It's been quite a while since I've updated anything- I had an upset with my beautiful doctor-shaped memory stick. RIP to my gorgeous Ralph; he was a fine USB.

Anyway, I'm on a sugar high thanks to a really good friend, and thought I'd write instead of revising for my chemistry exam tomorrow. xD I bet I'll regret it in the exam, but hey- life should be for laughing, not for forcing yourself to regurgitate knowledge. I wish.

My love to you all! Here we go with some Sam and Starscream. x)

PS. I see that there is disbelief amongst the reviewers. Of course the Autobots wouldn't have a problem leaving Sam with the Decepticons. Safest place for him.

PPS. It's MEGAlogic. ;D You can't disagree with it. If you do, you'll experience MEGApain. You don't want MEGApain. x3

It had been a long, long walk with Starscream.

Namely because the Decepticon had been a little demanding compliments-wise. There hadn't been a minute without him pressing Sam for some sort of original flattery.

'You- your face is really great,' Sam tried.

'I know.'

They continued walking- rather, Sam trying not to trip as he hurried after Starscream- through the field of tall, slightly prickly grass.

'Shouldn't- shouldn't you be in disguise or something? What if somebody sees you?'

Starscream considered this. 'Nobody can see me.'

'I can see you.' Sam spluttered as some grass entered his mouth.

The Decepticon shuttered his optics briefly, exhaling. 'Nobody else is close enough. You are the only human for many hundreds of miles.'

'Hundreds?' Sam squeaked. 'As in, a lot? I'm alone!'

'Continue giving me the praise I deserve, mammal.'

'...You- you have such a-'

'Actually, I don't want to talk to you.' He called out suddenly. 'Thundercracker, Skywarp!'

Sam immediately noted two Cybertronians making their way over. He instantly dived into the grass and attempted to hide in the weed.

Unfortunately, the Seeker picked Sam up and flicked him into his upturned metallic palm.

The other Decepticons arrived- one black, one blue. It was quite a nice blue, actually. It reminded Sam of something.

'Yep?'

'Just listen to this boy!' Starscream announced. 'He is capable of such complex sentence structures- one would almost think his species was advanced!'

There was a moment of silence.

'...This is science again,' the black Transformer sighed.

'...Oh dear.'

The darker one looked at Starscream with one of those instantly recognisable I'm-talking-to-someone-insane smiles- even Sam could tell. '...Are you copying Lord Megatron again? He has a boy too.'

'What-? This is the boy!'

'Of course it is,' the blue mech reassured slowly. 'Starscream, does Lord Megatron know you're emulating him?'

'Did you pick this one up from some sort of farm? You should put it back,' the other proposed clearly and loudly. 'It might be missed by its kind.'

Starscream's ventilations slowed, optics narrowing.

'How- how dare you,' Sam raged. 'How dare you!'

Stunned, the two blinked at him.

Sam stood, not even bothering to support himself. 'I am the boy! There is no other- how dare you doubt me! Wait until Megatron hears about this!' He glanced back up at Starscream, who had a slow, cat-like smile spreading across his face. 'Skywarp and Thundercracker, right?'

'Right, boy.'

The teenager turned to them, and pointed angrily. 'Any more cheek- rudeness, backchat, disrespect, insolence- from either of you, and you know what happens.'

They both blinked again, horrified.

Starscream hissed lowly, an electronic, husky chattering almost hidden in the sound.

'It won't happen again,' the black Seeker rushed, shrinking.

The blue inclined his helm, averting his optics. 'Our deepest apologies, boy.'

Sam's legs gave way- a talon that had not been there before was against his back, stopping his fall. His head snapped backwards, but Starscream merely blinked slowly, then looked back at the other Seekers.

There must have been some sort of signal that Sam missed- they instantly shot into the air, disappearing at breath-taking speed.

'They may be idiots,' Starscream said quietly, 'but they are my idiots. Threat of Megatron will deter them, but should they trouble you again, I would appreciate it if you came to me first.'

It wasn't every day a Decepticon asked for something.

'Fine,' Sam shrugged. 'But one question?'

Removing the supporting talon- at which Sam fell neatly into sitting down- Starscream recommenced walking. 'Ask it.'

