Kakashi stared at Naruto blankly for a few seconds before he began muttering to himself. "So I have the atypical Uchiha, nothing special or original there, the atypical Uchiha's stalker fangirl with zero combat skills and a delusional, alcoholic dead-last...Where did you even get the alcohol from?" he finished in confusion.

Naruto just shrugged, taking another drink from his sake bottle.

Kakashi, when he realized he wasn't going to get an answer, continued on. "The worst part is that according to the powers that be I can't actually fail you. I have to make sure that your team passes and give you the best training possible," he sighed, "sometimes i miss the ANBU sure it was dangerous mission after dangerous mission and there was that time I was tortured for one and a half months, tortured so bad that my mind is still cracked but still it isn't so bad as this."

"Ah sensei you know you're talking out loud right?" Sakura asked while nervously trying to put distance between herself and the, self-admitted, crazy ninja.

Kakashi stared at her with his one eye blankly before continuing on what he was saying. "You all pass, you are the genin of team seven. Tomorrow I am going to start testing you three to determine all of your strengths and weaknesses. I don't care what you say no one has no weaknesses, no one has everything as a weakness and Alchemy does not exist. Haruno is the only one who gave a reasonable introduction even though her hobbies, likes and dreams are worrying. On a side note Uchiha you will never be forced to share a tent or room with Haruno as I would fear for your chastity otherwise," he finished seriously.

Sasuke and Sakura sweatdropped nervously while Naruto broke into laughter, "fucking hell if all sensei are like this I should have become a genin the first time. Sure there's being trained as an amoral killer but at least the sensei is good for a few laughs."

"Both of them are crazy," Sakura said in a horrified whisper.

Sasuke gave a silent nod, as he edged away from the two crazy ninja, he ignored the fact that he was not exactly sane as well.

Kakashi stopped his talk about protecting Sasuke and his chastity, "you three are to meet me tomorrow at five a.m at Training Ground Seventy Two. make sure you bring enough food and water to last a week," having given his orders Kakashi the disappeared in a shunshin.

"Sooo," Naruto began, "want to go and get something to eat? Learn a bit about each other?"

Sakura and Sasuke looked at him blankly before Sasuke got to his feet and grunted a, "hn" and began to walk away.

"I have no idea if that was a yes or a no," Naruto admitted to Sakura. "Fuck it." Naruto jumped to his feet and without any warning he grabbed Sakura's hand and started to drag her off, calling for Sasuke to wait as he did so.

...

Kakashi

Kakashi followed his three students silently. They didn't even suspect that they were being followed, poor naive children a ninja is always being followed. ALWAYS! Kakashi shook his head, he had almost shouted that last part out loud, when was the last time he took his medication? Kakashi ignored that thought for now, his medication wasn't important what was important was following his new team and finding out every single bit of information he could about them and then strike when they were least suspecting. No that didn't sound right, he wasn't in the ANBU any more he was a team sensei now, he couldn't kill them. This sensei thing was harder than he thought.

Kakashi watched as the blonde target, Uzumaki, dragged Haruno and Uchiha through the town to a bar in the red-light district. Kakashi knew the place it was a Yakuza front, probably explained where Naruto got his alcohol from. The only reason that the bar was allowed in Konoha was because the Yakuza would help the ninja by exporting in certain goods for reasonable prices. Konoha ignored that said goods once belonged to other people and the Yakuza were allowed to open up shop in a ninja village, as long as they didn't cause too many problems.

Kakashi placed a henge on himself and entered the bar, moving to a quiet corner by himself where he could watch the three targets.

Haruno and Uchiha clearly did not belong in the bar, they looked like they didn't want to be there, they were disgusted by some of the more interesting stains around the place and they refused to order any alcohol, or anything at all. They were clearly only there because Uzumaki had physically dragged them there. Kakashi would have to give them some work on infiltration if they couldn't even act normal in a Yakuza run bar then even a genin would be able to tell if they were spies or not.

Uzumaki on the other hand, he belonged in there, he knew the barkeep by name and ordered his drink not as sake but as Land of Earth's, Hashimi region sake. The kid knew what he liked even if what he liked was an old style of sake.

As the three targets drank Kakashi watched them, inspecting the way they held themselves, moved, looked around, talked and even breathed. he wanted to know everything he could about them, sure he had been given a dossier with information on all of them but he didn't trust information he didn't gather himself, it could have been full of lies in a plot to kill him, so Kakashi had chucked it straight into the fire the very second he was given it.

Uchiha, Kakashi decided, was the strongest of the three targets physically. His body was obviously trained though not very well, a chuunin could mop the floor with him. Uchiha's body was primarily built for speed and endurance over strength, most likely for when he activated his Sharingan. Uchiha held himself in an arrogant way, obviously used to being told he was better than everyone else, he also seemed to have nothing but contempt for his fellow teammates. It would be so easy to lure Uchiha off and kill him, his disappearance would leave the other two thinking that he had left them. Kakashi shook his head, "they are students not targets, i'm not meant to kill them even if it would be so easy."

