3 a.m.
A baby's wail cut through the night like ice. Pushing himself up on his elbows, Dan let out a loud groan. "Serena, wake up. Jay wants you."
She let out an equally loud groan, turning over so that she didn't face him and Jay. "What time is it?"
"Late? I don't know." Dan picked up Jay, rocking him. "Why won't he stop crying!?"
"Is his diaper wet?" Her hand fumbled for the lamp, turning it on. The lamp cast a glow around the room, illuminating their features.
"I don't know!" Dan handed Jay to her, falling out of the bed. "Make him stop!"
Serena checked the diaper, sighing with relief as she discovered it wasn't wet. "Go make a bottle."
"There's one by the lamp!" Dan protested, not wanting to trek to the kitchen during the middle of the night.
"That's been sitting there for hours! Go make a new one." She shooed him out of the room, still rocking Jay.
Dan grumbled, walking out of his bedroom. He fumbled for the kitchen light, finally turning it on after five unsuccessful tries. He sighed, looking for the thing of formula milk.
Back in the room, Serena had done her best trying to calm down Jay. After quieting him down a little after singing to him, she held him protectively, patting his back. "Come on Jay, be a good boy. Daddy's making you a bottle."
Dan froze outside the door, bottle in hand. She sounded so maternal, she sounded exactly how he wanted her to sound when they had children. Remaining there for about another five seconds, he pushed open the door, trying to act like he hadn't heard.
"Here." He handed the bottle to Serena, who stuck the nipple into Jay's mouth, and immediately his wailing stopped. "Thank God."
"He's not that bad, you know." Serena muttered quietly, stroking Jay's brown hair. "He's just a baby."
"I know," Dan said softly, tucking in Serena and Jay. "I guess I'm just not used to being a dad." Seeing the look on her face, he quickly tried to restate his sentence. "A dad like person."
"Well it should be good practice for you and whoever you end up marrying." She blushed lightly, turning away from him so that her hair shielded her red cheeks.
"Yeah, I guess." Unable to continue the conversation any further, he pulled out a book and propped up his pillow. "Tell me when he's finished, I'll go wash the bottles."
--
"Serena, put him down." Dan warned, looking up from his book. It was now about ten in the morning, both irritable from the lack of sleep Jay caused. "You are not giving Jay Cedric, no matter how much you love him."
"Dan, he needs a toy." Serena shot back, keeping the doll away from him. "He can't just keep playing with those plastic balls."
"We'll go buy him a teddy bear, but not Cedric." He lunged across the couch, only to find that Cedric was out of his grasp again. "Serena!"
"You're going to have to give your kids Cedric in the future, why not practice now?" She darted away from him, making him fall again.
"I'll buy our kids other ones!" He paled at his outburst, unconsciously starting towards her. "Serena, I.."
She shook her head, back away from him, dropping Cedric on the bed. "Dan, just...just stop."
"I'm sorry." He muttered, fixing his gaze at the ivory carpeted floor. "I can't help what I want."
Her mouth formed a small 'o' as his words hit her. Finding herself incapable of speech, she fled the room, leaving Cedric on the bed.
Uttering a low curse, he picked up Cedric and walked out of the room. He paused outside of the living room, leaning against the wall. He was so nervous about just being in the same room as her. He slid down the wall, rubbing his temples.
"Mama love dada?"
His ears perked up, hearing Jay's voice. There was this thing about little kids he loved, how they could be so blunt and innocent at the same time. "Jay, come on. Let's play with the little train."
In his mind, he could see her trying to coax the baby to play with the train, steering the conversation away from what he wanted to know. She would always get her way. "Dada love mama?"
He heard a sigh from her and he smiled at the thought of her furrowing her brow in exasperation. He listened closely, just in case he was missing something important.
"Jay, I love daddy, okay? Daddy just doesn't love me." She murmured, running her fingers through his dark brown hair. "I bet you don't even understand what I'm saying." She tickled him, smiling when she heard his happy giggle.
Hearing a noise, she looked up, cheeks reddening as she saw Dan standing in the doorway, Cedric hanging loosely in his hand. His mouth felt dry as he held up Cedric. "I, uh, Jay can play with Cedric. I don't mind."
