Ant set down Bulbasaur and smiled. It looked like Caspia had left while they'd been hugging. Ant picked up his backpack and started walking toward the door.

"Ant, wait!" Professor oak shouted. "I need somebody to pick up a parcel for me in Viridian City. Can you give Caspia this receipt?"

"Why couldn't I just pick it up myself, Gramps?"

"Uhh. I would feel more comfortable if Caspia picked it up. Maybe I'll just go give her the receipt myself..."

"I can do it, Grandpa! I won't open your package or anything. Come on!"

"Fine, Ant. Just don't drop it!"

"Sweet. Thanks Grandpa! I won't let you down."

Ant ran out the door and straight into the tall grass of Route 1. He wanted to catch up with Caspia.

"Okay, Navi! I think his defense is low enough now. Use tackle!" Caspia seemed to be fighting a Rattata.

The squirtle's charged knocked the Rattata on its side. Navi started beating it with her little fists.

"HEY LISTEN, this is a physical attack!"

Ant decided it would be fun to interrupt their battle.

"Why are you even fighting such a common pokemon? Rattata is useless."

"I'll have you know that this pokemon contains the ancient spirit of Haruhi Suzumiya, nimrod."

"Okay, but it's still super weak. I'm going to go look for pidgeys."

Ant kept running until he saw a pidgey in a tree. He lifted up Hermione to throw at it, but then he remembered she was a little too heavy. He threw a rock instead and the pidgey flew away.

"Damn! I guess I need to be more stealthy."

Near the entrance to Viridian city he finally found another Pidgey. This time he scanned it with his Spiritdex first.

JAMES DOAKES

- EXPERT COP

- PRETTY GOOD JUDGE OF HUMAN CHARACTER

- RUDE

- DOESN'T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS

Awesome! Ant was very excited about catching mean pokemon, since naturally they were the best at battling.

"Okay, Hermione. We're going to diverge from our normal tactics here. Tackle it first and then growl while it's pinned down. Then I can catch it." He whispered.

Hermione, excited by the chance to actually do something effective, didn't point out to Ant that he didn't have pokeballs to catch it with. She sprung forward on her thick hind legs and knocked the pidgey onto its bottom.

"Get off me you sick motherfucker!" Doakes shouted. He pulled himself back onto his legs, but Hermione still had one of his wings in her meaty paws.

"You're just mad that I surprised you! It's your turn to attack now, though. I would try gust if I were you!" Hermione said.

"Go fuck yourself!" Doakes yelled before biting into Hermione's paw. She let go in surprise and Pidgey flew up.

"First I get burned alive by that fuckin' psycho, then I wake up in a god-damn bird body, and now this fuckin' freaktard is trying to kill me for no god-damn reason." Doakes muttered.

Hermione tried to tackle him again and he quickly flew underneath her leap, landing on the ground behind her.

"SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!" Doakes blasted Hermione with a gust of wind, knocking her to the floor

"My HP is critical!" She cried.

Ant decided it was time to act while Doakes was distracted with Hermione. He threw another rock, hitting doakes squarely on the head. Before Doakes had time to do anything else besides utter another string of profanities, Ant tackled him to the ground. Doakes clawed and pecked all over Ant's body, but Ant was adept at harassing wild animals and successfully wrangled Doakes into his backpack before zipping it closed (leaving an air hole for doakes to breathe).

"You're my pokemon now!" Ant grinned triumphantly.

"If you think I'm going to listen to you, you're more sick than that psycho Dexter." Doakes said, but Ant wasn't listening.

"I can't wait to catch even more mean pokemon. I'm going to need a lot of backpacks, though."