Haruno, Kakashi decided, was physically the weakest of the three. She did not do any physical training and by the look of it was slightly anorexic. By the way she was constantly looking around it was obvious that she was constantly alert, ready for any attack though that was probably because she didn't feel safe in the bar. that was good, she should never feel safe, she was a ninja their lives were always under threat though Kakashi would help her so that she wasn't as obvious about her paranoia, didn't want her to give herself away no did he? There was also the way she moved when she was being dragged to the bar, her feet didn't make a single sound, definitely a good stealth specialist though she had to break that habit if she didn't want to be caught out during an infiltration. To get her away from the group and kill her Kakashi would use a clone to orchestrate a bar fight. She would obviously leave the place quite quickly and her teammates would not question it if she didn't return as she was obviously uncomfortable here.

The third target, Uzumaki, was different than one Kakashi would expect of an academy graduate. For one thing he could hold his liquor really well and was already on to his sixth bottle of sake, another thing was Kakashi had no idea exactly where Uzumaki, an orphan with no job, was able to get enough money to buy so much sake. It appeared that almost every single person who walked into the bar, or worked there knew Uzumaki in someway shape or form. A few people didn't like him, Kakashi cold tell by the hate-filled glances, but not one of them insulted him or called him out so they all respected him or respected someone that was protecting Uzumaki. Then there was the way that Uzumaki held himself, it was not the arrogant swagger of a freshly graduated genin who thought he could take on the world, or the confidence of a man who had survived countless battles, it wasn't even the look of a greenhorn who knew that he wasn't anything important , no Uzumaki held himself with the look of someone who knew exactly what the world had to hold, he knew just how dangerous it was and how easy he could be killed and he didn't care. He wasn't suicidal he just did not care. Then there was his physical aspects, he was untrained, that was obvious, even the Yakuza in the bar could tell that but there was more. Every single pocket of his coat was filled with a sake bottle, the contents of which Kakashi was certain was not sake, probably poison. Killing Uzumaki would be the hardest, he was not the strongest of the trio of targets but the ease of his presence in the bar suggested that some of the Yakuza would notice if he was gone for anything short of a legitimate reason. Kakashi could do it but he preferred not to leave any sign he was there.

Kakashi watched as Uchiha finally had had enough and left, Haruno following after him. Kakashi made a Shadow Clone discreetly and sent it to follow the two while he continued watching Uzumaki. Uzumaki stayed at the bar well past midnight and into the early hours of the next morning. At two thirty one a.m Uzumaki left the bar, slightly tipsy and made his way home. The bar was completely covered in his finished sake bottles and one bottle that Uzumaki had pulled out of his coat, Kakashi would have to see what was in that bottle. Creating another Shadow Clone Kakashi sent it off to follow Uzumaki while he silently got up from his table and snuck into one of the backrooms of the bar. This was an employees area of the bar, a break room, and the most likely space for Uzumaki's bottle to be brought through so using a camouflage jutsu Kakashi waited. Not even a minute after Uzumaki had left the barman made his way into the break room and down a set of stairs, the sake bottle in his possession.

Kakashi slipped down the stairs like a ghost and through the door down below without any sound. the room he found himself in was large enough to run under half of the red-light district and it was completely filled with what Kakashi knew to be illegal merchandise. this was the place where the Yakuza held and occasionally sold all of their illegal wares, it was also something that he could not touch or risk destroying an important business deal for Konoha.

Kakashi sighed, "I'll just have to search Uzumaki's residence then," he thought to himself before ghosting his way back upstairs and out of the bar.

...

Kakashi Clone 1

The Kakashi clone followed Uchiha and Haruno out of the bar and down the street. What quickly became apparent to the clone was that Uchiha was not aware of Haruno's presence as she walked behind him, tailing him and stalking him. Uchiha did not look about him, he did not once act as if he was being watched, of course Uchiha was being watched he was a ninja they were always being watched, followed and stalked.

Haruno on the other hand was looking about her, paranoid that there was someone who could see her. The clone smirked, she was under-trained but given enough time she would become a great shinobi, assuming she lasted the night..."she'll last, not meant to kill her. I'm to train her, keep her alive and make her a great shinobi just like I am to do with Uchiha and Uzumaki. But it would be so easy to.." the clone shook his head, he wasn't ANBU anymore, he was not on a mission to assassinate someone.

Eventually the clone followed Uchiha and Haruno to the Uchiha's residence, a large apartment building at the edge of the desolate Uchiha complex. Uchiha unlocked his door, walked in and closed it, re-locking it as well. Five minutes after the door was closed Haruno made her way up to it and pulled out a set of lockpicks, one second, one second was the time it took her to pick the lock on the Uchiha's door and sneak her way into the building. The clone had a quick look at the lock as he passed by, it was a five tumbler lock, not hard to pick by any means but it took most people some time, Haruno was either really skilled or had just done this often enough to get this particular lock remembered perfectly.

