A/N: Bold = Sirius Black, Underlined = Eilish Burrows
Chapter 2: The Blackie and Weasel Show!
OR
Chapter 2: The evil prank! (On James and Lily)
Friday 8th October, 1975:
We'd like to welcome you too the one, the only, Blackie and Weasel show!!!
I thought I told you not to call me that!
You did, but I rarely listen to anybody...
You're unbelievable...
You wouldn't be the first person to tell me that Weasel.
STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!
But it's so much fun...
I just hit 'Blackie.'He's now rubbing his arm tenderly.
Notice how I never hit you...
That's because you're a sexist pig...
Probably. But you could at least leave the punches to a minimum. They hurt!
Ahh! Poor Blackie.
If you get to call me 'Blackie' can I call you weasel?
Will it matter if I say no?
Not really...
-Sigh- Fine, but you have to do the first entry.
Deal. What on?
How about our 'Project'
James is going to kill me when he finds out about this...
Won't be long with this stupid diary.
Tell me about it – still worth it though!
Can I watch when he completely nails you.
Thanks for your support.
Whatever. Just get along with the entry...
When I was first coming to Hogwarts, Transfiguration was undoubtedly the subject I was most looking forward too. I had strange images of myself Transfiguring desks into terrifying dragons, and somehow making my favourite foods appear from mid-air. Unfortunately, the reality of Transfiguration is that you have to sit on the most uncomfortable chairs imaginable (I'm actually certain the McGonagall particularly picks these chairs and gets a kick out of watching her students wiggle uncomfortably in their seats,) and listen to the horrific scratching on the blackboard. So, unsurprisingly, during Transfiguration I tend to find other ways to entertain myself.
"Oi! Weasel!" I muttered just loudly enough for Eilish to hear, before instantly hiding behind the textbook we were supposed to reading "The Truths of Transformation, a Pre-Newt Guide" while secretly taking peeks at her Exasperated face.
After she turned around, I repeated the former insult, once again hiding behind my Transfiguration book. When I carefully peeked around the book, I quickly took in Eilish's angry face, and was unsurprised to feel her foot make hard contact with my leg.
Annoyed, I rubbed my leg sulkily. "What was that for?"
"You were being annoying."
"So, it's not like either of us were actually listening."
"That's not the point." She growled before showing me her back.
"What's got your wand in a knot?" I asked. Eilish didn't reply. "You know I'm not going to stop annoying you until I get an answer." I added.
"It's just you!" She bit back, "You're always annoying me, or insulting me, or just pissing me off in some way. I just wish you'd either grow up or leave me alone!"
I fought not to let the slight slimmer of hurt show on my face. While Me and Eilish fought constantly, there was a slight amount of respect and even friendship at the deep base of our relationship. And while we argued almost constantly, she rarely displayed such a obvious showing of her emotions.
"Plus I'm fed up of Lily complaining about being paired up with James. She kept me up until two in the morning annoying me about how much of a pig he is. And while he can be annoying, he actually can be ok at times..."
I watched the guarded expression which covered Eilish's pale skin. Deciding she was over her, ferociously short outburst, I ventured,
"I wish that Lily would actually go out with James. Or at least consider it, rather than instantly dismiss the possibility. He's not as horrible as she portrays..."
"You know, perhaps we could...I dunno...help them out a little..." A mischievous glint had entered her eyes.
"What? Force them to go out?" I replied sceptically.
"Well, not quite, but maybe put them together more, instead of having them constantly try and avoid each other whatever the circumstance." Eilish explained.
"Hmm – Stick them in a broom cupboard together?" I suggested.
"Oh because that's never been thought off..."
"Shut up! Why don't you do better?"
"Ok...How about we try and keep walking off whenever James and Lily are talking to each other."
"Too obvious," I pointed out. "We need something that's both subtle and yet also effective."
Eilish scowled. "Coming from the person who wanted to shove them in a broom cupboard."
I chuckled quietly. "I have an idea. James has a detention with Flitwick this evening. Can you get Lily a detention so that they have to do it together?"
"How romantic," Eilish replied sarcastically. "But I guess it's the best plan we've got. I could easily get Lily detention; the difficult part would be making sure neither of us get detention with her."
Both Me and Eilish stood around, thinking about a clean way to get James and Lily together. After about 2 minutes of pacing,
"Weasel I've got it!" I shouted.
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Eilish shouted back.
