His dad had been dead for two years when Dean found himself tucked into a corner of the Roadhouse. He was three whiskey's in when he was approached by a man with a dark hat. He had a beard with just a touch of grey or blond and big blue eyes. When he spoke, it was with a southern twang that gave Dean enough amusement to smile at him.
"What are you doin' alone in a bar on a Friday night?" He parked himself right next to Dean, and propped himself on the bar so he could drink and still see him.
Dean smiled and drank the last of his whiskey.
"You shouldn't be alone." He didn't seem to mind that Dean wasn't speaking, filling the silence with flirting glances and words. "I can keep you company, if you want."
It was on the tip of his tongue to turn him down. It's fine, Dean. I'll see you at the ceremony. The words had haunted him from the moment he woke up with his first real hangover the day before graduation. Every hangover since, as well. Sometimes, the words played in his head when he was picking up a woman at this bar.
Sleeping with another man wasn't going to fix that mistake. Dean knew that. However, he felt like it could help him put it behind him. So, he leaned closer to the man that wore dark clothes and smelled like cigarette smoke and the outside. He flirted back and followed him home.
He didn't regret it until he woke up in his own bed, body covered in bite marks and bruises, replaying the last words Cas ever really said to him. It wasn't even sleeping with Benny that had cut into him. It was realizing that it could have been Cas and it could have been four years ago. The fact that it wasn't made his stomach twist in a way that had nothing to do with the alcohol still playing in his system.
He brushed his teeth, the barest hint of a song playing in the back of his head. When it became clear what it was, Dean felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He remembered voices raised to scream it defiantly into the night as Cas's lips were crushed into his and his spilled beer was scenting the air around him. "Tonight, we are young. So let's set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun."
He really didn't want to be thinking about one of his biggest fuck-ups in the wake of one of his greatest achievements. He'd finally bucked the self-hatred his father had forced into him enough to do something he'd wanted to do for as long as he could remember. He should be celebrating, not mourning a lost opportunity.
There really wasn't anything to do about it right now, though. So Dean just pushed it as far back in his head as he could make it go and then moved on with his weekend.
Tuesday found him rushing to get the oil off his hands so that he could shake the hand of the customer that was currently rolling up. It was a new silver car, but it looked like every other car on the road these days, so Dean would have to get under the hood to tell which one it was.
He wasn't on the job for a week before he had discovered that he thought it was really awkward for him or Bobby to stare at the people as they got out of their cars. So, he busied himself with his paperwork as he heard a car door slam. "Dean?" A deep voice pulled him up.
His mind stopped. Dean couldn't do anything but blink as a dark haired, blue eyed man in dress slacks stood before him. His face was rougher than it had been, stubble running across his jaw. His hair was slightly more tamed than it had been, but it was easy for him to recognize Cas in this man. "Cas?"
For a moment, he thought things were going to somehow turn into a chick-flick. Boy screwed up with boy, boy makes it up to boy, boys live happily ever after.
Then she walked up beside him.
Dark jeans and a leather jacket over a purple shirt fit her perfectly. Her brown hair was waving down her shoulders. It was her eyes that really got to him, though. They really weren't that special, just big and brown. It was the way they were looking at Cas. They were fond and protective and loving and Cas smiled back at her and Dean felt his stomach drop.
Dean kept his smile on, though. It was a little hard when she tucked her right hand into Cas's back pocket and ran her left through her hair. A sparkly ring was all he had time to notice before he got a little dizzy. Thankfully, the lovebirds didn't notice. He couldn't help but speak the word spitefully in his mind.
He didn't know where the hell he had come up with the animosity. He hadn't seen the guy in four years and the last time that had any meaning had been when he stopped them from sleeping together. He didn't really have a right to the jealousy that was playing in his chest.
A new song started on the radio, and Dean wondered if the universe was just fucking with him. "Tossed by the tempest of life, a victim of storms I contrive. I feel like the best is behind and I can't go back." He flicked the switch to shut the thing off before he could force himself to smile again. "Who's this?"
Cas beamed at him. "This is Meg, my fiancée. We're getting married in a few months." Dean fought to keep his smile on his face, and managed only barely. "My bachelor party is this weekend. You should come."
Dean just smiled while waiting for his heart to stop shaking. Cas programmed his number into his phone while Dean ducked under the hood. He didn't remember what stupid problem brought them in; he just remembered that he'd agreed to show up to a party to celebrate Cas's impending marriage.
Songs used here:
We Are Young - Fun ft. Janelle Monae
[Tonight, we are young. So let's set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun.]
Let Me Die - The Classic Crime
[Tossed by the tempest of life, a victim of storms I contrive. I feel like the best is behind and I can't go back.]