Honestly, Sam wanted to learn about the Decepticons. All he had heard about them was that they were the bad guys- and he agreed, really. It wasn't like the good guys tried to kill or rip apart your skull. Nonetheless, he decided to be polite and discover more about his friendly and most lovely hosts. 'What are you?'

'...That's a very open question.'

Sam rethought. 'I mean, rank-wise.'

'Second in Command and Air Commander, for what it's worth. Why?'

'You have two titles?'

'So do you.'

'Really?'

'Try 'insect' or 'fleshling'.'

'Oh, c'mon!'

Sam had been slightly at a loss when Starscream dumped him by the door of the Base (it needed a capital letter, according to Megatron). There had been some sort of a yawn before the Transformer erupted away into the sky, but absolutely no comment on what he was going off to do or what was going to happen.

So Sam had waited. And waited, feeling very much like an unwanted dog cast out into the elements when a satisfactory amount of fulfilment had been wrung out of it.

He had just rested the back of his head against the smooth wall behind him and slid down to the ground roughly when there was an incoming heavy tread- looking up, he had seen (and managed to recognise) the silver giant headed in his direction (not that Megatron really could be mistaken for anybody else).

Now he looked back on it, the eager and desperate manner in which he had jumped up and ran towards the Decepticon had probably been rather pathetic.

'Boy?'

'Megatron!' Sam wailed.

'Why are you unsupervised?'

'I was alone! Nobody else was here! Isolated- anybody could have come along and-'

Megatron picked him up gently, claw digging into his upper arm. 'Poor boy. You felt abandoned.'

'Y- what- no? Stop! What- do you have to touch me?' Sam actually managed to struggle out of the mech's grasp and bounced back into the ground. '...Ow.'

'Stop what?'

Before he could even protest, he had been plucked into the air again.

'Seriously, stop touching me-!'

'I will touch you if it pleases me.'

Sam sighed resignedly as Megatron poked his shoulder, then flinched as his side was jabbed.

'Do you mind?'

'Not at all!' Megatron lightly stroked his head.

'I mind!' Sam wailed, attempting to duck away.

'No, boy. Stay still.'

'Stop touching me!'

'Boy, why don't you want me touching you? You let that yellow Autobot touch you. And Optimus. He's always touching you. I don't see why I'm so different.'

'Because you're scary-!' Sam howled, trying to bury his head in his arms.

'Boy, why am I scary?'

'You're- you're huge!'

Megatron sounded bemused. 'I see. And all the others are tiny, I suppose.'

'W-well, no, but- but you want to kill me as well, and that's just a little bit terrifying?'

'I only wanted to kill you for a short while- I still do,' he corrected himself. 'Just a little bit. But you're so much more satisfying alive.'

'So you're not going to kill me?'

'No.'

'N-not slowly?'

'No.'

'Not painfully?'

'Boy, I wouldn't hurt you. You and Optimus and I, we simply can't die. This is how it will be for eternity- you're meant to be our boy.'

Sam sniffled as a claw lifted his chin slightly- his stomach rumbled inappropriately.

Megatron eyed him, optics suddenly narrowed. 'Are you well, boy? What is the problem? Don't be shy.'

'I'm just homesick,' Sam mumbled.

'Come on, boy.'

Not that Sam had to do anything. Megatron plucked him into the air again by his shirt.

He scrabbled at the claw desperately. 'Nonono! I don't want to die!'

'We have discussed my dislike for killing you already.'

'Nonono- through neglect, I know it! My shirt will rip and I'll fall to my death!'

'Boy, your ignorance hurts. I scanned your 'shirt' a time ago and concluded that it will support your puny weight.'

Sam continued his mad struggle and managed to hurl a leg over a claw, then heaved himself up onto it, clinging to the digit like a sloth.

Megatron watched him panting, amused. 'You are an active thing, aren't you?'

Sam whimpered miserably.

'We'll go out,' Megatron declared.

'We are outside.'

'No, boy. There is a difference in being outside and being out.'

Sam huffed dismissively- then happened to realise his parallel condition to the floor, and, desperate to avoid having his stomach fold over itself upon it realising the distance to the good, solid and beautiful ground, shut his eyes tightly.

