar, which I often have, but this one was different. It was highly erotic. I awoke with a scream, more aroused than I can ever imagine being. I could still hear the sounds Martouf was making as Jolinar touched him, the soft sounds of pleasure he made. Then they kissed, and he started touching her in a way that had her begging for release almost immediately.
Then he plunged into her and rode her hard and fast, and she came so hard. Martouf slowed down, and allowed her to recover some, before starting to go faster again. His eyes flashed, and Lantash took over. He changed the angle, hitting just the right spot, and it took very little before Jolinar came again. Lantash followed her moments later, shuddering against her and calling out her name. And mine.
That is why I remember this dream so vividly. It was not the first dream about Martouf and Lantash, not even the first erotic one, but while I usually feel as if it is me it is happening to, it is also always the case that I am Jolinar in these dreams.
Not so this time. I was myself, as host to Jolinar.
December 20 1998
Another erotic dream of the same kind, though this time I was merely myself, making love with Martouf and Lantash. They were the best, most considerate, wonderful lovers you can ever imagine. Also, so very passionate.
I know how Martouf looks naked. He always looks the same in my dreams, so I am quite convinced this is how he actually looks, and it is a memory from Jolinar. He is slim, but relatively muscular. His stomach is flat, and his butt feels strong under my hands...in the dream. I remember the feel of his soft skin, as I slide my hands over his body. I remember his shaft, thick, hard, and long, with silky soft skin over the hardness.
I feel myself getting aroused even now. These dreams are driving me crazy, and I worry about how awkward it will be to meet Martouf again, after having these dreams about him. Does he know I have those kinds of memories of him?
January 5 1999
I had several erotic dreams about Martouf during Christmas break. I haven't counted how many times I have woken up, aroused.
Sometimes I daydream about him. I feel as if I am obsessed, and I have only met him twice in reality!
February 12 1999
We thought it was the Tok'ra who contacted us, but it turned out to be Apophis. He was fleeing from Sokar, who had tortured him almost to death. He was dying when we found him, and there was little we could do.
He was tortured with a hara'kesh, like Jolinar and I. It brings back memories, and not pleasant ones.
I find I miss Jolinar. How can I miss her? She took me against my will! Endangered the lives of all of us, threatened Cassie... but she did all of it out of desperation, to get back to save her people and her loved ones. And in the end she gave her life to save me.
And left all these memories and emotions with me.
Martouf/Lantash came, together with two other Tok'ra. They had found out we had Apophis, but thought we had captured him. They came to warn us against keeping Apophis, warn us of Sokar.
Lantash was so angry at us, and I was angry at him - for a while. Then I realized he was worried for us, that he did not understand why we would keep Apophis, if it endangered us.
Lantash is so passionate, I know. He is fiery, and he speaks his mind, always, even when it is not the smartest thing to do. Then Martouf have to try and make up for it. Just as what happened now. They both mean well, though, and I find myself understanding them...even agreeing with them.
I wanted them to stay, even - pathetically - asked if they wanted to stay and interrogate Apophis with us, so we could share the knowledge. I must have sounded really desperate. Did he realize I would have said anything to get him to stay?
He did stay for a bit longer, though it was only because Sokar attacked, so we couldn't dial out. That was when I got reminded that Martouf and Lantash are very intelligent, and that they have a lot of scientific knowledge.
We didn't get to talk a lot, and nearly nothing in private. We did get a Tollan communicator from Martouf - and I suspect the Tollan wouldn't like that, but I was too happy to have a way to contact them to care about that. We gave them a GDO and an iris code in return, and I showed Martouf how to use it.
Now we are officially friends of the Tok'ra. That makes me very happy.
I still remember Martouf's smile and the way he said 'Samantha' when he stepped through the wormhole, and greeted me. His smile is so charming!
I am in love. It is obvious to me, but hopefully not to my team mates. They would laugh at me. I am not the emotional one! I also doubt the Colonel would like me falling for a 'good Goa'uld', and Daniel would probably didn't like it either, due to Sha're and Amaunet. I have no idea what Teal'c would say.
The question is - is it me who is in love with Martouf, or is it all due to Jolinar? Will I ever be able to tell?
Does it even matter?