She nodded, tears stinging her eyes. It pained her knowing that he had heard her words and didn't even acknowledge them. She stepped forward to take Cedric from him, stumbling over a pillow that Jay had thrown on the ground a few seconds prior.
He caught her quickly, accidentally flinging Cedric in Jay's direction. "Whoa, you okay?"
"Sorry." She flushed, trying to back away, but he had his arms locked tight around her. She looked up at him, each movement reminding her of how perfect they fit together. He leaned towards her, brown eyes occasionally darting to the one year old on the floor.
"Serena," He breathed her name, one hand cupping her cheek. His tongue ran over his lips, moistening them. Their eyes closed, almost simultaneously. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers. She slid her hands under his shirt, feeling his abdominal muscles harden at her touch.
He pulled away, resting his forehead on hers. Opening his mouth, he started to speak, only to be interrupted by Jay's sob. They rushed to the little boy's side, doing their best to sooth him. Jay pointed out the window he was looking through. "Pay!"
"You want to play?" Serena cooed, hugging him. It was amazing how she already understood his words.
Jay pointed out the window again, this time aimed towards the park. "Pay!"
"I think he wants to go to the park." Dan muttered, taking Jay from Serena.
"But he can't play in those clothes!" She frowned, picking up the phone.
"What are you doing?"
"Calling Bendel's."
--
Bendel's had delivered multiple sets of clothes, all the perfect size for Jay and a stroller. Serena randomly picked out the three best, setting them in front of Dan, who was on the phone with Nate. He promptly hung up, looking at the clothes.
One was a pressed red rugby polo with a black jacket to match the black shorts. Along with it were sneakers, the laces already tied. Dan had immediately taken to that one, his love of soccer bursting through.
The second outfit was a perfect white button down and a grey and blue argyle sweater with a pristine tie. Serena liked that one out of all the other ones, she wasn't too sure about Jay though. He seemed like he would rip the tie off the second it was secure.
The third outfit which Jay was sitting on was a dark blue polo with khaki pants which Dan had loudly showed his distaste for. "He's not going to look like Nate."
Finally they both decided on the second outfit without the tie and they strapped him into the stroller with much difficulty as Jay did his best to escape the clutches of them. After much struggling, they finally got out of the apartment and out to the park. Serena pushed the stroller down the sidewalks, Dan walking alongside her, albeit not within touching distance.
Once they had found an empty playground, they set Jay in the sandbox, watching him play. "Dan," Serena said as she inched closer to him. "I'm not going to bite, you know."
He nodded, eyes focused on Jay before turning to look at her. "About what I did earlier, I'm not sure I did the right thing by kissing you."
"What do you mean?" She pulled back, hurt evident on her face. "I thought that's what you wanted, I know its what I wanted."
Dan turned back to watching Jay, momentarily silent. He chose his words carefully as he spoke, "Just because we want it, doesn't mean its the right thing. Kissing and making up isn't going to fix us. Its going to take a lot more than that. We always try, but we always end up failing. Maybe.. we just aren't compatible. Maybe we should just stay apart."
For what seemed like the millionth time in the past 48 hours, Serena found herself on the verge of crying. "My mom told me she thought that you were the kind of guy who would never intentionally break my heart." She choked out, staring intently at the trees as if trying to figure out what exact shade of the color it was. "Guess she was wrong."
He gripped the seat of the bench tightly, his knuckles turning white. He watched as more sand tumbled into Jay's clothes before saying, "I don't want to do this, but if this will keep you away, if it'll keep your heart from breaking again, I'm willing to take a chance."
She shook her head angrily, wanting nothing more than to slink back to the apartment and lose herself in a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. "You know what will stop my heart from breaking, Dan? If you and me work through our problems. I know we're meant to be and I'm still trying, but you're just giving up. I don't want to believe it, but its like you don't love me anymore."
"Mama!" Jay called her and giving Dan one last fleeting look, she joined Jay in the sandbox.
Dan sank back into the bench, sighing. Why was it that he nothing smart seemed to come out of his mouth. After a few minutes of watching the two in the sandbox, he finally seemed to realize that trying his way out, he would lose her. She was the one thing that kept his life perfectly balanced. He was already way too deep in the world he used to detest and the only thing keeping him sane was her.