'Boy, enough sleeping! We are outside, and you should be filling yourself with good air,' the commander declared, flicking him.

Sam heaved his eyes open with a sigh. 'You know that hurts?'

'What hurts? I know nothing about hurt- for I am Megatron! Megatron does not hurt! Hurting is for weaklings! ...What were you saying, boy?'

'Don't worry about it.'

'Why would I worry? I am Megatron! Megatron does not waste his time with something as trivial as wor-'

'Is there a reason for us being here? Like, a purpose or an actual point?'

'STAAAAARSCREEEEAM-!' Megatron decided to bellow.

Sam was left with one eye twitching. 'C-could that not have been so loud? I'm right up close here. That was unnecessarily lou-'

'Who knows how far away that useless mech is?' Megatron justified.

'But- but the Autobots don't do that,' Sam complained. 'Optimus presses his-' He suddenly realised that he didn't know the terminology. '-his... his ear-area, and it's all sci-fi communication.'

'Well, I want to shout.'

'Don't deprive him,' Starscream suddenly hissed. 'He doesn't get much satisfaction.'

Sam jumped- there had been absolutely no warning of his approach. His eyes widened as the mech hissed at him dangerously. 'Nononononononono-'

'Saying it once would have the same effect,' Starscream snapped.

Megatron growled. 'Enough of your rudeness.'

'Rude- well, just hurry up. I have things that are vaguely interesting to be doing. What are you wasting my time for?'

The fact that the commander didn't even register the thinly veiled insults unnerved Sam.

'You're going on a trip.'

Starscream waited patiently for details.

None came.

'A trip,' he repeated. 'Is this your new method of saying 'mission'?'

'You could think of it like that.'

Starscream said nothing for a moment. '...This is one of your humiliating, degrading ideas.'

'Yes, it is.'

An alarmed and disturbed Sam was trying to work out a way to squeeze out from Megatron's claws (without being noticed), and somehow descend to the ground (without being noticed), and then run off (without being noticed).

'Then will you at least inject a little urgency into the situation? I don't have all orn to be standing here exchanging pleasantries. Give me details immediately. Where am I headed?'

Pleasantries sounded very, very venomous.

'You don't need to know that,' Megatron declared.

Starscream's sharp processor was already at work deducing what the 'trip' could possibly be. 'And why?'

'Because you'll be with me.'

'Oh, Primus.' The Seeker wasn't able to repress his disgust and horror.

'And the boy.'

Sam flinched as Starscream's somewhat hostile gaze sizzled his skin.

'...Why?'

'Because you,' Megatron uttered with poisonous joy, 'have an alternate mode that will accommodate the boy.'

Sam shrieked in dismay even as Starscream was blinking in confusion. 'Nonononono!'

'Yes,' Megatron assured, then readdressed the other mech. 'Transform.'

It finally dawned on the Seeker, who stepped back in revulsion. 'No, no. I won't! No fleshling- no anything is going inside of me!'

Megatron's optics slowly narrowed. 'Ohhhhhh, really.'

Sam watched in silent awe as Starscream actually stamped a pede.

'Yes, really. I will not be used as some- some transport! You have plenty of mechs to choose from. If you're after somebody aerial- Thundercracker and Skywarp even have the same alternate form!'

'But Starscream,' Megatron softly pleaded, 'nobody else will do.'

Both Sam and Starscream were thrown by the odd manner.

'What's that you say?' the Seeker demanded suspiciously.

The commander had adopted an endearingly appealing tone. ' You, my dearest second, are so beautiful out there. The boy should have the best experience, and that's you.'

Starscream had been frowning, but was now blinking in slight confusion. 'Why, er- I suppose you're right.'

'I'm always right,' Megatron agreed, grasping Starscream's shoulder with one hand. 'So you'll do it.'

'Of course, my liege!' the Seeker responded eagerly.

'Good mech. Hand,' he suddenly demanded.

Starscream held the appendage out- Sam was dropped onto it fairly carefully. He turned- only to see the Decepticon eyeing him. 'I hope you're ready, boy.'

'Ready for what?' the human questioned hurriedly. Everything happened very, very quickly with Transformers.