Ignoring her annoyance, I ploughed on. "All we have to do is get Lily and James so annoyed at each other that they end up causing some massive disturbance in Charms. That way they'll both end up with detention together!" I announced with glee.
"You know, for Sirius Black, prank-master extraordinaire, you're not that original are you?"
I assumed at a wounded expression. "Prongs usually makes up the plans." I murmured as Eilish laughed at my pouting face. Rolling her eyes, Eilish continued,
"Well, however unoriginal this is, we'd better get too work."
Unknown to Weasel over here, the plan was actually pure genius, she's just jealous because all of her idea's were crap.
THEY WERE NOT!
They were Weasel. Face it.
STOP CALLING ME THAT.
You agreed. From now on, it's all weasel, all the way!
Fine Blackie.
You do realise I don't care don't you?
Keep telling yourself that.
I will.
-Sigh- Forget it. My turn now I guess???
First smart thing you've said...ever.
I'm ignoring you now.
Ahhh. Poor wittle weasel doesn't like it when people insult her back!
-Ignores Blackie and Starts Entry-
(A/N: This is all for Eilish's POV, but if I wrote it all underlined, you'd get sore eyes. Therefore, it's going to be in normal text, and you'll have to imagine lines underneath)
"Operation Lilyflower is GO! GO! GO!" Sirius whispered from his desk next to me, attempting to act like one of those idiotic Muggle military people we had to study in Muggle Studies.
I rolled my eyes, concentrating on maintaining a straight face. This was essential for the mission to succeed. Adopting my most sincere and sympathetic look I lightly tapped Lily on the shoulder.
"Hey Lily. I just wanted to apologise on behalf of my pigheaded cousin. He can be such an idiot sometimes. I'm sure he didn't mean it."
Lily looked confused. "What did he do?"
"Oh?!" I forced my face to go red, as if I was embarrassed. "Oh. I thought you knew. It...It doesn't matter," I finished awkwardly, turning around, yet keeping one eye on Lily's expression. It was exactly how I wanted it to look. Furious.
"What! What did James say about me???"
I promptly told her mine and Sirius' story about the rumour James had supposedly spread around the school. Her reaction was perfect.
"HE SAID WHAT!!!!!!!!!!" Lily screeched nearly deafening Professor Flitwick, as well as causing him to fall over in surprise, knocking over the small pile of textbooks he was standing on. When he emerged from his slight blanked of texts, he wasn't looking particularly happy.
"I don't quite know what 'He' said, Ms Evans," Replied Flitwick, a hint of sarcasm and irritation creeping into his voice. "Perhaps we can find out tonight at detention?"
Lily scowled. This scowl was going to remain on her face for the rest of the day...
Needless to say, as soon as Lily found out she was going to have to do detention with James, she wasn't very happy about it.
"I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO HAVE A DETENTION WITH JAMES 'DICKHEAD' POTTER!"
"Lily wants to have James Potter!" I shouted out to the Gryffindors, causing a variety of chuckles to escape from the table we were sitting at.
"So...Not...Funny!" Lily barked, attempting to ignore Amy's rather undignified giggling.
"I actually thought it was..." She chucked, taking a massive slice out of the apple pie she was eating. "Especially as you were constantly badmouthing him." At Lily's glare, she decided to change subject. "Talking about the mad marauders, where are they?"
Both me and Lily searched around the great hall. Dinner was the only meal which almost the entire school attended, for no other reason than if you're late, you're going hungry. That said, the Marauders were nowhere in sight.
"Probably off destroying something," Lily spat furiously, "Why do you care?"
"Oh," Amy murmured, "Just got a homework project with Remus."
I giggled."Aww! My little girls are growing up! Lily's getting in trouble because of a known rebel, while Amy's going on study dates with the sweet and sensitive guy who hides in the corner."
Both Amy and Lily blushed. "Shut up! What are you doing tonight then?"
This caught me off guard. "Errm...Diary entry with Blackie..."
"Oooh...Blackie – got pet names for each other now have we-" Teased Lily.
"-And you teased us. Off to go...Share your feelings-"Taunted Amy.
"-I wonder what they'll get up too...all alone in the common room?" Quipped Lily.
"Oh shut up! Everyone knows I hate Blackie and I hate him."
"As James would say...Hate is a form of passion..."
"Quoting him now are you?"
"Get a grip – We're not even friends."
"Hold on – What happened to 'Hate is a form of passion?"
