Up in Smoke Chapter 2
Disclaimer: yeah still own nothing.
AN: So I'm one of those writers who has a soundtrack on repeat to get the creative juices going. I'll make a list of the songs at the end of this chapter. Most of the songs have Tom/Rachel videos on youtube made to the them. A few of the videos have Tex saying something and I'm not sure if it's to Rachel, but I'm guessing it probably is no one else would need to talk to the captain about "unresolved stuff".
Don't forget to review!
Should've held my ground
I could've been redeemed
For every second chance
That changed its mind on me,
I should've spoken up
I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame
For all my hearts mistakes
-The Mess I Made by Parachute
January 2017
Rachel sat in her lab on the Nathan James with Dr. James Williams, a botanist from Yale. They were currently breaking down the viral DNA for the red rust.
Coming back into the "real world" had been hard. While the FBI felt that she was no longer in "immediate" danger (their words) she would have a security detail for a minimum of six months. While immediate colleagues learned of her faked death, word didn't spread like wildfire. The internet wasn't as "powerful" when it came to gossip as it had prior to the red flu. While social media like Facebook and Twitter were still around, there was a decline in usership. Most wanted to spend their time enjoying their new lease on life instead of worrying about social media. Media outlets did "pick up" the news that she was alive, but only reported it for a couple of days before moving on to more "worthwhile" news.
Rachel had done as Mike suggested and "did what she did best", save the world. When crops began to be affected by the virus she immediately began to collect samples so she could track the virus. While she wasn't a botanist, she knew viruses. Due to the concern, the FBI decided to increase her security detail, which she hated but even Mike had agreed that she should just comply.
While she and Mike had a tentative friendship when she was on the James all those years ago, they had a very strong friendship now. She challenged him to mend fences with Christine. While they no longer may be married, they have children together and needed to effectively co-parent in this ever changing world. She even encouraged him to start a relationship with Sasha. At first he had argued against it due to the fraternization rules. Her argument in return was that they weren't on a ship right now and to hell with the rules. He laughed and after weeks of prodding he finally asked Sasha out for dinner. Sasha was shocked, to say the least, when Mike asked her out but agreed. She was even more shocked when she realized how much the two of them had in common.
When Mike admitted to Sasha, about three months into their "official" relationship, that Rachel was the instigator, Sasha was even more surprised. She had assumed that Rachel didn't like her due to Tom. Mike told Sasha that was the farthest thing from the truth and yes, Rachel comes off as a passionate and abrasive, but she has a big heart.
Sasha invited Rachel to lunch. She thanked her for being a friend to Mike and encouraging Mike to ask her out and a bond formed between the two women. Rachel considered Sasha to be her best friend, in vice versa. She and Sasha would often get together for lunch, dinner or a movie. Rachel didn't have to many close girlfriends growing up and then became devoted to her work. Sasha made sure that Rachel took care of herself and that she had a balance in her life.
Rachel was grateful to have a friend like Sasha. It took her some time, but she slowly began opening up telling Sasha about her childhood, going into medicine and Michael. At times she spoke about her time on the Nathan James prior to the shooting and her time in protective custody. Sasha had the patience of a saint as whenever Tom was brought up Rachel tended to shut down and change the subject. Sasha never pushed, knowing that Rachel would open up in her own time.
When the Nathan James was given orders to Spain to locate seeds that were immune to the red rest, Rachel went to Mike and insisted that she be allowed to go. She had an entire argument prepared to give Mike on why she should be going with them, but in the end she didn't have to use it. Mike immediately agreed with her. Convincing the FBI, the Navy and the president were another issue entirely. They felt that she would better help the "cause" remaining stateside as the FBI felt they "couldn't protect her" on a navy ship. To which Mike countered that she would be safer on this "navy ship" than in Norfolk as the crew of the Nathan James was a family and Rachel was a part of this family and they would do anything to protect her. In the end the President conceded and Rachel was allowed to go with them.
After fourteen days at sea, the Nathan James had arrived at Naval Station Rota three weeks ago. The crew had spent the last three weeks doing maintenance, monitoring chatter to find the seeds and running op's.
Rachel was broken out of her thoughts when the door opened and Mike strolled in.