'Ready to experience a little flight,' Starscream's wings twitched. No, they weren't twitching. They were flexing-

'Stretching-!' Sam squeaked in horror. 'No, this isn't going to be good-'

'I agree, but it would be less painful for the both of us if you desist being such an irritant.'

'Nooooooooooooo,' he wailed, squirming.

'Ahhh,' Megatron sighed. 'The boy wants to be with me.'

'Nono,' Sam cried, valiantly struggling- futile, yes, but that made it all the more valiant. 'Please, nonono-'

With some exasperated chatter of some Cybertronian, Sam was hurled into the air. He would have screamed, had he not been utterly shocked. As it was, he barely realised he was actually hurtling upwards before he was enveloped with- with jet fighter.

He shrieked, flailing as it suddenly accelerated, and tried to draw his knees up to his chest (in order to hide and deny reality a little better) when a snarl filled the small space.

'Stop moving, and don't touch.'

'How can I not touch?' he wailed, closing his eyes tightly. 'I have to come into contact with you somehow!'

'One point is quite enough,' the mech replied stiffly. 'Kindly remove your feet from the upholstery.'

'Oh, sorry.' Sam automatically complied, then dared to open his eyes as he placed his feet on the flooring- then blinked in sudden shock. 'You're a plane.'

'...'Plane' carries connotations of being old and feeble.'

'Fine, fine, a fighter jet.' Sam was in awe as he regarded the complex-looking dashboard before him. 'I always wanted to go in a cockpit.'

'Primus, save me,' Starscream breathed. 'I know I've done incredibly bad things, but I don't deserve this. I am not your Autobot. Do not touch anything. Your very presence disturbs me.'

There was a sudden flash of silver above, and Sam's neck nearly snapped as he jerked his head up. 'Wha-'

'Megatron,' the Seeker hissed, 'refuses to tell me where we are going.'

'...And?'

'And I will have to follow him.'

This still didn't mean much to Sam. 'And?'

'He's so slow!' Starscream raged, making the human flinch as his very interior trembled with ire. 'He's- he's so obnoxiously slow!'

Even though he couldn't particularly see this 'slowness' himself, Sam did feel sorry for the Decepticon- he seemed genuinely distressed. The teenager glanced to his right and ogled at the landscape flashing by far below.

'We- we're pretty fast at the moment,' he offered in cautious appeasement, unable to tear his eyes away.

'No! No, this is slow,' Starscream ranted furiously. 'You may be used to your- your Prime trundling 'speeds' and old glitchy 'speeds'- and those arrogant Autobots who think they're fast- but this is sloooooooooooooooow!'

'...Okay?' Sam wavered.

'It is not okay!'

Sam howled as the jet suddenly span, flipping wing over wing, sending him tumbling around the tiny space- well, it would have been a tumble, except it was fast enough just for him to firmly smack into the varying surfaces around him.

After what was a painful process of reclaiming the seat, the human exhaled. 'What was that?'

'I was venting.'

'Can't you vent some other way?'

'I could mix it up and travel anticlockwise, if that would make you easier about it.'

'What-? Look, there was no warning-! Don't- don't do that again,' Sam demanded- it turned into a high-pitched wail of a plea as Starscream rolled again. 'Alright- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to order you around! Just- just not with me again, not with me- do it by yourself all you like- just not now, not even in a minute, you hear? Please?'

There was a silence.

'I wouldn't want to tell you what to do,' Sam rushed desperately. 'Did- did that sound like I was ordering you around again? Because I mean, that is totally, totally not what I was aiming for- I wouldn't do that...?'

Some control in the cockpit moved, and he flinched back into the seat with a squeak before remembering that he was indeed, unable to flinch away from this particular nightmare.

'So, boy.'

The jet dipped minutely, and Sam squealed, scrabbling for some kind of safety.

Starscream- for lack of a better word- vibrated. Probably laughing, Sam's fear-ridden mind proposed suddenly.

'Is- can- isn't there any kind of... of safety-belt?' he hopefully asked.

An audible cackle this time. 'Boy, I'm hurt-! You don't ask your Autobots for 'safety-belts'. I'll look after you, don't you worry.'

