Unforgivable
2
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"I refuse to take away your humanity, Bella," Edward said for at least the 30th time. "Please don't condemn me any more than I already am."
"That's not what I'm doing!" she cried furiously.
Stubborn stubborn Bella…
"Edward, I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, this one or the next. Exactly what peace do you think it would give me if I died, never to see you again?"
"You would be free," he answered simply. Surely.
"I am free."
"Or so I have made you to believe. My kind is good at deceiving people, Bella."
Edward nestled into the soft leather couch in his room, although it was impossible to become any more comfortable than he already was with Bella on his lap, pressing her warm cheek into the crook of his neck. "Than my love is nothing but a deception?" she whispered, pain seeping in her tone. "You're saying it's a lie?"
Edward stiffened and drew her away so that he could look into her eyes, conveying all his emotions right into his expression. "You know that's not true," he said sternly.
"Than prove it."
This memory was a like a gunshot to his chest. Were he human, it would have killed him, but he was a vampire, and so exempt from such blissful liberation. If he could he would have gladly died, and without a second thought. Anything to be able to see Bella again. Even if they were never to be reunited in Heaven, at the very least he might be able to catch a glimpse of her on his passage to Hell.
Hell would be better than this. At least in Hell he would be able to atone for what he'd done, though he was certain there was almost no way to make up for what sin he'd committed. Edward looked at his hands despairingly, seeing her blood still stained on his fingertips, though it had been weeks washed, and in his arms was her body, slumped and lifeless.
Edward tried again and again to wash the memory from his mind, but it would not go. Even if it did, there was no peace for him now, and never would be again. His chest was emptier than it had ever been, cold, barren, and frozen. When grief strikes a human's body it heats with shedding tears, leaving them shuddering and gasping for breath.
With a vampire it was different.
Grief made you colder. Made you empty. There were no tears to be shed, and no breath to hold onto. Because a vampire has no right to grieve. They are not human. How dare one should grieve when they themselves are a crime against nature, against humanity?
And against the ones they love.
It was absurd that even after being changed, the vampire would still dare to love a human. Nay, retain the ability to love human being.
But was that punishment in itself? Loving something you knew you could never have?
Bella.
He should never of had her. Any part of her.
Holding her in his arms, kissing her, singing her to sleep…
All sins. Unforgivable sins.
Because not only did he dare to fall in love with her…
But he made her love him back.