"Rachel, James."
James looked up from his computer and jumped up. The poor man was young and inexperienced. He was terrified of Mike. Rachel inwardly chortled.
"Captain."
"Mike. What brings you down here?" Rachel asked.
"We think we found the seeds. Sasha, Green and his team are heading out to see if our leads were correct."
"Well, we'll be ready if and when they return and hopefully with the seeds." Rachel replied.
"I know you will be. I just wanted to give you a heads up."
"Thanks Mike." Rachel said and Mike left.
James sat down, letting out the breath that he had probably been holding the entire time.
Rachel looked over to him and laughed, "James you have got to relax."
"That's easy for you to say...you know the crew...you've worked with them...lived with them before."
"First off, half the crew is new and second the other half is still working through their anger over my not being dead." Rachel retorted.
"They know it wasn't your fault." James said.
"It doesn't matter that it wasn't my fault...I lied to them for four months the first time. Then I "lied" to them for nine months with my non-death. Having them trust me again...it's a lot to ask of people."
James turned to Rachel, "Rachel...as you stay holed up in the lab or are only with the captain and Sasha...that isn't what they think and if you got out and spent time with them you would know this."
Rachel exhaled, "what do they think then James?"
"They don't feel betrayed by you...not in the least...they feel betrayed by President Michener for lying to them and the world. They feel bad for you...that you had to lie to everyone...that you had to pretend to be someone that you weren't. They don't blame you for anything. They know that you weren't given any choices in the matter. They also know that you fought to be back on the Nathan James, against what the President, FBI and Navy wanted." James paused before finishing, "Give them a chance Rachel, they could surprise you."
What's left to say?
These prayers ain't working anymore
Every word shot down in flames
What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor?
I'm losing my voice calling on you
'Cause I've been shaking
I've been bending backwards till I'm broke
Watching all these dreams go up in smoke
-Ashes by Celine Dion
Kara had just finished her shift but instead of heading back to her's and Danny's quarters, she decided some fresh air would do her some good. She headed outside and found Rachel staring out into the ocean.
Kara will be the first to admit that she hasn't been the most receptive to Rachel. She knows that Rachel being placed into protective custody and everyone thinking she was dead wasn't her fault, but she was human and humans didn't always blame the right person. As she stood watching Rachel, she realized Rachel was crying. This hit Kara. Rachel was one of those women who rarely showed her emotions, let alone around anyone. It probably had to do with her upbringing, her being a doctor or hell even her being British. Kara suspected it was all of the above.
Deciding to bite the bullet, Kara approached Rachel.
"Rachel" she said tentatively
Rachel turned, surprised, and quickly wiped her face, "Kara, what are you doing out here?"
"Just finished my shift, wanted some fresh air." Kara paused before continuing, "Rachel I don't mean to pry, but is everything okay?"
"I'm fine."
"No offense… but "fine" people don't stand on the deck of a naval ship crying."
Rachel didn't respond, so Kara continued, "Rachel I know that things have been weird around here and I'm sorry that I have contributed to it."
"How so?"
"I took out my anger on you. It isn't your fault what President Michener did. You couldn't control that he made you go into protective custody and lie to all of us."
"I understand Kara."
"But it still doesn't make it right."
"Thank you Kara."
"So you wanna tell me what's wrong."
"I don't want to burden you Kara."
Kara was about to protest when a voice spoke up behind her, "Rachel...you don't have to be strong and hold it together one hundred percent of the time. We're here for you."
Sasha came over to the two women.
"Obviously something is bothering you Rachel, tell us." Sasha probbed.
Rachel sighed and turned her gaze back out to the ocean, "Do you think he's okay?" she whispered.
Sasha responded immediately with "Of course I think he's okay. This is Tom Chandler you're talking about."
"Definitely" Kara replied, "How many times did you stitch the captain up Rachel? More times than you can probably count. He's fine."
Rachel turned her head back to the two women, "It's been two years. He thinks I've been dead for two years now and...you would think after sixteen months we would have heard something...anything."
Sasha sighed. She had to agree with Rachel. It was hard to swallow that Tom had cut everyone, especially Mike, one of his closest friends for almost twenty years, out of his life.