A shadow suddenly fell across the cockpit. Sam was in the process of blinking dumbly when Starscream hissed, rolling rapidly, almost violently.

Sam bounced about. 'Whaaaa-wha-t?' He shrieked again as a giant aircraft plunged out of nowhere to fly beside them. 'Tell me that's Megatron-!'

'I wish it were not,' Starscream hissed. 'Then I could take him out of the sky for daring to occupy it at such a slow, worthless pace-'

'Oh, please don't-!' The thought of some kind of rapid aerial altercation made him feel very, very ill.

'Shut up. I'm not that stupid.'

'But-'

'Although I could out fly him,' Starscream suddenly announced.

'Nonono,' Sam protested 'Nonono, very bad idea- no-'

'If you must persist in speaking like Frenzy, I will leave you in his company.'

'F-Frenzy?'

'Barricade reported that you two have met before.'

'Barricade? The- the cop, right?'

Starscream had evidently lost all hope of a vaguely intelligent conversation. 'Miniscule. Silver. Retarded.'

'...Spiky?' Sam remembered with horror.

'Quite.'

'I'll be quiet.'

'I did not tell you to be silent. I told you to stop jabbering.'

'How about I stop jabbering if you stop flying so dangerously?' Sam tried to cling onto the glass of the cockpit as Starscream randomly flipped again.

'Dangerous?' Starscream was incredulous. 'You haven't even experienced flying.'

'I'll- I'll throw up inside you-!' Sam threatened.

'Try it,' the mech replied smugly. 'I'll eject you before the bile rises.'

'Oh, nicccce.'

'You proposed it first.'

'You're evil!' Sam howled.

'I know.' He sounded delighted.

Sam sat miserably for a moment. '...Can I touch the stuff now?'

'No.'

He leant forwards, inspecting the dashboard, then pointed at a dial. 'So what does that do?'

'It doesn't do anything, idiot.'

'Fine- what does it show?'

'Nothing.'

'...How about that?'

'Nothing.'

'This?'

'Nothing. I'm telling you nothing.'

'But why?'

'Oh- it's all for show, twerp.'

Sam was triumphant. 'So why is your wheel moving?'

'Wheel-!' Starscream nearly screeched, deafening the human. 'I do not have a wheel!'

Sam poked at the device. 'Whatever it is, it's moving.'

'Why,' Starscream moaned, 'why am I stuck with you?'

'Hey, it's a fair question!'

'I'm not answering.'

'But-'

'Put it like this: you know how your main orifice opens and closes and nothing ever comes out?'

'...That's not right! I speak perfect-'

'You know how nothing of worth ever comes out? It's not really the same thing at all, I just felt like insulting you. I don't have to move it, but it's just easier- do not touch.'

'Please?'

'Are you dumb, primate?'

Sam pouted. 'But I might never get the chance again-!'

'No. Don't suppose you will.'

Whatever the human was about to say was lost as Starscream dived- naturally without warning.

Sam shrieked as the mech suddenly transformed- and left him tumbling in mid-air to his doom- a smack into the floor; would it kill him instantly? Would it be painful? Would he get to hear his bones snapping and crunching-?

He smacked into a hand. The capacity for speech left him, and he lay gasping.

'What have you done to my boy?' Megatron demanded.

'I stunned him. He is in awe.'

'Does this mean he cannot speak?'

'Apparently. How fortunate.'

'Ah well.' Megatron abruptly plucked Sam into the air. 'We have arrived, boy.'

'Arrived where?' Sam forced himself to wheeze feebly.

'I have a treat for you, boy.'

Oh, God. Sam speedily took in his surroundings- forest, gently rippling lake, more forest. His voice returned. 'Forest? I don't like forests- bad times, bad times- and treats? I hate treats, no treat, I really, really don't want a treat- do you even know what a treat is?'

'Of course. I regularly dispense treats.'

'You- you do?'

'Sometimes I allow Starscream the treat of tearing organic life forms apart- although admittedly, I enjoy it just as much.'

Sam glanced from one to the other. 'You- you're joking, right? Having a laugh? Jibing? Teasing?'

'No.'

'Scientific purposes,' Starscream whispered excitedly. 'Sciennnnnncccccce.'

