Chapter 2

I ran to Bella's house as fast as I could. I hadn't seen her since school gotten out as I had been purposely avoiding her. I had been the longest twelve hours of my life. I can't believe that I had thought I could leave her permanently, how stupid could I be?! I had a century's worth of wisdom, but even I knew my own limitations. Jasper had been correct; I had never felt anything as strong as my love for Bella. It was stronger even then my unyielding lust for her blood. But I was not sure that it was stronger than my desire to keep her safe and whole. I knew that putting off the decision to leave would only make things harder later, but right now I needed to be with Bella. As I got closer to her house, I heard her heart beating, but it was going extremely fast. In response, I pushed myself to run faster, to get to Bella. I scaled the tree outside her window in one leap and jumped through her open window. Bella was curled up in a ball, shaking in silent sobs. I froze. I wasn't sure what I should do. I had been so guarded these last few days, and I knew that she knew something was going on. I felt so helpless, I didn't even know why she was crying, but I knew that was my own fault, I should have been here; I should have been here as she fell asleep and I definitely should have been here to comfort her. I walked closer to her until I was practically standing over her shaking form, and then I let out a small cough, to let her know that I was there.

"OH!" Bella's head shot up in surprise when she realized that I was there. Her wide eyes were bloodshot and her face was tear stained, but she was still unbearably beautiful. "Ed-Edward?" She stuttered.

"Hello." Hello?! That's all I could come up with? 'Hello'! But then again I didn't really know what else to say. I knew what I had been planning on doing, the mistake I had been about to make, but she didn't, she had no idea what had been going on in my head just like I never knew what was going on in hers. She sat up more fully, pulled her blankets around herself, and sniffled quietly. Then she began to speak.

"Why are you here?" She asked, trying to sound nonchalant, which was very hard for her to achieve since she continued to sniffle and wipe her eyes.

It was a question that meant more than it asked. What she was really saying is 'why are you hear now, when you haven't been here all day?' But I was not ready to answer that question yet, so I asked one of my own. "Bella, why are you crying?"

She stared at me for a long moment before she answered. "I had a bad dream Edward! And when I woke up you weren't here!" This time her tone was cold and grudging, I had never heard Bella speak to me in that tone before.

"I'm sorry Bella. How about you tell me about the dream, I'm sure talking about it will make you feel better." I felt immensely guilty that I had not been there for her, and I was looking for any excuse to keep me from having to explain my absence and awkwardness these last few days.

"I-I don't know..." She trailed off.

"Please Bella, please tell me about your nightmare." I asked beseechingly. At this point I made to sit on the edge of her bed and she slid over making room for me.

"Well, it started out with the two of us talking in the cafeteria, and we began having the same conversation that we had the day after you saved me in Port Angeles. You had just asked me if I really believed that I cared more about you, than you care for me."

Of course I remembered that day perfectly, it had been such an important day in our relationship. I played the scene in my head.

"Something you said to Jessica… well, it bothers me." I began.
"I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say
about eavesdropners,"
"I warned you I would be listening." I reminded her.
"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking."
"You did, you aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking — everything. I just wish… that you wouldn't be thinking some things."
She scowled. "That's quite a distinction."
"But that's not really the point at the moment." I hedged on.
"Then what is?"
"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" I spoke instinctively leaning closer to her.
"You're doing it again," She muttered.
"What?"
"Dazzling me," Bella admitted sheepishly.
"Oh." I liked that.
"It's not your fault, you can't help it."
"Are you going to answer the question?" I was becoming impatient.
"Yes."
"Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" Very impatient.
"Yes, I really think that." She kept her eyes down, not meeting my gaze.

"You're wrong." I spoke softly, trying to be as gentle as possible.
"You can't know that," She disagreed in a whisper.
"What makes you think so?"
"Let me think," Bella replied pensively.

"Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…" She hesitated. "I can't be sure — I
don't know how to read minds — but sometimes it seems like you're trying to
say goodbye when you're saying something else."
"Perceptive," I began, she always observed so much more than I meant for her too. "That's exactly why you're wrong, though. What do you mean, 'the obvious'?"
"Well, look at me, I'm absolutely ordinary — well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." Yes, look at me, I'm a monster, and she was an angel.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know. I'll admit you're
dead-on about the bad things," I chuckled blackly, "but you didn't hear what
every human male in this school was thinking on your first day."
"I don't believe it…" She mumbled to herself.
"Trust me just this once — you are the opposite of ordinary."
"But I'm not saying goodbye," She pointed out.
"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do
it if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

I was brought back to the present, as Bella continued to explain her dream.

"Once you finished telling me that leaving was the right thing to do, to keep from hurting me, the scene changed and we were walking in a forest, I thought we were going to our meadow, but then you let go of my hand, turned to face me, and then said 'goodbye'." Her voice broke on the word, and I wasn't sure she was going to continue but she took a deep breath and her words began spilling out of her, almost at vampire speed. "Then, before I could say anything you were gone and everything was dark, and I felt like my heart was... was gone. And I couldn't move, I couldn't scream for you, I couldn't do anything. I didn't know where you went, and I didn't feel or smell you anymore. And then everything went black, I couldn't see anything, I wasn't sure if I was still dreaming, Edward. When you disappeared in the forest, it felt like I stopped existing. But I couldn't make myself wake up, I just saw black."

When she had finished, the tears fell more freely. I moved her blankets back to be able to grab her hands and hold them in mine, but when I moved the blankets I saw that her arms were wrapped around herself, just like they had been in Alice's vision. However, before I could say anything she continued.