"I'm scared" Rachel suddenly blurted out.
"Of what?" Sasha asked.
Rachel sighed, defeated, and sank down to sitting indian style on the deck. Kara and Sasha followed suit.
"Eventually, either we'll find Tom or he'll find us...and he'll find out. He could find out by anyone telling him...he could find out by seeing me...there are millions of possibilities. I run them through my head every day and each outcome has him being angry. Angry at me."
"I'm not going to lie to you Rachel, I've known Tom for a long time and yes he is going to be mad." Sasha said.
"But he's not going to be mad at you" Kara jumped in "he's going to be be angry at the situation. He's going to feel betrayed by Michener for lying to him."
"He's going to feel betrayed by all of us as well because we've known."
"But we can't find him!" Rachel retorted.
"And once he calms down he'll realize that, but preparing yourself for his anger is probably a good thing."
Rachel stood back up and headed towards the railing, the two women followed.
"What else is going on Rachel? I can tell that's not all." Sasha asked.
"I love him." Rachel said. Huge smiles spread onto Kara and Sasha's faces.
"Well, duh." Sasha replied amused.
Rachel turned to face her.
"Please Rachel, it's obvious that you love him." Sasha said
"And it's obvious that the captain was in love with you too." Kara replied.
The two women looked at Kara. One with confusion the other with questions.
"It started slowly. The things the captain would do. Everything on this ship was about keeping you safe. Yes, he used the excuse of you developing the cure...but eventually we could all see it had everything to do with...well you. He couldn't lose you.
"Just as you're scared right now, he was scared then. He had just lost his wife and he was already having incredibly strong feelings for another woman. Plus, the fraternization rules of the navy. I'm sure he didn't want to look like it was okay for him to break the rules that he had punished Danny and I for."
"What do I do? How do I...deal...loving a man who thinks I'm dead?" Rachel asked, tears spilling over.
Kara and Sasha didn't have an answer to that question. Glancing quickly at one another, the two women encircled Rachel into a hug, allowing her to cry for all that she had lost.
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be impossible,
Impossible
Impossible
Impossible
-Impossible by James Arthur
Rachel stood on the deck with the wind blowing her hair. She had just been informed by Kara that vulture team was on the RHIB on the way back to the ship. She wasn't sure if there were any injuries, Kara hadn't said, but whenever the team came back she was always present just to be on the safe side. She knows she does this because of Mike, Sasha and Danny. Mike and Sasha are two of her closest friends and she has seen Danny grow into an amazing Seal, father and husband.
She saw the RHIB approaching from the northeast. She stood back while waiting for the team to make their way up the ladder onto the deck. She waited patiently for the whole team to make their way up. From her vantage point, no one looked injured, but she wanted to make sure.
She made her way over to Mike, not paying attention to the man he was speaking to, whose back was turned to her.
"Captain" Rachel called over to Mike, "Is everyone okay?"
Mike saw Rachel and his face paled, which caused Rachel concern.
"Are you hurt?" Rachel yelled and quickly made her way over to him. She stopped only a few feet away when the man Mike was speaking to turned.
"Tom" she whispered. She brought her hand to her mouth in an attempt to cease the tears that threatened to fall.
"Rachel?" Tom cocked his head to Mike, who had a guilty look on his face. "Mike, what the hell is going on?"
"Tom...it's complicated."
Tom tried to keep his anger in check, "How the hell is it complicated. Rachel's supposed to be dead and instead she is standing five feet in front of me."
"Tom...it is complicated...and I'm so sorry." Rachel said. "I...hated that you had to be lied too...to keep me safe...it tore me up everyday. I tried to find you...but you were gone...you left no word...nothing."
"I mourned you Rachel." Tom said angrily. "Everyday. I blamed myself every..single..day.. I blamed myself for your death. You begged me not to let you die and I failed you. I failed Darien. I failed you. I failed my father. So...I left."
"Tom..I swear to you I tried to find you. I had the bloody FBI look for you. When that came up with nothing...I went to Mike...knowing he would be just as furious as you are...but I still did it. I took his anger so I could find you."
Tom turned to Mike, "How long have you known?"