'Oh God!' Sam shrieked, flailing manically. 'Oh man oh God oh MAN-'

'Grow up,' Megatron advised cheerfully, and enthusiastically bounced him in his (debatable) palm.

Sam howled, twisting to try and avoid being impaled on a claw.

'Goodness,' Starscream noted. 'The boy is hysterical today.'

Sam did not like the way Starscream hissed every single s, like some kind of reptile. And elongated random vowels. 'Why do you do that?'

'Do what?'

'You- you're retarded!'

Megatron managed to block a furious dive from the Seeker, Sam firmly held in his other claw-hand thing. 'I am surrounded by incompetence.'

'He called me retarded!' Starscream justified before lunging for him again.

Megatron kicked him away lazily. 'Truth hurts.'

The other mech recovered from what could have been an ungraceful sprawling fall, flipping back to his pedes and eyeing Sam angrily.

The teenager wailed slightly. 'I want to go home!'

It seemed that Starscream had finished, however. The next move of the second in command was to heavily throw himself down on his aft- and sulk.

Megatron sighed, equally heavily.

Neither moved for a couple of minutes.

Sam wriggled slightly, leg suddenly spasming in intense agony. 'Oh no- no, no, cramp, no, no, nono, argh!'

'Boy, Mummy and Daddy are having issues. Be quiet and wait for your treat.'

'For God's sake,' he shouted, pain pushed to the back of his mind. 'I don't want a treat!'

'I will lock you in your cage,' the Decepticon threatened.

'That would be nice! At least then I could curl up in a corner and cry angstily!'

With his free hand, Megatron massaged his forehelm. 'Boy, your discipline begins tomorrow.'

'Screwwww your discipline! I want Optimus back!'

'That's simply rude.' Megatron's arm suddenly transformed into a gigantic-

'ARGHHH,' Sam shrieked. 'Cannon! I didn't mean it! Don't kill me!'

The Decepticon shot the ground- soil flying everywhere. 'Here. A nice small hole.'

'That's a humungous crater!' Sam disagreed, peering at the void in horror. 'Are- are you going to bury me alive? Oh, please not that! The soil, around my face? I couldn't breathe- it'd be gross, worms, beetles, maggots-'

Megatron deposited him into the hole without further ado. 'Stay, boy.'

'NOOOO!' Sam clawed at the edges of the pit in despair. It was at least twice, nearly three times his height.

'Stop being so dramatic. Just stay whilst I deal with the failure.'

'I have a fear of giant holes,' he wailed. 'Back in my childhood-'

Predictably, Megatron ignored him and went off somewhere.

Now he couldn't even see anything apart from the ridiculously clear and nice blue sky. Stupid sky. Why did it have to be so cheerful and naive? At least he could hear- so he concentrated on listening, as similarly stupid as that concept was.

'I am not sulking!' Starscream was hissing.

'You are.'

'Go away; the boy is probably dying over there.'

'Probably,' Megatron agreed amiably with a slight shrug. 'In which case, I remind you to leave him alone.'

Starscream's talons stiffened. 'No! I have had to put up with him for too long already! He insults me and mocks me, and-'

'Behold!' the other mech suddenly rumbled.

'What?'

'See that, Starscream?' Megatron stood, pointing at nothing.

'Here we go.' The Seeker resigned himself, rubbing a hand across his face wearily.

'Yes, I'm sure you see it. I, Megatron, am the commander of the Decepticons. You are not.'

'You have the symbol there,' Starscream muttered, preparing himself.

Megatron jabbed Starscream in his forehelm. 'In case you've forgotten, you have the Decepticon symbol there.'

The smaller mech pouted angrily, recoiling from the contact and grumbling very quietly. 'Don't tell me- you haven't got an insignia.'

'I don't even have an insignia!' Megatron cried. 'I have no idea where it is!'

'And this inexplicably makes you superior.'

'This inexplicably makes me superior!'

The Seeker voiced his doubts aloud, unable to restrain himself. 'I still don't understand that. Where is your insignia?'

'Don't question my design; it's flawless. This is perfection.'

Starscream refused to reply to this blatant bias.

'What was the point of this?' Megatron wondered. 'I can't remember. You fool, Starscream. You distracted me with your idiocy. Ah- yes. Let's try that again.'