"Edward these last few days have been torture on me. You've been so distant and cautious, and it feels like you're going to say goodbye. Edward" - her word caught in her throat – "if you left me, I am not sure I could survive. Are you leaving me?"

I have always known that Bella was very intelligent, that she was very sensitive to the events taking place around her, but I had been hoping that I was doing a good job at keeping my feelings from her, apparently not. I wasn't sure how to answer her question though, but I figured honesty would be best.

"Bella, I honestly don't know." I couldn't say these words while looking into her deep chocolate, and currently bloodshot eyes. I wouldn't be able to see the hurt that I knew was there.

"Do you not love me anymore?" She asked in a whisper. How could she possibly think that?

"Bella, I love you more than anything, more than you will ever know, and because of that I hate having to put you in danger everyday that you're with me. It kills me to think that one day you'll get hurt again, or worse, and it will all be my fault." Hopefully she would hear the sincerity in my voice, and know that I did love you, and that my first priority will always be her safety.

"Well Edward, I think there is a simple solution to your problem. Change me." She said. I hated how she could discuss her death so easily. She obviously had no idea what a decision like that meant. She was just so young, she had barely lived, and yet she was asking for death.

"No." I answered curtly, it was all I could do to control my anger and not wake up Charlie.

"Why." She replied acidly.

"Bella, you don't understand what you're asking me to do, what you would be giving up. You just - "

"Please Edward." Bella cut me off before I could continue. "Do not underestimate me or my intellect. I know what I am asking for, and more importantly I know what I am giving up. Please don't think that I would ever make a request like that lightly. I have agonized over the decision to change long and hard! Of course you wouldn't know that because you can't hear my thoughts and every time I try to bring up the subject you shoot me down." She paused and took a deep breath trying to calm herself down before she continued. "Edward, I don't even know why you don't want me to be a vampire, the -"

Now I cut her off before she could say anymore. "Bella -"

"Damn it Edward! There you go doing it again, please let me finish!"

"Fine." I replied brusquely, crossing my arms over my chest.

"The only reason that I can think of as to why you will not allow me to change is that you won't love me when I'm cold, when I can't blush, when I won't call out your name in my sleep. Is that why you won't let me change, because you won't love me when I'm not human?"

I was left in shock by Bella's hypothesis; did she truly believe that I could ever stop loving her? I guess I knew the answer to that though, I had seen it in Alice's vision earlier, of a broken Bella.

"Don't be ridiculous Bella. I love you, I will always love you, and nothing in this universe could ever change that." I replied softly, placing my hands on her shoulders.

"Then I do not see what the hold up is Edward? You always have to be so careful with me, constantly telling me how breakable I am. You have the ability to make me strong and invulnerable like you, but you refuse to do it. Why?"

"Because… Because Bella, I will not take away your soul. I will not cause you have to watch everyone who you have ever known die, while you remain unchanged. You deserve a husband, children, a family that loves you. I will not damn you to this life. I love you far too much to see you changed into a monster, to see you crave human blood!" That had to make her understand, to see what the consequences were of what she was actually asking for.

"Edward," She placed one of her warm, small, delicate hands on my cheek, I covered with my own. "Edward, I love you, but you have to realize that you are not a monster, and you have a beautiful, caring, and loving soul."

"Well, even if that were true, which I am not saying that it is, it still doesn't change any of my other reasons."

"Alright, let's see. You're afraid that it will hurt me to much to watch the people I love die. Unfortunately Edward, even if I remained human, the people I love would still die. And you said that I deserve a husband and a family that loves me?" She looked at me for confirmation.

"Yes, you deserve a long and happy life, filled with people who love you."

"And that is exactly what I would be getting if I became a vampire. I would get four wonderful brothers and sisters, and two caring and devoted parents. But most importantly, I would get to be with the man I love more than anything else, my husband, forever. You would not be damning me Edward; you would be giving me the greatest gift in the world… the opportunity to spend every day and every night loving you and being loved by you in return. As for your other concerns, they don't matter."

Wow, would Bella ever cease to amaze me? I was so hard to believe her words, but the love in her eyes was undeniable, it was staggering. I can't truly understand how I had been given this perfect, beautiful, angel, but I had. If I were being honest with myself, I knew that I wanted Bella to be a vampire, I always have. I had just never anticipated that she would want the same things that I did. I also couldn't deny that she had thought about changing seriously. She was right about my family too; she would be gaining six people, if I counted Rosalie, who did love her very much. I knew that I would never love another person as much as I loved her, and I was beginning see that she felt the same way. I knew that I did have the ability to make her happy, in more ways then one.

"Isabella Marie Swan. I will love you forever, and I will give you forever - -" Her eyes lit up as I spoke these words, there was such joy and gratitude in them, and I knew that I was making the right decision. I got up off the bed, and knelt beside it, taking both her hands into mine. "All I ask is that you make me the happiest man in the world. Will you marry me?"

Bella blinked and her eyes filled with tears as she took her hands out of mine and placed them on either side of my face. She stared into my eyes for a few moments and then placed a soft kiss upon my lips. The kiss was short, but she kept her lips a millimeter from my own, as she whispered "I will." And then she kissed me again, a long, passionate kiss that made my still heart beat.

We were interrupted after some time by a vibration in pants pocket. I looked at the caller id, smiled, and opened the phone.

"CONGRATULATIONS, you two are going to be so happy!" Alice squealed through the phone, and I knew she was right, that this was right.