"Rachel came to me in July, right after you resigned your commision and left."
Tom didn't know what to say. His emotions were swirling. Anger, hurt, betrayal, thankfulness. He began to walk away.
"Tom wait!" Rachel called after him, he stopped and turned.
"Make it quick Rachel."
Rachel took a step towards Tom and took a deep breath before speaking.
"Tex said to me the hardest thing about goodbyes is all the those things you didn't say..all the unresolved stuff..the feelings. He said you and I would get that chance to say what we need to say. But we didn't...and I regret that every day. I wrote a bloody note and you told me to find you. The note didn't even convey everything I needed it to say because I was scared. I think about it everyday. What if I hadn't been? What if I hadn't walked away. What if I had been able to find you like you told me too? Where would we be?"
Rachel put her head down and began to cry, sobs wracking her body. When she looked up at Tom, is heart clenched, he hated seeing her cry. She wasn't one to show her emotions often and he had only seen her cry a handful of times.
"I'm sorry." he heard he whisper. That's all it took. In two strides he had her in his arms. She molded to his body immediately, her arms going around his torso and her head on is chest. Sobs continued to convulse her body. His anger began to dissipate.
Tom and Rachel stood embraced for what seemed like hours but was only minutes. They only pulled apart when Mike came over to them.
"I want you and Rachel to head to my quarters and talk." MIke told the couple. He could tell Tom was about to argue with him and continued "Tom no arguments, you two need to talk. Don't make me order you."
Rachel and Tom said in unison, "I'm a civilian." Which caused Mike to burst out laughing, causing the other two to join in.
"Go talk." He ordered them. "I'll get an officers quarters set up for you...but for right now…"
Tom nodded and took Rachel's hand in his. He lead her back into the ship and up to the captain's quarters. Quarters that Rachel had been too many times when he was Captain of the Nathan James and many times visiting Mike.
When they got to the quarters, Rachel sat down on the bed. Tom pulled up a chair to sit across from her.
"I don't know where to start." Rachel muttered.
"Start at the beginning. Tell me everything that happened after you were shot."
AN: I wrote this chapter and then went back and rewrote it. It was tough to write both times. I think he would be thankful to see her but at first absolutely livid that he was lied too (as evidenced of episode 1 of the series when he discovers she lied to him for 4 months).
Playlist
A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope watch?v=vYWDcmJPqkg
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles watch?v=lerXJa1mjTA&t=21s
Start a Riot by Banners watch?v=3T5kqRWn_mU&t=21s
Distance by Christina Perri watch?v=_fG2TRvOTCY&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=3
Forever and Always by Parachute
Never Stop (Wedding Version) by SaftySuit
The Mess I Made by Parachute
Holding On and Letting Go by Ross Copperman watch?v=-LHrrdScze0&t=25s
Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus watch?v=Ze8_P5DEVyM&index=7&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy
Shattered by Trading Yesterday watch?v=5aDTzTt0dY0&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=5
Belong by Cary Brothers
Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars watch?v=i_dWzwlA0P4&index=2&list=RDDY9qBAs3mB8
Certain Things by James Arthur
The Devil Within by Digital Daggers
Little Do You Know by Alex & Sierra watch?v=PQYNZBUE-Qo&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=30
Hold On by Chord Overstreet
Faded by Sara Farell
In My Viens by Andrew Belle watch?v=tInQifF6Mis&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=19
I'd Come for You by Nickelback watch?v=CvCJSt1K614
Fix You by Coldplay watch?v=DY9qBAs3mB8
Somebody to Die For by Hurts watch?v=LGfla0QgShw&t=231s
Impossible by James Arthur
Losing Your Memory by Ryan Star
Bumper Cars by Alex & Sierra
I'll be Good by Jaymes Young
Pieces by Rob Thomas
Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars watch?v=NAJe-ac1QEM&list=RDDY9qBAs3mB8&index=4
Recovery by James Arthur
Unconditionally by Katy Perry watch?v=BKs0gyI8FVw&t=37s
Ships in the Night by Mat Kearney watch?v=zvuyp6hzn-A&index=15&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy
Hurts like Hell by Fleurie