Next chapter! I'm digging this story btw and that sounds horrible cus I am writing it....oh well! My roommate got her Fighting Texas Aggie Ring today!! WHOOP! Here ya go!

"'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard

And no one gets to stay, it's just to late"

-Guinevere Eli Young Band

I knew he wanted to be with me. I knew he wanted to be my boyfriend, but I just can't. There is no way I could be more than a friend to Jake. I wasn't whole. He deserved so much better. I was broken and bitter. Edward..oh it still hurt to say his name...he was my everything. He was the sky around me and the ground I stood on. He was the air I breathed. He kept me alive. And then he left. He left me to rot. Alone and completely destroyed. And it was all my fault. I was the useless human that couldn't hang with the vampires. I learned what he was and I realized he wouldn't want me around forever, but I let my guard down and fell in love. It was amazing, for the brief time I had it. I always knew I wasn't good enough. I wasn't beautiful like some girls and I wasn't the greatest person to have a conversation with either. I was clumsy and uncoordinated. How could he have ever really loved me.

For that matter, how could anyone ever really love me? Even if they said they did, how could I ever really believe them? I would always have this fleeting thought in the back of my head that they were going to leave me. It's too late for me to be happy. I had loved so deeply and thoroughly that I would never love again. At least not the way I loved him. Sure, I loved Charlie and Renee. I loved Billy. And, I did love Jake. But all of those loves were in the family way.

I ran from Jake yesterday. I ran because he kept bring up the fact that I was left. That he didn't want me and now I am alone. Couldn't he see that I was beyond repair? I was on old house that was condemned. No one would ever be able to live in me anymore. I was broken and shabby. Why did Jake want me? He could do so much better.

I was washing the dishes when Jake walked in. Charlie was gone for the day, fishing with Billy, so Jake knew I would be home alone. I just didn't know if I was ready to face him after yesterday.

"Hey, Bells."

"Jake."

"Still mad at me?"

I sighed. Honestly, I could never really be mad at Jake. He kept me from drowning in my own sea of self-pity.

"No. I can't stay mad at you."

"Good," he said, grinning that infamous Jacob smile.

He helped me finish washing dishes, took my hand, and led me to the couch. I knew he wanted to talk, but I didn't know if I was ready.

"Bells..." he started.

"Look, Jake, I know you want to talk, but honestly I don't think I want to."

"Bells, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, but I need to know."

"What?"

"What about Edward has you so wrapped up that you can't see what you have right here?"

"Jake...I love him."

"I know. And as much as that bothers me to hear, I need to. I need to hear all of this and you need to talk about it so we can finally move on."

"Maybe I don't want to move on. Maybe I want to stay forever in love."

"You can stay forever in love. Just not with him. He's gone Bells and as much as it hurts me to say, I wish he hadn't left. Then you would still be smiling."

"Oh..Jake...I...you're right. You have been nothing but great to me. You deserve to know."

He sat there waiting for me to begin. I just didn't know where to start and what all he wanted to know. So, I figured, the beginning would be the best.

"I first met Edward in Biology. He was my partner. He acted like he couldn't stand to be around me and even asked for a class change. I was very offended. The next day, he wasn't there. And he didn't come back for quite awhile. When he did come back, he was polite. I didn't understand what was going on. Then I messed up again, we were walking after class and I, being the way too observant person that I am, noticed his eyes were a different color. He took off when I pointed it out, after leaving me with the excuse about the florescent lights doing it."

I had to stop for a minute. It was all too hard for me. I was reliving everything that had led up to our whirlwind romance.

"Bells. It's okay. I'm right here."

Those soothing words was all I needed before I was able to move on with my story.

"Umm....well, you heard about Tyler's van almost crashing into me? Well, Edward was across the parking lot and he got in between the van and me and saved my life. After I was released from the hospital, I confronted him about it. He told me that I merely hit my head and didn't know what I was talking about. I had to know. I just had to know. Remember that day, on the beach, when I asked you about the legends? I'm sorry. I flirted shamelessly with you to get you to tell me what I needed to know."

I hung my head at this. I felt horrible for doing that to him.

"Bells, it's okay. It's the past. Though that was the first day that I realized you could be the one for me."

"Jake...I..."

"Don't say anything about that now. Go on with your story, honey."

"Okay. Well, soon after I went dress shopping in Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela, my friends from Forks. I wasn't really interested so I went to a bookstore. I told them I would meet up with them at a the restaurant. I was on the way back there when some guys tried to...well...you get the idea. He showed up and saved me. I questioned him and found out that my theory was true. Vampire."

I was getting teary-eyed telling Jacob what I had been remembering over and over again everyday. This was harder than I expected.

"I also found out that the family didn't drink human blood. And that he sparkles. In the sun. I also knew I was in love with him. Unconditionally and irrevocably."

He looked sad at this part. I guess that last part really got to him. I couldn't help it though. He asked for the whole story and I gave it to him. I guess he just couldn't take it.

"Soon after, I met his whole family. The accepted me and I felt like I was apart of the family. I can't...believe...they..."

At this point, I had started crying. They left. All of them.

"Shh...Bells...I'm here for you."

He let me just cry for a few minutes and finally I was able to speak again.

"One day, we went and played baseball."

Jake started chuckling at this and I playfully hit him.

"You played baseball?"

"Okay, I watched. Whatever."

"That's what I thought."

"Anyways...you know basically this part. About Victoria coming after me?"

"Yeah...something about Edward killing her mate?"

It hurt when he said his name but I sucked it up and nodded my head.

"Well, it was that day that he decided he wanted to come after me, James, her mate, that is. We ran and Alice and Jasper took me away but he called me and told me he had my mom. I walked into his trap. Remember when I was in the hospital? It wasn't what we told you. James bit me. See?"

I showed him for the first time the crescent scar on my wrist. He visibly started shaking and I tried to calm him down. It worked.

"Well, we did prom and yeah. Then on my birthday, I cut myself, Jasper smelt the blood and tried to attack me. That basically led up to their leaving."

I didn't want to dig any further than that. I didn't want to tell Jake all that I was feeling. He saw through Sam's eyes what I was like that day. He knew the extent of it.

"So, I guess that's the story, huh?"

"Basically. Jake, he was..is...my everything. You have to understand."

"I don't. But, for now, I will be content to be just your friend. Maybe you need to date. Like just date a random guy to get it out of your system. Then you will know I am the one."

It didn't make any sense to me. Wouldn't be wanting me to date him? Not just some guy?

"Why?"

"You need to see what you have in front of you. Me. You won't be able to do that until you are with someone that doesn't get you like I do. That isn't capable of taking care of you like I am. That will never love you like I do."

"I don't know Jake. I just don't think I can ever be with anyone. Ever again."

"Bella...this kills me."

"I know. And I'm sorry. Just..."

That's when we both heard a distant howl. I knew it was Sam which meant Jake had to leave."

"I've got to go, Bells. Bye Honey."

He picked me up in a giant hug and I couldn't help but to hold on to him.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear before he was gone.

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