BEEN THERE BEFORE

It was around 8 when Cappie woke up. He first noticed the most pounding headache he had ever had wishing it would go away. But that thought quickly went away when he noticed Casey sleeping next to him. It took him a second to realize he was not at his house. He was at the ZBZ house. He tried to think back to last night and what had gotten him there but could only remember little bits and pieces. He slowly lifted the blanket up to look under it. Yup, they were both naked. He didn't have to think too much about that development. He knew him and Casey had sex last night. Cappie looked over at her sleeping soundly next to him. Mixed emotions of content and regret were flooding his already pounding head. He needed to get out of there.

So he stood up and began searching next to the bed for his boxers and clothes. He tried to put them on as quickly and quietly as he could so he didn't wake her up. He wasn't sure what to say to her if she did wake up. Heck, he wasn't even sure what really happened last night other than the fact that the two of them had sex. He wondered if he enjoyed it. Oh come on now it was Casey! Of course he enjoyed it!

He slipped his last shoe on and began to head to the door when he remembered he wasn't supposed to be there. No boys allowed upstairs. So he tip-toed over to the balcony door and almost reached it when he hit his foot on Ashleigh's bed making a loud thud. This startled Casey as she sat up in the bed.

"Cap?" she asked. "Where are you going?"

"Uh, I , uh," he began to stutter. "I have to get home. House meeting."

"At 8 in the morning on a Saturday?" Casey asked looking at the clock.

"Yeah, real important stuff to discuss," Cappie replied halfway out the door. "I'll see you around!"

With that Cappie shut the balcony door and descended onto the lawn. Casey sat there staring at the door thinking how strange his reaction was. She thought she would wake up in his arms and the two of them would have a wonderful day together. Tears started to form in the backs of her eyes. She thought back to her one night stand with him over a year ago. Only this time the opposite was happening. He had left her like what they just experienced meant nothing to him. For once she felt like she had put herself in his shoes. The pain she was feeling right now was the pain he probably felt that morning a year ago. She laid back down trying to force herself to go back to sleep. She would just talk with him later.

Cappie hadn't come out of his room since he came home. After four o'clock rolled around and he had not been seen Rusty was the unlucky one elected to go and check on him. He slowly walked up to Cappie's door and knocked as lightly as he could hoping Cappie wouldn't hear and he could just walk away. But he heard Cappie's soft words of "come in" and entered the room. Cappie was lying on his bed with his hands behind his head.

"Cap are you OK?" asked Rusty. "Where were you last night?"

"You guys made it pretty clear that you didn't want me to come home," Cappie said in a stern voice. "So I didn't come home."

"Listen Cap, you know we only did that for your own good," Rusty replied. "We are your brothers and no matter what we're going to be there for you."

Cappie just turned his head to look out the window. Somehow he had a hard time believing that after the argument they had last night.

"So what did happen last night?" Rusty asked as he took a seat in a chair next to Cappie's bed.

"Russ, you're probably the last person I want to discuss last night with right now," Cappie replied.

"So you saw Casey," stated Rusty ignoring Cappie's last remark.

Cappie took a deep breath. "Yes, I saw Casey."

"And what happened?" asked Rusty

Cappie turned and stared at Rusty raising his eyebrows. He hoped Rusty got the hint.

"Oh," Rusty replied becoming somewhat uncomfortable with the situation.

There was a brief silence.

"Well at least you two are back together then," Rusty finally stated.

Cappie took another deep breath. "We're not together Spitter," he replied.

"What?" Rusty said standing up "How are you not together? After uh, you know, last night."

"It's complicated Spitter," Cappie replied.

Rusty was as confused as ever. He couldn't think of two people more deserving to be together than his big brother and big sister.

"Cap what's stopping you from being with her?" Rusty finally asked.

Cappie stared at him and sat up on the edge of the bed, burying his head into his hands.

"I'm not good enough for her," said Cappie softly.

"That's ridiculous!" said Rusty. "With the number of girls you have coming in and out here you have to be amazing!"

Cappie gave Rusty and awkward look and then smirked.

"I wasn't talking about that Spitter," he said.

"Oh," Rusty replied feeling uncomfortable again.

"I'm not good enough for her because I have no future," Cappie continued. "I haven't declared a major and it's already my senior year Rusty. I don't know what I'm doing in the next 10 minutes, let alone 10 years. I'm the guy that Casey wants, but not the one she needs. She needs someone like Max. Someone who is more focused and driven in life than I am. I have nothing to look forward to in my future."

"Isn't life with Casey enough to look forward to?" asked Rusty.

"I wish it was," Cappie replied. "But I'm not setting myself up again to have my heart broken because I'm not good enough."

Rusty wasn't sure what to say. He nodded at Cappie's last remark because he could honestly see where his big brother was coming from. Having your heart broken by a girl is not fun. At the same time he was amazed at Cappie's remarks. He's always seen Cappie as in control and confident. It was certainly a change to see one of his insecurities.

"If you don't mind Spitter I think I just want to be alone," said Cappie when Rusty hadn't replied.

"Oh, OK," said Rusty walking over to the door. "But just know that if you ever decide you want to take that risk you have a whole house of brothers who will be here to support you. And in the unfortunate case that your heart is broken again, we'll be here to pick up the pieces. Please believe we meant well last night Cap."

"I understand," Cappie nodded. "I'll see you around."

"Bye," Rusty replied as he walked out and shut the door.