Love, Judy!
The peasants of Hyrule were elated. The cause of their celebratory mood was not the recent royal wedding, however it was linked to the cause of Epona's sudden appearance in the aforementioned royal couple's bedchambers. For, Tingle and Shiek, having just returned from the moon, had brought back a special wedding gift.
It was a giant fucking trampoline. Tingle placed it right in the center of Hyrule Castle Town's ruins while Shiek masturbated furiously. Though it would have been kind for them to let the filthy masses use the bouncy platform free of charge, Tingle's unceasing lust for rupees would not allow for it. Thus only the richest of Hyrule's citizens could afford the seventy thousand rupee bouncing fee.
And oh, how the masses bounced! No matter how many people crowded on to the trampoline, it wouldn't break. It was also impervious to fire, ice, lightning, bees and to his great disappointment, Sheik's huge dick. Truly, Tingle's trampoline was the launch pad of the gods.
So it was that after a night of bouncing, grinding and revelry, just as dawn was beginning to break, Tingle decided he had raked in enough money to be generous for about five minutes. The dainty little man invited the less wealthy Hyrulians the chance to use his trampoline... for only a mere twenty rupees a bounce!
The events that transpired next occurred quickly and without warning. Malon, simple ranch girl that she was, was terribly excited to use the trampoline, if only for the 3 bounces she could afford. The girl was so excited, in fact, that she began to sing. This would not be so extraordinary except for a simple fact: Malon knows only one song.
Mere moments after the lovely ginger had opened her mouth, a certain horse was catapulted through the air to crash land through several expensive stained-glass castle windows.
Hearing curses both obscene and arcane barked from the shattered windows, Tingle deduced that it was a grand morning to leave the country on holiday. He carefully packed up his rupees, inflated his balloon and drifted away as speedily and possible.
Shiek, still way too excited at not being on the moon, continued to run around the ruined town, waving his impressive member at anyone who crossed his path.
After herding a bewildered Epona from the royal bedchamber, a large breakfast and several small bathroom related skirmishes with her new husband, Zelda decided to fucking go shopping.
TO BE CONTINUED?