Fighting For You
By BubbleLove1234
Chapter 2 – Fifth Year
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
Apologize, One Republic
"Just go away, Severus," I muttered as I walked away from him and the Gryffindor entrance. It stung my tongue to say his full name for the first time in years. But I'm just going to have to get over that, I thought. He hurt me, broke my trust, broke our friendship that I thought had been so strong. Well, apparently, I was wrong. He was just as bad as the others.
"Lily, wait! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have ever said that!" he called after me, but, thanks to my advanced observation skills, I could tell he wasn't completely sorry. I heard no footsteps. He wasn't even trying to get me to listen. He was just standing there, like the worthless Slytherin he was, waiting to get what he wanted without any effort. I was definitely seeing a side of Severus I had been to blind to notice before.
I continued to walk away. Where to, I had no idea. I just had to get away from everything. I couldn't let my friends see me how I was now, broken and on the verge of a meltdown; I couldn't let anyone see me like this. It would too embarrassing and I had a strong image to uphold. Once the world saw me vulnerable, they would think everything was allowed to change. No, that was something I wouldn't allow to happen. Everything and everyone had their place. They had to keep their place always, or else the world as we knew it would end in complete chaos.
I was far away from Severus and his pleading calls now. I was walking, letting tiny bits of my anger out with each step, and only knew I was on the third floor…or was it second? I guess I didn't know after all. I knew absolutely nothing at the moment. If somebody jumped out this very moment, wand pointed in my face, I would not be able to recall any spells, even if my life depended on it.
This wasn't how things were supposed to turn out this year. I knew OWL's would be tough, but I didn't think my friendships would be tested too! I'd lost two friends this year – Abby Gladstone, one of my first friends since first year, was gone because she thought I was secretly seeing her boyfriend James Potter (gag!) behind her back, and now Severus, dear Severus, was gone too. Even though I knew Severus and I had been drifting apart ever since the beginning of the year, I never thought we would actually cut the ties, or that I would be the one to cut them. I'd always imagined the rest of my life with him in it somehow. But now there was no hope. He had chosen his path, and I mine. It was over between us.
I knew Alice Swan and Marlene Meyers were happy that I had finally let go of Severus – they had always hated him since I introduced the three, and vice versa – but I was thankful that they weren't openly gloating about the fact. I was right to have chosen them as friends, if only I had listened to their complaints about him earlier, maybe I could have gotten this pain over with sooner.
I gulped, choking back my tears, and leaned on the wall for support. I couldn't go any further or I would break down for sure. My vision was becoming blurry already. It was a good thing I wasn't walking down any stairs or I would have fallen to my death by now.
I kept fighting the tears for a while. For some reason, I just couldn't let them out. I wanted to but couldn't.
Oh, hell with it. I couldn't hold the waterfall in any longer. I took a deep breath, blinked once, and – boom – the dam was gone and the tears flowed freely down my face. My sobs echoed through the halls, taunting me with their pathetic sounds. Each one ripped my throat and pained my heart. Why did I have to sound so pathetic?
This went on for about a half hour, never ceasing to choke me with each new sob. But after that, I was quieter, still crying, but not as loud. Tiny whimpers left my lips occasionally and tears would drop one by one from my cheeks and onto my bathrobe.
"Evans? Is that you?"
I jumped up, wiping my eyes clear of any tears roughly by my sleeves. When I met the eyes of the speaker, I just fell apart again. I couldn't speak to him now. He was part of the reason I was like this.
"Whoa, Evans, what's wrong?" He rushed to my side and caught me before I fell.
I just shook my head, sobbing like I had a half hour ago. It must have sounded terrifying. He must have thought I was choking, because he held me closer, patting my back comfortingly. I didn't have the strength to push him away, but I didn't want to either. I felt less alone, I felt safe in his arms. Every once in a while he would murmur "It's alright" or "Shh, its okay." They were the simplest words but the most comforting. They promised so much. And I believed him. Maybe it was the way he wasn't doing this just to be able to touch me, or how his warmth and kindness made me so comfortable even though this was going against everything I stood for, but this was calmest I had ever been ever since the beginning of the year when he held me like this when I lost Abby.
"J-James," I coughed. My throat was killing me. How long had I been crying now? An hour?
"Yes?" he murmured in my ear. His breath tingled my ear and I squirmed a bit.
"You can let go now…"
He nodded and immediately let go after helping me up to my feet. He stared at me peculiarly, like he was waiting for something. I turned my face away shyly. "Are you alright, Lily?"
I closed my eyes. No, I was not alright. I was losing friends every time I turned around, the ones that were always the closest. And yet, here you are, after the years of crap I gave you, you're still here comforting me when you should be laughing at my vulnerability. You're the person I like the least in the world, but you ignore that fact and help me when I ask for it or need it. A friend I've had since before first year just called me a Mudblood. And, to top it all off, I think I failed my Transfiguration OWL. Does that sound alright to you? But all I said was a whispered, "Yes."
"Don't lie to me, Evans. Tell me what's wrong."
I wasn't looking at him, but I could tell he was trying desperately to catch my eyes. I wouldn't let him. Because once we met each other's eyes, I would break and pour all of my problems out to him. Lily Evans doesn't let others know her vulnerability. It was like giving someone free access to your heart, giving them power to control it.
"What makes you think I'm lying?" I whispered, crossing my arms across my chest.
"Because no normal person cries for more than an hour, especially not you," he laughed bitterly. "Please, Evans, please tell me what's wrong? I think I deserve to know after you cried while sitting in my lap for forty-five minutes."
"Nothing. Is. Wrong," I insisted, my voice stronger than it was before. "So can you please leave me alone?"
He groaned impatiently, and scared me when he grabbed each side of my head with his hands. I'd lost. I was staring into his hazel eyes now. There was no way I could get out of here still strong now. "Tell me. You're killing me right now, Evans. Just, please, tell me and I'll leave you alone."
My heart skipped a beat. "No," I breathed.
"Please?" His begging was getting unbearable now, and it was even worse when I looked in his eyes. I wanted to tell him, more than anything, but if I did, how did I know he wouldn't use it against me somehow in the future? I've seen him when he's the center of attention during the day. He will do anything to keep people interested. How did I know he won't spill all of my secrets tomorrow? I didn't, and I knew that. No matter how much I wanted to trust those eyes, I knew there was something in there that was so unpredictable it might take control of him at any time and tell everyone about my moment of weakness. I couldn't be vulnerable. I just couldn't.
"No, Potter," I muttered, pushing his chest with as much force as I could muster up. He didn't fight me; he let go right away, still staring me directly in the eyes. I looked away, almost feeling guilty – he did, after all, have a right to know why I had spent almost an hour crying in his lap. "I don't need to tell you anything. It's none of your business, so stop being nosy prat, and leave me the hell alone."
"Fine." His voice was hoarse. It killed me to have to listen to it.
I stood there for what seemed like forever, listening to his footsteps fade away. I felt like I was making one of the biggest mistakes of life. Maybe I had taken it too far, maybe I should have trusted him for the first time in my life. So many maybes, and I had thought of them too late. There was no way I could chase after him now and tell him. He wouldn't listen. He would ignore me, just like I had always wished he would. I was an idiot. I was letting go of one of the nicest guys I had ever met, not knowing if I would ever win him back.
How many more people were I going to lose?
Author's Note -
Well, here's the second chapter! I have no school today (yay!), so I might have Chapter 3 up by tonight as a treat! Please R&R! I need the comments to know you're there!
And thank you wolfgirl111 and ohhellohaylee for adding me!