Lily couldn't think of a witty comeback, so she just stuck her tongue out.
After the meal, three arguments, and a couple of clever remarks, Lily announced that she had to go to detention. As she wandered off, with James tailing like the faithful lapdog that he is, I muttered a clever little incantation on Lily's retreating back. I spotted Sirius doing the same on James. Thanks to the spell, the first half of our mission was a success. We had audio. Now all we had to do was head back to the common room and watch.
Time for the fun and games to begin – Lily won't know what hit her.
We sure got them good didn't we!
Yup! (Dear god – I just agreed with Blackie – what is the world coming too...)
You're warming to me!? Ahh...How sweet.
I hate you Blackie.
Hate is a form of passion Weasel. Hate is passion.
Shut up and get a life. Just do the next bit of the entry or I'll hit you...
Do you think hitting people is a form of passion?
-Sigh-
You're sighing a lot...Tired?
OH SHUT THE HELL UP AND DO THE ENTRY!
But annoying you gives my life purpose...
As soon as Lily, James, Remus and Amy all left, I instantly got up, and headed towards the doors to the great hall.
"Where are you going?" Asked Peter, to my left.
"Loo. Think I ate something bad last night." I replied, rubbing my stomach as if in pain.
"Do you need someone to come with you?" Peter's face was a mask of concern. I raised my eyebrows.
"I'm a big boy now Peter, I can go to the toilets on my own..."
Peter flushed, and sat down. I walked through the doors leading out of the Great Hall, winking to Eilish as I did so.
As I left, Eilish instantly made up an excuse for leaving and followed me out. Smiling like a pair of criminals, we climbed up the stairs into the Gryffindor common room, then headed into the Boys Dormitory, as the girls Dormitory was one of the few places that neither Me nor James could get into. As soon as we got into the thankfully empty room, Eilish put a clever little charm on the doors and walls, to enable us privacy. Meanwhile I pointed my wand at the mirror us boys share, and muttered the incantation I used earlier, while Eilish did the same. Instantly, James and Lily appeared on the face of the mirror.
"I can't believe I have to go to this stupid detention with you!" Lily was saying. "I never get detention. And if you hadn't said such a stupid thing, I probably wouldn't have!"
"Lily I-"
"Shut up Potter! Shut up! Can't you just act you're age!"
"But I-"
"Just shut up!" Screamed Lily, as her face turned the same colour as her hair.
"But Lily-" James attempted, to be quickly stopped by the look of pure hatred coming from Lily's direction.
Without talking nor looking at each other, they walked into Flitwick's classroom. The professor pointed towards a couple of shockingly large stacks of books, and told them that they all needed to be dusted, rebound, and then put on the bookshelf opposite them.
"You have three hours." Added the professor, "And no magic is to be used, as I will be confiscating your wands."
Flitwick then proceeded to take both wands and then carefully slid them into his pocket.
"Good Night! The door is being locked, in case any of you..." He then gave a rather unfairly hard stare at James, "...attempt to sneak out."
As the professor proceeded to lock the door, Lily obediently wandered over too her bookshelf, and instantly started cleaning. James meanwhile...didn't.
For the next fifteen minutes, James slouched on a nearby desk, while Lily scoured the bookshelves as thoroughly as she could. Neither said anything but every few minutes, Lily could be seen glaring at her black-haired rival. Minutes passed until,
"ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE ALL NIGHT!!!" Lily screeched, while James covered his ears from the howling. When Lily stopped screaming, he replied.
"Yeah – pretty much."
"Not gonna do anything at all?"
"Nope."
"You'll get in trouble."
"No I won't."
"I ain't cleaning it for you."
"I don't expect you too."
"THEN HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CLEAN IT!"
"Magic." Replied James, winking.
"And how are you going to do that – WHEN WE DONT HAVE OUR WANDS!"
"I'll tell you if you stopped shouting."
Lily attempted to put on a calm, emotionless face, and turned to look at James. With the air of a magician revealing the rabbit from within a hat, he then proceeded to take out both his and Lily's wands from his pocket. He then pointed his wand at the shelves, muttered a couple of well chosen words, and the books were instantly fixed. He then threw Lily's wand at her, and continued to slouch on his desk. Lily looked completely dumbfounded, and sat on a desk opposite James.
"So what do we do now then?" She asked – too surprised to shout.
"Well – were stuck in here for the next two and a half hours...what do you want to do?"
A/N: TO BE CONTINUED!!!