'Primus, why?'

'We'll do it again and again until you finally learn it. Who am I?'

'Megatr- ow!'

'I'll slap you again,' the silver mech warned.

'Slapping is such a femmely action,' Starscream complained, lower lip protruding ruefully in a definite pout.

'Then it's fitting that you're femmely. Now, back to it. Who am I?'

'Lord Megatron,' the Seeker sulked.

'Better. And?'

'Supreme Commander of the Decepticons.'

'And who are you?'

'Starscream.'

'Are you the Supreme Commander too, Starscream?'

'No,' Starscream answered, and then continued quietly. '...Not yet.'

'I see.' Luckily, Megatron was busy musing over this piece of information. 'So I'm Supreme Commander. What does that mean?'

'That you're supremely in command,' Starscream silkily hissed.

'And?'

'That even in death, there is no command but yours.' An undertone again: 'I don't even know how that works.'

Megatron was very pleased with the complete initiative and originality of the other mech. 'True. So?'

'So I have to-' Starscream hastily corrected himself- 'so it is my utter pleasure to serve you.'

'Right.'

They let that sink in for a while.

'I still hate the boy.'

'I know you do. I'm not asking you to like him,' Megatron said gently- Starscream looked up hopefully. 'I'm asking you to cherish him.'

'I don't want to be cherished, you a-holes!' Sam cried from his hole. 'I want Optimus and 'bee!'

'It's alright, boy,' Megatron called back. 'You'll get attention soon!'

'Why don't you ever listen?' Sam howled.

Starscream exhaled heavily, shaking his helm slightly.

'I am listening. See? We're having a conversation!'

'No, you aren't listening to what I say! I want to go home!'

'But we're having a joyous day out,' Megatron frowned, then brightened and strode back to the 'hole'. 'Well, boy. I suppose you've been ignored for long enough.'

An extremely filthy Sam glared back up at him.

Megatron tweezered him out using two claws. 'You're dirty, boy. Did you have a good play in the soil?'

'I wasn't playing! I was frantically trying to escape!'

'...You are disgusting,' Starscream growled, eyeing the human warily.

'Starscream,' Megatron warned. 'Control yourself.'

'But he needs to die,' the Seeker wailed. 'He's asking for it!'

That was going too far. 'I never asked for it! You just thrust yourselves into my life!'

'No,' the commander smugly intervened. 'You thrust yourself in ours. We're older than you, so we were here first.'

'Not on my planet!' Sam shrieked.

'Well,' Megatron continued brightly. 'Would you say that the human race treats this planet with dignity and respect?'

'Yes,' the teenager firmly replied. 'That's why we replant trees.'

Starscream smashed his helm into a tree.

'Hey!' Sam protested. 'You vandal!'

Megatron continued. 'Do you say that your species fully appreciates all that this planet provides them with?'

'...Yes?'

'Do you?'

'Of course. Any chance I get, I, uh, am flinging my arms around trees and feeding the birds and dancing around mushroom circles-'

'In that case,' Megatron began brightly - Sam suddenly noticed that any time the Decepticon was cheery, it was bad news for somebody else- 'why don't you appreciate what you have been provided with this very moment?'

'This- this moment?' Sam repeated, suspiciously bewildered. 'As in right now?'

'As in now,' Megatron agreed. 'You are dirty, after all.'

Sam suddenly remembered the lake- his head snapped around to view the ominously glittering ripples in horror. 'Oh- I don't like water- it's just too- too wet-?'

Without further ado, the boy was flung into the lake with a shriek. He didn't re-emerge.

Starscream watched with vague interest as the undulating waves from Sam's point of disappearance slowly faded. '...Can we go now?'

Next time we'll discover what happens when Megatron realises Sam is drowning! That could have been in this chapter, but I'm trying to keep them fairly short and under control. ;D I have so many ideas I can't even begin to list them, but Soundwave is definitely going to play a larger role, as befits such a marvellous character. (;

Thank you to everybody for Chapter One reviews, favouriting, alerting, and brilliant ideas. :D

As before, any SAMtortures will be eagerly accepted.

Till next time, on this super journey with the Decepticons and the boy!