Warning: Spoilers for season six

A/N: I was going to write every damn little conversation that Sam and Dean had in episode 602, but I just couldn't find it. So, I'm truly sorry for the way I had to make it.

By the way, IMPORTANT thing: I'm disrespecting so many rules here with the world of season six of supernatural, cause I'm ignoring the fact that Sam is a mean, dark person now. So, here, as you may have realized in the first chapter, he is only emo-kid-brother.

Second thing: I don't know where I'm going with this. But I should and WILL warn you that I don't believe in the Dean/Lisa relationship. Why? Is it because I'm jealous? NO! I do understand that she represents family, but what I cannot and will not understand is…Hell, you just lost your brother, who you've loved and cared for your whole damn life, and you go to stay with a woman because you promised him…and in a year, in a year that you're grieving, and trying to save him…you fall in love? Hell, no! That doesn't cut it for me. Okay, she has a family, BUT HELLO, he just lost his only family!

I know a lot of people disagree…But let me tell you why I feel that way: I have a big sister. In seventeen years of my life there hasn't been a day that I spend without talking to her. In seventeen years there hasn't been more than 10 days that we stayed apart. And we spent a lot of money calling each other in those 10 days. Because that's how close we are, and if anything happened to her, I would forget how to breathe. That's dramatic, I know, but that's how I feel. So, no I don't get it. I think their relationship is too forces.

Now, get on with the story, I will stop bothering you.

~o~

My brother Dean was my hero since I was a little guy. He took care of me, he fed me. He was and still is my everything.

And I used to be his. Now I'm not. And it messes you up. It messed me up. Knowing that I came back from Hell and he couldn't take a month to stay with me. Knowing that he was having dinner with a kid and a woman, and I wasn't there. Knowing that he was happy doing it.

But I couldn't stop his life and I sure as hell wouldn't be stopping mine.

I was hunting the killings of random families with one thing in common: the disappearance of their babies.

I had called Dean to help me out, I was completely lost and I dind't trust the family as I trusted my brother. But then he said he had quit, that hurt, but not as much as his "What is so wrong that you would threaten a damn drive by?".

You what I truly heard in that statement? I heard the not welcome sign that he put up on his door. He didn't want me on his house, his home.

He didn't want me.

We finished the hunt and we were coming back to pick up his car so he could come back to his house (I refuse to call it his home…it hurt too much), that's when I decided, I had to confront him.

"The only reason you came was because I threaten to go visit you, wasn't it?"

"Sam, I'm trying to protect my family. If I go hunting with you every now and then, they will be in danger."

I think I stopped breathing. Actually, no, I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing. It hurt, and it hurt so much that I could feel the tears in my eyes and the pain in my chest. I wanted to hug him and beg him to tell me that he loved me more than he loved them. I wanted him to tell me that he would always have my back.

But now, instead, he had theirs back.

"So, if I need your help, you…w-….will you come?"

"Sam, you're a greater hunter. Hell, I trained you myself. Besides, you got the family, don't ya?"

"I'm not hunting with them anymore…But fine…Can…Can I call…sometimes then? Please?"

He didn't want to see me. He didn't want to hunt with me. The least he could do was talk to me. I was hoping that we could end this car ride…I couldn't take it anymore. So, when I saw the ugly-so-not-Dean's car, I was almost happy. Happy that he would stop hurting me even if it was unconsciously.

When I stopped the car, he got out, closing the door with too much force. I got out as well, worried that he was angry with me.

"Sam, I'm not abandoning you, man." He passed his hand through his hair; he always did that when he was uncomfortable. " I just want to have an apple pie life…You, better than no one should understand that. You're the one who left, not me. So blame yourself."

He got on his (urgh, that hurts. That isn't his…) car and left me there.

"Believe me, I blame myself enough" I said to the thin air.

Now, I had to come back to the family, tell them that I was out.

~o~

"DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN SURVIVE THE SHIT THAT WE'RE LIVING SAM? NOTHING IS THE SAME!"

"I just want to hunt alone. I can do it. Samuel, I can do it."

"What, Sam, tell me. Did poor big brother tell you he is coming back for you, did he?" A moment of silence, where I kept my head down. "He didn't, did he? He left you and now you're leaving us. Do you really think that he will come back for you, just because we're not there? Hell, I don't care, just leave, boy."

I left. I drove to my hotel room, opened the door. It broke my heart to look inside the room.

I had picked up a two bedroom room and had also picked up some food. Dean's favorite food. I hoped that he would stay, at least to ask me what the hell I thought about hell. He left, because he missed his family. He didn't miss me.

~o~

It was four in the morning. I hadn't eaten and I hadn't slept. I couldn't. I tried to eat, but Dean's favorite food felt like ashes in my mouth. I tried to sleep but the screams of hell felt too real, and the pain was too much.

I closed my eyes for a second and I saw my big brother's smile. Although I knew that he was happy, that though brought me to my knees.

I cried and I cried. I had nothing, not even a little thing to remember him by. I didn't have his voices messages anymore. When I died, I left all of my things with Bobby, including my cell with his photos, his messages…his life, our life.

So, I did what I knew I needed to do. I got up and I called Bobby.

~o~

Dean's POV

I grabbed the necklace that was hanging in my neck. It weighted with grief, sadness and guilt. It almost made me cry.

I looked at Ben and Lisa, they were so happy. They were what every guy wanted. The apple-pie-perfect life.

The thing is, were they what I wanted?

~o~

N/A: I was going to make it longer, but my battery is running out. So, I have to update now and hopefully I will get some pretty nice reviews.

So, don't be shy, I don't bite. Leave me a review. Talk to me about my grammar, or how you want me to write something, or your ideas. But don't be silent, please? I need you to tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading.

Now, on a quick update just so I correct grammar mistakes, I wanted to thank the two people that reviewed the first chapter. I would also like to thank everybody that put the fic in you "Story Alert" or your "Favorite Story".

If you can leave me a review, thanks, I would love that =D.