The inside of Uchiha's apartment was an interesting sight, the walls were covered in paintings, each one done by the same person if the style was anything to go by and the living room had three easel's set up, each one with a half finished painting on it. Uchiha was an artist it would seem, he was also rather skilled at it though the subject material would cause any psychologist to diagnose Uchiha with several mental disorders. A guitar was found in one of the rooms, this room was apparently dedicated to music and had several record players, musical notes and the guiter. "Uchiha appears to be rather creative. It is understandable, after what happened he would need an outlet of some kind and training is not good for such a purpose in the long run." The clone continued on into the apartment.

Eventually the clone found Haruno in the kitchen, he remained hidden as he watched her calmly go about the task of making a packed lunch. The lunch was most presumably for Uchiha as the amount of meat in it would suggest it was for someone hoping to gain muscle mass. The clone was a bit worried to find out that Haruno broke into Uchiha's apartment, in the middle of the night on what could only be presumed a regular basis and used said opportunity to make Uchiha a packed lunch. he was more concerned over the fact that Uchiha did not set any traps and did not show himself, did he know that someone was in his apartment right now? Did he even care? What would happen when he found the packed lunch in the morning?

The Kakashi clone watched as Haruno spent most of her night making food for Uchiha, tidying his apartment, doing his washing before making her way home, collapsing into her bed.

...

Kakashi Clone 2

The Kakashi clone followed Uzumaki as he made his way home to his rundown apartment in the middle of the red-light district. His apartment was covered in graffiti, the windows were smashed and the clone was certain that there was a dead animal somewhere in the apartment. Uzumaki paid none of this any notice and walked into the apartment's linen closet. After opening the linen closet Uzumaki started to pull himself up the shelves and to the roof where he pushed up one of the ceiling tiles and climbed into the crawl space in the building.

The clone smirked a little bit as he saw that, some of the older building's in Konoha was filled with hidden crawlspaces like these, places for shinobi and civilians to hide in case of an invasion. After a few seconds of waiting to make sure Uzumaki was not coming right out the Kakashi clone followed him into the crawl space.

The crawl space, the clone found, stretched throughout the building, it was behind every wall, under every floor and on every roof. Uzumaki apparently had taken the crawl space as his own and used it as a living space, there was a bed, a dresser and a cabinet filled to the brim with sake bottles, each bottle was actually filled with sake and not some unknown product.

Eventually the clone found Uzumaki, he was in a part of the crawl space away from where his living area appeared to be. This part of the crawl space had the walls covered in some unknown writing that the clone made sure to memorize, in the middle of the floor was a large pot and to the side was an icebox filled to the brim with herbs, minerals and other materials. Uzumaki was reaching into this ice box every now and then and placing the materials into the large pot. When Uzumaki had filled the pot half way with materials he placed his hands to the sides of the pot and appeared to concentrate.

the clone was not sure what Uzumaki was doing or how but as it watched all of the materials in the pot, even the stones, appeared to liquefy and mix together. One the materials were completely mixed Uzumaki lifted his hands and the liquid flew out of the pot forming a floating ball of liquid in the air. The clone then watched as the ball of liquids began to condense and heat up at the same time, soon it was the size of a tennis ball and boiling all over but Uzumaki did not appear concerned as he condensed the ball more and more, when it was half the size of a tennis ball Uzumaki pulled an empty sake bottle out of nowhere and the liquid gently flowed into the bottle.

"Kakashi won't know what hit him," Uzumaki declared to himself with a large grin before he placed the bottle into one of the many pockets on his coat. Uzumaki then pulled himself to his feet, "well I guess I better get going to Kakashi's test then," he said. He pulled another bottle out of his cot and quickly drank all of it before making his way out of the crawl space. The Kakashi clone dispelled, allowing it's creator to see it's memories.

...

Kakashi

Kakashi allowed himself a moment to process all of the memories that his clones had given him. What he had learnt that night was valuable. Haruno was a stealth and infiltration expert in the making, she had the talent just needed proper guidance, she would be a dangerous assassin when he was finished with her. Uzumaki was capable of doing something with materials, the boy believed it to be Alchemy and it looked like Kakashi would have to accept it as that for now, the only thing would be to see what Uzumaki's Alchemy could actually do. Then there was Uchiha, he was arrogant as one would expect from an Uchiha but his awareness was low and he was surprisingly creative, it would be interesting to see what would come of him.

"Maybe this sensei thing won't be so boring after all," Kakashi smirked to himself.

So yeah a lot of Kakashi in this chapter, very little dialogue and no action but this gives you a tiny bit of insight into our four protagonists' lives.

I have taken Sakura's fangirl habits to the extreme and turned her into a crazy stalker but that is not necessarily a bad thing. the stalker in Anagle Mole was a cool guy and I am keen on trying to see if i can make a stalker Sakura cool.

Sasuke is the arrogant Uchiha but he is surprisingly creative. Any ideas where i'm going to go with him? i already know but id like to see everyone's guesses.

Naruto is the alcoholic who sells his wares to the Yakuza in exchange for drinking money.

Kakashi is the forcibly retired ANBU who was awesome on the job but can't seem to get off the job so to speak.

read , review and give me your thirty seventh born child. :)